


The Way She Tells Me I'm Hers (And She is Mine)

by Little_oblivion



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, New York City, Slow Burn, Teacher Christen, like seriously guys im talking slooooooooow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 109,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_oblivion/pseuds/Little_oblivion
Summary: She's been with her so long, she can't imagine being with anyone else. Things aren't perfect, but things rarely are. Sometimes you just have to be thankful for what you have. After all, they may have bad days but she loves her, and that's what really matters.Except what happens when someone comes along to show her what love really looks like?
Relationships: Christen Press/Original Female Character(s), Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 1177
Kudos: 3148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm starting another story. I really have no excuse, other than Heath17_KO5 encouraged me lol. 
> 
> This is another slow burn Preath story, with a very strong TW for emotional abuse and manipulation.

Ever since she could remember, Christen Press loved the first day of school. When she was a kid, it was the draw of everything new: a case of sharpened pencils, a stack of folders and notebooks begging to be filled, new shoes that hadn’t yet been scuffed on the playground. As she got older, it was more about seeing her friends, about being in a new grade with new privileges. When she was at Stanford it was the thrill of new classes where she would grow and explore things she had never before considered.

Even now, standing at the door to her second-grade classroom, Christen found herself full of excitement, smiling widely as her students filed past her bundled up in their coats and hoods, their backpacks dwarfing them. One, a rambunctious little boy named Carson, ran up with his hand in the air, whooping when she gave him a high five. She couldn’t help but laugh; she had missed all of her kids over winter break. She’d started every day by sending out good vibes into the universe that they were all happy and healthy, with enough to eat and a warm place to rest their heads.

Once they were all inside, she followed them in and pulled the door shut behind her. “Good morning everybody! How are we feeling today?”

“Tired,” a little girl in the second row whined, and Christen laughed as they all nodded in fervent agreement.

“Tired?” She asked in mock outrage, placing her hands on her hips, “You guys had three weeks to do nothing but sleep!”

“But it’s early!”

She grinned, pushing up the sleeves on her cardigan. “Well, then did anyone do anything super fun over the break? Raise your hands if you want to share with the class.” A field of hands went up and she went down the rows, letting each child say a few sentences about what they did, mostly getting stories of eating junk food and playing video games, along with reports of presents from the kids in the class that celebrated Christmas. She noticed that one student, Estafany, hadn’t raised her hand, instead keeping her eyes on her desk.

“What about you, Estefany? Did you do anything fun? ¿Hiciste algo divertido?” Estefany had recently come to New York with her family from the Dominican Republic, so she had been placed in Christen’s classroom because she could help bridge the language gap.

The little girl shrugged.

Christen tried again. “Did you eat anything yummy? ¿Comida deliciosa?”

The girl gave her a tiny smile. “Tres leches,” she whispered.

Christen gave her big eyes. “Tres leches cake? Me encanta tres leches!” She lifted her eyes to the other students. “Did anyone else have cake over the break?” Once again, she was met by a sea of hands and she laughed. “Well I hope you guys all brushed your teeth after having so much sugar…” she teased.

“I never brush my teeth!” Carson yelled, and she could do nothing but shake her head with a smile.

“Well what do you guys say we jump into some math, hm? Get the day jumping with some super rad addition problems?”

“Miss Press you’re a weirdo sometimes,” one of the girls giggled, and Christen grinned.

“Y’know what? We’re all a little weird, and that’s okay.”

X

“How’s the first day back?” Christen glanced up to find Ali walking towards her with her lunchbag.

“Hey! It’s going pretty well. I think they’ve all mysteriously forgotten every bit of math we went over last semester, but I’m sure it’ll come back by the end of the week.”

“Oh trust me. I brought up the water cycle with my first period sixth graders and they looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.” Ali rolled her eyes with a laugh. “If only the state was willing to test them over Fortnight instead.”

“I love Fortnight!” They both looked up to find a blonde woman with a wide smile in front of them. “Anyone sitting here?”

Ali gestured to the chair across from her with her fork. “Go ahead.”

“Thanks!” She sat down and placed an old school metal lunch box on the table, flipping it open and pulling out a few pieces of bread loaded with mashed up avocado. She took a huge bite then suddenly brightened. “I’m Emily, by the way! Emily Sonnett. Most people call me Sonny, though. Kindergartners have a hard time with the t,” she said as she chewed.

“Oh, are you covering for Heather while she’s out on maternity leave?” Christen asked.

“Yup! That’s me!” She leaned in conspiratorially. “This is actually my first teaching job. I mean, I did my student teaching, obviously, but yeah, first real post. It’s been great so far!” She took another massive bite.

Ali smiled. “Hey, we all start somewhere.”

“How long have you been teaching?”

“Nine years! Fifth and sixth grade science.”

“Four years, second grade,” Christen answered.

“Nice! Here the whole time?”

Ali shook her head. “No, I did several years in DC, but then my wife got a job working for the Knicks, so we came to New York.”

“The Knicks?!” Sonny’s eyes practically bugged out of her head. “That’s literally so cool! What does she do?”

“She’s the head of their Outreach and Events Coordination.”

“That’s sick. Do you get to go to lots of games and stuff? Do you know the players?”

Ali laughed. “No, unfortunately we’re not exactly on first names basis with any of them yet. But she can get discounted tickets, let me know if you want to see a game.”

“Dude, I totally will!” She turned to Christen. “Alright what about you? Are you married? Can they get me tickets to something?”

Christen smiled. “Not married, no. And my girlfriend’s a lawyer, sorry.”

Sonny gave an exaggerated eye roll then grinned. “Still, pretty cool. “How long have you two been together?”

“Hm… on and off since my senior year at Stanford? So… the past five years.”

Sonny gave a low whistle. “That’s a long time.”

Carli came bustling in. “Hello ladies! Welcome back! Everything going alright?”

Christen nodded at her principal. “As smoothly as possible!”

“That’s what I like to hear. Emily, nice to see you meeting the other teachers.” The bell rang and they all began to gather up their lunches, snapping lids back onto their Tupperware bowls. “Well, time to get back to it!” They all stood up and dutifully filed out behind her, back to their respective classrooms.

X

“Do you guys come out every Friday night?” Sonny asked, shaking the snow from her hat as she followed the two of them into the bar.

“Pretty much,” Ali replied. “Sometimes you need to unwind at the end of the week, with some decidedly PG-13 drinks,” she smirked.

“We always invite the other teachers, but it seems like they already have plans.” Chris stretched up to look at their usual table, only to find a group of tourists complete with massive suitcases. She craned her neck until she saw a familiar face waving at her from the other side of the bar. “There she is.” They weaved through the crowd towards the table.

“Pressi!” Kelley threw her arms around Christen as if she hadn’t seen her in years. “How’ve ya been, buddy?” She smacked an exaggerated kiss to her cheek, making Christen laugh and push her away.

“The exact same as I was when we were texting this morning. Kelley, this is Sonny, she’s a new teacher with Ali and me. Sonny, this is Kelley.”

The two shook hands and Christen wondered briefly if the matching maniacal looks in their eyes meant introducing them was a bad idea.

“Sweet. Are you Christen’s girlfriend?”

Kelley scoffed. “What? Pressi wishes she could land someone as hot as me.”

Christen settled into the booth. “Kelley and I were college roommates, I’ve seen her puke too many times to even consider dating her.”

Kelley pressed a hand to her heart in mock offense. “Chris, I’m hurt. I thought we had something.”

“Oh you had something all right, it’s called way too much Coors Light.”

Kelley flipped her off and turned back to Sonnett. “First round is always on me, what can I get you?”

“I’ll take a beer, a Budweiser.”

“Excellent choice. Ali?”

Ali had finally disentangled herself from her many layers. “I’ll take a tequila soda, thanks.”

“And I’ll have-”

“A glass of chardonnay with a glass of water, honestly Chris, like I don’t know your drink order by now.” Kelley bounded off towards the bar and Sonny joined them in the booth.

“She seems really cool!”

Christen smiled. “She’s the best, but don’t tell her I said so.”

“Is it just the three of you normally?”

Ali shook her head. “Ashlyn will be here eventually. Julie usually stops by if her husband is out of town. Crystal and Pinoe should be here in an hour or so. And Christen’s girlfriend comes every now and then, but she’s normally working.”

Sonny wrinkled her nose. “But isn’t she a lawyer? Can’t she just like, set her own hours?”

Christen smiled. “She’s a junior associate, so that’s really not how it works.”

“Alright bitches! I’m back with drinks!” Kelley managed to get them all onto the table without spilling them. “A toast. To Fridays.”

“To the start of a new semester,” Ali added.

“And to the start of a new job and new friendships,” Christen finished, nodding towards Sonny. The four of them clinked their respective drinks and took the first sips.

Over the next few hours, more friends joined, each one being introduced to Sonnett.

“Wait, so did you all go to college together?”

“No, just Kelley and I. Everyone else is kinda hodgepodged together. Pinoe works with Kelley. Julie and Ali are in the same book club. Julie and Crystal have been friends since they were kids. Becky teaches at a school on the Upper East Side.”

“That’s really cool.”

“Christen!”

She turned over her shoulder, smiling when she recognized her girlfriend’s voice. “Hey, you made it!” She stood up and kissed her softly on the cheek. “How was work?”

She received a groan in response. “Honestly, I don’t even want to talk about it.”

Christen turned to Sonnett. “Sonny, this is my girlfriend, Paige. Paige, this is Sonny, she just started working with Ali and me.”

Paige gave her a smile. “Cool. Nice to meet you.” She turned back to Christen. “I’m gonna grab a drink, can I get you anything, baby?”

“Another glass of chardonnay?”

“I honestly don’t know how you drink that shit, but sure.” She gave her another kiss, this time on the lips. “Be right back.” Christen sat back down next to Emily.

“So you said you were in college together?”

She nodded. “Yeah, at Stanford. We met in the library, actually. She was in her final year of law school and I was finishing up my English degree.”

“So she’s older than you?”

“Yeah, she’s thirty and I’m twenty-seven.”

“Nice.”

“What’s nice?” A glass of wine was slid in front of Christen.

“Emily was asking about our age difference.”

“Three years really isn’t much,” Paige quipped. There was no room to sit next to the side of the booth Christen was on, so she sat across from her, next to Julie.

“Yeah, I was just asking,” Emily replied.

“So Chrissy said you’re new to the school?”

“Yeah! Brand spanking new… everyone’s been super nice, though! Especially Christen over here. She brough these chocolate chip cookies to the teacher’s lounge yesterday, oh my god I literally think I had ten by myself.” She threw a playful arm around Christen’s shoulders, not noticing the way it made her tense up. “You better keep an eye on her or I might just have to steal her away from you so I have a personal pastry chef!”

Paige’s jaw tensed, her eyes flitting back and forth between Christen and Sonny, then quickly drained her drink. “I’ve had a long day, I think I’m just gonna go.”

She stood up and Christen did the same. “Paige wait, you just got here.”

“And it already feels like I’ve overstayed my welcome,” she sighed. She grabbed her bag from where it had just been placed on the ground and began to shoulder her way through the crowd.

“Paige… Paige, wait!” Christen deliberated for just a second about what to do, but then turned back to the table. Everyone was staring down or to the side with the exception of Emily, who was looking around in confusion, and Pinoe, who was looking at her straight on with her eyebrows raised. Kelley held out her coat without a word, and Christen grabbed it along with her bag, struggling through the crowd to follow her angry girlfriend into the street.

“Paige! Page, stop!” Paige whirled around to face her, nearly slipping on the snowy sidewalk.

“What, Chrissy?”

“Why are you leaving?”

She scoffed. “Why am I leaving? You pretty obviously don’t need me here if you’ve already got some baby dyke running her hands all over you.”

“Don’t say… she was just making a joke!”

“Well I don’t think it’s fucking funny, okay? How would you feel if I made those kind of jokes, huh? Want me to ‘joke’ about bending one of my clients over my desk and fucking her from behind? Is that funny to you?”

“That’s not… even kind of the same thing-”

“What? Does that upset you? It’s just a joke, baby, ha ha.” She turned and began to walk away, her broad shoulders hunched against the winter wind.

“Paige, where are you going?”

“None of your business.” She stepped out into the street, raising a hand and hailing a cab, climbing into it without a backwards glance.

Christen stayed stock still in the middle of the sidewalk, unsure as always how something shouldn’t have been a big deal had somehow escalated into something huge. She slowly turned back to the bar, but through the window she could see Ali laying a comforting hand on Emily’s shoulder, the rest of her friends leaning forward to talk to each other, their faces serious.

She wasn’t an idiot. She knew they were talking about her.

_You’ve managed to embarrass yourself, once again._

She let out a shaky breath and turned the other way, pulling on her coat as she slowly trudged down the street to the subway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter twoooooooo. I loved getting to see you guys first impressions of Paige!

When Christen walked into the teachers’ lounge, Sonny was already sitting at the long table, her lunchbox open in front of her but her eyes far away, her lip caught between her teeth. Christen hovered for a moment in the doorway, unsure of whether she had the energy for whatever this was going to entail, but then Sonny’s eyes snapped over to her and she practically jumped to her feet.

“Christen! Hey! You… hey.”

Christen walked forward and sat down across from her, slowly unloading various containers of food out of her lunchbag. “Hey Sonny. Did you have a nice weekend?”

“It was… it was fine. Just hanging around my apartment, y’know?” She gave Christen a quick smile that didn’t reach her eyes, and then she began chewing on her lip again. “Listen, I just wanted to apologize for what happened on Friday-”

“Don’t worry about it,” she tried to evade, but it was evident from the worried wrinkle between Emily’s eyes that she wasn’t letting this go so easily.

“I mean it. I shouldn’t have… I mean, we met like a week ago. I shouldn’t have been… Sometimes I get too physical, too fast. And I know that, I need to work on it. I shouldn’t have invaded your personal space-”

Christen held up both of her hands. This was obviously something that the younger teacher had been stewing about all weekend. “Emily, I’m not upset. Really.”

She sat back in her chair slightly, but Christen’s words did nothing to soothe the concerned look on her face. “You might not have been, but Paige-” She cut herself off, ducking her head, and Christen wondered what explanation had been offered after she followed Paige out of the bar.

“Paige was just tired. She works hard, I’m talking ten, twelve, sometimes fourteen-hour days. And they’ve been working on this big case, it’s got her really stressed out. It really wasn’t you, I promise.”

“I just…” Sonny let out a breath, her cheeks puffing as she did so. “I just moved to New York. All of my family lives in Georgia and all of my friends are still back in Portland. I… could really use some friends here, and I hope I didn’t screw that up. So I’m really, really sorry”

Christen reached across and grabbed her hand. “Sonny, you have nothing to apologize for. Seriously, I’m not upset.” She squeezed her hand and gave her a smile. “I promise.”

Emily’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “Paige isn’t mad?”

She pulled back, going back to arranging her lunch as she considered Sonny’s question. She finally went with, “Paige is fine. We talked this weekend, and it’s all fine.” Which was the truth. After ignoring all of her calls and texts Saturday, Paige had finally shown up to Christen’s apartment Sunday evening, her eyes red rimmed. She’d pulled Christen into her arms, her body shaking with sobs as she repeated over and over that she couldn’t lose her, that she couldn’t possibly go on without her.

“You’re sure?”

Paige had ended up spending the night, and this morning she had been sweet and thoughtful, going down to the bodega and getting Christen a bacon egg and cheese for breakfast. They’d eaten their sandwiches on her couch, watching the news with their legs tangled. “Everything is great, Son.” She reinforced her statement with a smile. “And you shouldn’t worry about making friends here, you’ve got me and Ali and Kelley. We’re your friends.”

“Yeah?” Emily’s face was so young, so desperately hopeful, that Christen couldn’t help but think back to how it felt to have just moved to the greatest, most lonely city on earth, not knowing a soul other than Paige.

“Yeah.”

Ali came strolling in, plopping down beside Christen. “You will not BELIEVE my morning.”

“Tell us,” Christen replied.

“I had a fifth grader get her first period during second hour. Not a big deal, right? Wrong! Turns out, she has one of those moms who thinks no information is the best information, so she had absolutely no idea what’s happening. She had asked to go to the bathroom and then all of a sudden I hear a piercing scream from down the hall. I tell all my kiddos to stay exactly where they are, fearing the worst. I go to the bathroom, and mind you, every teacher is sticking their head out, wondering what the hell is going on. I go inside and this poor little girl is _sobbing_ in the bathroom stall. And I’m trying to ask through the door what’s wrong, and she insists that she’s dying and it took forever to get her calmed down enough to come out and talk to me.”

“Poor thing!”

Ali nodded at Christen, reaching over to grab one of her baby carrots. “So she comes out and suddenly I find myself tasked with giving her a super speedy, condensed version of the menstruation talk. I walk her to the office and get a jacket out of the lost and found to tie around her waist, then leave her to wait for her mom to bring her a change of clothes and a box of pads. Go back to my room, finally get my kids under control, because obviously they’ve been behaving like a pack of wild monkeys while I’ve been gone. We just get back to the lesson and then I’m being paged over the loudspeaker to go to the office. I get there and my student is sitting in one of the chairs, looking absolutely miserable, and Carli brings me into her office where I am literally _screamed_ at by her mother for, and I quote, putting filth in her daughter’s head. All because a ten year old girl asked me why she was bleeding from her vagina and I gave her a factual, scientific answer.” She buried her head in her hands. “The whole thing was insane, it was truly an out of body experience.”

Sonnett grimaced across from them as Christen rubbed Ali’s back. “Jeez! I’ll take a kindergartener wetting their pants over that any day.”

“I didn’t get back to my classroom until halfway through third period. Thankfully Carli had sent an aide down to watch my kids, but still! And also, menstruation is not a bad word!”

“Was she just hoping that her daughter would never get her period?” Christen asked.

“I don’t know, I didn’t exactly get a chance to get a word in between her accusing me of corrupting my students.”

“Yikes.”

“What did Carli say?”

Ali shrugged. “She apologized for the whole thing. And I could tell by her face that she was on my side, but it would have been nice if she had made that apparent to the mom.”

“That seriously sucks, I’m so sorry.” Christen handed her another carrot.

“I just feel bad for my student, y’know? I mean, she was completely convinced she was dying and then her mom lost her mind and yelled at her teacher. The poor thing is probably traumatized.”

“No joke. Periods are traumatizing enough on their own.”

“We can do all we can to help our students, but if you get stuck with a parent who has their head up their ass-”

“Ali,” Christen lightly reprimanded.

“-it just makes everyone’s lives harder.”

Emily gave her a half smile. “Will a gummy bear make you feel better?” She held up a package, making Ali chuckle slightly.

“You know what, it might. But only a red one.”

Sonny pretended to pout, then grinned, shaking them out in her hand and giving Ali her preferred color. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it! Us teachers gotta stick together.” She said it to Ali, but she peeked over at Christen.

Chris smiled back. “That we do.”

X

“Ugh, FINALLY.”

Christen sighed as she dropped into the chair across from Kelley, unwrapping her scarf from around her neck. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I was waiting on the train and by the time it came it was so crowded I couldn’t get on, so I had to wait on the next one.”

“I’m practically wasting away, my stomach is eating itself-”

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to be late!”

Kelley swept her ponytail over her shoulder, her grin faltering slightly. “I was just kidding, Chris. You’re what, five, ten minutes late? I was just being an asshole.”

The waiter slid a glass of water in front of Christen and she gave him a thin-lipped smile. “I know, but we said 10:30, I should have been here. I hate being late.”

Kelley nodded slightly, eyes focused on Christen fidgeting with her menu. “We missed you last night. Friday night isn’t the same when you aren’t there.”

“Yeah, sorry I had to skip out, Paige got out of work early and she wanted to go out to dinner.”

“You guys could have come by for a drink beforehand.”

Christen kept staring down at the menu, her eyes looking at the words but having a hard time reading them. “She wanted us to get to spend some quality time together.”

“Hello ladies, ready to order?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna do the breakfast bowl with the turkey bacon, and I’ll take another cup of coffee when you have a second.” Kelley handed over her menu and the waiter turned expectantly to Christen.

“Um… shit, sorry I haven’t…”

“It’s no worries, Pressi, take a second.” Kelley leaned back in her chair, hands behind her head, and began chatting with the waiter, showing off her ability to effortlessly talk to anyone. Christen finally just blurted out the first thing she saw on the menu, handing it over with a request for coffee. Kelley let her chair come back on all four legs, watching her with a decidedly neutral facial expression for a few moments. “So how is Paige?”

“She’s good,” Christen chirped.

“She seemed pretty stressed last Friday.”

“Work has been pretty crazy for her. Her boss is being a dick and coming down on her pretty hard.”

“I get that, I guess. Still seems like she overreacted.”

Christen propped her chin on her hand. “She just… you know how she is. She doesn’t like jokes like that.”

“Is not having a sense of humor required to be a lawyer?” Kelley asked, her mouth quirking up despite her eyes remaining deadly serious, and Christen sighed.

“She has a sense of humor. She just… I mean you know her whole thing with her parents.”

“Do I?”

“Her dad cheating on her mom? Remember, he got his secretary pregnant her senior year of high school? That was really traumatic for her, it’s not unreasonable for her to be a little sensitive about it.”

“Okay, but Sonnett was clearly joking. She’s harmless.”

“She just cares about me, Kel.”

_The ferris wheel turned, and their carriage slowly made it’s way up into the sky, the world around them lit pink and purple with a magnificent California sunset. Christen snuggled closer to Paige, loving the way her arm was holding her tightly. She gazed out across the Santa Monica pier. “God, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?”_

_“Than you? Never.”_

_She peeked up at Paige through her eyelashes, a blush warming her cheeks. “You’re sweet.”_

_Paige pressed a kiss to her temple.” I have some good news,” she whispered into her hair._

_“Hm?”_

_“I got the position with the Wall Street firm.”_

_Christen pulled back, her eyes searching her girlfriend’s face. “Really? You did?”_

_Paige smiled back at her, shaking her dark, jaw length hair out of her face. “I really did. They want me. Me, Chrissy!”_

_“I’m so proud of you, oh my god!” She threw her arms around her. “Of course they want you, they’d be idiots not to! Oh my god, you’re going to kick some serious ass. Wait…” she felt like a balloon losing it’s air as her mind wrapped around the news in its entirety. “Wall Street. New York.”_

_“I know,” Paige squealed, her smile so wide it had to hurt._

_“But… that’s so far.”_

_“I know, but it’s gonna be so great.”_

_“I… We’re never going to get to see each other.” Her chest gave a painful lurch._

_Paige tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean? Yeah, I’ll be working a lot, but will it really be any different from the long hours I spent studying?”_

_“But… Long distance is so hard,” Christen whispered, dropping her eyes to where her hands were fisted in her lap._

_“Chrissy.” Paige put her finger under her chin, tipping her face up until she could stare into her eyes. “Come to New York with me.”_

_She tried to blink away the tears that had been gathering in her eyes. “What?”_

_“They have elementary schools in New York. I can only assume they need teachers. Just come to New York.”_

_“But… but my family is here. My parents, my sisters, all of my friends… everyone is here.”_

_Paige leaned forward, resting her forehead against Christen’s. “Exactly. In New York… it’ll be our city. Just you and me. Can you think of a better backdrop for our love story?”_

_The phrase alone tugged on Christen’s heartstrings. Jane and Rochester had Thornfield Hall. Romeo and Juliet had Verona. Christen and Paige… they would have New York City. She leaned forward, capturing Paige’s lips. “I love you. I love you to the moon and back,” she breathed when she pulled back._

_“To the moon and back, Chrissy. I would be destroyed without you.” Then she captured her lips for another kiss, a kiss filled with the promise of what was to come._

“I’m important to her. She needs me.”

Kelley’s face took on a frustrated look, one that Chris had seen before. “Well how benevolent of her to let you come to brunch with me this morning. Be sure to thank her for me.”

“Don’t, Kel.” Her voice was quiet, but contained a clear warning. The best friends stared at each other for a moment, both of them waiting for the other to move first.

Finally, Kelley leaned back in her chair, recrossing her legs under the table. “What do I know,” she said quietly, her voice flat. “After all, I’ve never been one to excel in romantic relationships.”

“You and Sonny seemed to hit it off last week,” Christen mentioned off handedly, and Kelley snorted, waving her off.

“Sonny’s a baby. What would she be interested in an old lady like me for?”

“Well maybe you could teach her a few new tricks?” Christen wiggled her eyebrows at Kelley, earning the loud, unabashed laugh she had been aiming for, completely breaking the tense air surrounding them.

“Gross, Pressi. Leave the crude sex jokes to me, they just sound weird coming from you.” Kelley kicked her lightly under the table.

Christen giggled, and their coffees were slid in front of them, the conversation turning to much lighter subjects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, find me on Tumblr @thetheatrelady, let's chaaaaaaat


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three! It's gonna be a bumpy, bumpy ride guys. I know that this can be a hard subject matter to read about, so please be careful and kind with yourselves. 
> 
> I hope everyone had a great Valentine's!

Christen pinched the bridge of her nose, willing herself to swallow her irritation. All day her class had been boisterous to the point of being obnoxious: talking over each other, not listening, refusing to focus on their work. On one hand, she knew it was just one of those things you had to expect, no matter what level you taught at. Humans weren’t made to sit and focus on one thing for seven hours at a time, and it was silly to think that tiny humans could do it day in and day out without any incidents. But on the other hand… she was getting pretty annoyed with the blatant disrespect, specifically from one student..

“Wesley, I’m not going to tell you again. Sit at your desk and keep your hands to yourself,” she said using the sternest voice she possessed. He halfway listened, dropping into his chair but then reaching across and grabbing another student’s pencil case.

“Hey!” she screeched. “Miss Press! He, he-”

“Don’t be a stupid baby! I’m just looking at it!”

“Wesley! No sir.” She walked over and held out her hand. “Give me Gabby’s pencil case.”

He smacked it into her hand and threw back his head with a whine. “I was just looking at it!”

She handed it back to it’s rightful owner and placed her hands on her hips. “That’s it. I’m moving your clothespin to red and I’m going to have to contact your parents.”

“What! I barely even did anything!”

She took a deep breath as she walked back to her desk. “You’ve been acting out all day, and I know you know that we don’t treat friends that way.”

“She’s not my friend, I hate her!”

Christen’s jaw dropped as Gabby instantly began to cry. “Wesley we don’t talk-”

“It’s true! I hate her, and I hate you, and I hate everyone in this stupid school!” He stood up and grabbed the back of his chair, turning it over then grabbing his notebook and throwing it on the ground.

“Wes-” The last bell rang, cutting Christen off. All of her kids looked around nervously, unsure of whether they were allowed to get up and gather their things in the midst of their classmate having a meltdown. “Everyone, put on your coats and get your backpacks, I’m going to have Mrs.Dahlkemper walk you to the pickup point. Wesley, you and I are going to have a little sit down in Mrs. Lloyd’s office.”

The second graders all hesitantly did as she said, all of them looking back at Wesley every few seconds. Christen approached Gabby. “Hey, no tears, yeah?”

“He’s being mean!” she cried.

“I know, but we can’t always control what people say to us, can we? So sometimes the best thing to do is just hold our chins high and know that just because someone says something mean doesn’t mean it’s true.” Gabby sniffled and Christen gave her a side hug. “Are you okay?” She nodded, so Christen walked to the door, poking her head out and catching the attention of the other second grade teacher, beckoning her over.

“What’s up?” Abby asked.

“Let me tell you, it has been a day in my classroom,” Christen whispered with a roll of her eyes. “Can you do me a huge favor and take my class to pick up? And assure Gabby’s grandma that she’s fine, she just had a little argument with another student and we’re taking care of it, and can you tell Wesley Peterson’s mom that he and I are waiting for her in the office?”

Abby grimaced. “Uh oh. Not the way you want to end the day.”

“Tell me about it, but I don’t really have a choice.”

“Well don’t worry about the kids, I’ll take them.”

Christen reached out and squeezed her arm. “Thanks Abs, I owe you one.”

Her students all went quietly with the other teacher, still craning around to look at their classmate. Wesley was leaning against the wall, the hood of his coat over his head with the rest dangling like a cape.

“Alright Wes, off we go.” They began the walk down the hall to the principal’s office. Christen tried to lay a hand on his shoulder but he immediately shrugged it off, so instead she just walked beside him.

Inside they found Carli talking and laughing with the secretary, Mal. “Hi Miss Press, Wesley. What can I do for you?”

Christen have her a tight smile. “I think we all need to have a sit down and discuss proper classroom behavior. Wesley’s mom should be here in a few minutes.”

Carli nodded, giving her an understanding look. “Alright. Let’s take a seat in my office then.”

X

It had ended up taking ten minutes for Mrs. Peterson to come to the office, and another fifteen to explain the extent of his behavior. They’d ended up letting Wesley sit outside in the reception area so that they could really talk to his mom in earnest. This wasn’t the first time Christen had had problems with Wesley acting out, and she was worried about his increasing anger problems. Mrs. Peterson had confessed that her husband was a generally angry person, and that their recent separation was probably what was causing all of these behavioral issues. Then they had brought Wesley back in and spoken to him about his behavior and expectations for the future.

By the time she got back to her classroom is was nearly five, and she still needed to send off a couple emails. She did so then gathered all of her things, sliding a folder full of spelling tests into her bag to grade later on at home. She pulled on her coat and hat, then locked her door behind her. As she began to walk out of the school she pulled her phone out of her pocket, checking it for the first time in hours. Her heart plummeted as she read the messages.

**‘Let me know when you’re leaving the school!’**

**‘I have a pair of heels you can wear, so you won't have to wear your dorky teacher shoes lol’**

**‘Chrissy?? Text me back pls’**

**‘Chrissy the dinner starts at 5, I can’t be late’**

**‘Where the fuck are you? Why aren’t you answering me?’**

**‘If you didn’t want to come you could have just told me, you didn’t need to stand me up like this’**

**‘Fuck you. This is a really important dinner and I thought I could depend on you to support me.’**

In the chaos, Christen had forgotten that she was attending an important gala dinner with Paige. It was supposed to be an opportunity for the lower level attorneys to really impress the higher ups, and Paige had been convinced that this was her best chance at securing a promotion. But now it was 5:08, the dinner had started, and Christen was still in lower Manhattan. It would take her twenty minutes to get to Paige’s apartment, and probably another twenty to thirty to get to the restaurant.

She pressed call and brought the phone up to her ear, but it immediately to Paige’s voicemail. She tried several more times before Paige texted her.

**‘I’m at the dinner. I already showed up late because I was waiting around for you, can you stop calling me? You’re making me look unprofessional’**

Christen’s eyes filled with tears, and she came to a stop on the street corner. She had majorly fucked up. But what was she supposed to do now? Did she take the train back to Brooklyn? Did she go to the dinner?

That seemed like a bad idea.

She slowly walked to the train station, glad that all of the students were long gone and she didn't have to worry about one of them seeing her when she was so obviously upset. She swiped her metrocard and waited on the platform, mentally smacking herself for forgetting that the dinner was today. 

She made the trip to Paige's apartment building, offering a half hearted smile to the doorman and taking the elevator up. She let herself in using her key, and the first thing she saw was the pair of high heels Paige had placed on the side table for her. Her heart seized with guilt, beating herself up for being such a bad girlfriend. She knew that it would be at least a few hours before Paige returned home so she busied herself around the apartment, grading the spelling tests she'd brought with her then tidying Paige's apartment, washing the dishes in the sink and wiping down the counters. It was nearly nine when she heard the turn of a key in the door.

Paige dropped her bag next to the entryway door, not turning to look at herimmediately.

She came to her feet, not missing how beautiful Paige looked in the perfectly tailored suit she'd chosen to wear. "Paige. I'm so-"

"Don't." She kicked out of her heels, nudging them towards the shoe rack.

"I really am. Work was crazy, I had a student have a meltdown right as the bell rang-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses, Christen."

"It's not an excuse-"

"It's always an excuse with you! At the very least, you could have just been honest with me if you didn't want to come. Instead, you made me late, and I looked like a fucking idiot! I got there and had to explain to the people in charge that yes, I had RSVPd for me and one guest, but my guest couldn't make it, yes I understood that I would still have to be pay for both tickets-"

"I'll pay you for my ticket-"

Paige scoffed. "Please, Chrissy. We both know you don't make enough to be dropping $150 on a dinner ticket."

Christen's cheeks went red; it was true, but that didn't mean she liked having it thrown back in her face.

"Listen, Paige it was an accident. I was looking forward to the dinner, it was just a crazy day and it slipped my mind-"

"You're an elementary school teacher, Chrissy. Let's not act like you were launching rockets for NASA."

Christen pushed aside the sting she felt at her words. "Just because I'm not a lawyer-"

"Oh my GOD. Did I say I wanted you to be a lawyer? No." She stalked towards the kitchen, banging the cabinet open to take down a glass. She snorted derisively. "I mean, can you even imagine? You, as a lawyer? You'd end up trying to teach a valuable lesson on _friendship_ or _sharing,_ you would never get around to proving your case. You'd be the most ineffectual lawyer to ever exist. You would be a joke."

Christen ducked her head, not wanting Paige to see her face. "Stop it," she mumbled quietly.

Paige snapped around to look at her, her eyebrows raised. "Are you- Are you _crying?"_

"No," Christen lied, turning away from Paige.

"Oh my fucking god. Are you shitting me? You're the one who fucked up, the one who missed my work dinner, who made me look like an idiot, and _you're_ crying? Can you just stop? This isn't about you!"

"I said I'm sorry Paige! But you don't have to be so mean about it." She brought a hand up to wipe at the tears that were stubbornly insisting on falling. 

"You're such a fucking baby sometimes," Paige hissed. "I don't even know..." She narrowed her eyes at Christen. "I don't know why I put with you, honestly."

Christen's chest ached. "Paige-"

"What, Chrissy? Don't I deserve someone who's going to prioritize me and our relationship? Someone who cares about me, who makes me feel secure and wanted?"

"I care about you, I do, I love you-"

"Then why don't you act like it?" Paige yelled. "Why am I always at the bottom of the list for you? What do I have to do to be enough for you?"

"You are! You are enough for me, you're my whole world." Christen reached out for her but Paige pulled sharply away.

"You're a fucking liar. And don't think I don't know that your friends hate me, Chrissy. Despite what you clearly think, I'm not stupid," Paige's voice cracked on the last word.

"I know you're not-"

"What do you tell them to turn them all against me? Hm? What about me is so awful that you feel the need to belittle me to your friends?"

"Paige-"

"Y'know what? Just get out," she spat.

"What? No, Paige let's talk about this-"

"What else is there to say? Just get the fuck out of my apartment!" Christen took a step towards where her bag was sitting on the armchair but Paige blocked her, pointing towards the door. "Get out or I'm calling the fucking cops!"

"Okay, Paige just let me grab-"

Paige picked up her coat from where it was draped across the arm of the sofa and shoved it into her arms, making Christen stumble backwards. "Here! Take it! Get out!" Her face was in Christen's, red and angry, and she did as she was told, letting herself be practically thrown from the apartment. The door slammed shut after her, and she stared at it in shock. She had no wallet, no metrocard to get her back to Brooklyn, no phone to call a car. She tentatively knocked on Paige's door.

"Paige? Please, I just need my bag. Baby, I promise I'll leave and let you calm down, just let me get my things. Paige?"

There was no answer.

Christen slowly walked down the hallway to the elevator. She honestly had no idea what she was supposed to do now.

"Everything okay, Miss Chrissy?"

She gave the doorman her best attempt at a smile. "Everything is fine, thank you."

She couldn't stay here.

She had no way to get home.

She had a thought, but pushed it away, her cheeks burning in embarrassment at the thought. But then again, she really didn't have much of a choice.

She pushed open the door, raising a hand half heartedly at the older man's goodbye. She pulled on her coat as she began to walk down the street. When she reached the right building she took a deep breath and pushed the button, letting herself be silently thankful that she was friends with someone who could afford to live in the same general neighborhood as Paige.

"Hello?"

She cleared her throat. "Hey Ash, it's Christen. Is there... um, can I come up?"

"Of course, dude!" The buzzer sounded and Christen pushed inside.

Ashlyn threw open the door with a wide smile, one that quickly fell when she took in Christen's tear stained cheeks. "Are you okay?" She stepped back, letting her in.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, I just..." she trailed off, wondering how she could possible explain how she had fucked up this time.

"Babe, will you please remember to rinse the dishes before they go in the- oh! Hey Chris." Ali stopped short, clearly not expecting to find her fellow teacher standing in her living room. "I... Is everything alright?"

Christen nodded, even though everything was the opposite of alright. "I just... I had a really bad fight with Paige," she finally offered.

Ali stepped forward, rubbing Christen's arm. "I'm sorry, hon."

"I, I missed a work dinner because I was dealing with a student, and she just, just got so mad, and everything escalated..." She took a slow hiccupy breathe. "And I'm sorry, I wouldn't have shown up here, I know you're both probably getting ready for tomorrow, but um... she kicked me out of her apartment, and I didn't have a chance to grab my bag, which has my wallet and my phone. I don't have a way to get home." The last few words came out choked, and when she dared look at Ali, she found a face full of sadness and pity. Behind her she could see Ashlyn's jaw tensing as if she was physically stopping herself from saying something.

Ali guided her to the couch. "Don't apologize, you know you're always welcome here."

Ashlyn crossed her arms. "She threw you out?"

Christen nodded miserably. "She's upset. She says I'm not prioritizing us, our relationship."

"Did she hurt you?"

Christen jerked her head up to stare at Ashlyn incredulously. "What?"

"Did she put her hands on you?"

"No! No, she... I mean she got a little in my face but she was just trying to get me to leave." She felt shame bloom low in her stomach. "God, nothing like that happened, I'm so stupid to get this worked up. She's right, I'm acting like a baby." She buried her face in her hands, missing the significant look Ali and Ashlyn shared. "I just don't know what to do," she whispered.

"Do you want us to call you a car home?" Ali asked softly. Christen took another shuddering breath.

"I don't have keys to get in, and my roommate is out of town."

"Okay. Then you can stay here with us for the night. You can borrow clothes and we'll go to school together in the morning."

A sudden thought struck Christen. "The spelling tests!" she gasped. "I left them at Paige's, I won't be able to hand them back or put the grades in the computer..."

"They can wait a few days for grades, it'll be fine," Ali assured her.

"I'm so sorry, I don't want to inconvenience you guys-"

"It's not a problem. We're always here for you. Promise."

"Thanks," Christen whispered, and Ali wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug.

"Have you had dinner?" Christen's stomach gave a loud growl, answering Ali's question and making them all chuckle slightly.

"Well that settles it. I'm whipping you up one of my world famous grilled cheeses, and then we're going to watch Brooklyn Nine Nine," Ashlyn declared, heading into the kitchen. Ali started to get up and Christen put a hand on her knee.

"Thank you. I mean it."

Ali covered her hand with her own. "You're welcome. But Chris... it's not fair for her to her treat you like this."

Christen gave her head a slight shake. "I'm the one who fucked up. Not her."

Ali stared at her for a second. "You really think that's true, don't you?"

She gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"

Ali shook her head, pursing her lips. "Nothing. Let me grab you some comfy clothes to change into."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the delay, everything is... ugghhh it's a shit show right now lol. I'm dealing with lots of family drama, it's the worst. 
> 
> I hope you like this chapter!

Ali tried to keep the mood light the next morning, bringing up funny memories from the years that she and Christen had worked together. Christen had nodded along, trying to smile when appropriate, but her heart just wasn’t in it.

They were walking to school when Ali finally gave a quiet sigh. “I worry about you sometimes, you know.”

Chris glanced over then back down at the coffee Ali had insisted on buying her this morning. “What? Why?”

“I just…” she kept her eyes focused ahead of them. “You’re so great, Chris. You deserve someone who cares about you, who is loving and understanding. And sometimes I feel like Paige doesn’t treat you very well.”

They came to a stop, waiting for traffic to clear so they could cross the street. “Paige loves me, it was just a stupid fight.”

Ali took her gently by the elbow, turning her so she could really look at her. “You know that I love you, right? That anything I say comes purely from a place of wanting you to be happy and safe?”

“I know,” Christen assured her.

“She shouldn’t have thrown you out last night.”

“She was just-“

“She shouldn’t have thrown you out, no matter how mad she was,” Ali repeated firmly.

The walk signal came on, and Christen began to cross without answering. Ali followed her lead and they walked in silence the rest of the way to school. Right as they got to the front door, Christen turned to Ali. "Hey... you won't mention this to anyone, right? I just... Kelley would majorly overreact, you know how she is."

Ali let out a sharp exhale. "Kelley just wants you to be happy-"

"I know!" Christen cut in quickly. "I'm not saying she doesn't. I just don't want... can this stay between us?"

Ali nodded, even though she didn't look happy about it. "Of course, Chris."

Christen gave her a quick hug. "Thank you. For everything."

Christen had to get the master key from Rose in order to get into her classroom. Once she did, she logged onto her computer and pulled up her email. She clicked compose and took a deep breath.

**Paige-**

**I can’t apologize enough about last night. I had a crazy day but that’s not an excuse to miss something that was really important to you. I’m so sorry. Can we please talk? Also, I really need my bag, it has my phone and all of my stuff inside.**

**You can email me back or call during my free period, whatever is easiest for you.**

**I love you**

**Christen**

She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. A glance at the clock let her know that she had just a few minutes before her class would be coming down the hall and she gave her head a sharp shake, resolving to push all of this from her mind so that she could concentrate on her kids.

That afternoon, Christen glanced up as one of her last kiddos went with their parent to see Paige across the street, sunglasses on and Christen’s bag on her shoulder. She held up a finger, then turned back to her remaining student. “Alright, Onnalee. Any sight of your mom?”

The little girl glanced around, stretching up on her tip toes. “No, she must be… Oh! There she is!” The little girl started to bound off, but Christen caught her just in time.

“Wait! Let her cross the street to us, please.” She did as Christen asked and the rest of the pick up went smoothly. Christen gave Onnalee a wave then looked both ways before crossing the street towards Paige. She hugged her arms tight to her chest, shivering a bit at the lingering cold.

Paige didn’t say anything, so Christen took a deep breath. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

“Thank you for bringing my bag.”

“Yeah.” She handed it over then shifted her weight from foot to foot.

“Listen, I need to go inside and lock up my classroom, do you want to come over and I’ll make us some dinner? Or we can go to yours, either is fine. I just want to talk to you.”

Paige sniffed, her eyes hidden by her dark shades. “Alright.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll be right back.” Christen practically ran back inside, part of her afraid that Paige would change her mind and leave. She grabbed her coat and turned off the lights, locking the door then striding down the hall to the front doors. She gave a small smile when she found Paige still waiting for her.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Mine is fine.”

“Okay.”

Neither of them said anything as they walked to the subway, but when Christen’s pinkie brushed Paige’s for the second time, she caught her hand, tangling their fingers together. Something in the small gesture flooded Christen’s chest with warmth, making her feel like maybe everything would be okay.

Once inside Paige’s apartment, Christen grabbed a saucepan from the cabinet, filling it with water and setting it to boil. She got pasta from the pantry, sitting it on the counter along with a jar of sauce from the fridge. She turned to find Paige sitting at the small dining table, watching her.

She walked over and offered her hand. Paige considered it for a second, then took it, leaning back so that she could pull Christen to sit on her lap, wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Paige… I’m sorry. I really am. I had been looking forward to the dinner, it just slipped my mind. And I know that’s not a good enough excuse, but it’s the truth.”

“I… I know I shouldn’t have gotten so angry. It’s just…” Paige wiped under her eyes with the back of her hand. “God I’m so stressed out. I feel like since I’m a woman I have to work ten times as hard to be noticed, and it’s exhausting! I’m good at my job. I mean I was in the top of my class at Stanford, but these pricks treat me like I’m just some idiot in a skirt suit. And it’s not fair!”

“I know,” Christen murmured. She cupped Paige’s face, stroking her cheek with her thumb. “You’re amazing at what you do.”

“But they don’t see that! And I thought that this dinner… I thought maybe if I came in, after busting my ass for them after all these years, after helping win the McPhereson case, with my beautiful girlfriend on my arm, maybe they would finally realize that I’m just as good as they are. That I’m their equal, and deserve to be treated well.”

“And you do. You really do, baby. You deserve the best.”

“So do you, Chrissy.” Paige looked down, her fingers fiddling with the hem of Christen’s sweater. “I’m sorry for last night. I was just so frustrated…”

“I know. And I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I let you down.”

Paige finally met her eyes. “I just… you’re the only thing I can depend on in this crazy world, Chrissy. Not my family, not my job… you. You’re my safe space. And so when I ask you for something as simple as coming to a dinner with me-”

“I know. I know, baby, and I’m so sorry.”

“I love you so much,” Paige breathed, tilting her head until their lips were just millimeters apart.

“I love you, too.”

“I wouldn’t survive without you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Do you promise?” Paige asked, her voice cracking.

“I promise,” Christen said, leaning forward and meeting Paige’s lips, kissing her with every ounce of love in her body.

X

“I don’t see Kelley,” Sonny said, craning around to peer through typical Friday crowd.

“She texted me saying that she was going to be late. Apparently she’s bringing someone along tonight, a girl from her soccer team.”

They found their usual table blissfully empty. “Alright, well since Kelley’s not here I guess that means the first round is on me.”

Christen grabbed Ali’s arm. “Absolutely not! You let me crash in your guest room, eat your food, and wear your clothing. I owe you twenty drinks, and the first is right now.”

Ali waved her off with a grin. “It was nothing! We were happy to help-”

Christen jokingly put her hands over her ears. “Nope, not listening, I’m gonna go get you the first of many tequila sodas. Sonny?”

“Budweiser.”

Ali raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “Kelley’s not here, you can get a Truly.”

Emily gave her a look of outrage. “What?”

“Don’t give me that look, I know that’s what you actually want. You just get Budweiser because that’s what Kelley drinks.”

“That’s so not true,” she started to argue, but Christen cut her off with a laugh.

“Don’t worry, Sonny, we won’t tell her you actually prefer ‘bitch beer.’ It’ll be our little secret.”

Christen stepped over to the bar, putting in their drink order and handing over her card, thankful once again to have her wallet back in her possession. When she came back over, she found Ali laughing at Emily’s steadily reddening face.

“It’s not like that, I don’t have a crush on her.”

“Sure you don’t,” Ali teased, accepting her glass from Christen.

“I don’t! Besides, how do you know I even swing that way?”

Ali tilted her head to one side. “You remember that I’m married to a woman, right? And I have an older brother who’s also gay? Honey, my gaydar is on point. That was never even a question.”

Christen laughed. “Don’t be embarrassed! It’s cute.”

Sonnett groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Yeah. Cute. That’s exactly what I’m aiming for. Great.”

“Are you gonna make a move?” Ali asked.

“What? No! Why would I do that?”

“Mmm… to let her know you’re interested?” Christen took a sip of her wine.

“No way. I’m probably not her type anyway. And she’s bringing someone from her rec team, how do we know that it’s not someone she’s interested in?”

Christen scrolled back through their messages. “Yeah, I don’t think so. She said she was ‘her bro’ from the soccer team.”

“Not exactly what you call someone you like romantically,” Ali agreed.

“What upppp!” They all turned to see Pinoe swaggering towards them.

They chorused their hellos and she pulled up a stool, launching into a story about something funny that had happened at work that day, and before she knew it, Christen was being poked hard in the side. She yelped and turned to find a very familiar freckled face shoved into hers. “Hi,” Kelley smirked. She kissed the very tip of Christen’s nose, making her laugh and shove her away.

“Ew, gross! I don’t want your cooties!” Christen teased.

“Too bad, they’re already here. Everybody, this is my friend Tobin, we play on the rec soccer team together. Tobs, this is Pinoe, Ali, Sonny, and Chris.”

Christen looked past her best friend and felt her heart give a little skip. Because she was not expecting what she saw.

Kelley’s friend was long and lean, long brown hair thrown in a careless manner over one shoulder. She had tanned skin that highlighted the fact that she must spend a considerable amount of time outside, and warm brown eyes that were nestled above chiseled cheekbones. Not to mention that she was wearing torn black jeans and a beat up black leather jacket, the edges of a red zip-up hoodie just visible underneath, completing the girl’s laidback but effortlessly cool vibe. In short, she was one of the most attractive women Christen had ever seen.

She swallowed quickly, blinking away whatever strange gut reaction this was, and held out her hand. “Christen.”

The girl shook her hand, giving her a quick, closed mouth smile. “Hey. Tobin.”

Christen finished off the rest of her wine as the rest of the girls greeted the newcomer. Her cheeks felt oddly warm, and it made her even more flustered. She knew lots of beautiful women, there was no reason for her to be reacting this way. She had a long term girlfriend who she loved very much, she reminded herself sternly. Just because Paige wasn’t here didn’t mean Christen needed to be ogling Kelley’s friend.

Kelley placed a hand on Christen’s back. “I’m gonna get a round. Tobito, what do you want?”

“I don’t care, just a beer. Whatever’s on draft is fine.” Tobin took the stool next to Christen as Kelley darted off into the crowd.

“So you play with Kelley?” Christen asked, even though she obviously already knew the answer.

“Yup. We had a longer practice than normal, that’s why we were late. We were scrimmaging. Kelley and I were on opposite sides today.”

Christen gave a fake grimace, looking down at Tobin’s Converse bound feet. “Yikes. Are your ankles still intact?”

Tobin gave her a wide grin, and Christen was momentarily stunned by all the perfectly white teeth on display. “They are, but not for Kelley’s lack of trying.”

“I can only imagine, she’s a monster,” Christen said with an eye roll.

“She said you guys were college roommates, did you both play at Stanford?”

Christen laughed. “No way. I’m more of a yoga type of girl. Soccer was always a little too violent for me.”

Tobin gave her another grin. “Ah, so you’re a peacekeeper.”

She shrugged. “Maybe, I guess.”

Tobin raised an eyebrow. “You guess?”

Christen gave an uneasy laugh. “Well I’m an elementary school teacher, so that’s not so far off. But it just seems kinda lame, y’know?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Tobin countered, her face still friendly. “If we were all running around like Kelley nothing would ever get done.”

“Well, there’d be a lot of broken noses, that’s for sure.”

“But thankfully she knows how to set ‘em right,” Tobin cracked, referring to Kelley’s job as a sports trainer.

“A woman of many talents, that one is,” Christen agreed.

“And you?”

Christen glanced up from her water to find Tobin peering at her, just a bit closer than she had been. “Me?”

“Are you a woman of many talents?”

Christen’s entire body flushed hot, but she was thankfully saved by Kelley returning from the bar. “What is this?” She screeched above the sound of everyone else’s conversations. She picked up Sonny’s nearly empty Truly can and held it aloft in disgust. “Why are you drinking this girly shit?”

“I got it for her,” Ali cut in, saving an increasingly flustered looking Sonny. “Not all of us spent three hours at soccer practice today, Kel. Gotta take the healthier option sometimes. Plus, there’s no harm in changing things up every now and then.”

Beside her, Tobin lifted her glass to her lips and took a long drink, and Christen realized her eyes were lingering on the smooth expanse of her throat. She quickly turned away, pulling Pinoe into a random conversation.

Maybe there was some harm in change after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, come chat with me on Tumblr, @thetheatrelady


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5!!! Are Fridays going to be the update days? Maybe? Thoughts on that?

“Paige?” Christen called as she let herself into Paige’s apartment.

“In here!” Christen stepped further into the apartment to see Paige at the kitchen counter, sorting through her mail. “Hi baby.”

Christen shrugged out of her coat and stepped forward, giving her a soft kiss. “Hi yourself. Missed you last night.”

Paige sighed with a smile. “Yeah, I was hoping I would be able to make it but we were at the office till after nine and at that point I just wanted to come home and go to bed.”

“Fair enough. Get anything good?” Christen gestured to the pile of envelopes.

She rolled her eyes. “Well Stanford is having audacity to ask me to donate money, as if I didn’t spend 150 thousand dollars on law school.”

Christen chuckled. “Yeah, when I get those I always want to send it back with a copy of my paystub. Really make them reconsider who they’re asking for money.”

“Exactly.” Paige wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist, pulling her close. “Anything exciting happen at happy hour last night?”

Christen shook her head. “Nope. Nothing to report.” _That’s the truth,_ she argued with herself. There was no reason to tell Paige about Kelley’s friend Tobin.

Paige tilted her head to the side. “What’s that face about?”

Christen met her eyes, cursing herself for her inability to not show her emotions. “I think Sonny has a thing for Kelley,” she blurted.

“Sonny?”

“Yeah, Sonny. Remember, the new teacher? You met her the last time you came…” she trailed off.

“Oh.” Paige’s face darkened, pulling away slightly, and Christen regretted saying anything. “She likes Kelley?”

“Maybe,” Christen shrugged. “I think at the very least she has a bit of a crush.”

“And Kelley?”

Christen couldn’t help but grin as she reached past Paige, grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee. “You know Kel. All work, no play, no time for dating. I don’t think she’s had a single long term relationship since she moved here.”

“I mean, she’s had flings.”

Christen hummed, taking a sip of coffee. “Yeah, but I don’t think Son is looking for a one night stand.”

“Fair enough.” Paige grasped the front of Christen sweatshirt and pulled her forward until she could press a kiss to her cheek. “Do you have lots of homework to grade?”

She shook her head, burying her head in the crook of Paige’s neck, making her girlfriend giggle and try to shift away from her cold nose. “What about you?”

“Nothing to grade thankfully.” Christen poked her in the side and she laughed. “No, I didn’t have to bring a lot home. Meaning I’m all yours until Sunday afternoon.”

She hummed, setting her coffee cup down. “What are we going to do with all of this spare time?”

Paige’s hand made it’s way under Christen’s shirt, lightly dragging her nails across the soft skin of her lower back. “I can think of a few things.”

She laughed. “I was thinking we could maybe do something outside of the apartment.”

“Kinky.”

“Paige!”

She laughed, pulling Christen into a proper hug. “Okay, okay… what are you in the mood for? We could go get lunch, we could go shopping, maybe go see a play or something.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve gone to the Met,” Christen suggested.

“I don’t need to go to the Met.” Paige pulled back so she could bring a hand to Christen’s cheek. “I’ve got my very own masterpiece, right here.”

She rolled her eyes but blushed all the same, stretching up and placing a kiss on Paige’s lips. “You’re too much.”

“I’m yours.”

“That’s true.”

Paige gave her another kiss. “And you’re mine.”

“Also true.”

“And I love you.”

Christen laughed and pulled back, evading Paige’s lips. “And I love you, but if you keep this up we’ll never leave the apartment.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

She swatted her arm. “Behave. C’mon, let’s go grab some lunch and we’ll figure out a plan from there.” She leaned back in. “If you keep your hands to yourself I promise we can pick this up when we get home tonight.”

Paige smiled. “Then let’s head out and go get lunch.”

X

Christen stared up at the ceiling, catching her breath. She could hear Paige in the bathroom, the water running as she cleaned up. Her entire body felt loose and liquid, and her fingers fumbled with the sheets as she tried to pull them up to cover her sweaty body.

“You alright over there?” She lazily turned her head, smiling as her girlfriend made her way back into bed with her.

“No, you killed me,” Christen yawned, making Paige laugh. “Cause of death: great sex.”

“Yeah, I didn’t hear you complaining on your way to orgasm two.”

“Mm, or orgasm three.” Christen rolled over and threw her arm over Paige’s stomach with a little chuckle. “Today was a really great day,” she whispered into the darkness.

“I know. I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too.” Christen shut her eyes and tried to let Paige’s breathing lull her to sleep but found herself resolutely awake. Eventually she carefully extracted herself from Paige’s embrace so she wouldn’t wake her up with her restless movements. She laid back on her own pillow, staring at the ceiling, and waited impatiently for sleep to come.

Insomnia was something she’d dealt with for most of her life. Even as a kid she would go to sleepovers and find herself resolutely awake even as all of her friends dropped off. This of course had never stopped her from waking up with the sun, so she felt like she’d spent most of her life chronically exhausted. Sex usually helped, but tonight was unfortunately looking like the exception.

“…request a bench trail…” Paige murmured under her breath, and Christen grinned. Hearing Paige obsess over her cases even while sleeping always made her smile. She didn’t think there was a single person in this city who was as passionate or hard working as Paige. She turned so that she could watch her girlfriend sleep.

They had been together through so much. Christen graduating from college, Paige having to take the bar exam, moving to the city, Christen losing her mom-

Her chest ached at the thought, the pain just as real after all these years.

_She stared out the car window, not taking in any of the landscape that was passing by. She bit her lip, trying to push away the tears that were hovering just beneath the surface, and felt a hand squeeze hers. She turned to find Paige watching her closely, her eyes concerned._

_“Can I do anything?” she asked under her breath so that just Christen could hear._

_She shook her head. “No, just… I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through today. I still can’t believe she’s gone, and now… now we have to bury her-” The tears choked her, and Paige swiped her thumb gently underneath Christen’s eyes, preserving the little bit of makeup she had been able to apply this morning._

_“I know, Chrissy. I know. But I’m right here beside you, okay? Anything you need… I’m right here.”_

_Christen nodded, and suddenly the car was coming to a stop. She swallowed hard as ushers opened the car door and Paige helped her out, wrapping an arm around her waist, keeping her upright as they slowly made their way to the gravesite._

_Christen couldn’t look at her dad. Every time she did, the utter heartbreak in his eyes made her nearly collapse under the weight of her anger and grief. How could this happen? Her mom was the only thing that held their family together some days, why would any God take her away from them? Why did the universe prove itself to be so heartless and cruel, time and time again?_

_Channing was beside her Dad, tucked underneath his arm, her eyes wide and blank. She was so young, there was so much that she would have to do and accomplish without their mom by her side. Their mom wouldn’t see Channing graduate college, wouldn’t see her start her career, wouldn’t see her get married or have kids…_

_But then again, she wouldn’t see Christen do that either._

_The thought made her eyes well up again, and Paige pulled her into her chest, letting her cry. She held her close, stroking her hair._

_Christen didn’t know how she was going to get through this day, but she knew one thing: if it wasn’t for Paige, she wouldn’t have stood a chance._

X

The next morning, they were laying on the couch, Christen reading the New York Times while Paige scrolled through her phone.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Christen glanced over. “What?”

Paige gave an angry sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Noah is turning 12 next week.”

Christen nodded slowly, setting the paper aside. Her dad’s second family was always a sore spot for Paige. “Oh yeah, it is. It always feels like it sneaks up on us.”

“Well Tara just sent me a facebook message asking if I was going to come to his party. I’m sorry, you want me to fly from New York to Denver with two weeks warning? Do they have no consideration for the fact that I have a job and a life, and can’t just show up whenever they decide?”

“That’s not fair at all.”

“And she’s so passive aggressive about it. ‘Hi sweetie, I know that you are busy in the city but I know your dad would really like to see you…’ Like okay, sure, so much so that he couldn’t even call and let me know himself? And also, she’s five years older than I am, can she drop this whole patronizing bullshit? Stop calling me sweetie.” Paige flopped backwards, her head bouncing off the back of the couch.

“Yeah, that’s ridiculous… what are you going to do?”

“Well what can I do? There’s no way that they would let me have time off with so little notice.”

“Yeah.”

“And also, where am I supposed to stay? In their house? With the woman who broke up my parents’ marriage?”

Christen bit her tongue, knowing that there was no use in reminding Paige that her dad was actually the one who had broken his marriage vows. “Did she say you could stay there?”

Paige opened the message, rereading it quickly. “No… she didn’t. So what? I’m supposed to also get a hotel room?”

“That’s not fair.”

Paige let out another angry sigh. “But also… it is my brother. My half brother, but still.”

“Yeah.”

She turned to Christen. “What should I do?”

She took a deep breath, considering her options. If she went one way and it ended up not going well, she couldn’t guarantee that Paige wouldn’t hold it against her. “I mean… maybe look into it? Talk to your boss, see if it’s even possible for you to go? And if it’s not, then it’s not, and you can call your dad and tell him as much.”

“If he’ll even answer the phone,” Paige grumbles under her breath, crossing her arms. Christen scooted over, pulling her into a loose embrace.

“If he can’t see how amazing of a person you’ve become, then fuck him.”

“Chrissy…”

“No, I’m serious. You graduated from Stanford, you’re a lawyer in New York City. If he can’t see how hard you work then _fuck him_ ,” Christen repeated insistently.

“I just… My entire life has been spent trying to prove them I’m enough to him, and I never have been. I’ve always fallen short.”

“No. He’s fallen short. You are perfect. You’re perfect for me.” Christen pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Paige leaned her forehead against Christen’s. “Thank you. And you’re right. I’ll talk to Don, see if it’s even possible.”

“No use stressing about it until you know.”

“You’re right. How did I get so lucky to have you?”

Christen giggled. “I don’t know, but you better not let me go.”

Paige gave her a big, nose wrinkling smile. “I never will baby. It’s you and me, forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, a little insight into Paige and she and Christen's backstory, as well as a look at what the good days can be like. I feel like you guys are gonna have some thoughts on that, come chat we me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh guys. It has been... a fucking day.  
> I got laid off today due to the coronavirus precautions, along with every other server and host at my restaurant. I spent most of the day crying because I honestly don't know what this means for my immediate future. Everything is very scary and very up in the air.  
> But it helped to take a dive into someone else's shitty New York City story for a while. So I hope you guys enjoy Chapter 6

Christen leaned against the side of the school building with Abby, chatting as they watched the kids run and play. Sometimes Christen felt sorry for their students: growing up in California, the weather had almost always been beautiful, and her schools had all featured state of the art jungle gyms and lots of grass for them to run around on. Here in New York however, they simply didn’t have the space. They also didn’t have the budget, but that was another matter altogether. Still, the kids didn’t seem to mind the small inner courtyard that they had to run free in, laughing and screaming over the honks of cabs traveling around lower Manhattan.

She noticed some of the kids were clustered off to the side and decided to walk over and investigate. When she got close enough, she realized that one of her students, Estefany, was on the ground, with a little girl from Abby’s class standing over her, hands on her hips.

“Hey! What’s going on?” The kids parted, and several skittered away. Christen helped Estefany to her feet, not missing the little girl’s tear stained face or her skinned hand. “Are you okay?” she asked, lightly rubbing her shoulder. The little girl nodded but wouldn’t meet Christen’s eyes, so she turned to the other little girl, Mariah. “What happened?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know? Why is Estefany on the ground?”

“Maybe she fell.” She glanced at Christen then quickly glanced away.

She put a hand on Estefany’s shoulder. “Is that what happened?”

She sniffed before slowly nodding, but Christen couldn’t help but feel she was lying. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do about it. “Let’s step inside and wash off your hand, okay? Maybe we can find you a bandaid.” She offered Estefany her hand and led her inside after letting Abby know what was going on. She helped the little girl wash the dirt away at their classroom sink then got out her classroom first aid kit. She got her carefully situated on one of the stools then carefully spread antibiotic ointment over the reddened skin.

“You can talk to me about anything, you know that right?” she purposefully kept her voice very light but also soft.

The little girl’s dark eyes stared at her, but she didn’t respond.

“Teachers are here to help you learn, but they also keep you safe. And if someone is using mean words or is hurting you in some way, you can talk to me about it. ¿Lo entiendes?” She nodded, but didn’t say anything, so Christen went about applying an Elsa bandaid over her superficial wound.

“I smell.” Christen’s heart broke, hearing the girl’s barely audible, wavering voice.

“What do you mean, honey?”

“Ellos dicen que huelo,” the girl elaborated in Spanish.

“Who says that you smell? Someone in our class? Or someone in Mrs. Dahlkemper’s class?” She shrugged, not answering Christen’s question. She sighed. “You can tell me.”

Estefany turned her head away, staring out the windows. “Can we go back outside?”

Christen forced herself to smile. “Of course we can. Of course.”

X

“I just wish she would tell me what’s going on!” Christen exclaimed, accidentally placing her wine glass down too hard. “I can’t get the other students in trouble until I know what’s happening.” It had been several days but the whole incident was still weighing heavy on her mind.

“Well what do you think is happening?” Ali asked from across the table.

“I’m not completely sure. I’m pretty certain that Mariah pushed her to the ground, but past that… the only thing she would tell me is that they say she smells. They, so more than just Mariah. Which means we probably have a group of kids that’s being mean to her,” she rolled her eyes in irritation at the situation.

“That’s awful,” Becky winced. “And she wouldn’t say anything else?”

“Nope,” Christen grumbled. She was on the tail end of glass of wine number three, pretty unusual for her, but the whole situation seemed to weigh on her more and more.

“What can you do if she does tell you?” Tobin asked. Christen had felt a rush of both excitement and panic when Tobin had showed up for their happy hour gathering again. On one hand, she thought the other woman was kind and funny, someone who was easy talk to and be around. On the other hand, she was… so easy to be around. Too easy. Far too easy when Christen had a wonderful girlfriend.

She met her eyes. “Honestly… not a lot. If I catch Mariah in the act, I can implement discipline of some sort, take away privileges. And if it’s bad enough we could contact her parents, maybe get Carli involved. I just… I feel bad for her, you know? Estefany is a sweet little girl. Shy. Quiet, doesn’t talk a lot in class, but smart.”

“Sounds like you, Pressi,” Kelley tells her, tapping her nose and making her laugh.

“She’s just… she’s an easy target. Her family recently immigrated, she’s still learning the language, the culture… It can’t be easy. She had to leave behind her entire life in the Dominican Republic, her friends, her family. And now this horrible little girl is shoving her around, calling her names, making her feel like she isn’t good enough.” Her heart ached at the thought.

“Sounds a lot like Paige,” Ashlyn said under her breath.

It felt like someone had punched Christen in the stomach. She turned to face her more directly. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Ashlyn’s eyes widened slightly as if she hadn’t completely realized that she said that out loud. “I just… nothing.” She looked back down at the table, spinning her near empty glass of whiskey.

“No, what?”

Christen was uncomfortably aware that everyone at their table had gone silent, looking back and forth between her and Ashlyn, but she also couldn’t let it go.

“I was just… I mean, I think everyone here can agree that Paige doesn’t treat you the best,” she answered.

“Paige and I are fine,” Christen insisted.

“Oh really?”

“Ash,” Ali cut in quickly, placing a hand on her wife’s leg. “This isn’t the time.”

“Yes, really.” Most of Christen was embarrassed, but the wine was clouding her mind enough that she could brush it aside.

“Her throwing you out of her apartment, that’s fine?” Ashlyn asked, her eyebrows raised.

Christen’s cheeks flushed red, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. “That- she didn’t- we were just having an argument. People are allowed to disagree!”

Ashlyn leaned in slightly. “Disagree? Is that what you’re going to call it?”

“That is what I’m going to call it, because that’s what it was.” Christen angrily tipped the last of her wine into her mouth, then turned to Becky. “Can you let me out, please? I’m going to get another drink.” She stalked towards the bar and waited to get the bartender’s attention, fuming silently.

A hand on her elbow caught her attention. She turned to find Kelley beside her, her mouth set in a firm line. “Maybe you should go ahead and tab out.”

“I’m fine, Kel.”

“Chris I haven’t seen you drink four glasses of wine since we were probably in college, I really think you’re good. If anything, you probably need another glass of water.”

She exhaled hard, knowing that Kelley was right but not wanting to admit it. “Ash shouldn’t talk about Paige like that,” she said, crossing her arms.

Kelley chewed on the inside of her cheek. “She… it’s definitely not a conversation to be having at Friday night happy hour, no. But also, what happened with Paige’s apartment?”

Christen sighed heavily. She hadn’t wanted to have to tell Kelley about this, knowing how it would look. “It was just… I let her down. I was supposed to go to an important work thing with her and then had a crazy day at work so I missed it. She was rightfully upset and we ended up having an argument, then she asked me to leave but I forgot my bag so I didn’t have my phone or keys. So I had to spend the night with Ali and Ash until I could get my bag back from her the next day.”

“She asked you to leave?”

“Yes.”

“Is that Christen speak for she threw you out?” Kelley drawled, rolling her eyes.

“Kelley…” she sighed. Her head was beginning to ache.

“And wouldn’t even give you your stuff?” she asked, her voice raising as she processed what Christen was saying.

“She gave it to me the next day!” she snapped. She caught the bartender’s attention and got her card back, adding a tip and signing the slip. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. I was just… I was upset when I got to Ali and Ash’s so it all seemed worse than it really was. We talked it out the next day, I apologized to her, and it was fine. We had a great weekend together last weekend!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it wasn’t that big of a deal,” Christen repeated.

“I swear sometimes, if we hadn’t been friends for so long…”

“What?”

Kelley sighed, shaking her head. “Nothing. Are you going home? Are you going to call a cab or take the train?”

“The train.” They walked back over to the table and Christen took a deep breath. “I didn’t realize how late it was, I’m gonna go ahead and head home,” she announced to the table. Becky passed Christen her bag and her coat. “I’ll see you guys next Friday.”

“No, next Friday is Valentine’s,” Sonny reminded her, and Christen nodded.

“Right, so then I’ll see everyone the next Friday.” She gave a lackluster wave and turned to head out of the bar. She had just gotten a few steps down the sidewalk when she heard someone call her name. She turned back to find Tobin, arms crossed tight to her body in the absence of a coat.

“Hey,” she said uncertainly.

“Hey. I just uh… since most of us will be busy on Friday for Valentine’s, Kelley and I have a rec game on Saturday. I don’t know if you’re gonna be doing something with your girlfriend that day, but… we’d love to have you!”

“Yeah?” Christen asked in surprise.

“Yeah. In the stands, I mean. Should be a pretty good game. Yeah, you should come watch. If you can.”

Christen nodded slightly. “Yeah, I… I mean I don’t know what Paige and I will be doing, but… but yeah. I’ll try. I’ll come if I can.”

Tobin grinned. “Excellent.” They stared at each other for a second. “Well I should… get back inside. Get out of the cold.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Have Kelley send me the details.”

“Will do.” Tobin gave a half wave and started to pull open the door.

“Tobin?”

She turned to look at Christen. “Yeah?”

“I… Paige is a good person.” She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to tell her as much, it was as if the wine had complete control of her mind, and therefore her words, but she couldn’t stop herself. “She’s not… Kelley’s not her biggest fan, and apparently Ashlyn isn’t either, but… she loves me. She really does.”

Tobin stared at her for a moment, her face unreadable. “It’s really not any of my business,” she finally answered. The wind kicked up, making her hair fly about her face.

“Yeah. I just… yeah.” Christen swallowed, pulling her bag up higher on her shoulder.

Tobin gave her a small smile. “Good night, Christen. Get home safe.”

“Thanks. Night, Tobin.”

Tobin went back inside and Christen turned around and resumed her trek to the subway, giving her head a slight shake as she did. Why did she feel the need to tell Tobin that? She barely even knew her, they’d attended the same happy hour twice, she didn’t care what a friend of a friend thought about her girlfriend. It didn’t matter.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not Friday but it turns out that time is a social construct and everything is meaningless. I'm obviously taking to isolation super well. Anywhere, here's chapter 7, I hop you all like it, and as always please comment or come chat on tumblr with me.

“I’m just saying, ‘tis the season.”

Kelley snorted, keeping her eyes trained on Christen’s tv. “That phrase is for Christmas, not Valentine’s Day.”

Christen shrugged. “Okay sure, but no one has made any pithy sayings about Valentine’s.”

“That’s not true, what about ‘be mine?’”

She gave a sigh. “Okay fine. Would you maybe, please, just consider being Sonny’s?” she batted her eyelashes dramatically.

“You’re a horrible cupid.”

“Kelley!” she whined.

“What? What do you want from me?” she asked, throwing her hands up.

“I want you to open your eyes and realize that Sonny is super into you. And I want you to recognize that dating is not some silly thing the rest of us do to pass the time between soccer matches.”

“Christen I’m just not made for dating,” Kelley insisted. “I’m bad at it, I always have been, you know that.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Christen pressed on.

Kelley stared at her for a minute before letting out a breathy laugh. “The possibilities are endless, but the first thing that comes to mind is that she falls for me thinking she’ll get one thing when I’m really another, and it destroys our friendship. This in turn, hurts your friendship with Sonny, and your friendship with me, and then the dynamic of our entire happy hour group is thrown off, all because you insisted on forcing me to date.”

“None of that is going to happen,” Christen insisted with a roll of her eyes. “But okay, what’s the best that could happen?”

“We could end up married and have an army of little Georgia babies,” Kelley offered sarcastically.

“See! That’s the spirit!”

“Yeah, you say that now, wait until you’re stuffed into the frilliest, most hideous bridesmaid dress I can find.” Kelley stretched her arms over her head with a groan. “God I’m sore. I need to do a full body roll out or tomorrow I’m going to hobbling around like an old lady.”

“For you, there isn’t a dress ugly enough to keep me away from seeing Kelley Maureen O'Hara, self-proclaimed lifelong bachelorette, finally take the plunge and get married.”

“Aw Pressy…” Kelley grinned, pressing her sock covered toes hard into the muscle of Christen’s calf. “Now I have to try and prove you wrong.”

Christen rolled her eyes. “Honestly, if that’s what it takes to get you to agree to say yes, then so be it. And anyways, I’m not saying you have to get married, I’m saying you shouldn’t shutter yourself away for no good reason. It’s just one night, one little date, nothing life altering.”

Kelley took a sip from her water bottle. “Yeah, one little date on _Valentine’s Day,_ the most romantically loaded day of the entire fucking year. And also, you seem pretty convinced that Sonny is going to ask me out despite having no evidence that she is going to, or even wants to.”

“Well Ali and I are trying to bolster her confidence, but I also wanted to make sure you wouldn’t shoot her down immediately.”

Kelley sighed. “She doesn’t want me, Chris. She’s young and shiny. She can do better than me.”

“Hey.” This time Christen was the one prodding Kelley. “Don’t talk about my best friend like that. There’s no one better than you. You’re the best in existence.”

Kelley scooted a little closer on the couch, throwing her arms around Christen. “See? What do I need a valentine for? I have you!”

She laughed, leaning into Kelley’s embrace. “Sorry to break it to you, but I’m already taken.”

“Ugh, not fair. I was here first!” she whined.

“Well sorry! We both know Paige doesn’t share well with others.”

Kelley stretched out on the couch, plopping her head in Christen’s lap. “What are you guys doing for Valentine’s? Something expensive and revoltingly romantic, I assume.”

“I’m not sure. Her little brother’s birthday is Sunday, so she’s flying out early on Saturday to go see him. So something Friday night, and she said to wear something nice, but other than that she said she wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Wait, she won’t be here this weekend?” Christen shook her head. “Then you can come to the game!”

Christen laughed. “Sorry to break it to you, but Tobin already invited me.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah, she told me, but I told her not to hold her breath, that Paige always took top priority with you.”

Christen furrowed her eyebrows. “Hey!”

“No, I didn’t… I mean, was I wrong? If Paige wasn’t flying home would you have come to the game?”

“Well… I don’t know, it would have depended on our plans.” Kelley gave her a satisfied look and she quickly tagged on, “But it’s Valentine’s Day. It’s a special weekend!”

“I’m just saying. How many times have you bailed on plans because of what Paige wants to do?”

“Kelley, we have to jump on the days when she has free time, she has a really busy schedule-”

“So do I.”

“Kelley.”

“Christen.”

She sighed. “Whatever. What I’m saying is that I’m going to come to the game on Saturday.”

Kelley smiled up at her. “Good.”

“Maybe Sonny could come. Y’know, if you guys had happened to be hanging out the night before and she was still around in the morning…” Christen trailed off suggestively.

“Pressy!” Kelley pinched Christen’s leg and she gasped and tried to squirm away even as she laughed.

“I’m just saying! Ouch! Stop that, I’m just trying to get you laid!”

“No you’re trying to get me settled down!”

“And would- ow, knock it off- would that be such a bad thing? Karen would be- stop pinching me!”

Kelley had wrestled her down so that she was on top of Christen, sitting on top of her legs. “Stop meddling in my dating life.”

“That would require you to have a dating life first.”

Kelley gave her a mock offended look. “Excuse you!”

“What! I’m just trying to save you from a life of spinsterhood. Who knows when the right beau will come riding down the drive Miss O’Hara?” she teased in an exaggerated southern accent.

“Ugh knock it off with the Gone with the Wind references or I’m going to beat you up.”

Christen laughed, then groaned as Kelley dropped to lay on top of her, knocking the breath out of her. “You’re a bully.”

“Mmhm. Shut up and let me watch my show or I’m gonna give you a wedgie.”

She snorted. “Noted.”

X

Christen looked around the room, slightly in awe. They were surrounded by other couples in beautiful clothing, talking around glasses poured from two hundred dollar bottles of wine. Everything was bathed in a soft, golden light, making her feel as if she was in a dream.

Paige squeezed her hand and she refocused her attention on the woman across from her.

“This is gorgeous.”

“You’re gorgeous,” Paige returned.

Christen blushed. “Seriously. La Grenouille is… I never thought I would have a chance to eat here.”

“Well, I wanted to make sure that we had a really special night, especially since I have to leave tomorrow.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “Are you sure you’re okay with me going to Denver? I mean it’s Valentine’s Day weekend…”

Christen interlaced their fingers. “It’s really fine, baby. He’s your brother, you need to see him. Plus, I think it’ll be good for you to see your dad, spend some time together.”

“Yeah, I suppose. But I wish you could come with me.”

“I know. But there’s no way we could find a decent sub in time.”

“But if you came, we could defile Tara’s guest bedroom,” she suggested with a naughty smirk.

“Paige,” Christen blushed, glancing around at the other diners surrounding them.

“No one heard me, we’re fine.”

The waiter arrived and slid their plates in front of them, causing both of them to ooh and ah over their food, then dig in.

“So what are you going to do while I’m gone?”

Christen gave a slight shrug, twirling a bite of pasta onto her fork. “Nothing too exciting. Grading papers, hitting up a yoga class. I’m going to Kelley’s soccer game tomorrow.”

“Oh that’ll be fun, I guess.” Paige gave a slight eye roll as she took a sip of her drink. “It seems silly to me that she’s still playing rec sports as a grown woman, though.”

“Well, Kelley loves soccer. She’s played her entire life, wanted to go pro. So I think still having that constant brings her joy, and maybe a little bit of peace.”

“More like it’s an excuse for her to never grow up.” Christen bit at her lip and Paige sighed. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like hearing a single negative word against Kelley, but it’s true. I mean, look at her! She’s in her thirties and has basically nothing to show for it.”

“She’s an incredible trainer,” Christen said quietly.

Paige nodded, chewing a bite of her steak. “Okay, true. She has a great career. But has she ever had a serious relationship? Has she ever thought about the future? I mean, not to reinforce patriarchal ideals, but tick tock. If she wants to have kids biologically it probably needs to happen during the next five to seven years. To wait any longer would be irresponsible.”

“She still has time,” Christen countered.

“But less of it every day. I mean, is she still going to be pounding beers and playing pool when the rest of us have had kids and relocated to the suburbs?”

“I… don’t know.”

“When I look at our future together, I see nothing but good. A big, beautiful house out in Nyack or maybe New Rochelle. Something with trees and a yard. Something with a quick commute into the city so I can get to work. A school system that actually supports its teachers, where you can truly teach your kids instead of serving as a partial social worker. Kids, a boy and a girl… getting to come home to you every night, seeing your beautiful face and knowing that we have our perfect little family. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” she asked earnestly.

“It really does,” Christen breathed, almost able to see it in her mind’s eye.

“And what will Kelley have if she doesn’t give up this… bachelor lifestyle, for lack of a better word? An apartment that she doesn’t own, no wife or partner, no kids… nothing to prove to the world that she’s made it. That she’s successful. Instead she’ll just be the same crazy Kelley. And what, is she going to show up at our place on Saturdays, still a little drunk from the night before? I don’t want our kids around that.”

“You act like she’s some crazy, raging alcoholic, and she’s not. I mean she still goes out, but no more than anyone else. She’s just living her life,” Christen replied. “And it’s not like she’s on the cusp of middle age. She’s my age, she has time.”

“But think about it, baby. Can you imagine, at your age, not having me? Not having a partner who you had been with for years? Someone who knows you almost better than yourself? You need me. Who else would push you the way you need to be pushed? Part of being in a relationship is making the other person better, making them into the person you know they can be.” She smiled at Christen before considering something and scoffing. “And can you imagine having to go back to a single lifestyle, all alone? I mean, you’ve never used a dating app, you would be so lost,” she laughed.

Christen didn’t answer, instead letting the words sink in, the idea making her stomach ache. What would she have if Paige left her? She could see it now, the pitying looks on every one’s faces as she told them that the person she had planned on spending the rest of her life with had left her, had decided she wasn’t worth the trouble.

Paige reached across and took Christen’s hand. “I wasn’t trying to make you upset. I just… I look at you, and how happy you make me, and I want that for everyone. I want Kelley to find her person, I do. Everyone needs a Chrissy in their life.”

Christen smiled. “Thank you. And… and I guess I agree. I also want her to open up to finding someone. She, she’s my best friend, and she’s so wonderful! She deserves someone to make her happy.”

“Exactly. That’s all I’m saying.”

Christen smiled. “I love you, Paige.”

“And I love you too. Now let’s hurry and eat so that we can order cake then go home and have our real desert.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @thetheatrelady


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good moooooorning, New York Cityyyyy!
> 
> I realize I'm posting way earlier in the day than normal but I couldn't sleep last night so I wrote this chapter instead, and I can't wait to hear what you guys thing.

Christen slowly woke up, her face buried in one of Paige’s silk pillows, and rolled over onto her back. The Manhattan apartment was bathed in hazy, late morning sunlight. She had a vague memory of Paige kissing her goodbye when she headed to the airport at around five am, but hadn’t fully woken up. She stretched her arms above her head.

She lazed around for nearly thirty minutes, scrolling through her phone, concentrating on doing some deep breathing, before receiving a text message from Kelley.

**‘Don’t forget! John V. Lindsey East River Park! 2pm! Don’t be late!’**

It was followed by several kissy face emojis, making Christen smile. She finally pulled herself out of bed, making her way to the bathroom to wash the smell of last night’s sex off her skin.

She ended up ready earlier than she anticipated, so she decided to go ahead and head over, catching the bus just a few short blocks from Paige’s apartment. It was a beautiful day in New York, brisk and breezy, but not as bitter cold as February sometimes was in the Northeast. Christen sometimes joked that the weather was what she missed most about California, yearning for the year-round sunshine when New York was cold and bleak.

This was a lie, of course. What she missed most was her family. She didn’t get to see them as much as she would like. Sure, she would take a few weeks out of her summer vacation to go back and stay with her dad, hanging out with her sisters, but nothing could replace seeing them on a regular basis. Her dad had been wary of her moving so far away in the first place.

_“I don’t know, Mo. I know that you’re a grown woman, that you’ve been out of college for a year, but you’re young. You’re still one of my babies. And New York… it’s so far away, honey. You won’t have a support system out there.”_

_“That’s not true, I’ll have Paige.”_

_He sighed. “Yes, but Paige is just one person. Here you have family, you have friends.”_

_“Well then I’ll just have to make new friends,” she insisted._

_He took both of her hands in his, making her face him head on. “Christen. This is going to be hard. It’s not like when you’re a kid, or when you’re in college. Making friends as an adult… it’s different. And it’ll all be new. New city, new transportation system, new job, new coworkers… I just don’t think this is a good idea.”_

_“Daddy… she got a job on Wall Street. Like, the actual Wall Street! It’s such an amazing opportunity, there’s no way I can ask her to give that up.”_

_“And I’m not saying you should, honey.”_

_“Well, that doesn’t really leave any options then, does it?”_

_“You could… the two of you could always take a break. You’ve been together for a year and a half but you’re young! You should see what’s out there.”_

_She furrowed her eyebrows, pulling her hands away. “I love her.”_

_“I know, sweetheart-”_

_“I really do. And she loves me. Why would you ask me to give that up? Can’t you see how important she is to me?”_

_“Christen… you’re young-”_

_“I’m 23, dad! That’s not that young! How old was Mom when the two of you got married?” He flinched at the mere mention of his late wife, but she pressed on. “She was about my age, wasn’t she?”_

_“Yes but, but Mo that was a different time. It’s, it’s different now. People don’t have to settle down so young. You’re in no rush to get married!”_

_“And we’re not getting married! But moving in with each other is a normal step in relationship progression.”_

_“But moving across the country?”_

_“It’s going to be fine.”_

_“What about trying out long distance?”_

_She shook her head. “We don’t want to. And we don’t need to. I don’t… I need you to trust me on this. I realize I’m your daughter but at some point you’re going to have to realize that I’m an adult. It’s time for me to make decisions about myself, about my life. And they’re not always going to line up with what you think is right, but you just have to trust me. Even if it goes sideways, you have to let me make my own mistakes.”_

_He stared into her eyes for a moment, clearly torn. “I just… I worry about you, Mo. And I know you’re an adult but that doesn’t stop me from wanting the best for you. Wanting to save you from potential heartbreak. I don’t think this is a good idea, sweetheart. But… it’s your life. It’s your choice to make. But can I ask you for something?”_

_“Of course, Daddy.”_

_“I don’t want you to move in with her.”_

_“Dad!”_

_“If you want to move to New York, fine. It’s a beautiful city. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a job. But… don’t move in with her. Get your own apartment.”_

_She rolled her eyes. “I’m moving to one of the most expensive cities in America and you want us to get two apartments? When I’m on a teacher’s salary? With my student loans?”_

_“I know sweetheart, but please just do this for me. I’ll help you out if need be, but I mean it. It’s important to me.”_

_She shifted back and forth, staring into his face. “Daddy…”_

_“Christen. Please. For me?”_

_She found herself nodding up at him. “Okay… Okay.”_

She was one of the first at the park, only a few other people dotted along the metal bleachers. She found a spot near the front and settled in, turning her eyes to the field.

Both teams were warming up, stretching on the field. Kelley was talking to one of her teammates when she looked over her shoulder, spotting Christen. She grinned widely, giving Christen a huge wave. She laughed, waving back. Kelley darted to the side, grabbing another figure and turning around pointing Christen out.

Tobin looked momentarily confused, then her face also broke out in a grin. She waved, albeit more casually than Kelley, and Christen gave her a thumbs up.

The ref, who appeared to be a college kid who had been given a neon orange vest, blew a whistle, causing all of the women to gather into their respective huddles. Christen pulled her jacket closer and settled in for the game.

Kelley was, of course, amazing. Christen had watched her play countless games, starting back when they were assigned as random roommates as freshmen at Stanford. She watched her grow from someone young and wild and angry to a true force on the field, a team player. She supported her through countless national team call ups, serving as a sounding board for her worries about balancing her intense course load as well as the expectations of her coaches. She was there when the final devastating ankle injury happened towards the end of their senior year, supported her through tearful fits, coming to terms with the fact that she would never play professionally like she had dreamed. And Christen knew that’s why the rec league meant so much to her.

And Tobin was… well she was just as good, maybe even better (although she would never tell Kelley that.) She was fast and deft, her body reacting to the ball as it was in the air, moving with it as if she and the ball had been made from the same atoms. She dodged the other team’s defenders, nutmegging one before slotting the ball deep into the net to score their first point. She was instantly besieged by teammates, all of them yelling and slapping her on the back and shoulders.

Their team went on to score twice more, finishing the game 3-1. Christen clapped and screamed, cheering them towards their victory. She gathered her things up and walked down to the sideline, waiting as the team finished talking with their coach. As soon as he released them, Kelley was bounding over, picking Christen up and spinning her around.

“Pressyyyyy!”

Christen squealed with laughter. “Kelley put me down!” She wrinkled her nose as Kelley did so. “God, you stink.”

“Rude! Is that anyway to greet a champion?”

“Oh I’m soooo sorry,” Christen replied. “But seriously, great game, Kel.”

“Thanks! Did you see that massive forward try to take me down? The one with the brown hair?”

“I did.”

“Couldn’t get by me,” Kelley smirked, pretending to brush at her shoulders.

“You were unstoppable,” Christen agreed.

“And of course we couldn’t have done it without this one.” Kelley seemed to conjure Tobin from midair, pulling her over and wrapping her arm around her neck. “Tobitoooo!”

Tobin cracked up, trying to shrug out of Kelley’s grasp unsuccessfully. “What did you think, Christen? Did you enjoy the game?”

“Yeah, I really did! You guys killed it.”

“We’re going out for drinks, you have to come,” Kelley demanded.

“Oh no, you guys need to go out as a team, I don’t wanna crash-”

“No, you should come,” Tobin said earnestly. “You’re not crashing. And this way you can meet the team!”

“Okay, um… if you’re sure.”

“Of course we’re sure! It’s not even a question. Come on, I have to grab my bag.” Kelley took off down the sideline, dragging Christen along with her.

They ended up at a bar several blocks away. It had a laidback, vintage feel with slipcovered couches and a pool table. The sign outside advertised $2 PBRs and Christen found one pressed into her hand as they all got settled. She sipped at it, trying not to wrinkle her nose at the metallic taste of the beer. Once it was finished, she sat it to the side, laughing at Kelley’s dramatic reenactments of key moments in the game. Suddenly, a warm hand on her shoulder made her look up.

Tobin was smiling at her, holding out a red plastic solo cup.

“Oh, I uh…” Christen accepted it, peering at its contents.

“It’s water. I asked for wine but the look the bartender gave me told me it was a no go,” she explained, scratching at the back of her neck. “But I know beer isn’t really your thing, so…”

“Oh. Thanks.” Christen took a drink as Tobin perched on the sofa arm across from her. “Great game today. Seriously, I mean it. You have obviously been playing for a long time.”

Tobin nodded as she took a swig of her beer. “Yeah. My whole life.”

“I’m guessing you played in college?”

“I did, UNC. Kelley and I actually played against each other a time or two.”

“I see.” Christen bit her lip for a second. “If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you go pro? I’m not even much of a soccer person and I can see you’ve got skills,” she laughed nervously.

“Um… I did.” Tobin nodded at the can held loosely in her fingers for a moment before giving Christen a small smile. “I played pro in France after college.”

“Oh. Wow. What changed?” The question left her mouth before she had a chance to think and she mentally slapped herself. She was Kelley’s best friend, she knew how painful that question could be, and here she was, asking like a complete idiot. “You don’t- pretend I didn’t ask. It’s none of my business. In fact,” she glanced at her phone, “I should probably head home. It’s a bit of a trek back to Brooklyn and I need to get some stuff done around my apartment.”

“Brooklyn?” Tobin asked.

“Yeah, I’m off the L train. I really like Brooklyn even though _someone,_ ” she gave Kelley a mock glare, “refuses to make the trip to visit me.”

“You just live so far…” Kelley whined, making Christen roll her eyes.

“I live in Brooklyn, too. I think I’ll head out.” They pulled on their jackets and Christen went to tell Kelley goodbye.

“But we’ve barely even had a chance to hang out!”

“I know but I have stuff to do at home. That is, unless you have something to tell me about your Valentine’s Day? Like a date with a certain blonde?”

Kelley rolled her eyes. “On second thought, I think all you Brooklyn trash are stinking up the place. Love you, byeeeee.” Christen gave her a final hug and followed Tobin to the door.

“So how will you get home?” Tobin asked.

Christen glanced around, getting her bearings. “I’ll probably walk up to 14th street, catch the L at 1st avenue. It’s a bit of a walk but it’s through the East Village, so I don’t mind.”

“Sweet.” Tobin let Christen guide them in the right direction.

“That’s one of my favorite bookstores,” Christen remarked absently as they passed Bluestockings.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You should stop by sometime. They’ve got all kinds of clubs and meetings and ‘woke’ material so to speak. And you should check out all of their stuff on…” Christen cut off, a blush rising to her cheeks as she realized what she had almost said.

“Stuff on…” Tobin prompted.

“Uh, well LGBTQ works. But then it occurred to be that I didn’t actually know if that’s something would be into. Or, want to read up on. So…” she trailed off awkwardly.

Tobin gave a low chuckle. “Christen?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m pretty fucking gay.”

The casualness of her voice made Christen burst out laughing, snorting before slapping her hand over her mouth. “Yeah, I just… didn’t want to assume one way or the other,” she offered lamely.

Tobin grinned. “No worries.” They walked in silence for a few minutes. “That’s part of why I don’t play professionally anymore,” she offered.

Christen glanced over at her. “Oh?”

Tobin nodded. “The whole… having to guard what people see. I hated it. It felt like I was always on edge, trying to make sure I didn’t do anything that would suggest I was one way or another. And that’s just not who I am. I think people should be free to live their lives. It’s no one’s business to judge or tell them to change. And as much as I loved being on the field… I had to leave it behind in favor of living my life the way I wanted, completely free.”

“Free….” Christen murmured. “I get that.” They found themselves at the subway station. Christen started down the stairs only to realize that Tobin wasn’t following. “Coming?”

“Actually… I’m gonna go across and catch the uptown train to Union Square, then take the 4/5.”

“What?” Christen came up the stairs to look at her. “Why did you walk with me then? This added like twenty five minutes to your commute, weirdo.”

Tobin gave her a lopsided grin. “I guess… you’re just the kind of person that’s worth making the trip for.” Then her arms were around Christen, squeezing her, embracing her, her lips brushing her cheek. “Get home safe, okay?”

“Will do.”

Tobin gave a little wave and jogged across the street before disappearing down into the opposite subway station. Christen stayed rooted to the spot, her hand coming up to press at the spot where Tobin’s lips had brushed her cheek, until a nanny with a double stroller nearly pushed her down the stairs. She made her way down, swiping through the turnstile and walking down the platform to the middle.

“Chris!” She looked up to see Tobin standing across from her on the uptown platform. “Are you stalking me now?”

Christen laughed but before she could respond, the uptown train pulled into the station. Through the blurry windows she watched Tobin board, catching one last glimpse of her grin before the subway went rattling into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is happy and healthy, come chat with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter NINE!!!
> 
> This chapter contains a trigger warning for a. sexy times, and b. some mildly dubious consent content. Please take a moment, and if that it something that you feel would be hard for you to read, skip the middle portion of this chapter.
> 
> Hope you're all doing well, staying healthy, happy, and sane <3

“Who is Tobin?”

Christen froze for just a moment, her stomach flipping over. Her eyes flickered over to Paige before forcing herself to continue drying her hair with a towel. “What?”

Paige was sitting on her bed, staring at her with an unreadable face. “I said, who is Tobin?”

“She plays rec soccer with Kelley.”

“And?”

She dropped the towel into the hamper and opened her dresser drawer, pulling out a pair of clean underwear, shimmying them up her legs. “And what, Paige?”

“Are you friends?”

“What are- why?”

Paige scoffed. “It’s not that hard of a question, Chrissy. Tobin. Is she your friend?”

“She, yeah. Well, I mean really, we barely know each other. Why?”

Paige stared down at her for a long moment then glanced beside her, where Christen now saw her phone resting. “Well she texted you saying that she hoped that you’d had a good day. Which is weird, if you barely know each other. I mean, why do you even have her number?”

Christen took a deep breath as she pulled on a tee shirt. “Like I said, she’s Kelley’s friend. I went to their game Saturday and we were talking. We had talked about Bluestockings and I wanted to send her the link to their events page, so I asked Kelley for her number.”

“So she’s gay.”

“Yeah.” Christen pumped some leave in conditioner into the palm of her hand and began working it through her curls.

“Mm.” Christen could see her staring at her through the mirror on her dresser. “And you didn’t think that was something that I deserved to know?”

Christen groaned. “Paige, it’s nothing-”

“I would hardly call it nothing, Christen! I mean fuck, I leave for three days and I come back to find that you’ve been texting another girl for two of them?” She picked up Christen’s phone and began to scroll. “Asking about her family, about college, about how she likes the city, yeah you _barely_ know her,” Paige replied, her voice dripping with derision.

“You, you have no right to go through my phone and read my messages,” Christen replied, stepping forward and reaching for it, but Paige stood up, holding it out of her reach.

“Why? Do you have something to hide? Don’t want me to see the sexts you’ve been sending, the nudes?”

Christen recoiled. “I haven’t- No, Paige! I haven’t been texting anyone! I’ve never sent anyone pictures like that other than you!”

Paige fixed her with a shrewd stare. “Is that out of loyalty to me? Or is that because no one else wants to see you?”

“Stop it,” Christen breathed, dropping her gaze to the floor.

“Do you even want to be in a relationship with me?”

“Wha- yes! Paige, I want literally nothing more. What do you think I’ve been doing for the past five years? Why else would I have moved to New York with you?”

She laughed. “Oh yeah, you moved to New York with me but couldn’t even be bothered to actually live with me, instead you live in an entirely different borough-”

“Don’t- how many times do we have to go over this? My dad asked me-”

“How fucking old are you Christen? Jesus, when are you going to start making decisions for yourself?”

“Paige, stop this. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“So you haven’t been texting another woman behind my back?” She threw Christen’s phone onto her bed.

“She’s just a friend! I’m allowed to have friends.”

“’Just a friend?’ You mean like how Kelley is just a friend?”

Christen groaned, sinking onto the end of the bed. “Paige, Kelley and I have never been a thing. I’ve told you this-”

“Then why is she constantly all over you?” Paige spat.

“That’s just how she is! How many times-”

“You’re a fucking liar!” Paige stormed out of Christen’s bedroom, and she reluctantly followed her.

“Paige, I have never cheated on you, I don’t know how to be any clearer about that.”

“Save it. I can’t listen to you anymore.” Paige grabbed her bag and swept out of Christen’s apartment without another word, slamming the door behind her. Christen stood in the middle of her kitchen, exhausted, wondering why they always seemed to end up at this place.

X

Paige apologized the next day. Well, she came over the next night, letting herself in and launching into a passioned rant about how much of an ass her coworker had been that day. She kissed Christen on the cheek and plopped down on the couch, placing her feet in her lap and asking if she wanted to order Thai or Indian for dinner. It wasn’t an apology, but Christen had come to realize that sometimes that’s all she was going to get.

The next day Paige texted her as she sat down in the teacher’s lounge for lunch.

**‘Hey baby. Wanna see a movie tonight? I’ll get the tickets if you get the popcorn :)’**

“What are you smiling at?” Ali asked.

Christen quickly typed out an affirmative response before tucking her phone away in her pocket. “Paige. We’re going to catch a movie tonight.”

“That’s nice. God, I can’t remember the last time Ash and I went to a movie.”

“I saw Sonic the Hedgehog last week!” Emily piped up.

“Oh? Did you go with anyone we know?” Ali quickly questioned, and Emily rolled her eyes.

“I already told you guys, Kelley turned me down. She’s not interested. She made that pretty clear. Anyway, you guys should watch Sonic, it was awesome.”

Christen’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out to check the message. “We’re seeing Birds of Prey.”

“Ooh, girl power!” Ali squealed, giving Christen a high five. “I love Harley Quinn. And the movie is supposed to be incredible. You’ll have to let us know.”

“I will.” She smiled to herself as she began to unpack her lunch. “I’m excited.”

“You should be! Especially because Paige is so busy.” Emily twirled her fork in what appeared to be left over pork lo mein. “I haven’t seen her but that one time.”

Ali nodded slowly. “Yeah… It’s been a minute since Paige has come by the bar.”

“Well, like you said. She’s busy. But she got us tickets for tonight, so everything’s great.”

Christen met Paige at the movie theatre off of 11th. They picked up their tickets and bought the ridiculously priced concessions. When they got to the theatre Paige led her to the very back row.

“All the way back here? Will we even be able to see?”

“Baby it’s a fifty foot wide screen, of course we’ll be able to see,” Paige laughed. “You worry about everything. Relax.”

Christen took her seat and they talked about their days as they ate popcorn, waiting for the movie to begin. Finally the theater dimmed and Paige settled her arm across Christen’s shoulders as the previews began.

It was about twenty minutes into the actual movie when Paige gently tugged the bag of popcorn from Christen’s grip. “Hey!” she protested quietly.

“Shh…” Paige admonished with a grin. She placed the bag on the ground and resumed her position holding Christen close. She leaned in, letting her nose skim Christen’s cheekbone before kissing her cheek, her jaw, then moving her lips lower to nibble on Christen’s neck.

“You’re missing Margot Robbie,” Christen murmured under her breath.

“You’re way hotter than Margot Robbie.”

Christen started laugh but cut off when Paige began to mouth at her pulse point. She shut her eyes, leaning in slightly. Then she felt Paige’s fingers trailing up the inside of her thigh, edging up under the hem of her sweater dress, and her eyes snapped open.

“Paige.”

She shushed her again, wiggling her fingers closer to Christen’s underwear.

“What are you- we’re in public,” Christen breathed, casting furtive glance around at the movie goers in the rows in front of them. They were all enthralled with the superhero flick but Christen couldn’t quiet the whisper of panic that someone would see something.

“We’re fine, no one’s paying attention to us. There isn’t even anyone near us.” The pads of her fingers stroked over the thin cotton of Christen’s underwear.

“We’re- we’re could get in trouble,” Christen insisted.

Paige gave a huffy sigh, pulling back her hand, but it was only so that she could shrug out of her jacket. She arranged it almost daintily over Christen’s lap, pushing up her dress in the process. She took advantage of the new found room to slip her hand into Christen’s underwear, making her gasp.

“What are- what has gotten into you?” she whispered, swallowing thickly.

“You’re just so beautiful, Chrissy. I can’t keep my hands off of you. You’re all mine, and I don’t care who knows. And c’mon: is this really so different than that time in the Banana Republic dressing room?”

“We were young and dumb, I was-”

“Hot and ready to go, you left fingernail scratches all over my back.”

“Yes, but…” Christen’s voice cut off as Paige moved to touch her more fully.

“God. You’re already so wet. Just for me?” Christen nodded mutely, her legs spreading to give Paige a little more room. “That’s right baby. You’re mine. All mine, and I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

She pressed inside of Christen and she had to bite her lip hard to avoid gasping out loud. Her brain was quickly becoming foggy with want and need, even as her chest was still cramping with fear of being discovered. She sent up a quick thank you to the universe that no one else had decided to sit in their row.

On screen, a big fight scene began, and music started to blare throughout the movie theatre. Paige took the opportunity to lean in, her mouth near Christen’s ear. “C’mon Chrissy. Come for me. Come all over my hand, show everyone that you’re mine.”

She twisted her hand just right, knowing exactly how to play Christen’s body. She felt her orgasm hit her, hard, and she gripped Paige’s arm with one hand, the armrest with the other. Her mouth was wide open, but thankfully any noise she made was masked by the movie.

Her body gradually relaxed and then Paige slid her fingers out, taking care to rearrange her underwear and dress as she did. She brought her hand up to her mouth, licking at her fingers then giving Christen a wink. Then her arm was back around Christen’s shoulders, her eyes trained on the screen, and Christen was left with a racing mind, trying desperately to figure out what the fuck had just happened.

X

Her intercom buzzed and she walked towards the door, hitting the button. “Hello?”

“It’s Kel, let me up.”

Christen hit the button then turned and unlocked the door so Kelley could let herself in. She went back to her spot on the couch, curled up under a blanket.

“Hello!” Kelley called as she entered the apartment a minute later. Her cheeks were red, her hair sweaty, her baby hairs curling wildly.

“Hey. Just get out of practice?”

“Yeah! Kelley sat beside her, rolling her shoulders. “It was good, I’m excited for the game this weekend. You gonna come?”

Christen kept her eyes trained on the tv. “Mm I don’t know.”

“Why not?” Kelley whined. “Did you not have a good time on Saturday?”

“No, I did, it’s just… it’s complicated.”

“What’s complicated?” She tugged her hair out of it’s ponytail, running her fingers through the damp strands then pulling it back up. “If you had fun then you should come. I like having you there, and Tobin does too.”

Christen’s stomach clenched at the thought. “I might… you know. Have other things to do. I might be busy.”

“Chris.” She turned her head slightly to look at Kelley. “What’s wrong?”

She sighed. “Paige saw that I was texting Tobin and kinda freaked out.”

She watched as Kelley’s face hardened. “I should have known that she was behind this.”

“Kel-”

“Is this why you suddenly ghosted Tobin?”

“Well, I mean, she is my girlfriend! And if I keep texting her, knowing that it makes her upset, then, then that makes me a bad partner.”

Kelley pinched at the bridge of her nose. “Christen she doesn’t get to be mad at you for having friends.”

“It’s not like that-”

“It’s exactly like that! God, why do you put yourself through this?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Paige. Why are you still with someone who’s such a fucking bitch?”

Christen gaped at her, feeling the anger raise in her chest. “Tell me how you really feel, Kelley.” She stood up from the couch, taking her glass to the kitchen sink and refilling it.

“Well am I wrong, Christen?”

“Yes, Kelley! I know that the two of you has never really gotten along, but that doesn’t automatically make her a bad person.”

“No, what makes her a bad person is that she treats you like shit.”

“Shut up, Kelley.”

Kelley slowly approached Christen, hands out as if in peace. “Chris... please just listen to me. We’ve known each other for nearly ten years. You’re my best friend. You know that I love you. More than anything else in life, I want you to be happy. And I just feel like you deserve to be with someone who treats you like the awesome person you are,” Kelley said gently, reaching out and taking Christen’s hands in hers.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Paige makes me happy.”

“Does she?”

“Yes. I mean, this is the person I want to marry.”

“But why?” Kelley pressed. “Why would you possibly want to marry her?”

“Because I love her.”

“But she doesn’t love you!”

Christen recoiled, pulling her hands away from Kelley’s grasp. “Yes she does!”

“No, she... god, Chris for someone who is so fucking smart, how can you not see this? The way she treats you, the way she talks to you... I would never. Do you get that? She is horrible to you.”

“You’re not there-“

“But when you tell me what she says-“

“Well then I’m not repeating it correctly! Okay? Paige loves me!” Christen walked back towards the couch.

“Chris, the way she talks about your job, when she gets mad about you hanging out with us-“

She flipped around to face her. “She wants to spend time with me! Is that so hard to believe?” Christen asked, her eyes narrowed.

“And that’s fine, but we want to spend time with you too. And she never wants to be around us.” Kelley folded her arms across her chest.

“Well maybe if you guys were more welcoming-“

“We’re welcoming!”

“She says you don’t like her.”

She watched as Kelley took a deep breath, her eyes darting around her apartment like she was choosing her words carefully. “I... I’ve never meant to make her... to be make her feel unwelcome. But I would be lying if I said...” she let out a sharp exhale through her nose.

“Said what?”

Kelley shook her head. “Look Pressi, I don’t want to fight with you on this. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I’m not upset,” Christen said, dropping back onto the couch, but the sniff that followed said otherwise.

“Hey.” Kelley sat beside her and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. “You’re my best friend, you know that right?”

“You’re mine, too.”

Her front door swung open. “Chrissy, have you seen the folder I was... what’s wrong?” Christen kept her head down as Kelley gave Paige a tight smile. “Everything’s fine. Just having a little girl talk, that’s all.”

Paige smiled as she walked forward, resting a hand on Christens shoulder. “Well I’m a girl. Maybe I can help. What are we talking about?”

“It’s really not important,” Kelley replied, her tone not leaving room for argument. She came to her feet. “I should probably head home, I need to shower. But I’ll see you tomorrow at happy hour, right?” she asked Christen.

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

“Okay. Love you, Pressi.” She stared at Paige for a moment. “Have a good night.”

“You too,” Paige responded, and Kelley walked around her, and out the front door. “What was that about?”

Christen gave her head a shake, taking a deep breath. She didn’t have time to dwell on what Kelley had said. “Nothing. Best friend drama. Nothing important.” She forced a smile as she stood up, heading for the kitchen. “Have you had dinner? Are you hungry?”

“I already ate.” Paige caught her elbow and turned her to look at her. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

Christen’s smile was a little less forced as she looked up into Paige’s face. After all, they had been together for so long. It was natural to fight, natural to have disagreements. That didn’t mean that she didn’t love Paige, and that didn’t mean that Paige didn’t love her. Kelley was only seeing everything from the outside, she didn’t understand. “Everything is fine, honey. Everything is just fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10!
> 
> Everything is... sad and awful right now. I feel myself really struggling against the panic and depression right now. I know that eventually everything will be alright, but that isn't stopping everything from seeming really bleak right now. But writing always makes me feel a little better, and I hope reading helps everyone else.

“Look say what you want but the South has the best food. I mean, Waffle House?!” Sonny gave them an incredulous look. “Name something better.”

“Uh, Ihop?” Ali supplied.

Sonny gave her something bordering on a dirty look. “Ali Krieger-Harris. How dare you speak such lies.”

“Ihop is decent-“

“Waffle House is more than decent! It’s superb, it’s the pinnacle of breakfast cuisine!”

“Okay, I may not feel as… fervently, as Sonnet does, but Waffle House _is_ pretty damn good. It’s the perfect place to go after a night of drinking,” Becky said as she stirred her drink.

“Thank you!” Emily exclaimed, slamming her hands down on the table.

“Oh, there’s Kelley and Tobin.” Ali waved in the direction of the door and Christen steeled herself for a moment before turning to look over her shoulder.

Kelley was giving them her signature manic smile, arms thrown up in the air, with Tobin trailing behind her. She steadfastly ignored the tiny flutter she felt in her stomach, the way the easy grin on Tobin’s face made her skin prick with warmth. She turned back around, taking a sip of her water and promptly choking on it.

“Easy there, Pressy, I know my overwhelming beauty takes your breath away, but hold it together,” Kelley teased, poking Christen hard in the side.

“Be nice to me, I’m dying,” Christen gasped, blinking away tears as she tried to get her throat clear.

“I’m gonna get a drink. Tobs, Blue Moon?”

“Sounds great,” Tobin replied. Kelley bounded towards the bar and Tobin leaned against the table near where Christen was sitting. “Hey,” she said quietly.

“Hey,” Christen returned, finally calming down.

“What’s up?”

“Not… not much. Just school and stuff, y’know?”

“Cool, cool… anything exciting happen?”

“Blue Moon for Tobito!” Tobin turned to grab the glass from Kelley and Christen came to her feet.

“I’m going to grab another glass of wine,” she mumbled, heading towards the bar. She told the bartender and drummed her fingernails on the bar.

“Christen.” She turned slightly to see Tobin standing behind her.

“What’s up?”

She took half a step closer. “Is everything alright? If I… I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“What do you mean?” Christen asked.

She shifted her weight. “I don’t know. I felt like we had fun on Saturday, and then we texted, and everything was great. Then suddenly, nothing. No texts. And if I, if I said something, or did something- I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Her eyebrows were furrowed as she scrutinized Christen’s face.

“Oh! You… no! You didn’t. I’m not… I’m not uncomfortable. It’s not like that, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“Okay. I just, you completely cut off.”

“Yeah, and… I shouldn’t have done that, I should have let you know that I was just busy with work and stuff, I’m really sorry.” She reached out and put her hand on Tobin’s arm. “Really.”

“Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Tobin replied softly.

“Chrissy!”

Christen’s head whipped around towards the entrance, snatching her hand away from Tobin’s arm as if she had been burned. Paige was standing just a few feet away, her arms crossed and mouth set in a dazzling, dangerous smile. Her eyes darted between Christen and Tobin.

“Paige!” she gasped, hating the way her face was warming. “You made it.”

“Were you not expecting me?” she asked.

“No, no I was, I just… you’re usually a bit later.”

“Well today I’m not.” She stepped a little closer, turning her attention to Tobin. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

“Tobin. Nice to meet you.”

“Paige.” She stuck out her hand for Tobin to shake. “I’m Christen’s girlfriend.”

Tobin halfway nodded. “Right, nice. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Paige gave a bit of a breathy laugh. “And yet, I’ve heard basically nothing about you.”

“Miss? Your chardonnay.” Christen took the glass from him. When she turned back around, Paige was right next to her. She leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Christen’s lips. As far as PDA went it, was nothing (especially considering what they had done in the movie theatre a few days earlier) but the simple gesture of affection made Christen suddenly self-conscious.

“Do you want a drink?”

“No, I’m good.” Paige slid an arm around her waist. “Let’s go sit down.”

For the most part, their happy hour group did a good job of concealing any reactions they had to Christen coming back with both Paige and Tobin in tow. Apart from Kelley, that is. As soon as she spotted Paige, her face clouded, her jaw clenching.

“Hey Paige, you made it early tonight,” Becky said, giving a small smile.

“Yeah. Just wanted to get in some quality time with my girl.” Paige placed a hand on Christen’s lower back, nudging her cheekbone with her nose. “And she wants to be here, so here I am.”

“How’s work?” Ali asked, fiddling with the lime on the edge of her glass.

Paige shrugged. “It’s alright. The workload is heavy, but I can handle it. But enough about me, I want to know more about you.” Her eyes slid from Ali to Tobin. “What do you do for work, Toni?”

“It’s Tobin,” she replied easily.

“Right! Right, Tobin. Sorry, I even saw your name in Chrissy’s phone. Don’t know how I possibly forgot. Tobin,” she repeated with a smile. Christen couldn’t shake the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach.

“No worries, uh… I work as a music director for film and TV.”

“Oh wow! And what does that mean, exactly?”

“I work with composers and music artists to curate the soundtracks you hear in movies.”

“That sounds so interesting… and Chrissy, you love music.”

“I mean… everyone like music,” Christen said uneasily.

“And you play soccer? With Kelley?” Paige clarified.

“Yeah. I used to play professionally, but I retired a few years ago.”

“Professionally… wow. Impressive. That’s what you wanted to do, right Kelley? But you didn’t make the cut?”

Kelley’s eyes narrowed dangerously, and Christen hurriedly jumped in. “No. Kelley got injured. It’s different.”

Paige hummed. “Oh, that’s right. I must have forgotten.” She smiled then turned her attention back to Tobin. “Music director, soccer player, pretty face, I can see why Chrissy has a crush on you.”

Christen felt the air leave her lungs as her cheeks began to burn. She felt claustrophobic, like the entire bar was closing in around her. “I didn’t… I don’t-”

“It’s okay, baby. I have eyes, I get it. I mean, she’s not my type,” she laughed towards the rest of the group, which was deadly silent. “Muscles aren’t really my thing. I like a girl who’s a little soft, isn’t that right, baby?” The hand on her back had slid around to her side, squeezing the fleshy part of her hip, the part Christen sometimes found herself glaring at in the mirror. “I guess I should just count myself lucky that you’re out of the slutty phase you went through in college. Or at least, I hope you are.”

“I think everyone goes through a slutty phase,” Sonny threw out. “I mean, what else is college for if you’re not making out with people against refrigerators?” she offered with a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, but there’s difference between kissing people and letting yourself be taken home by two players from the men’s rugby team, isn’t there?”

Christen was sure that this was the end. Surely this was the moment she would sink through the floor, never to be seen again, or at the very least throw up. She felt tears well up in her eyes, once again regretting she had ever told Paige anything about her sexual history.

“I’m gonna grab another beer,” Tobin said quietly, pushing away from the table.

No one was saying anything, all of them either staring down at the table or fiddling with their glasses. Christen sniffed, trying to get her emotions under control.

“Aw baby, don’t cry.” Paige tried to brush her hair away from her face, but she squirmed away.

“I… I’m going to go to the bathroom.” She slid from her stool and quickly weaved through the other bar patrons, pushing through the heavy wooden door into the ladies’ room.

She gripped the edge of the sink, taking slow, deep breaths to try and calm down. After a few moments, the door was yanked open and she watched as Pinoe slipped inside.

“What the fuck was that?”

She dropped her head. “Nothing.”

“Uh, that was the opposite of nothing. Paige is way out of line.”

“She’s just teasing-”

“Oh was she teasing? Really? God, when Kelley told me that Paige lost her shit about you texting Tobin-”

“She didn’t lose… and Kelley had no right to tell you that,” Christen snapped, whirling around to look at Pinoe head on.

“Oh you’re really gonna be mad at Kelley?”

“It’s none of her business, it’s no one’s business.”

“It’s none of her business that her best friend is dating someone who makes her miserable?”

“I’m not miserable-”

“Christen! You are crying in the bathroom because she called you a slut in front of all of your friends.”

“I told you, she’s just kidding-”

“And a few months ago when she called you a selfish bitch?”

_“Baby we spent last Christmas with your mom, this year it’s supposed to be my dad-”_

_Paige slammed her glass onto the table. “She needs me! I’m all that she has, do you not get that?”_

_“Paige-”_

_“No! I’m her only child, and in case you’ve forgotten, my dad abandoned her. So what, you want me to just leave her alone on Christmas? Can you even imagine how that’s going to make her feel?”_

_“But my dad-”_

_“Has your sisters! He has Channing and Tyler. Or are you so special that they can’t possibly get by without you?”_

_Christen’s face pinched. “No, that’s not what-”_

_“You never think of anyone but yourself! God, you are such a selfish bitch sometimes, y’know that?”_

_“Paige, I’m not- I didn’t-”_

_“Save it. Little Miss Christen just has to have her way, God forbid someone try to get in her path.”_

Christen pushed her hair over her shoulder. “It was just the heat of the moment. She didn’t mean it.”

“Oh yeah? What else does she say in the heat of the moment?”

“You’re being-“

“What else does she call you, Christen?”

“This really isn’t any of your business,” Christen cut in, avoiding Pinoe’s stare.

“She’s abusive and you know it.”

She stared at the other woman incredulously. “Stop it.”

“What? Am I wrong?” Pinoe asked, throwing her hands out in frustration

“Yes! Paige has never laid a hand on me-”

“Yet.”

“And she wouldn’t,” Christen finished firmly.

“Are you sure about that?” Pinoe challenged, stepping a little further into Christen’s space.

“Yes.” Christen’s voice was even, sure.

“Because I’m not. I think she’ll do anything it takes to make sure you’re completely under her control. And once her words stop working eventually it’s going to escalate.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“So she’s never gotten up in your face? Never grabbed your shoulder a little too hard, gave you a little shove…”

Christen shook her head, unable to take in any of what Pinoe was saying. “Just because we had an argument-“

“An argument?” Pinoe repeated with a disbelieving laugh.

“Yes! Sometimes you fight with your partner, it’s normal!”

“This is not normal. If nothing else I say gets through to you, let it be this: this is _not_ normal.”

“How would you know? I don’t exactly see you with a girlfriend on your arm. You haven’t dated at all since Rhea broke off your engagement. Or is it easier to give advice about my relationship so you don’t have to focus on your lack of one?”

Pinoe recoiled, staring at her for a long moment. “That’s a bit of a low blow, Pressi. I really didn’t think you had that in you. I guess some of Paige’s bite has rubbed off on you,” she replied coolly.

“Pinoe, I… I’m sorry, Meg. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.” Shame washed through Christen’s body.

Pinoe gave her a half smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “It’s fine. I’ll let it slide because I know that you’re upset. But I’m not backing down on this. Paige is toxic. She’s abusive. Emotionally, mentally, and it’s only going to escalate. Especially now that she’s met Tobin and has seen the way you two look at each other.”

“What?” Christen scoffed. “Look at each other how?”

“Like you should be walking hand in hand next to a river in Paris.”

“That’s crazy,” Christen said immediately.

“And I know that you would never cheat on Paige, but Paige doesn’t believe that. And she’s going to do whatever she needs to do to make sure she keeps you in her control.”

“Don’t talk about Paige like that-”

“You like Tobin.”

“She… she’s my friend.”

“You like her. And she likes you.”

“No she doesn’t. Not the way you mean.”

“Sure, Pressi. Whatever you say.”

“She doesn’t,” Christen insisted.

“Things with Paige are just going to get worse.”

“Pinoe, just… drop it. Please.”

Pinoe gave her head a small shake. “Just… we’re here for you. Whenever you finally see it, when you’ve had enough, we’ll be in your corner, for whatever you need.” She turned without another word, walking out of the bathroom. Christen just stared after in shock, unable to believe the things she had said.

Paige loved her. She knew she did. After all they had been through, there was nothing she was more sure of. And to hear her called abusive and toxic… how could her friends not see the way Paige felt about her?

A toilet flushed behind her and a stall door opened. She turned slightly to find Tobin standing behind her, an air of uncomfortableness stiffening her usually languid body.

“Oh! You’re… still in here. I thought you had left with Pinoe.”

Christen’s face burned as she thought of all the things Tobin had just heard. “You were supposed to be at the bar.”

“Yeah, I just-” But Christen couldn’t listen to whatever she had to say. She pulled open the door and hurried through the bar, taking her spot on her stool.

“Everything okay?” Kelley asked.

Christen gave her a look, all of her hurt feelings bubbling close to the surface. “Everything is fine,” she said, perhaps a little too harshly. Kelley raised an eyebrow and Christen turned to Becky, pointedly ignoring her. “So Becks, you said you guys are implementing a new modern literature program, right?”

“Um… yeah. What we’ve been doing is finding contemporary novels and matching them to classics with similar themes. Then we bring in the authors, either in person or through video calls and they speak about…”

Paige pressed a light kiss to Christen’s cheek, and she turned slightly to look at her. As she did, she made direct eye contact with Tobin, who it seemed had finally made it to the bar and was coming back with her beer. She stared at her for a moment, then turned fully, capturing Paige’s lips in a kiss. Then she pulled back, returning her attention to Becky.

She was meant to be with Paige. Why couldn’t everyone see that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you're all having good days.
> 
> Shout out to Liz for helping me with the kid speak, as usual. You're the best!

“Alright everyone, we have about fifteen minutes before the lunch bell rings, I hope you’ve all been working super hard on your journal entries. Does anyone want to read theirs outloud?” Several hands raised and Christen tapped her chin as if she was thinking hard. “Hmm… Carson?”

He jumped to his feet, raising his voice so that there was no doubt that he could be heard over everyone, and read aloud from his notebook. “’For spring break my family is going to Philly to stay with my aunt and uncle. We’re going to go to a basketball game and Hersheypark! It will be lots of fun. I am excited.’” He dropped back into his seat as Christen smiled at him.

“That does sound like it will be a lot of fun! Do your aunt and uncle have any kids?”

“Yeah! I have a cousin named Brice. He has a mountain bike.”

“That’s very cool, Carson. Have you been to Hersheypark before?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! We went last summer, and I went on the Sooper Dooper Looper so many times that I threw up!”

“Oh wow!” Christen laughed as several of the kids pulled faces. She was interrupted by a knock at the door. She turned to find Mal standing in the doorway with Estefany, who had been out of school for several days. “Hi, Miss Pugh!”

“Hey, Estefany was just dropped off, I thought I would walk her down.” The little girl stood beside Mal, hands gripping tight to her backpack straps, eyes on the ground.

“Thank you. Estefany, do you want to put your things in your cubby and take your seat?” She did so without looking up at her teacher. Mal gave a wave and left, gently shutting the door behind her. “Alright, who wants to read their journal? Gabby?”

A short while later the bell rang, signaling it was time for lunch. She helped her class get into their single file line and walked them to the cafeteria. As she watched them wait to get their trays, she couldn’t help but notice that Estefany was standing apart from all of her classmates, not speaking. The little girl glanced up and Christen gave her a smile and a thumbs up, but the little girl didn’t respond past immediately dropping her gaze back to the ground. She followed the other kids into the lunch line, leaving Christen to stare after her in concern.

The gnawing feeling in her stomach hung around for the rest of the day. While Estefany had always been quiet, she was now silent, not answering questions past shrugs or nods. When the final bell rang, Christen led her class out to the pickup spot. One by one, parents arrived and took home their children, until it was just Christen and Estefany.

“Alright… do you know who’s picking you up today?”

Estefany shook her head no.

“Is it your mom?” To her surprise, her student immediately burst into tears. She led her to a bench next to the front doors. “Hey now, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Mi mama fue con los angeles,” she choked out between sobs.

Christen put a hand on her back. “With the angels? You mean… she died?”

Estefany cried harder, nodding.

She could feel her heart shattering. She knew firsthand how much it hurt to lose your mother, and she had been much older than Estefany when it happened. “Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Did she… this week? Is that why you weren’t in school?” She nodded again. “I’m so, so sorry. Who… are you with your dad?”

She shrugged miserably. “He works.”

“Okay, who else lives with you?”

“Flor, my sister. Gabriel, my brother.”

“Are they little like you? Or older?”

“Flor is old.”

“Old like me?” Christen asked, trying to earn even half a smile. Estefany shrugged.

“Estefany!” They both looked up to see a girl running towards them. In a flash, Christen’s student was off the bench and launching herself into her arms. Christen slowly followed. The older girl looked up at her. “I’m sorry, I know I’m late. I meant to be here, but there was an accident so my bus was caught in traffic-”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Are you Flor?”

She nodded, pushing her hair out of her eyes. “Yes. She’s my sister.”

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m her teacher, Miss Press. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?”

A steely resolve entered her eyes. “Eighteen.”

“Are you still in high school?”

She shook her head. “No, I graduated last year.”

Christen nodded. “I… Estefany just told me what happened. I am… I’m very sorry Flor. I know exactly what it’s like to lose your mom when you’re young and it’s-”

“She wasn’t my mom. My stepmom.”

“Right. Well… either way. Do you have a second to step inside and talk?”

Flor shifted her weight from foot to foot. “I need to get going, my brother Gabriel, I need to pick him up too-”

“Okay! Not today then. But I would really like to talk to you soon. I know this must be a very hard time for your family, I mean Estefany was late today-”

“My alarm didn’t go off. I know she’s supposed- it won’t happen again. I can get her here on time,” she replied immediately, giving Christen a hard look. “There’s no need to worry.”

“No, I’m not saying there is! I just… I want to help, in anyway that I can. And we have resources, y’know, counselors that she can talk to, we can look into getting her registered with an afterschool program if you would like, I don’t know if you guys have looked into reduced fare lunches-”

“We’re really fine. We don’t need any help.” She took Estefany’s hand and began to walk away, but Christen reached out and caught her arm.

“Flor. Please don’t… I just want what’s best for Estefany, and I know that’s what you want to, right?” She gave a reluctant nod. “You don’t have to do anything, but I just wanted you to know that the school will help as much as we can. I’ll put together some papers for you to look at and you can let me know, alright? There’s no pressure.”

The girl stared at her for a moment then gave one last jerky nod before saying, “We really have to go.”

“Okay. Get home safe. Bye Estefany, I’ll see you tomorrow!” She watched the two hurry away from the school.

She would never forget the agonizing heartbreak of losing her mom. She missed her every day. She had worked hard through meditation and grief counseling to come to terms with her being gone, but that in no way meant she didn’t feel her absence.

She pulled out her phone as she walked back to her classroom, pressing a contact and bringing it to her ear.

“Moe?”

“Hey Ty.” She sank into her chair. “How are you?”

“Good! Good, busy, trying to keep on top of everything. How are you?”

“I’m alright!”

Her voice must have come out a little forced because after a short pause Tyler asked. “Are you sure about that?”

Christen sighed. “Yeah, no it really is. I was just… I don’t know. It’s been a weird couple of weeks. I’m kinda fighting with Kelley.”

“Oh? What about?”

Christen rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t know, just… weird stuff. She said some pretty shitty stuff about Paige, and then I found out that she was also talking about Paige to some of our friends, and… it majorly pissed me off.”

“God. Sounds like you might need to lock Paige and Kelley in a room together and not let them out until they get things straightened out.”

Christen scoffed. “Yeah, somehow I think that would just lead to bloodshed.”

“That’s it? Anything else happen?”

She slowly sighed. “Well… one of my students, her mom died last week.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah. And from what I can gather the dad is always working to make ends meet, and she has an eighteen-year-old sister who’s having to step in and take care of her… I don’t know. Juts made me miss my own big sister.”

“Aw, I miss you too, Chris. Always. California isn’t the same without you.”

She smiled, leaning her elbows on her desk. “Trust me. I never miss LA more than in March. It’s gross here.”

“Why don’t you come out for Spring Break? I mean, that’s the best part of being a teacher, getting to follow the school schedule.”

“I wish I could, but I really just need to focus on saving money.”

Tyler sighed into the phone. “You know Dad would always be happy to pay for your plane ticket. So would I for that matter.”

“I know, but I’m a grown woman, you guys shouldn’t have to.”

“But we want to.”

“I know, but-” The janitor peeked her head through the door and Christen waved her in. “Listen Ty, I’m actually gonna have to let you go, school’s out, I need to get out of the custodian’s way.”

“Okay. Call me anytime, okay? I miss talking to you.”

“I miss you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay? I love you,”

“Love you too.”

X

Christen stared up at the ceiling, her eyes tracing the shadows. “It just sucks, y’know? She’s so young, she can’t possibly really get what’s going on. I mean I was old enough to drink and I would still have mornings where I would wake up convinced it was all a bad dream.”

Paige rolled onto her side so that she could face her fully. “I know. I remember.” She took Christen’s hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “But you got through it.”

“Only because I had you. Between you, and my family, and Kelley, I had such an awesome support system to keep me afloat. If I wouldn’t have-”

“But you did.”

“But I don’t think she does. Her sister is so young! She’s practically still a kid herself. She’s completely overwhelmed, she doesn’t know how to raise a seven-year-old-”

“Did she say that?”

Christen sighed. “Well, no, but how would you feel? What if something happened to your Dad and you had to take in your brother?”

Paige considered it for a moment. “I would be fucked.”

“Yeah. And you’re older than she is, and have a much more stable job… I’m just worried. I want to do what I can to help but I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know that you can.” Christen glanced over and Paige kissed her fingers again. “You can’t force help on people, Chrissy. I know your heart is overflowing with kindness and the need to assist in any way possible, but she’s gonna have to ask for help first. You’ll have to wait.”

“But I’m not any good at waiting,” she replied in a fake whine.

Paige chuckled. “Well I think I have something that might help pass the time.” She turned and opened the drawer of her nightstand table.

“The strap? Baby, I love you but it’s already so late, you have an early docket scheduled for tomorrow-”

Paige turned back to her with a grin. “No. These.” She handed Christen a small paper envelope. She flipped it open and felt her eyes widen.

“No… what? Hawaii?! Are you serious?”

Paige laughed at her reaction. “Yup. I figured we both deserved some time in the sun, a chance to unwind…”

“Oh my god. I’ve always wanted to visit! But…” She sighed as her rational side caught up. “Baby I can’t afford to go to Hawaii. I mean the plane trip alone, and not to mention the hotel, the food, all of the touristy things…”

“Babe. Chrissy, look at me.” Christen did. “It’s already paid for.”

“What? No-”

Paige covered her mouth with her hand. “Yes.”

Christen leaned back some. “No, Paige this is too much. And you deserve to get to use your money on the things you love-”

“And that doesn’t include you?” Paige pulled her closer. “Chrissy, I love you and I want to do this for you. For us. Please. Let me pamper you, you deserve it.”

“I just… this is too much.”

“For you? Not possible.” She placed a soft kiss on her lips. “So is that a yes?”

Christen looked deep into her eyes then nodded, biting her lip in excitement. “Yeah.”

Paige kissed her again, this time a little harder. “Good, because those tickets are nonrefundable,” she laughed. “We leave Saturday at 8 am.” She turned to put the tickets back in the drawer.

“Baby?”

“Yeah?”

Christen bit her lip again. “Get the strap.”

Paige tossed her a look over her shoulder. “I thought it was too late?”

Christen grabbed the hem of her tee shirt and pulled it over her head. “It’s not so late. And besides, I’ll have a week in Hawaii to recover.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ohhhhhhh Feelings Fridayyyyyyyyyy!
> 
> Get ready for a flashback to Stanford era Press and KO

Hawaii, simply put, was a dream. The thing about living in New York City was that sometimes all of the noise, all of the hustle and bustle, all of the millions of people swarming around you, just out of the corner of your eye, it all faded into the background until you didn’t recognize how overwhelming it was, how it crowded you until it was louder than your own heartbeat.

But Hawaii was the opposite of overwhelming. The garden house that Paige had booked was spacious and comfortable, with an open concept floorplan and giant windows to let in a breeze. It had a pool and a hot tub, and was just a short walk to the beach. From the moment they stepped inside, with the crisp island air filling her lungs and Paige’s arms looped around her waist, Christen felt at home. Sure, New York was on the water, but in her heart Christen was a West Coast girl, and the little villa brought her an amazing sense of peace.

On the next to last morning they were there, Christen woke up before Paige and made coffee, settling into one of the patio chairs overlooking the pool. Hawaii felt… different. Here in this little island paradise, she wasn’t Miss Press, second grade teacher, giver of snacks and overseer of cubby disputes. She wasn’t Pressy, best friend of Kelley O’Hara, her second in command, dutifully following anywhere she led, agreeing to any plan she schemed up.

Not that she didn’t love Kelley. From the moment she had walked into their Stanford dorm room, face full of freckles and eyes full of mischief, Christen had felt something in her click. She’d always likened it to something akin to soulmates just not in a sexual or romantic way; no matter what Paige insisted, there had never been anything there.

_Christen’s entire body felt wavy, in the way that can only be the result of too much alcohol mixed into syrupy sweet concoctions. She took another sip from her plastic cup, watching as Kelley and another girl from the soccer team dominated a set of frat guys at beer pong._

_“Ha! Boom suckaaaaas!” Kelley yelled as she nailed their last cup. “Hole in one!”_

_“That’s the wrong sport,” one of the guys grumbled under his breath._

_But Kelley had already turned, throwing an arm around Christen’s shoulder. “Did you see me? Did you see how great I was?”_

_She giggled at her friend’s lack of humility. “You’re the champ, Kel.”_

_“Man. When I retire from pro soccer, maybe I’ll become a pro beer pong competitor. That sounds awesome.” She pulled Christen to her feet and guided them both towards the kitchen for more drinks._

_“I think that’s called an alcoholic.”_

_“Huh?”_

_Christen rolled her eyes. “A beer pong professional. That’s just a fancy term for an alcoholic.”_

_“So judgmental, Pressy! Just wait! Maybe I’ll help establish the first major league. I’ll be known as the mother of beer pong, I’ll be the next Mother Theresa.”_

_Christen snorted as she struck what was clearly supposed to be a holy pose, hands together in a mock prayer, eyes towards heaven. But this image was somewhat ruined by the red spots high on her cheeks from their night of drinking, along with the hideous yellow and black striped polo she had insisted looked ‘cool,’ no matter how many times Christen said otherwise._

_“Whatever you say, Kel.”_

_“Kelley! Come look at this video!” Momentarily distracted, Kelley left the kitchen, so Christen resumed pouring their drinks. She was so focused on getting any unknown, sticky substances on herself that she didn’t realize that someone else was in the kitchen until they spoke up._

_“Hey.”_

_She whirled around, finding a tattooed girl with tan skin and long, blonde hair. “Uh… hi. Hey.”_

_“Are you on the soccer team?”_

_Christen snorted. “No! No way. Um, are you?”_

_She shook her head, walking closer and leaning around Christen to grab a bottle of whiskey off the counter, taking a sip. “Nah. I played in high school but I’m nowhere competitive enough to play at this level. But that was Kelley O’Hara who was in here just now, right?”_

_“Yeah! Yeah, she’ll be back in a second. Or maybe not, I don’t really know…” Christen pushed her hair out of her face._

_“It’s a pity that you’re here with her,” the girl went on, giving her a smirk as she placed the bottle back on the counter._

_“Why?”_

_“Because I’ve heard that she’s a bit of a hot head, and I don’t know that I want to piss her off by hitting on her girl.”_

_Christen was even more confused. “Wait, what? What are you talking about?”_

_“You’re Kelley’s girlfriend, right?”_

_Christen laughed suddenly. “Wha- no! No way, she, we’re just roommates. We’re not- ew! She… no. She’s my best friend, that’s it.”_

_The other girl grinned wider. “Well that is great news for me.” And without another word, she leaned in and kissed her._

_Christen’s mind was screaming at her, trying to figure out what was happening. She pulled back to look at the girl. “I… I don’t even know your name.”_

_“I’m Victoria. What’s your name?”_

_“Christen.”_

_“Great.” And she leaned back in. This time though, Christen was a little more prepared. Part of her mind was still freaking out at the fact that a girl, a girl she didn’t even know, was kissing her, but the rest of her, the parts thoroughly saturated with shots of orange flavored vodka, grabbed the wheel, kissing the girl back, letting herself be walked backwards until she was pressed against the sticky kitchen counter._

_“Chris, you’ll never- whoa!”_

_Christen pulled back, breathless, to find Kelley in the doorway, her eyes wide with shock. “Hey! This uh… this is…” Her foggy brain refused to cooperate with her._

_“Victoria.”_

_“Victoria,” Christen repeated, her cheeks flushing even redder than they had been._

_“Well this is… you!” Kelley pointed at Christen, her face filling with glee. She quickly disentangled herself from the blonde, the reality of what she had just done, of what people had seen her do, hitting her in the gut like ice water._

_“Kel. I think we should go home.”_

_“What, no! You should, I’ll get out of your way.” She dropped her voice into a shouted whisper, “She’s super hot, Pressy-”_

_“Home, Kelley. We need to go, right now.” She put her hands on Kelley’s shoulders, spinning her around, and pushed her through the crowd. Kelley protested every step but Christen persisted, her mind suddenly feeling eerily sober._

_Kelley kept talking even as they made the short walk from the frat house to their dorm on the edge of campus. Finally, Christen had enough and came to a stop in the middle of the deserted street._

_“Kelley, stop!”_

_Kelley laughed. “I just- I had no idea! Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“Because… because I didn’t, I haven’t… I don’t know what just happened.”_

_Kelley’s face fell slightly. “What?”_

_“I don’t… I don’t know that girl, she just came up and then she was kissing me-”_

_“Wait. Did she force herself on you? Oh my god, we have to go back, I’m gonna kick that bitch’s ass.” Christen caught Kelley’s arm as she attempted to march past._

_“Kelley, calm DOWN. It wasn’t… like that. I just… I wasn’t expecting it.”_

_Kelley stopped, her eyes darting around Christen’s face. “Are you okay?”_

_“Yeah. I’m, I’m fine, I just… I had never kissed a girl. Ever.”_

_“Oh.” Kelley paused, thinking it over. “Well it’s not a big deal. I mean, it’s a frat party, lots of girls make out with each other, dudes love it. It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t mean that you’re gay.”_

_“I know that, but… it was nice. I… liked it.”_

_“…You did?”_

_Christen gave half a nod. “It was… nice. Soft. Warm.”_

_“Not near as fucking scratchy as a dude,” Kelley supplied, and Christen snorted._

_“Definitely not.”_

_Kelley took Christen’s face in her hands. “You don’t have to do it again. But if you want to… I can find someone to set you up with. Just so you can see. And maybe you won’t be into it, maybe you truly like dudes. And yeah that’s disappointing, but I love you enough to look past it.”_

_Christen gave a hiccupy laugh. “How magnanimous of you.”_

_“Shut up, smarty pants. I just mean… I’m your best friend. And I’m here for you. No matter what. No matter who you date.”_

_Her eyes were suddenly full of tears. “I love you so much, Kel.”_

_“And I love you, Chris. No matter what.”_

Lately though, it hadn’t felt like Kelley had quite been living up to her promise. Kelley and Paige were both big personalities, Christen could recognize that. They both wanted, no, needed to be in charge. They were bossy, not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that meant they were doomed to clash. But Paige was Christen’s girlfriend. They had been together for five years, why couldn’t Kelley at least make an effort to get along with Paige, knowing how much it would mean to Christen?

Of course, she would love it if Paige would be better as well. But the few times she’d brought it up, Paige had quickly pointed out that she was trying, it was Kelley and the rest of Christen’s friends who were shutting her out, not even giving her a chance.

“Good morning.”

Christen tilted her head back to find Paige on her way out with a cup of coffee. “Morning. How did you sleep?”

“Good. Although, is it weird to say that I kind of miss the rush of traffic outside my window?”

Christen laughed. “The worst kind of white noise.”

“I know, I’m going to have to find an app for my phone to play random honking throughout the night.” She settled on Christen’s lap. “How did you sleep?”

“Really well. I love it here.”

Paige leaned into her. “Well maybe one day when I’m a partner at the firm I can buy us a vacation home here.”

“The dream.”

Paige kissed her cheek then stood up. “Come on. I’ve got some exciting stuff planned for today.

And she did. They went swimming in the ocean, collecting shells from the beach to take home as souvenirs. After lunch they went on a short hike through the lush greens, taking in the beautiful nature they were surrounded by. Finally, after a shower they got dressed up and walked to a nearby restaurant, stuffing themselves on delicious food until Christen was sure she would burst.

“And are we ready for dessert?” The waiter asked.

“Oh, I can’t,” Christen insisted, but Paige waved her hand.

“It’s our last night here, we have to.”

Christen sighed. “Well I might have to take my piece to go.”

Paige nodded at the waiter and he walked away. She took Christen’s hand.

“I remember the first time I ever saw you. I remember thinking you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.”

Christen grinned, rolling her eyes. “I’m pretty sure I hadn’t showered in three days and was wearing a pair of Kelley’s soccer sweats. Beautiful is not the word I would use.”

“Baby, you could wear a trash bag and you would still be the most gorgeous person in the room. Because of all else, what makes you so extraordinary is your beautiful, beautiful soul.”

Christen blushed. “Paige…”

“No, let me… I need to say this. I… I love you so much, Christen. When I’m at my worst, feeling like I can’t do anything right, and like I have failed and disappointed everyone around me, you have always been there to hold me up. You’re my own personal guardian angel. I don’t know how people live without someone like you in their lives. You make me feel strong, you make me feel important, invincible… Anything I ever accomplish, will all be partly to you. Because you are my rock, baby. You’re my sunshine, and my better half, and my soulmate, and all kinds of other over used clichés that have become cliché because they’re so true.”

“I haven’t always believed in love. With my parents, and my dad… I thought it was all fairy tales. I thought it was some big, commercialized lie we were all selling to ourselves. I didn’t think it truly existed. But then you came into my life… and suddenly all the songs made sense.”

She cleared her throat. “I know that I fail you sometimes as a girlfriend. I should be more patient, I should learn to listen better, to not get so caught up in my work. And I… I want to be a better woman for you, Chrissy. I want to be the person you deserve. And I would really love to spend the rest of my life with you. So,” she glanced over Christen’s shoulder and nodded, and suddenly a piece of chocolate cake was being placed on the table between them, the rim of the plate decorated with red rose petals, and in the middle was a beautiful, glittering diamond ring. Christen pulled her hand away from Paige’s so that she could bring both hands to her mouth in surprise. Somewhere in the perimeter of her brain, she could hear the excited tittering of the tables around them.

Paige carefully took the ring and stood up from her chair, slowly sinking to one knee beside their table.

“Christen Annemarie Press, will you do me the incredible honor of being my wife?”

Christen’s eyes were riveted on the ring in Paige’s hand. All of these years, she had wondered if this was where they were headed, wishing, hoping, but never quite sure. But now… here it was. The moment she had been waiting for.

Her eyes flickered up to meet Paige’s eyes, seeing nothing but love and hope and the promise of a future together.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please direct all pitchfork wielding mobs to my tumblr @thetheatrelady


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, everybody! I hope you're all doing well, staying happy and healthy.

Christen’s phone chimed in her hand, signaling that her dad had answered her Facetime call. “Hey baby! How is Hawaii?”

She grinned widely at him, still a little unable to believe what she was going to say. “Amazing. Terrific. Better than I could have dreamed! Because I have something really important to tell you. Or show you, I guess.”

He gave her a classic ‘what have you done’ face. “Oh, here we go. Did you get a tattoo? You know you’re gonna have to cover it up for work, sweetie, your principal isn’t gonna like that.”

She rolled her eyes with a laugh. “No, Daddy, I didn’t get a tattoo.”

“Good, because they’re for life.”

“Well so is this.” She brought up her left hand, showing him the ring on her finger. “Look! Paige proposed!”

His eyebrows jumped, his face a picture of surprise. “What?”

“We’re getting married!” Christen wiped at her eyes. She had never thought she would be the kind of person who cried when they got engaged, but she was just so overcome with happiness, she couldn’t help it. “Daddy, can you believe it?”

“Look at that…” he said softly.

“I know!” She flipped the camera around so that she could give him a better look at her finger. “Isn’t it the most beautiful ring you’ve ever seen?”

“Hey now, the one I picked out for your Mama was pretty magnificent, too,” he teased.

“Yeah, for the 80s,” she teased back.

“Gold never goes out of style,” he argued.

“Uh, it definitely did, Dad. It definitely did.” She switched the camera back around so that they could talk face to face.

“Is Paige there with you?”

Christen glanced at the bedroom door. “She’s in the living room. She needed to call her mom, and she wanted me to have a chance to talk to you and Ty and Channing.”

“I see, I see… she finally proposed.”

“I know,” Christen smiled. “I was starting to wonder if she ever would.”

“And… you said yes?”

She chuckled. “No Daddy, I turned her down, I just called so you could see the ring before she takes it back to the jewelry store.”

“I just mean… marriage is a big decision. Like you said, it’s for life.”

“And I know that.”

“Better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health… As someone who had to live through the ‘in sickness’ part… it’s a lot to promise to someone.”

She stared at him for a moment, her stomach aching at the mention of her mom’s sickness. “I know that. I remember what it was like.”

“It was hard, baby girl. There were days that I was sure I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t watch her struggle through another day of pain and suffering… but I was able to do it because she was my soulmate. Because my love for her was greater than my fear of what was coming. I couldn’t have done it otherwise.”

She swallowed thickly. “What are you saying?”

“I just… I just want to make sure you’re not rushing into this. You’re not obligated to hit any milestones or deadlines.”

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Dad. I’ve been with Paige for over five years. I’m 27 years old. I’m settled, I have a good job… I’m not rushing into this.”

“No, I guess not.”

She stared at him for a long moment. “Why aren’t you happy for me?” she asked in a small voice.

He sighed. “No Moe, I am, I am happy for you… I’m just being a dad, I’m being over cautious. You’re my baby, I want to make sure you end up with someone who will appreciate you for all you are.”

She exhaled hard. “Okay, but I don’t remember you acting this way when Tyler got engaged.”

“That was different.”

“How?”

“William came to me before hand, we’d had many talks about him and Tyler, about their future together.”

“Did you really expect Paige to come and ask your permission before hand?” Christen was more than a little hurt that her dad was acting this way. “My wonderful, fierce feminist girlfriend? Remember her?”

“Not… no, Christen. She doesn’t need my permission, that’s not at all what I’m saying.”

“Then what? Why are you being…” She bit her lip, not even wanting to speak the words out loud. “Is it because she’s a woman?”

“What? No. Absolutely not.”

“Are you sure? Because as far as I can see you were super supportive of Tyler and William getting married even though they had only been dating for a few years, whereas you’ve pushed back against Paige from the very beginning.”

“Christen. Moe. Look at me please.” She did as he asked. “That’s not it at all. From the very first moment you told your mother and me that you thought you might like girls, we were completely behind you. The gender of the person you marry couldn’t matter less to me. I just want to make sure that you’re happy. That’s all that has ever mattered to me, sweetheart.”

“She makes me happy, Daddy,” Christen whispered. “She really does. And I am so excited about this. We’re going to get married and start a family. I love her.”

He let out a slow breath. “And I love you, honey. I’m sorry, I guess I was just… caught off guard, I don’t know. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He gave a playful groan. “You know what’s not happy though? My bank account. Another wedding?! I feel like I just got done paying the last one off!”

She smiled. “Well I promise not to go as overboard as Tyler did.”

He snorted. “Yeah, you say that now. Just wait until you’re looking at hand drawn invitations and ice sculptures of swans and filet mignons with your initals seared into them.”

“Oh whatever!” she laughed.

“But seriously, Moe… my only wish for you is that you’re as happy as your mother and I were. She was an incredible woman, and so are you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

She facetimed her sisters next, and their responses were more in line with what Christen was expecting. They both squealed over the ring then launched into talking about the wedding, interrogating Christen about her ideas on dates, venues, and colors. Paige wandered in as she was wrapping up with them, leaning against the doorframe and smiling as she watched Christen.

Once Christen hung up, Paige walked over, caressing her cheek.

“What did they all say?”

“My dad is already bemoaning having to pay for another wedding.”

Paige laughed. “Well on the plus side, even if we stick to the ridiculous patriarchal traditions of the bride’s family paying for the wedding, having two brides means we get to split it.”

Christen laughed. “Wait so does that mean when gay men get married it’s all free?”

Paige shook her head mockingly. “The patriarchy strikes again.”

Christen pulled her down into her lap. “I am so excited to marry you.”

Paige kissed her softly on the lips. “You and me, baby. Always and forever. What did Kelley say?”

Christen kept her smile resolutely in place. “I haven’t told her yet.”

“Oh. Do you want me to step out so you can call her?”

Christen thought for a second then shook her head. “No. I want to tell her in person.”

Paige raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

She nodded. “Yeah. It’ll be more personal that way. And besides,” she said, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, “you and I haven’t had the chance to properly celebrate.”

X

The next morning came early, and Christen was barely conscious as she and Paige dragged themselves through the airport. Once they made it through security, they stopped to grab coffee and a bite to eat. Right as Christen was about to bite into her bagel, her phone vibrated in her pocket.

**‘Christen Press, what have you done?’**

Christen’s stomach dropped as she looked at the text on her home screen. She tore her eyes away from Kelley’s name to see that she also had an Instagram notification saying that Paige had tagged her in a photo. She tapped on it.

**_Paigemcdivitt1: She said yes <3 Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, @christenpress #hawaii #bestdayofmylife #sofar #shesaidyes_ **

It was accompanied by a picture of Christen cheesing at Paige, her newly sparkling left hand next to her face.

“You… you posted on Instagram.”

Paige looked over from her yogurt parfait. “Um… yeah. I did.”

“I… okay.”

“What? Is something wrong?”

Christen swallowed then shook her head. “No, it’s just… Kelley saw.”

“Oh.” Paige took her hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think. I honestly didn’t think she followed me.”

Christen squeezed back. “It’s fine.” She pulled back her hand and opened her text thread with Kelley, staring at the message for a moment. “I don’t know what to say, I don’t want her to be mad at me.”

Paige shook her head. “Mad at you? You got engaged, it’s not like you killed someone.”

“Yeah, no, I know-”

“She’s your best friend. She should be happy for you.”

Christen gave a jerky nod. “And… and she will be. I just think her feelings are going to be hurt that she didn’t find out from me.”

“Are you sure about that?” Christen started to reply but Paige cut her off. “Because you could have called her last night.”

Christen didn’t respond, instead letting her fingers hover over her phone’s keyboard.

**‘I wanted to tell you in person.’**

Immediately, the three little dots popped onto the screen, jumping around as Kelley typed and typed and typed. Christen could practically picture her jamming her keyboard with her thumbs and then erasing, her mouth set in frustration. After a minute or so, the dots disappeared, so she sent a second message.

**‘I really did. The only people I’ve told are my dad and my sisters.’**

This time Kelley’s message came almost instantly.

**‘That’s not why I’m upset and you know it’**

Christen locked her phone and slid it into her bag.

“Kelley’s mad?” She shrugged at Paige. “That tracks.”

She jerked her face around to look at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I just… Kelley has never liked me. She’s made that very clear.”

“Kelley doesn’t not like you-”

“Chris.” Paige gave her a look. “Don’t try to save my feelings over it. She doesn’t like me. End of story.”

“She just…”

“She’s jealous. She always has been.”

Christen rolled her eyes. “Paige, Kelley and I have never-”

“Have never dated, sure. But that doesn’t mean that she isn’t possessive of you. She doesn’t like me because I don’t think she could possibly like anyone you date. Because she wants you all to herself. And with you by her side she can continue to live on in this state of suspended youth, not having to face the facts that she’s not a kid anymore. She’s not in college, she’s not a hotshot athlete. She’s a mere mortal, just like the rest of us.”

“Kelley doesn’t think that-”

“Y’know what Kelley does think? She thinks that I’m not good enough for you.”

“Paige…”

“And… I get it. I also think I’m not good enough for you.” When Paige raised her head, Christen was shocked to see tears in her eyes. “But what she can’t see is that I’m trying. I want to be enough for you. Every day, I’m trying. But… then I try to hang around with your friends and Kelley is constantly giving me dirty looks and making remarks and it makes me feel like shit, Chrissy.” She wiped at her eyes, sniffing quietly. “Can you even imagine what it’s like? Trying to reach out and extend the olive branch, only to be completely shut down?” She gave her head a slow shake. “Maybe… maybe this was a bad idea,” she finished softly.

Christen’s stomach clenched. “What was a bad idea?”

“Us. Getting married. How will we ever be happy when Kelley is constantly there, reminding you of all of my faults? That’s not fair, Chrissy. Not to you, and definitely not to me.”

“No. No Paige, I want you. I love you. I want to marry you.”

“And I want to marry you, but if Kelley keeps-”

“Fuck Kelley.” The words hurt coming from her own lips, but she pushed on. “This isn’t Kelley’s life, it’s mine. And you’re right, she… she doesn’t see you the way I see you. But that doesn’t matter because she’s not the one marrying you. I am. I’m marrying you and Kelley is… I mean, Kelley will just have to get on board. Because I said yes, and I mean it. I love you, Paige, and I’m gonna marry you.”

“Do you really mean that?”

Christen nodded, leaning in and giving her a soft kiss. “With every fiber of my being.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Happy Feelings Friday!!!!
> 
> Sorry for the delay, it took a hot minute to get the dialogue in this chapter straightened out.

Christen tried to be as quiet as possible as she made her way inside her apartment. The worst part about flying home from Hawaii was that even though Paige had booked them one of the earliest flights available, they still had to cross five time zones, meaning that after getting her baggage and grabbing a car, it was well past midnight when Christen got home.

She rolled her bag through the living room, almost to her room when the bathroom door opened.

Christen squealed and brought a hand to her chest. “Rose! You scared the shit out of me!”

Rose gave her a yawn in response. “Sorry.”

“Why are you still awake?”

“I’ve been trying to finish editing a listicle that my editor wants by tomorrow morning and I can’t get it right.”

“What’s it over?”

“Kitchen products you can buy on amazon for under twenty dollars.” Christen had found Rose through a facebook housing group. The younger girl worked for Buzzseed and worked long hours, often leaving the apartment as Christen was waking up and coming home after she had already gone to bed, She had Saturday and Sunday off but generally spent the entire weekend holed up in her room, only coming out to open the door for the delivery guy.

“I’m sure you’ll get it done.”

Rose perched on the arm of the couch. “But enough about me, how was Hawaii? You’re literally like five shades darker, I’m so jealous,” she said, looking at her snowy white legs with a frown.

“Hawaii… Hawaii was great. And not just because I ended up with this!” She stuck out her left hand in a showy manner, waiting for Rose’s tired brain to catch up.

“Wha… oh my GOD!” She popped to her feet, seizing Christen’s hand. “She proposed?!”

Christen nodded. “Yeah. Last night at dinner,”

“That ring is gorgeous, congratulations!” Rose gave her a quick hug. “And like… finally,” she teased, and Christen laughed back.

“I know. But yeah! The whole trip was beautiful, absolutely amazing. Getting engaged was just a fun souvenir.”

“Wow…” Rose thought for a minute. “Wait. Aw man, I can only assume that means that you’re not gonna renew your sublease on April 30.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ll probably go ahead and move in with Paige, right? I know you said you didn’t really want to do the whole cohabitation before marriage thing, but will you want to move in with her at the end of the sublet?”

“Oh. I guess I really hadn’t thought about it, But… yeah probably.” She gave Rose a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

She gave an exaggerated groan. “But I don’t WANT to give you up as a roomie!” She grinned. “Just kidding. I mean, I love living together, but I get it. I’ll post the listing in the facebook groups next week and get someone lined up.” She gave another yawn. “Alright, I better try to get this listicle finished and get some sleep.” She gave Christen another hug. “I’m glad you made it home safe.”

“Thanks.” Christen pushed her suitcase the rest of the way into her room then flopped down on her bed. It felt good to be home.

X

“Woah, woah, woah! Excuse me ma’am, how do you expect to teach children with the light glaring off of the rock on your finger?!” Sonny’s voice was loud and showy, a hand draped across her eyes for effect.

Christen rolled her eyes and smiles. “Very funny.”

“Seriously though, let’s see it,” Ali insisted. Christen held out her hand and let them examine it, then recounted the proposal story when asked.

“That’s so romantic,” Ali sighed. “Way more romantic than my proposal story.”

“Why, what happened?”

“Well Ash had purchased the ring but had been holding on to it, waiting for the right time. And we kept going on all of these dreamy outings, so I would get my hopes up, thinking it was going to happen, but then something would go wrong, so she wouldn’t. And this made me grumpy, which made her even more nervous. And finally we were at my parents’ house and we took their dogs out for a walk. And I was suddenly just so fed up with the whole thing that I just started yelling, saying that I wanted to marry her, and why wouldn’t she just ask me already, what was she waiting for, so on, so on. Then turned around and marched back to their house. Threw open the door and there was all of our close friends and family, waiting to congratulate us on the engagement. Turns out she had been planning on finally doing it while we were out. My brother had even been planted to capture the whole thing on camera.”

Christen laughed around her bite of yogurt. “And to think, now you guys have been happily married for years.”

“I know,” Ali said, smiling down at her own left hand. “I wouldn’t trade Ashlyn for anything. Oh, if you need any wedding planning stuff I bet I still have a lot of it saved.”

“Thanks! Tyler has already decided to sed me all of her stuff from when she got married, but I’ll let you know.”

Emily shook her head. “Weddings sound exhausting. I want to get married at like… Disneyworld or something. I do, I do, kiss the bride, let’s go ride splash mountain.”

They all laughed. “Yeah, you say that now…” Ali teased.

“And besides, you come from a good old fashioned Georgia family, I’ve been around Kelley’s family enough to know that’s probably out of the question.”

“Oh yeah, how did Kelley react to your news?” Ali asked.

Christen gave a little head bob. “Yeah, uh… I didn’t call her right away because I wanted to tell her in person, but then she saw Paige post about it on Instagram. So that was, y’know, not great. And I haven’t really had a chance to talk to her since I’ve gotten back.”

Ali slowly nodded. “Right. When are you going to do that?”

Christen sighed. “I don’t know. I should just get it over with. She’s annoyed that I didn’t tell her, but once I explain, I’m sure it’ll all be alright.”

She didn’t miss the unconvinced look that Ali and Sonny shared. “Sure. If you say so.”

X

Christen pressed hard on the buzzer. “Kell, come on…” she murmured under her breath.

“Doesn’t look like anyone is home.” She turned to see Kelley behind her, holding two Whole Foods bags.

“Oh. Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I didn’t realize you weren’t home.”

“You didn’t ask.”

“I thought you were ignoring me.”

“I was.”

“Oh.” Christen swallowed hard, unsure of what else to say.

“Here, take this.” Kelley handed her one of the bags so that she could dig her keys out of her pocket and then led them both upstairs. Once inside the apartment, Kelley began unloading all of her groceries, not speaking to Christen at all. She perched on a stool, watching her move around the kitchen.

“I wanted to tell you in person, Kelley.”

She stopped, a bag of bell peppers in her hand. “That’s not what I’m mad about. Well, I mean, I am, but not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, yeah I didn’t like finding out you were engaged on Instagram, that sucked. You’re my best friend. If I ever get engaged, you’re going to be one of my first calls, and it hurts my feelings that I wasn’t one of yours.” She put the peppers in the fridge but stayed facing the kitchen window, fiddling with a dish towel.

Christen squirmed. “It’s not that, Kelley. I wanted you to know, but I knew I would be seeing you in a few days-”

“That’s such a bullshit excuse, Christen.” Kelley’s voice was hard and serious, and if she had really focused on it, she would have realized she was fighting back tears.

“What are you-”

Kelley whipped around to face Christen head on. “I’m mad because you’re marrying Paige, and you know that.”

Christen gave a halfhearted chuckle. “Who else would I be marrying?”

“Literally anyone else! Marry me, marry Sonnet, marry Michael from my office, marry the homeless guy who was on my train this morning, just marry someone who’s not a horrible bitch!”

“Don’t call her that.” Christen clumsily shot to her feet, anger coursing through her veins.

“Why not, Chris? Let’s just be honest here. She is awful. She’s mean, she’s controlling, and she’s manipulative. She is awful to me but more importantly, she’s awful to you!”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me like a normal person? I’m engaged to the person I love, this is supposed to be happy news!”

Kelley scrubbed at her face with her hands. “Why can’t you see it?” She asked softly, almost to herself. “Why can’t you see how horrible she is to you?”

“She’s not- Why are you being like this? Is it because I finally made a decision outside of you? Because you aren’t getting the last word on what I do with my life?”

Kelley looked at her with wide eyes. “I don’t want the last word, Christen, I’m just trying to keep you from making a huge mistake. What does it say that none of your friends like her? That she doesn’t like us?”

“She doesn’t like you because you guys have always been awful to her, you’ve never accepted her-”

“That’s not true, I have tried-”

Christen folded her arms tightly across her chest. “You’re jealous.”

Kelley stared at her for just a moment. “What?”

“You heard me. You’re jealous. You’re still living alone, dating casually, and you don’t like the idea that I’m settling down, that I’m leaving you behind.”

“I’m not- no. I’m not mad you’re settling down, I’m mad that you’re settling for someone who-”

“For someone that loves me? That wants to marry me? That wants to start a family with me? Is it so hard to believe that’s something some of us actually want to do? Not all of us are cut out to be permanent bachelorettes, Kelley.”

“Shit, Chris. I thought… I thought that you would come to your senses before it got to this point. I thought, I thought that you would see what we all see, what strangers on the street can see-” She took in a shuddering breath. “Christen, please just listen to me-”

“No, you listen to me! There is more to life than bars and soccer! I want a normal life, with a partner and kids! And she loves me! You don’t want to admit it, but she loves me.”

“She loves the idea of you, Christen. For all of her feminist ideals, all she wants is someone to nod along when she talks, someone to cook her dinner, someone to spread their legs when she decides that she wants to have sex, whether you’re in the mood or not.”

Christen flinched backwards. “Fuck off Kelley. Don’t talk about her like she’s some misogynistic, ego maniac, ex frat boy.”

Kelley stumbled forward, grabbing Christen by the elbows, making her face her head on. “Christen please just listen to me. You deserve better than this. You deserve the world! You deserve someone who treats you like fucking royalty, okay? You deserve-”

Christen ripped out of her grip, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. “What? What do I deserve Kelley?”

“Someone who takes care of you. Who builds you up. Who truly makes you happy.”

“Happy? Happy?!” Tears began to spill down her cheeks, ugly sobs tearing from her throat. “What do I have to say to get it through your fucking head that I am happy? When she proposed I was over the fucking moon, I was ecstatic, and now you’ve ruined it. You’re acting like such a selfish bitch, you can’t stand to let me have even this one thing. This isn’t supposed to be about you, this is about me!”

Kelley was crying too, but silent tears, dripping down her face and onto her denim jacket. “This is about you, Christen. This is about you really thinking this through, about you listening to what I’m trying to say-”

“No, this is about you, because everything in our friendship has always been about you! Kelley the soccer star, Kelley the trainer, Kelley the life of the party. And I’ve always just, just, bobbed along in your wake, letting you take the lead. But now I’m having to take steps on my own and you can’t STAND it. I’m taking steps towards a future with my girlfriend, with my fiancée who I love so much I can hardly breathe, and you refuse to support me even though I have always supported you. You can’t do it.”

Kelley’s eyes narrowed and she wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “You know what? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you’ve changed. Maybe you do deserve each other, and I just couldn’t see it. Maybe the two of you are more alike than I thought.”

Christen snatched up her purse from where she had placed it on the counter. “Y’know what Kelley? Maybe I have changed. But so have you. Because the Kelley I knew in college? The one who promised to be by my side no matter what happened, no matter who I dated… she’s not standing in front of me.”

And Christen pulled open Kelley’s front door, slamming it shut behind her, desperate to get down the stairs and out of her apartment building before she finally fell apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright lads! Here's chapter 15. I think you're gonna like it.

Christen walked slowly through the park, a Starbucks cup of tea held loosely in her hand. The late March sun was trying it’s best to break through the clouds and warm the day, but it didn’t matter. Christen had been in a funk the past few days, unable to quit replaying the awful things she had said to Kelley in her mind, but today was worse. Granted, this day was always hard for her.

Today was the anniversary of her mother’s death.

It had been several years, but it still managed to fill her stomach with lead, to dim everything around her. She could only imagine that it would always be this way.

She stood at the edge of the road, patiently waiting as a group of cyclists whizzed by, then crossed over to the correct path. She no longer needed her phone to tell her which way to go, her feet knew the way by heart. As she came closer, the excited titter of children’s voices grew louder, more excited and boisterous. She rounded the corner and the statue came into view.

She walked forward to her usual bench, her eyes fixed on the kids running around, not looking at the bench’s other occupant until she was right next to it. Her breath caught in her chest when she did.

“Kelley?”

She slid her sunglasses to rest on top of her head and gave Christen a small smile. “Hey, Pressy.”

“I… I thought you wouldn’t… I didn’t expect you to come.” _I thought I had lost you,_ she finished in her mind.

Kelley came to her feet. “I’m here. Just like I promised I would be.”

_Christen was laying in her bed, staring at the wall. She had assured Paige that she was fine, that she could go to work as normal, but she wasn’t fine. She had called out sick, unable to stomach the thought of looking into her students’ beautiful, hopeful faces, faces that would get to go home and hug their mothers, would get to tell all about their days, the way Christen so desperately wanted to._

_It had been two years since her mom had died, but this was her first year in New York, her first time having to weather the day without her dad and sisters. She wished she was the type of person who could be strong and move on, but god, she missed her so much._

_There was a soft knock on her bedroom door. Christen didn’t respond, hoping her roommate would assume she was asleep. But luck was apparently not in her favor, because the door cracked open. Instead of Jessica however, it was a very familiar, freckled face that peeked in._

_“What are you doing here, Kel?” Her voice was dull, lifeless._

_“Well, you didn’t answer any of my texts, so I called the school to see if I could bring you something for lunch. They said you were home sick. How are you feeling?” She perched on the edge of Christen’s bed, rubbing her blanket covered leg._

_“I’m not actually sick.”_

_“I know.”_

_She turned slightly so she could look at Kelley. “I just… it’s so hard. I miss her more than I knew was possible. I just want her back, I want my mom by my side.”_

_Kelley nodded. “I know.” She crawled over Christen so that she could lay behind her, wrapping her arms around her. “I know, Pressy.”_

_“It feels like I’m losing parts of her. Her voice isn’t as clear in my mind. I don’t quite remember what her laugh sounded like, what she smelled like… It feels like I’m losing her all over again.” The tears overwhelmed her, and Kelley squeezed her tight._

_“I’m so sorry, Chris. I know those words don’t actually mean anything, but I really am. No one should lose their mom, but especially not you, not her. Stacey was… such an amazing person. I was so far from home, I was young and dumb and scared but didn’t want to show it. And she adopted me. She took care of me because she knew my mom couldn’t.”_

_“You might have been her favorite,” Christen mumbled, and Kelley chuckled softly._

_“And rightfully so, have you met me?” She laughed again. “Do you remember… the time that it somehow came up that I wasn’t on birth control? And she was so concerned, she assumed I was from one of those abstinence only families, that I hadn’t gotten any sex ed. She had already covered the risks of STIs and unwanted pregnancies and was five seconds away from finding a condom to roll onto a banana before either of us could find the nerve to tell her that I was just super fucking gay.”_

_Christen did remember, could practically see the determination in her mom’s eyes as she began to discuss the pros and cons of birth control patches verses pills. “She wasn’t letting you get knocked up, not on her watch,” she said with a watery laugh._

_“And when I finally told her that I really didn’t think my girlfriend could get me pregnant, she turned so red.”_

_“And then immediately told you she would research safe sex practices for same sex couples.”_

_“She was an incredible woman. And it’s okay to be sad that she’s not here.”_

_Kelley let her cry for a little bit longer, then insisted that she get up and take a shower. She held her hand on the subway ride from Brooklyn to Manhattan, and they stopped for hot tea and cupcakes from Christen’s favorite bakery. When Kelley led her to Central Park, she thought they were just going for a walk, but Kelley had taken her to sit beside the Alice in Wonderland statue._

_Alice in Wonderland. Her favorite movie growing up, one of her favorite classic novels. When her mom had taken the last bad turn in the hospital, it was the book Christen had chosen to bring to the hospital. She had read it out loud to her mom, together they experienced the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, the Red Queen. She found solace in the story; Christen could empathize with a girl who found herself in a world where everything was topsy turvy, where she didn’t know which path to take, who found herself growing and changing at a rate that was impossible to understand._

_Christen and her mom never made it to the end of the book._

_Kelley and Christen had sat on a bench and watched the kids play and climb all over the Alice statue. They ate their cupcakes and drank their tea, and Christen let herself grieve for the woman she would never get to read with again._

_“I know it’s hard, Pressy. But you’re not alone. You have Paige, you have the other teachers at work, and now that I’m in the city, you have me too. You don’t have to handle this alone. I promise.”_

Christen looked down at the cup in her hands. “I didn’t… I didn’t get you anything to drink. I’m sorry.”

Kelley smiled. “It’s okay.” She scooped her own from beside her feet, and pulled a box of cupcakes out of her bag. “I came prepared.”

Christen sat down next to her on the bench and took the pastry from her. She began to lick at the icing, her eyes not taking in the kids playing in front of her. Finally, she turned to look at Kelley.

“I’m sorry.”

Kelley gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

“Yes, we do.” Christen took a deep breath. “I was nasty to you, and you didn’t deserve it. You’re my best friend in the entire world, and I hurt you. I made you cry. And that’s not okay.”

Kelley shrugged. “It’s fine. I mean I said some things, too-”

She took Kelley’s hand. “No. This isn’t on you. This is on me. I’m sorry, Kelley. I never should have said some of the things I did. I don’t even know where they came from. I’m sorry.”

Kelley turned to look at her for a long moment, then squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, Chris. I forgive you.”

Christen smiled. “I’m glad. Because I actually have a favor to ask.”

Kelley gave her a look. “No, you can’t have my icing.”

Christen gave a little snort. No. Bigger favor than that.”

“I’m listening.”

She took a deep breath. “You truly are my best friend. You’re my rock, my number one, and… I can’t do this without you. I need you to keep me sane, to keep everyone else in line, to make sure everything goes smoothly-”

“Chris-”

“Will you be my Maiden of Honor?”

Kelley took in a shaky breath. “Will… I don’t know, Pressy.”

“Please? I can’t decide between my sisters, and outside of them you’re the person I’ve known the longest. Please, I… I need you.”

“How is Paige going to feel about this?”

Christen shook her head. “It’s not her call. It’s my maiden if honor, not hers. And I already… I already have to get married without my mom there. She can’t ask me to get married without you by my side.”

Kelley’s leg began to bounce. “I don’t know. This feels like more of an Ali situation. I don’t really know anything about weddings, I don’t want to mess it up-”

“Hey!” she cut Kelley off. “It’s go time, O’Hara. Put up or shut up,” she said in a fake macho voice, parroting the words she’d heard Kelley say to her training clients countless times. “I need you,” she insisted in a soft voice.

Kelley bit her lip, looking into Christen’s eyes. “Okay,” she finally said.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Kelley repeated.

“Yes!” Christen yelled. She wrapped her arms around Kelley and squeezed. They both laughed.

Christen pulled back a little so that she could lean her head against Kelley’s shoulder. “I can’t believe she’s been gone so long,” she whispered. “Feels like just yesterday she was yelling at us for getting caught streaking freshman year.”

Kelley laughed. “I thought she was going to ground us to our dorm room.” She put a hand on Christen’s knee and squeezed lightly. “She’s not gone, though. She might have passed but she’s still here with us.”

X

Christen was halfway through grading her class’s math tests when the nausea swept through her body. She took a deep breath, swallowing as her mouth suddenly filled with saliva. She gripped the edge of her desk, trying to will her body into settling down.

“Miss Press, can I go to the bathroom?” Easton asked.

“May I,” she corrected automatically.

He gave an over the top groan. “May I go to the bathroom?”

“Yes, take the pass.”

“Miss Press, I need to- woah. Miss Press you look funny.”

She tried to smile at Gabby. “Everything is fine. I just need to…” she slowly stood up from her desk and crossed to the window, tugging it open a few inches to allow some fresh air inside. “There,” she sighed. “That’s much-”

But she was cut off by the rolling of her own stomach. She turned and dashed towards her desk, grabbing the trash can just in time to puke inside of it.

“EWWWW!” rang out through her classroom. She heaved several more times, then edged towards her desk, picking up the phone and hitting the office’s extension. After a few rings Mal picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi Miss Pugh, this is Miss Press, I… I think I’m going to have to go home, unfortunately.”

“Are you sure? What’s-” Christen threw up in the trashcan again, cutting the secretary off. “Right. Okay, I’ll be right down to sit with your class so you can go home.

Christen sprang for a Lyft home, not wanting to end up throwing up on the train. She clutched her bag in her lap, eyes tightly shut to avoid watching the streets speeding by. She managed to make it all the way home before she got sick again, hurling outside of her apartment building. She staggered up the stairs, letting herself into her apartment. She went straight to the bathroom, turning on the tap and washing out her mouth. She gazed at herself in the mirror, taking in her flushed skin. What in the world was happening? She had felt perfectly fine this morning.

She went to her room and eased into bed, her body suddenly racked with chills. She moaned into her pillow, pulling her blankets tight around her body.

She fell asleep but was woken up half an hour later by her turbulent stomach, dashing to the bathroom just in time. Now her entire body was aching, screaming at her as she knelt in front of the toilet. When she finally felt like she might be done, she pulled herself to her feet. She searched through her medicine cabinet in vain for any medicine that might help but came up frustratingly empty handed. She went to the kitchen instead, finding a box of crackers to take back to her room.

The rest of her day went the same way, dashing to the bathroom then slumping back to her bedroom, until finally she had the sense to put a wastebasket next to her bed. When she heard Rose get home, she croaked out her name until her roommate came to her door.

“Don’t come in any further!” she said holding up her hand.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Rose asked, pulling the neck of her sweatshirt over her mouth and nose.

“I must have caught a bug from one of the kids. I just wanted to tell you so that you could Lysol the shit out of the bathroom and kitchen.”

“Will do. Can I get you anything?”

“No, I think I’m okay. I’m going to try to sleep it off, hopefully I’ll be feeling better in the morning.”

She was not. When she woke up at 6:25, throwing up nothing but bile, she called the school to let them know she wouldn’t be making it in.

At nearly 11, she stood up to get some more water and the room spun around her. She propped herself up on the wall, trying desperately to shake the dizziness, but had no luck. Once she was back in bed with her glass of water, she pulled out her phone, propping it on her pillow because she lacked the energy to hold it up.

“Hello, you’ve reached Paige McDivitt. I can’t come to the phone right now, please leave your name, number, and a short message, and I’ll get back with you.”

Christen groaned and tried to make her murky mind focus. Yesterday had been Tuesday, meaning today was Wednesday… meaning Paige was in court. No wonder her phone was turned off. She tried her next speed dial, praying she picked up.

“Hello?”

“Kel?”

“Hey Pressy, is everything okay?”

“No,” she mumbled. “I have… what I thought was just a stomach bug. I’m so sick, I can barely stand up. I can’t keep anything down, no water, no crackers. I think I might be dying.”

“Oof, I’m sorry babe. That sucks!”

“Is… there anyway you can come get me? I think… I need to go to urgent care, but I don’t think I can make it on my own.”

Kelley groaned. “Oh Pressy, I would but I’m in New Jersey! And like, deep Jersey, at a conference. I’m so sorry. Can Paige come?”

Christen sniffed back tears, knowing that she was being pathetic but also feeling absolutely miserable. “She’s in court, her phone is off.”

“Chris I’m so sorry…”

She took a deep breath. “It’s… it’s okay. I can wait it out until you get back to the city or Paige gets off work.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll be-” she heaved herself over the edge of the bed to dry heave over the trash can.

“God Pressy, you sound awful. Let me make some calls, I’ll see what I can do, okay?”

“Okay. I’m gonna try to go back to sleep.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Get some rest.”

“Love you, Kel.” Kelley said something in reply but Christen had already sunk into a fitful sleep.

X

“Hello?” Christen stirred, pressing her face harder into her pillow. “Christen?” She forced her eyes open. Standing just inside her bedroom was none other than Tobin Heath.

She groaned, pulling the blankets higher. “How did you get in here? Did you break in?”

Her eyes were shut but she heard Tobin chuckle. “No, Kelley told me where the emergency key was. That was after she demanded I drop anything I was doing and come over to check up on you.”

“I’m fine,” Christen mumbled.

Tobin walked closer and pressed the inside of her forearm to Christen’s forehead. “Mm survey says that’s not true. I think you have a fever.”

“I’m dying, it’s fine.”

Tobin smoothed her hair back. “Have you tried to eat anything?”

Christen shook her head. “I had crackers yesterday, but they came back up.”

“Last night for dinner?”

Christen hummed, trying to remember. “Lunch, I guess.”

“Well it’s no wonder you’re weak. You haven’t eaten in 24 hours and you’re probably super dehydrated.”

“’s not my fault.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Tobin reassured her. “I think we should maybe go to urgent care. Even if it’s a stomach bug maybe they can give you something to ease it.”

“Okay,” Christen whispered.

“Let’s get you up and ready.” Christen nodded and Tobin reached for her duvet to help her pull it back, but then Christen froze.

“Um… I’m not wearing pants,” she said, her cheeks burning. “I… I was in slacks, I took them off when I got home…”

“Oh.” Tobin’s cheeks also flushed. “Okay. Um, let me find you some pants to put on, where should I look?”

Christen guided her to the correct dresser drawer and Tobin brought her a pair of leggings. She turned her back to give Christen some privacy.

Christen did her best to sit up and pull the leggings on but was overcome with dizziness at the effort and nearly fell from the bed. Before she could hit the floor, though, a pair of strong hands had caught her. Tobin propped her up and Christen bit her lip nervously.

“Um… I think I’m gonna need a hand.”

“Okay. Uh… okay.”

Tobin guided her to standing. Keeping one arm wrapped around her lower back, she slowly began to inch the leggings up over Christen’s legs, avoiding her eyes as she did so.

_This is fine,_ Christen told herself. This was just one friend helping out another friend in a time of need. However she doubted she would been quite so aware of the fingers skimming her thighs if they had been Ali’s or Pinoe’s.

She slowly changed into a fresh T shirt (without Tobin’s help) and slid on a pair of sneakers. Tobin dutifully grabbed her hoodie from where it was lying on the couch, and she pulled that on as well. Once her phone, wallet, and purse had been collected, Tobin helped her stand up and began their journey out of the apartment. Once downstairs Tobin used Christen’s phone to call a car.

Christen honestly didn’t remember most of the ride to the clinic, her eyes firmly shut and her face pressed into Tobin’s shoulder. Once out of the car, she helped her inside the clinic, taking the clipboard form the receptionist and filling the questions while Christen dictated.

All of a sudden, her stomach rolled and she shot upright. Tobin grabbed a wastebasket from nearby and slid it in front of her just as she lost what little water she had choked down. She could feel the eyes of the other people in the waiting room on her, and the embarrassment on top of her already miserable state brought her to tears.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed softly. “This is so gross, I’m so sorry-”

“Hey, hey, don’t apologize. You’re sick, you can’t help it.” Tobin rubbed circles on her back.

“I hate this,” Christen cried.

“I know. I know, I’m sorry. But hopefully you’ll get called in soon and they can give you something to make you feel better.” She handed her a tissue and Christen wiped her mouth and nose, letting Tobin guide her back upright. She wrapped her arm around Christen’s shoulders and pulled her closer, letting her put her head on her chest. “Rest, Chris.”

She was called back a few minutes later and Tobin helped her stand up and make her way back to the exam room. She fought to sit upright as the nurse took her temperature and blood pressure, the exhaustion fighting to pull her under. Eventually the doctor came back and diagnosed her with an abnormally awful case of the stomach bug. He wrote her a prescription for something to stop the vomiting, and recommended as much rest and fluids as she could get. It seemed like just minutes later they were back in a car, headed for Christen’s apartment.

Tobin helped her back into bed and told her she was going to go pick up her prescription as well as some more supplies. Christen tried to tell her to just get the prescription, that she had already done too much for her, but Tobin was out the door before she could get the argument past her lips.

She must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew Tobin was gently shaking her awake.

“No…”

“Sorry sleepy head but you need to take this medicine so that you can eat something, alright?” She slid a hand under Christen’s head, helping her sit up enough to put the pills in her mouth and take a sip of water. She let her settle back. “Okay, it turns out I have no idea what your soup preferences are so I got like… all of them. So what are you feeling? Chicken noodle? Chicken and rice? Tomato? Cream of mushroom?”

Christen gave her a tiny, tired smile. “Chicken noodle sounds great.”

“Awesome. And do you like sprite? I also grabbed some ginger ale if that’s better.”

“Either is fine.”

“Okay, be right back.”

Tobin bounded out of the room, leaving Christen with her thoughts. Why was she being so nice to her?

Ten minutes later the door opened and Tobin came back with a tray of food. She placed it on the dresser and helped Christen sit up with her back propped against her pillows. She arranged the tray over her legs. “Alright, we got some soup, a sprite, some crackers, I also got you some applesauce, I don’t know if you like it but it always makes my nephew seem to feel better…”

Christen smiled as she rambled on. “This great, Tobin. Seriously. This is… above and beyond.”

Tobin smiled shyly. “Okay. I just… I hate that you’re sick. And I want you to feel better.”

“Well the medicine is already helping my stomach settle a bit. And this looks great. Just what the doctor ordered. Literally.”

Tobin nodded with a little grin. “Good. Wanna watch something on Netflix?” She retrieved Christen’s laptop and got it set up at the end of the bed, dragging her little reading chair next to the bed so that she could sit beside her. She cued up Parks and Recreation and they both settled in, Christen slowly eating her soup and crackers, Tobin laughing at the show. She couldn’t help peeking over at her during the Stakeout episode. She took in Tobin’s long eyelashes, her high cheekbones, her wide smile and perfect teeth.

“Chris? You feeling okay?” She realized she had been caught staring.

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, I feel fine,” Christen lied with a soft smile. Because slowly but surely, something strangely like dread was creeping into her stomach, curling up and settling in for an unwelcome stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr with me @thetheatrelady


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two days in row yayyyyyyyyyy
> 
> Paige is back in this chapter so... take that as you will

The vibrating of Christen’s cell phone roused her from a comfortable sleep. She pulled it out from underneath her pillow to peer at the screen. Paige. She glanced around her room.

The laptop was still at the end of her bed, Netflix asking if she was still watching. Her tray of soup and crackers had been relocated to the dresser so that nothing would get knocked over. The fading light outside of her window told her that it was early evening. And none other than Tobin Heath was sitting in her armchair, mouth slightly open as she slept.

Panic shot through her body.

“Hello?” she answered, clearing her throat when she heard how raspy it was.

“Hey Chrissy! I had a missed call from you, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine.”

“Are you sure? You know I’m in court all day on Wednesdays.”

“Yeah, I um… sorry. I forgot what day it was. I came down with a horrible stomach bug.”

Paige gasped softly. “Baby! I’m sorry.”

“I know, it… I couldn’t keep anything down, I was calling because I needed to go to Urgent Care. But then you didn’t answer and I remembered what day it was. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize! Do you still need to go?”

Christen swallowed, pushing her hair from her face. “No. I went, they gave me some medicine and I’m feeling a bit better.”

“I’m glad you went. Listen, I’m leaving the courthouse now, I’ll be there in 30, okay? And if your stomach is feeling up to it we can order something in.”

“Um, okay. Yeah, I’ll see you in 30.”

“Okay. Love you Chrissy.”

“I love you, too.”

Paige hung up and Christen felt the panic begin to overtake her. “Tobin. Tobin, wake up.” She reached out and prodded her awake.

“Hm? What? I’m up.” She blinked a few times, looking around as if remembering where she was. She turned to look at Christen and smiled. “Hey sleepy head. How are you feeling?”

She shook her head. “I’m fine, I’m, my stomach is fine, but you need to go.”

Tobin raised her eyebrows. “Go? Go where?”

“Home. Or wherever you want to go, but you have to leave. If she gets here and sees you then-”

“Who? If who sees me?” Christen dropped her eyes to her blankets and Tobin sighed. “Oh.”

“I just… I don’t want to deal with her freaking out over nothing-”

“Yeah Chris. Nothing. There’s no reason for Paige to get upset.”

“No, yeah, I know that, I do. But she’s not going to see it like that. She’s going to be pissed.”

Tobin stood up and moved the reading chair back to its originally spot, her face serious.

Christen pushed the blankets back, swinging her legs around to stand up. “I’m sorry Tobin, I wish you could stay, especially after you’ve been so sweet to me today-”

“Sweet?” Tobin turned around to look at her. “Taking you to the doctor when you’re so dizzy you can barely stand is the bare minimum I could do for you.” She took several steps forward, until her face was just a few inches from Christen’s. “Why do you expect people not to treat you with kindness?”

She avoided her eyes. “No, it’s not… I mean, I’m not your responsibility. And I’m sure you had lots of other things you could have been doing instead of taking care of me-”

“Christen you’re not a burden. I came and took care of you because I wanted to. Because I care about you. And I’m not going to apologize for that.”

“No, and you shouldn’t. Shouldn’t apologize I mean. But… still. If Paige finds out that you were over here taking care of me, there’s gonna be hell to pay.”

“This isn’t normal!” Tobin’s normally chill voice was tight with anger as she took a few steps away, and the sound alone made Christen wince. “You shouldn’t be terrified of your girlfriend finding out- You shouldn’t be terrified of her at all. Full stop.”

“I’m not terrified of her,” Christen replied instantly. “I just know that she’s going to be upset-”

“But why? You haven’t done anything wrong,” Tobin insisted.

“Please, just… please go. I’m so thankful that you came today, that you took care of me, but… if you really care about me you’ll go. Please don’t make me have this fight with Paige.”

Tobin clasped her hands behind her head, turning back to stare at Christen in frustration. “I just want you to be taken care of. And, and if that’s with Paige, then fine. But I don’t think it is.” Her voice was hoarse, genuine, but Christen couldn’t dwell on that right now.

“Please go, Tobin.” She glanced down at her phone, checking the time. “She’ll be here in twenty minutes, fifteen if traffic is good. Please.”

Tobin sighed, shaking her head. She stepped forward and gave Christen a brief hug. “Text me later on and let me know how you’re feeling, okay?”

Christen nodded. “I will.”

She walked to the doorway then turned around. “And… congratulations.”

“What?”

“Congratulations. I saw Paige proposed.”

Christen nodded, glancing down at her ring. “Oh. Yeah, thanks.” She watched as Tobin left the room, then sat heavily back on the bed, overcome with exhaustion.

X

“Chrissy?”

“I’m in here,” Christen called. She was tucked back into bed, her laptop now playing Bob’s Burgers.

Paige came bustling in, still in her suit. “Hey baby, how are you feeling?”

“A lot better, the medicine really helped. I was able to eat something earlier.”

“Good.” Paige sat on the edge of her bed, leaning over and kissing her forehead. “It feels like you might be a little feverish, have you taken any asprin?”

“No, I wanted to get my stomach settled first.”

“Alright, I’ll grab you some.” She went to the bathroom and came back with a pill bottle, pausing for a moment at the dresser. “Well this is cute.”

“Hm?”

“This Scooby Doo tray. Where did you get this?”

“Um…” Christen’s mind scrambled to think of something. She had been so out of it when Tobin brought the food in that she hadn’t noticed that it was on an unfamiliar tray. “I… found it in the kitchen. In one of the cabinets. It must be Rose’s.”

“Oh. Well it’s cute.” She handed Christen a few asprin then crawled into bed beside her. “We should get some tv trays for the apartment when you move in. That way we can do breakfast in bed on the weekends.”

Christen squirmed over to rest her head on Paige’s shoulder. “That could be really nice.”

“Is there anything else we need to buy?”

Christen yawned. “Not that I can think of. Although we do need to figure out what furniture I’m bringing with me.”

“Oh.” Paige looked around. “I had just assumed we would sell your stuff. Or just put it out on the street.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t you think that makes the most sense? I mean most of your stuff came from Ikea.”

“Well yeah, but it’s not super beaten up or anything.”

Paige nodded. “Sure, but baby don’t you think we’re at a point in our lives where we shouldn’t have to put together our furniture?”

“I guess…”

“Was there something that you want to keep?”

“I don’t… I mean my bed is still in pretty good condition.”

“Yeah but mine’s a queen.”

“Alright,” Christen conceded.

“A queen bed for my queen,” Paige said, kissing the top of her head.

Christen took a deep breath. “Did I tell you Kelley and I talked?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“She… I apologized and now we’re good again.”

Paige sighed. “I don’t see why you should have to apologize when you were just being honest, but fine.” She squeezed her shoulder. “It’s okay to stand up to Kelley.”

She swallowed. “Well anyway we’re better now. And I asked her to be my maiden of honor.”

Paige groaned. “Chrissy…”

“She’s my best friend.”

“Your best friend who hates me.”

“She’s my best friend and my maiden of honor. I already won’t have my mom there, I’m not doing it without Kelley.”

Paige gave her an irritated look. “Y’know it’s really not cool of you to pull the mom card when we’re disagreeing about something.”

Christen furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m not pulling-”

“And it’s maid of honor, not maiden.”

“I thought it was maiden if the person isn’t married and matron-”

“Matron is married, maid is unmarried, there’s no maiden option,” she snapped. Paige moved to get off the bed. “Maybe you should start researching these things. I mean, after all, we’re going to have to start putting plans in action for the wedding soon.”

“Yeah.”

Paige crossed to her dresser. “Are you hungry? Do you think you can eat some more?”

“Yeah, maybe another bowl of soup.”

“Alright.” Paige took the tray to the kitchen and Christen rested back in her pillows, her eyes on the laptop screen. After a few minutes Paige came back in, a piece of paper in her hand.

“You bought the Scooby Doo tray?”

Christen stared at her for a half a second. “What?”

“It’s right here on the CVS receipt that was on the counter. Kid’s tv tray. Why did you lie and say it was Rose’s?”

Christen’s chest began to ache. “I… I was pretty out of it earlier. I barely remember going to the store.”

Paige smiled at her, not saying anything. Then she turned around and walked back into the kitchen, coming back with a can of soup. “Right. So can you tell me why you would have purchased cream of mushroom soup when we both know you’re allergic?”

She couldn’t see how she possible could talk herself out of this. “I um…”

“Who was here?”

“What?”

“Don’t play stupid with me. Someone else obviously went to the store. Who was it?”

“I… it was Kelley,” Christen gasped. “I called Kelley when I remembered you were in court.” _Technically not a lie._

Paige shook her head. “Don’t be fucking dumb, Christen. I may have a problem with Kelley but she knows you. She never would have bought you something that would have broken you out into hives. It has to be someone who doesn’t actually know you that well.” Her eyes narrowed. “Chrissy. Say it wasn’t her.”

“Who?” Christen asked nervously.

“It was that fucking new girl wasn’t it? It was the girl from the bar, the one with the weird ass name.”

“Weird-”

“Don’t!” Paige yelled. Her face was red, contorting as she stared hard at Christen. “Just tell me who it was. Was it her?”

“It… it was Tobin,” Christen admitted quietly, and Paige began to shake her head back and forth. “But it, it wasn’t that big of a deal! It’s just, you were in court, and Kelley was in Jersey, and she called Tobin to come over and help me get to the doctor. It was nothing, I promise.”

“You sure sound pretty fucking guilty for it being nothing,” Paige spat.

“Paige I swear-”

“You swear?” She gave a derisive laugh. “Oh really? Do you promise? Promise that she wasn’t over here coping a feel, wasn’t trying to figure out a way into your pants? Has she not figured out that all she has to ask nicely, throw you a pretty please, and pretty little Miss Press will spread her legs for anyone?”

“Paige,” Christen begged. She pushed back the blankets and pulled her exhausted body from the bed. “Please, nothing happened.”

“Oh nothing happened? The same way the tray was Rose’s? And you went to CVS yourself? Why should I trust anything that comes out of your mouth?”

“Because I love you!”

Paige took a step closer. “Oh you love me? Do you love me like you love her?”

“No-”

“So you love her more?”

“No! I don’t, I don’t love her Paige. I love you, and only you. And yes Tobin came over to help me but nothing happened.”

“This is fucking BULLSHIT!” Paige hurled the can of soup and it collided with the side of Christen’s dresser, ricocheting off and slamming into Christen’s shin and making her shriek.

She fell back onto her bed, clutching at her lower leg. Paige’s mouth fell open, her face a picture of shock. “Oh my god.”

Suddenly Paige was beside her, one hand on her leg, the other cradling the back of her head. “Chrissy, I’m- I’m so sorry. I was mad, I was just- I was so upset with you for lying to me, I didn’t mean for it to hit you. Please baby, I’m so sorry.”

Tears were streaming down Christen’s face, a combination of pain and shock clouding her mind. “I told you nothing happened,” she sobbed.

“I’m so sorry baby. Please, you know I didn’t mean for it to hit you.”

She took in a shuddering breath. “Well it did!”

“Chrissy. Honey I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean- Here, let me take a look.” She pried Christen’s hands away from her shin and gently pulled up the leg of her leggings. She brushed her fingertips over the injured spot. “It didn’t break the skin.” She applied a little bit more pressure along the bone, making Christen wince. “And it doesn’t feel like anything is broken, thank God.” She leaned forward, pressing the lightest of kisses to her reddened skin, then cupped Christen’s face in her hands. “I’m so sorry, baby. Say you’ll forgive me?”

Christen sniffed back her tears and gave a jerky nod. “I know you didn’t mean to,” she mumbled. Because Paige hadn’t. She had thrown it to the side, it was only bad luck that had sent it into her shin.

Paige pulled her close, kissing her then wrapping her in her arms. “And I forgive you, too. Let’s get you into bed, hm?” She helped Christen shuffle backwards and tucked the blankets around her. “I’ll be right back with some soup, okay?” Christen nodded and Paige walked to the kitchen.

It was just an unfortunate accident.

An accident.

Nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come cry on tumblr with me @thetheatrelady


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I need every single one of you to stop and read this Chapter Note
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content, both CONSENSUAL and NON-CONSENSUAL.
> 
> The CONSENSUAL sex content will begin at the italicized text. If you do not wish to read this, please stop there. The NON-CONSENSUAL sexual content will begin at the regular print following the italicized print.
> 
> If you think this content may be triggering to you, please do not read it. It will be briefly mentioned at the beginning of the next chapter so you will still be able to follow the plot while still taking care of yourself.
> 
> Please, please, please use caution when reading.

“There she is, the newly betrothed.” Christen tried to muster up a smile at Pinoe’s teasing voice.

“Very funny.”

“Listen, you’re the one who skipped out on happy hour last week, we have to get it out now.”

“Let’s see the ring!” Julie demanded. Christen held out her hand and they all dutifully bent their heads over it, complimenting the sparkling diamond ring.

“Your girl did good!” Crystal assured her. “That rock is killer.”

“Yeah…” Christen smiled softly. “She knew exactly what I wanted.”

“Did you tell her ahead of time?” Ashlyn asked.

Christen shook her head. “No. I didn’t really know, to be honest. But when she pulled it out it was just so beautiful.”

“Listen, you’re crazy to be giving up your freedom,” Pinoe said, and Christen couldn’t help but bristle slightly.

“It’s an engagement ring, not handcuffs.”

“I know but, look around! Pinoe flung her hands out. “We are in a city with millions of other people, all beautiful and smart and interesting, why would you give that up for one person?”

“Because I found the most beautiful one of them all,” Ashlyn answered, and they all awed as she pressed a kiss to Ali’s cheek.

“Yeah, yeah. But just watch this.” Pinoe stretched out her hand and tapped a woman at a nearby table on the elbow. She turned, giving her an inquisitive look.

“Yes?”

“Sorry, are you busy at the moment?”

“Well I’m… talking with my friends. Or I was at least. I was,” she said with a little smirk.

“Well I’ll make this quick so you can get back to your… incredibly tall and muscular friends,” Pinoe said, craning her neck to look them over. “But my friend here, Christen say hi,” Christen rolled her eyes and gave a small wave. “Christen just got engaged.”

“Oh! Congratulations,” the woman said.

“Thank you.”

“No, not congratulation. Because she is giving up her freedom, her ability to go out and have fun at bars and meet beautiful women like yourself.”

She raised an eyebrow at Pinoe. “Oh, is that a fact?”

“It sadly is.”

“Are you saying that there’s no woman that could make you consider monogamy, Pinoe?” Tobin asked.

“Nope. Well, but then again I just met…” she trailed off, grinning at the woman.

“Sue.”

“Sue,” Pinoe repeated.

“Well there’s one thing for certain,” Sue said, swinging her hair over her shoulder.

“And what’s that?”

“I’m definitely too much woman for you to handle for one night, let alone for life,” Sue winked. She looked back to Christen. “Good luck on the engagement.” She turned without another word and made for the bar.

“What- how- hey, wait a minute!” Pinoe slid from her chair and followed her as the rest of their table collapsed into laughter.

“Well, I don’t often say this, but I agree with Pinoe,” Becky said.

“You do?” Ali asked.

“Yeah. I mean, Zola and I have been together for several years, but I’ve never had the want to get married.”

“Never?” Sonny questioned.

Becky shook her head. “Never.”

“I think marriage is beautiful. Making a promise to care for and love one person until death?” Christen avoided looking at Tobin as she spoke.

“Yeah, sounds macabre,” Kelley snorted.

“Alright Stanford, cool it with the fancy words,” Ashlyn said, throwing a drink napkin at her

“Plus… it sounds like the ultimate libido killer,” Becky declared offhandedly, earning a chorus of protests from all of the married people at the table.

“Married sex is the hottest sex,” Julie stated.

Crsytal nodded, sipping at her drink. “No one knows my body like Pierre.”

“Okay but… meeting someone new? Feeling their hands on you for the first time?” Christen glanced up and found her eyes locked with Tobin’s. She couldn’t breathe as Kelley kept speaking, instead her mind was consumed with the memory of Tobin helping her pull her leggings up, of her hand rubbing soothing circles on her back.

Ali shook her head. “The thrill of hooking up with someone new has nothing on waking up next to the person you love, knowing that you’ll get to spend the rest of your lives together. And if you need a little spark then you experiment. Buy new lingerie, role play, try a new position or toy.”

Her mind seemed to catch up to her mouth a few seconds later and she flushed a deep red as Ashlyn poked her in the side. “Do you have something you need to tell me?”

“No! No baby, I promise.” She gave her a kiss.

“Chris, we should throw you an engagement party!” Julie said. “Let’s do it the weekend after next!"

“Oh! Um… well that’s not very much notice, I don’t know that my dad and sisters could fly out that soon. Not to mention Paige’s family.”

“No, no, not the big official party. Just an impromptu little gathering for us,” she clarified.

“You mean like we already do every Friday?” Crystal laughed.

“Yes, but with a theme! And Zach will be in town so he can come, everyone can invite their significant others, we’ll dress up, it’ll be a lot of fun!”

“I agree with Julie,” Ali said, reaching out for Christen’s arm. “It can be a celebration of your engagement and also just… kind of a palette cleanser of sorts. To let Paige know that we’re happy for you guys.”

Christen glanced around the table, noticing that everyone was nodding along with the exception of Tobin who was staring just off to the side, her body uncharacteristically still. “Are you sure?”

It was Kelley who spoke up. “Yeah. Consider it a peace-making gesture.” She gave a small smile, and Christen’s heart warmed at the effort she was obviously making.

“Okay. If you guys don’t mind…”

“Ah! This is going to be so much fun! We’ll find a restaurant with a party room and we’ll decide on a theme…” Julie began to excitedly plan out loud and Christen reached out and took Kelley’s hand.

“Thank you,” she mouthed silently.

X

_She was at the bookshelf in her classroom, tidying and straightening the books her students had shoved in haphazardly before leaving for the day._

_“Chris?” She turned over her shoulder to find Tobin standing just inside her classroom door._

_“Hi! Um, what are you doing here?” She started to walk towards her but Tobin took several strides forward, meeting her halfway._

_She brought a hand up to cup Christen’s cheek, tilting her head just so. “I just couldn’t wait any longer.” Then her lips were on Christen’s. It was a beautiful kiss, strong and wanting without being over the top, and Christen’s hands were in Tobin’s hair before she could stop herself. She smoothed the soft brown strands back and returned every ounce of passion and desire that Tobin was giving her. Suddenly Tobin was walking her backwards, moving them until Christen’s butt hit the edge of her desk. Tobin grabbed her by the hips and lifted her up, perching her on the surface, then recapturing her lips._

_Christen wrapped her legs around Tobin’s waist without a thought, not caring that the action made her dress slide towards her waist, baring herself to anyone who walked into her classroom._

_Tobin’s hands were on her chest._

_Tobin’s mouth had dipped to suck at her pulse point._

_Christen was sure this was how she would die._

_“Please,” she begged, her hips bucking upwards._

_“What do you want?” Tobin’s voice was low and raspy._

_“Fuck, please…”_

_She rolled her hips against Christen’s, the roughness of her jeans against Christen’s underwear making Christen gasp and whine. “Tell me…”_

_“Fuck,” she choked out. “You. Want you.”_

_“Oh yeah? And what do you want me to do?”_

_“Fuck me, please.”_

_Tobin kissed her again, both of them gasping for air, Christen biting at Tobin’ lips. Her hand came between their bodies, slipping into Christen’s underwear and earning a low moan._

_“God you’re beautiful. So beautiful Christen.”_

_“Please.”_

_And then her fingers were pressing inside of her, filling her up in the best way possible and stealing the breath from her lungs. “Fuck,” she repeated, rolling her hips up to meet Tobin’s thrusts._

_“Yeah baby, how does that feel?”_

_“So good… God…”_

_“You feel so good around my fingers,” Tobin panted, pressing even further._

_“Fuck, Tobin…”_

_“That’s right, let it out.”_

_“Tobin…. Yes, fuck!”_

_“Chrissy…”_

_Christen gasped, her back arching as her body began to tighten, nearing the brink of what she could already tell would be an incredible orgasm._

“Chrissy!”

Her eyes snapped open in confusion. She wasn’t in her classroom. She was in bed, judging by the mattress beneath her body and the shadowy ceiling above her. She had been dreaming. She wasn’t there and Tobin wasn’t here.

But Paige was.

Her girlfriend’s face was shoved into her own before she had a moment to process anything. Her features, only half lit by the lamp that had been switched on, were contorted in rage.

“Chrissy!” she repeated.

“Wha- Paige!” she gasped out, realizing that while it had all been a dream her body was still very much aroused, her heart pounding and her chest heaving. She tried to sit up and Paige put a hand on her shoulder, holding her in place.

“What the fuck?”

“I didn’t… I don’t…” She had no idea what to say.

“What were you dreaming about?” she demanded.

“Nothing,” Christen stammered out and Paige jabbed a finger at her.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.”

“I, I , I was at school,” she started off, and Paige shifted above her, the hand holding her down bordering on painful.

“You’re fucking lying to me again!”

“Paige, I-”

“I heard you, Chrissy!” Her eyes filled with furious tears. “I heard you. I woke up to find you squirming around, gasping, moaning, and for one stupid fucking moment I thought maybe you were dreaming about me. That you wanted me. And then you said… that stupid fucking bitch’s name.”

“Paige, I’m sor-”

“That’s not good enough! Your useless, empty apologies aren’t good enough, Chrissy. Not when I know you’re fucking her behind my back like a little bitch in heat!”

“It’s- no, it’s not like that, Paige, please, just let me-”

“It’s not? You’re seriously going to pretend like you didn’t just moan another woman’s name in my bed?”

“I was asleep!” she gasped. “I was dreaming!”

“You were getting off to someone else while I was right next to you!” Paige screamed.

“Please, Paige, it wasn’t like that-”

“Oh yeah?” Paige shifted above her again, her forearm pressed against her chest as the other hand made for the waistband of Christen’s sleep shorts.

“Paige, no-”

Her hand forced its way into Christen’s underwear, fingers probing and searching. Christen struggled underneath her, twisting her hips to try and get away, but Paige leaned her full weight into her hold, sobbing as she found what she was looking for.

“I fucking knew it. You stupid bitch, wet and moaning for her. How could you do this to me?” she cried.

“Paige- I didn’t- st-” She cried out as Paige's hand moved high, pressing against her clit.

“Is this what she did to you?” Paige hissed. “Or did she fuck you?”

“Stop,” Christen sobbed. “Please Paige, stop.”

“That’s not what you were saying when you were dreaming about her. You were begging for it.”

“Paige-“

“Shut up!” She withdrew her fingers from Christen’s underwear. Christen gave a ragged sob and then Paige's fingers were pressing against her lips, the smell of her own arousal hitting her nose and making her stomach roll.

Christen’s entire body shook with sobs, unable to comprehend anything that was happening. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be.

Suddenly Paige’s arm was no longer holding her down, she climbed out of bed, wiping at her face. “How could you do this to me?” she asked.

“I didn’t…” Christen sobbed. “I didn’t sleep with her, I don’t know why-”

“How am I ever supposed to trust you again?” She covered her mouth as the tears overwhelmed her again. “Why, Chrissy?”

Her body shuddered. “I didn’t…”

“Do you understand how much this hurts me?”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

“I can’t… I can’t even look at you right now.” Paige turned and walked from the room, slamming the door behind her as she did.

Christen rolled onto her back, wiping at her lips, trying to silence her tears. All she wanted was to live happily with the woman she loved, why did it seem that it was always just out of reach? Every time she thought they were almost there, something would go horribly wrong.

She pulled herself out of the bed and shuffled over to the dresser. She pushed her shorts and underwear over her hips, kicking them out of the way before pulling on a pair of underwear and sweatpants from her drawer. She grasped the top of the dresser, her knuckles turning white as she tried to breathe in and out.

Without thinking she crossed to the nightstand and picked up her phone, pulling up her contacts. She found herself staring at the screen. Who exactly did she think she was going to call? Her dad? Tyler? Kelley?

Tobin?

She put her phone back down, swallowing hard. She couldn’t call anyone. How would she possibly explain what had just happened? Her cheeks burned at the thought.

She sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward and burying her face in her hands.

Why did it always feel like for every two steps forward she was forced to take one step back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies!!! I hope you're all enjoying this lovely Feelings Friday, and staying safe, sane, happy, and healthy.  
> Also, I love you guys.
> 
> Here's Chapter 18

She woke up to painful, swollen eyes. She didn’t know what time she had fallen asleep, only that she had been alone in Paige’s bed, her girlfriend nowhere in sight. She laid there, staring up at the ceiling, trying to process everything that had happened the night before.

_‘I think she’ll do anything it takes to make sure you’re completely under her control. And once her words stop working eventually it’s going to escalate.’_ She took a deep breath, fighting to shove Pinoe’s words out of her mind. That’s not at all what this was.

Things had just gotten out of hand. Paige had been mad and she had…

_Shoved her hand into your underwear while you begged her to stop._

She sat up, giving her head a shake. Last night had been a bad night by all accounts. Paige had been upset, and didn’t she have the right to be? After all, how would Christen feel if she’d woken up to Paige moaning, dreaming about making love to someone else?

Her cheeks flushed as the dream came flooding back to her. Tobin’s lips, Tobin’s hands… It had felt so incredible.

_It was just a dream. She’s your friend. And how could she possibly be attracted to you?_

A clatter from the kitchen pulled her attention, and she eased out of bed. She picked up her phone and made her way slowly out of the bedroom, down the short hallway.

Paige was standing at the stove, stirring eggs in a pan. She looked up when Christen walked in and gave her a smile.

“Morning baby. Do you want some coffee?”

Chris sat down at her small dining table and nodded. “Sure.” Paige poured her a cup and brought it to the table, sliding it in front of her and kissing her temple.

“There you go. Breakfast will be ready soon.”

“Okay.” Christen watched as Paige crossed back over to the stove, humming absently. She felt like she had been dropped into a twilight zone, as if everything from the night before had been nothing but a nightmare. Paige pulled two plates from the cabinet and served eggs on each one.

“These are really good,” Christen said after a few bites.

“Thanks!” Paige smiled. “I threw in a little garlic and onion powder.”

She nodded absently. “It’s great.”

“I have to go into the office today. Apparently we have a briefing due tomorrow morning, so Davis wants me in to work on it,” Paige said, rolling her eyes. “I wish these assholes would realize that if they would just use their brains and write down when things are due, we could all have some semblance of time off.”

“Yeah.”

“But hopefully it’ll just take a few hours. Do you want to meet at your apartment, keep going through your things and packing them up? If we can get through a decent chunk today then you won’t have as much to do during the week.”

Christen blinked at her. “Um, yeah. We can do that.”

Paige tilted her head to one side. “Are you okay?”

She swallowed. “I guess I’m just… a little upset about last night.”

Paige sighed and nodded. She took her empty plate to the sink, and when she came back, she sat on Christen’s lap, cupping her cheek. “I know that I was… upset last night. Obviously. I was just… hurt, Chrissy. I never thought that you… well, we don’t have to get into it again. But I went for a run this morning and it helped clear my head, helped me see everything clearly.”

“It, it did?”

Paige nodded. “I… love you, Christen. I think I have from the first moment I saw you. And, and we’re both human. We’re both going to make mistakes, sometimes. But love… marriage… it’s a choice. That’s what the experts say, right? That marriages only work if you both make the effort to look past the other person’s imperfections, to work for it. And… I’m putting my money where my mouth is.” She tucked a strand of Christen’s hair behind her ear. “I don’t know if you’ve already cheated with her, or if it’s just an emotional thing. But… I can forgive what’s happened in the past. I owe you that, as my future wife. But… only if you promise not to be around her anymore. I want to trust you, I want to believe that you really want to be with me, but I need something in return, baby. I need to know that you’re in this.”

Christen’s mind was whirling. This was not how she had pictured this morning going. “I… I didn’t cheat on you. I never have.”

Paige looked deep into her eyes then nodded. “Okay. I believe you.”

Christen stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. “Last night…”

She sighed. “Neither of us were at our best last night. I think the best thing we can do is just forgive and forget, focus on all of the bright spots coming our way. Right?”

“Forgive and forget…” Christen repeated.

“Yes. I forgive you, Chrissy.” She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Christen, pulling her into a hug that instantly made Christen feel claustrophobic. Paige pulled back and placed a gentle kiss on Christen’s lips. “Okay?” Christen gave a tiny nod and Paige smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Paige stood up, taking Christen’s plate to the sink. Christen gripped her coffee cup, trying to make sense of her scrambled thoughts. Was she overreacting? Had the night before… not been as big of a deal as had thought? She pushed the thoughts away. “I didn’t get the chance to tell you, the girls want to throw us an engagement party.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think Julie is taking charge of it, but Ali, and Kel, and everyone else wanted to have a special something to celebrate us.”

“That’s so sweet! Did they talk about dates?”

“It’s not the big, official party with our families and everything, so she said the weekend after next.”

“Oh good, so we’ll be finished moving your stuff and you’ll have time to get settled in.”

“Yeah.”

“That sounds great, baby.” She smiled as she walked past to grab her work bag.

“Yeah, they’re all pretty excited.” It felt like Christen’s voice was echoing around in her own head.

“I’m going to head into the office, you should head home and get a jump start, and I’ll join you when I can.”

“Okay. Yeah, sounds good.”

Paige made her way to her front door, then stopped, turning around and walking back to Christen. “I have one request for the party.”

“Okay?”

Paige pressed her fingertips into the tabletop. “I don’t want her there.”

“What? Who?”

“Tobin.” Paige’s eyes were staring hard into Christen’s. “I can’t celebrate our future together while she’s staring at you. I don’t want her invited. I’m sorry if that seems petty or stupid, but I don’t want her there.”

“I… um, okay. I… I’ll talk to Ali.”

She gave a small smile. “One more thing?”

“Hm?”

“Block her number.” She slid Christen’s phone closer to her. “Unfollow her on Instagram. Unfriend her on facebook.”

“Paige, that’s-”

“Christen.” She glanced up to find her girlfriend’s face pinched with pain. “Does she really mean that much to you?”

Christen picked up her phone, unlocking it and doing as Paige said, showing her after each step. “There. She’s gone.”

“Thank you.” Paige bent down and gave her a kiss. “I’ll see you in Brooklyn after I’m done at the office. I’ll bring you coffee.” Then she swept out the door and was gone.

X

Sonny dropped her metal lunchbox on the table. “I am so excited- woah, CP, does someone need to switch to decaf?” The loud clatter had made Christen jump in her seat, nearly upending her own lunch in the process.

“Sorry! Sorry, just… tired, I guess. I haven’t been sleeping well the past few nights.”

Ali nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything but you’re looking…”

“Rough?” Christen supplied in a flat voice.

“A little worn down,” she finished. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, like I said, just not sleeping.” It was true. It seemed like no matter how exhausted she was, each night found her laying wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Her thoughts would chase each other, around and around and around, until her head ached and she felt nauseous.

“Have you tried chamomile tea before bed? It knocks me out,” Sonny offered.

“I’ll have to pick some up.”

“Seriously. Or you’re going to fall asleep during your own engagement party,” she laughed.

“Speaking of, are you excited?” Ali asked.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be great, especially with Julie in charge.”

“Hey! And me!” Ali corrected indignantly.

“Sorry,” Christen smiled. That brought something to mind. “Actually, since you’re helping, I do need to talk to you about something.”

“What’s up?”

“I have a change to the guest list.”

“You better not be kicking me off, I have a cute red jumpsuit and a hot date.”

“Who’s your hot date?” Ali asked.

“Um… well, that’s for you to find out,” Sonny mumbled, her cheeks flushing. “If Christen lets me come that is.”

“No, you can totally come Son, it’s not you. It’s… Tobin.” She didn’t miss the quick look that passed between Sonny and Ali.

“What about Tobin?” Ali asked.

“If she could be… taken off the guest list, that would be great.”

“Why? Tobin’s your friend.”

She avoided Ali’s eyes. “Well, yes, she is, but Paige said she would feel more comfortable if Tobin wasn’t there.”

“Paige said that?”

Christen nodded. “Yeah. And… well, marriage is all about compromise, right Al?” she tried with a grin.

“Is this why you ghosted Tobin again?”

Christen looked sharply at Sonny, whose eyebrows were furrowed. “What?”

“Is that why you blocked her number and deleted her off of all of your social media?”

“How do you know that?”

“Kelley told me,” she replied, crossing her arms.

“Well, not that it’s you or Kelley’s business really, but yes,” she replied evenly.

“That’s not… fair.”

Christen gave her head a little shake. “It’s not that big of a deal, Son.”

“I think it is, it feels weird for her to be so against Tobin who’s done nothing to her-”

“Just drop it, Emily.” Her voice came out a little sharper than she intended. _Tobin didn’t do anything, I’m the one who fucked up._

“Are… you sure everything is okay?” Ali asked gently.

Christen buried her face in her hands, rubbing at her eyes. She sighed then lifted her face to look at Ali straight on. “Everything is fine. I guess just… the stress of moving, figuring out what comes with me, what gets thrown out, what gets donated, not to mention finding room for all of my stuff in Paige’s apartment… It’s just a lot. I’ll be okay. I just need a good, solid night of sleep.” She glanced over to see Emily chewing on her lip. “I promise,” she reassured her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. “But anyway, tell me more about this hot date.”

“Yeah, tell us.”

Her cheeks went pink again. “No, I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have said anything, I was just trying to be funny. I don’t even know… I don’t know that it’s a date.”

“Who is it?” Ali asked.

Sonny glanced at her, then Christen, and Christen immediately knew the answer. “Oh my god, it’s Kelley.”

“No, I don’t… I don’t know! We were talking about the party and what we were going to wear and she kept complaining that she didn’t have anyone to bring and then I was like, Oh just go with me then, and she said yes, and I was like, Oh it’s a date, but that doesn’t mean it’s a date, right? It’s just… two friends? Going to an engagement party that they were both invited to. So it’s really not that big of a deal. Don’t tell her I was making a big deal about it!” she insisted.

Ali gave Christen a sly smile. “So… you asked out the girl you’ve been crushing on for months and she said yes. Look at you, Sonny! Welcome to the big girl leagues!”

“Noooo, it’s not like that,” Sonny insisted with a groan, making Ali laugh.

“Look at what your engagement is doing, Chris. Bringing together two idiots in love.”

“I’m not in love with her! And she’s definitely not in love with me. I would know.”

Ali waved her hand. “Do any of us really know what anyone else is thinking?”

_No,_ Christen answered her in her mind. _We don’t. We’re all just getting along the best we can._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream on tumblr w me @thetheatrelady


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a lot of flashbacks, giving us a look back at how everything began. Also, there were a few comments from people who were frustrated as to why Christen couldn't just wake up and leave, so I wanted to link a few articles:
> 
> https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/why_leaving_abuse_is_hard/
> 
> https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1e4ykr/ladies_who_have_been_in_abusive_relationships_how/

Christen wiped at her forehead and stared into the back of the U-Haul. When it was all said and done, there hadn’t been much to pack and move; her books had been carefully stacked into suitcases and her clothes hung in the wardrobe boxes provided. They had gone through the array of home goods she had acquired over her years in New York: pots, pans, dishes, throw pillows, lamps. Most of it Paige already owned (and better versions of them if Christen was being real), so most of her stuff had been donated.

Her mattress and bed frame had been moved to the curb. Either a neighbor would come along and decide they wanted them, or they would be taken along with the trash. Such was the New York way. They’d decided to bring along her dresser and had simply left all of the clothes in the drawers, carrying them down to the truck individually. Her bookcase was inside, as well as the little antique make up table she had found at a thrift store in Bed Stuy.

Paige came up behind her, looping her arms around her waist and pulling her near, resting her chin on Christen’s shoulder. Christen swallowed down the initial reflex to flinch away from her, telling herself she was being ridiculous. “Alright, that looks like all of it.”

“Yeah,” Christen said softly. “It looks so empty.”

“I guess, but you really didn’t own that much stuff.”

“No,” Christen agreed. “I really don’t.”

“But now that we’re living together it won’t be like your sublets. What’s mine is yours. You have a couch and a dining room table and a fully stocked kitchen, all waiting for you in Murray Hill.”

“True.” Christen turned and pressed a kiss to Paige’s cheek. “I’m going to go up and do one last look through, say goodbye to Rose.”

“Alright. I’ll get the truck ready to go.”

Christen took her time climbing to the second floor, running her hand over the wooden bannister. She had really enjoyed her time living with Rose. What had started as a short term sublet a year prior had turned out to be a great living situation and Christen was sad to leave.

She made her way through the apartment, looking for anything she might have missed. She ended up in her room, staring at the empty walls. She gave the floor one last sweep.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” She turned to find Rose in the doorway, laptop in hand.

“I know.”

Rose stretched out a hand, pinching her cheek. “My little girl is growing up.”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Christen laughed.

Rose sighed. “Seriously though. I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too. You can always join us for happy hour though!” she added hopefully.

Rose laughed. “Yeah, that’s not really my scene.”

“Yeah, but I thought I would try one last time. When does the new girl get here?”

“Day after tomorrow. She’s an engineering student at Columbia, so she’s moving from the dorms.”

“Got it. Well… I guess I better go. I left my key on the kitchen counter.”

Rose placed her laptop on the ground and stepped forward, giving Christen a rare hug. “I really will miss you. You’re the best roommate I’ve ever had.”

“Love you, Rose. Text me anytime.”

“You too.”

Christen let herself out of the apartment and quickly made her way downstairs and into the passenger seat of the moving truck. Paige smiled at her from the driver’s seat. “Alright. Ready?”

She smiled back. “Here we go.”

_“Chrissy?” Paige’s voice sounded slightly hysterical._

_“What? What’s wrong?”_

_“It’s here.”_

_“What- oh! It’s here? I thought it would be another few weeks?”_

_“So did I, but it’s here!”_

_“Oh wow.” Paige had taken the California bar exam in July and they had been waiting on the results for over three months._

_“Can… can you come over? I mean, are you busy? If you are it’s fine-”_

_“No, no I’m not busy! Let me find my shoes and I’ll jump in the car. Don’t open it yet, just… just breathe. I’m on my way.”_

_She had resisted the urge to break the speed limit on the way to Paige’s apartment, knowing that her girlfriend was more than likely staring at the envelope, fixated on what it might contain._

_She knocked on the door and Paige tore it open. “This is crazy. It’s just a piece of paper. Right? This isn’t such a big deal. This isn’t life or death. This is fine, right?” Her face was so pinched with anxiety that Christen couldn’t help but lean in, giving her a kiss and smoothing her hands across her shoulders._

_“Everything’s going to be fine. But let’s open it before you have a heart attack, okay?”_

_“Okay,” Paige said with a slight chuckle. They both sat down on the couch, the envelope on the coffee table. Paige took a deep breath then leaned forward. Christen covered her hand with her own at the last second, stopping her._

_“Hey. Whatever this says… you should be proud of yourself. You spent hours upon hours studying for the bar exam. And if you passed then that’s awesome and we are totally going out for margaritas, because it’s an incredible thing that deserves to be celebrated. And if the results aren’t what you hoped… you shouldn’t be any less proud of yourself. Because you worked your ass off.”_

_Paige leaned forward and gave Christen a kiss. “Thank you. That means more to me than you can possibly know.”_

_“Okay now open it!” Christen clasped her hands under her chin, every bit as nervous as Paige as to what the envelope would hold._

_She picked it up and tore it open, pulling out a piece of paper and reading it quickly. She looked up at Christen with wide eyes._

_“Well? What does it say?” Christen asked._

_“I passed.” She glanced down at the letter, rereading it quickly before looking back up. “I passed, Chrissy!”_

_“Oh my god!” Christen threw her arms around Paige’s shoulders, hugging her hard. “Oh my god! I mean, of course you did, you’re a bad ass. I’m so proud of you!”_

_“Oh my god… I did it. I passed. Holy shit.” She cupped Christen’s cheek. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”_

_“Oh you don’t-”_

_“No, I’m serious,” Paige insisted. “You make everything in my life better.”_

_“Stop it,” Christen said bashfully._

_“I mean it.” Paige gave her another kiss. “Oh my… I can’t believe I passed. I’m going to be a lawyer!”_

_“You are!”_

_Paige smiled, leaning their heads together. “Thank you. For everything. I love you so much.”_

The managed to only get caught in traffic a few times between Brooklyn and Paige’s apartment. The doorman helped them get everything inside and before Christen knew it they were getting everything situated. It was like an oversized game of Tetris, finding the way Christen’s bookcase slotted into the space between the television stand and the window, squeezing Paige’s winter coats and sweaters into an under the bed box so that there was enough room for Christen in the closet. Her mugs joined Paige’s in the cabinet above the coffee pot.

Everything seemed to be fitting perfectly together, which was easing the last of Christen’s worries that this wasn’t a good idea.

_“I want pizza!” came Kelley’s loud voice from the living room._

_Christen rolled her eyes. “You always want pizza.”_

_“Yes but today I neeeed it.” It had been a few weeks since Kelley had completely blown out her ankle in the college semifinals, cementing Stanford’s fate of not getting revenge over UNC for last year’s championship upset as well destroying any hope Kelley had of playing professional soccer. She had been vacillating between coming to terms with this reality, periods of intense rage when she would inflect as much damage on her room as she possibly could with her foot in a boot, and jags of heart wrenching tears. The only constant was her bottomless stomach._

_Christen walked into the living room, sliding the back on to her earring. “Like yesterday you neeeeeeded chocolate chip waffles?”_

_“Yes. It’s a need. From my soul.” Kelley squirmed around on the couch to grin at Christen and gave her a quick up and down. “Wowie, look at you Pressy! Don’t you look snazzy!”_

_Christen blushed but gave a little spin, showing off her floral maxi dress. “How does it look?”_

_“Amazing! What’s the special occasion?”_

_She bit her lip and smiled. “I’m going out with Paige again.”_

_“Wait really? This is like… what, date four? Five?”_

_“Officially it’s date four, but there have also been several coffee meet ups that were dates in everything but name.”_

_“Oooh, Paige and Christen, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G-”_

_“Shut up,” Christen laughed, rolling her eyes._

_“Seriously though, what’s the deal?”_

_Christen perched on the edge of the couch. “It… I really like her. Like… a lot, Kel. More than I’ve ever liked anyone.”_

_“More than you like me?” Kelley asked instantly with a fake pout._

_“Not possible,” Christen assured her._

_“Man… four dates.”_

_“I know.” Christen pulled a throw pillow into her lap and began to fiddle with it. “I just… she feels different. She’s so smart and focused and she’s so… I don’t know how to describe it. She makes me feel good. Like I can become a better version of me.”_

_Kelley furrowed her eyebrows. “I like this version of you.”_

_“No, I know, it’s just… she makes me feel like I’m someone important.”_

_“Well you are. You’re incredibly important. To the world, and to me.”_

_“Thanks,” Christen smiled. “And I know, I… I think I love her. And I’ve never been in love before,”_

_“Aw, Pressy!”_

_She shrugged, thrilled but slightly scared of the thought. “But anyway, yeah. Fourth date. We’re getting dinner then going dancing, I think it’s going to be a lot of fun.”_

_“Think the night’s gonna end with you two doing the horizontal mambo?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows._

_“Kelley!” But the blush across her cheeks told Kelley everything she needed to know._

_“Oh my god you already have! How was it? You have to tell me everything!”_

_Christen smiled and stood up. “Lucky for me, it’s actually time for me to leave.”_

_Kelley tried to hop up from the couch but gave a loud gasp when the sudden movement pulled at her recovering ankle. She let out a slow breath, grimacing against the plain. Christen put her hand on her shoulder. “How’s this: after my date I’ll pick up a frozen pizza and some ice cream and when I get home I’ll spill all the details.”_

_“Even the sick and twisted ones?”_

_Christen laughed. “Trust me when I say I leave the twistedness to you.”_

_“Probably for the best.”_

_“Okay, I’ve gotta go. I don’t want to be late.” She bustled out the door, hurrying to her car. She took a deep breath before she turned the key._

_Love… yeah, she could get used to the sound of that._

That night, Christen collapsed into Paige’s- no, their bed. She always conveniently forgot how exhausting moving was. She stretched her arms above her head with a loud groan.

“You alright?” Paige asked.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna be crazy sore tomorrow,”

“You and me both,” she laughed. She climbed into the bed and slowly began to crawl up Christen’s body, leaving little kisses behind as she did. “Welcome home, baby,” she whispered when she met her lips.

“Thank you,” she whispered back.

“So what do you say, wanna celebrate?” Paige asked, arching an eyebrow. She dipped her head to kiss Christen’s neck and Christen felt as if all the air had been sucked from the room.

“Actually… I’m pretty tired, baby. Maybe… maybe not tonight.”

“Oh… okay.” Paige gave her another kiss then rolled off of her. Christen reached over and turned off the lamp. She stared up at the ceiling as Paige settled in next to her, an arm thrown across her stomach.

_Home,”_ she repeated over and over to herself. _This is our home. This is where we’ll start our marriage._

She practiced her breathing exercises but sleep remained elusive as always.

_She stared down at her book, her head in her hands and her eyes full of tears. She had been at this for hours and felt like she was losing it. She figured it was almost time to give up and go home. Maybe after a break and something to eat and maybe a shower she wouldn’t feel like her brain was rotting in her head._

_“Excuse me?” She glanced up to find a tall brunette in a green sweater. Christen couldn’t help herself from staring at her sharp cheekbones and long eyelashes. “Are you alright?”_

_“I uh… yeah. Yeah, sorry. Just… midterms, y’know?”_

_“Yeah, I get it. What are you reading?”_

_She held up the battered book for the girl to see. “The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Or at least, I’m trying to.”_

_The girl laughed and pulled out a chair at her table, making Christen suddenly very conscious of the fact that she couldn’t remember the last time she showered. “It can’t be that bad, the Disney movie is incredible.”_

_“True,” Christen nodded, “And the story in itself is fascinating, you can’t help but really identify with Quasimodo, it’s just… it turns out I don’t give a shit about French architecture?” she offered, making the other girl laugh. “He just drones on and on.”_

_“Well that would make sense seeing as he was paid by the word.”_

_“Boy did that backfire,” Christen mumbled, earning another laugh._

_“I’m Paige, by the way.” She held out her hand and Christen shook it._

_“Christen.”_

_“I couldn’t help looking over here because while you’re certainly the cutest girl in this library, you also might be the most distressed.”_

_Christen coughed, feeling embarrassingly touched at the compliment. “Yeah, I probably need to take a break before I throw my book out the window.”_

_“Don’t do that, if you hit someone you’ll be liable for their murder,” Paige laughed. “How about we save you from that fate and go down to the café for a coffee instead?”_

_“No, I should-”_

_“Please? My treat. You need a break from 19 th century France.”_

_Christen hesitated for a moment. She wasn’t one to strike up conversations in libraries, to grab coffees with cute strangers. But this girl, Paige, she looked so hopeful, that she found herself nodding._

_“That sounds… like a great idea, actually.”_

_Paige smiled. “I’m glad you think so. Let's go."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very important, long sought after chapter, and as such is dedicated to my lavender husband, George (TwoAmusements). You're the best friend a girl could ask for, and I love you more than life itself. Happy Birthday, Moony <3

“Chrissy, have you seen my black heels?”

Christen leaned out of the bathroom. “The ones you wore to work yesterday? Check by the front door.” She resumed applying mascara.

“I don’t see- ah.” A few moments later Paige was smiling at her in the mirror. “Found ‘em.”

“By the front door?”

“Behind the plant. How do I look?”

Christen turned to look at her. “Beautiful,” she smiled. Paige’s hair was styled in just barely there waves, the slightest bit of eyeliner setting off her eyes. She was wearing a silky purple dress, one that hugged her body in the best way possible. It was a very different look from the conservative suits Paige wore for work, but Christen definitely wasn’t complaining.

“You’re one to talk.” She reached out and tugged gently on the wide bell sleeves of Christen’s white eyelet romper. “You look incredible. Like a bride.”

Christen blushed. “Thank you.” She had went shopping with Ali and Becky, specifically wanting something that would make her look the part.

Paige glanced at her watch. “What time does it start?”

“Well, everyone is getting there at 7:00, but we’re not supposed to arrive until 7:30. Julie said it’s so we can have a proper entrance.”

Paige laughed. “Well who are we to argue?” She pulled Christen into a loose hug. “I love you so much, you know that?”

“Well I should hope so,” Christen grinned.

“I’m being serious. You’re my favorite person.”

Christen gave her a soft, sweet kiss. “I love you too.”

Paige called a car and they made their way into the elevator and down to the ground floor. The doorman gave them a wide smile as he held the door for them, saying that they both looked breathtaking. Paige squeezed her hand as they slid into their car.

“He’s right.”

Christen smiled and pulled out her phone. “You never said whether or not Miles was going to make it tonight.”

Paige groaned. “Who knows. He’s a bit of a bro, so a very tasteful, romantic dinner celebrating two people in love isn’t really his style. He said he would try but I’m not holding my breath. He’s more of a beer and football type.”

She laughed. “Well you should have let it slip that Julie’s husband plays for the Giants.”

Paige just smiled. “Eh, I didn’t want him there that bad.” She was silent for a moment. “Who are you texting?”

“Oh, just Ali to let her know we’re on our way.”

“It really was so nice of them to throw you this party.”

“To throw _us_ this party,” Christen gently corrected.

“Did you talk to Ali about the guest list?”

“I did.”

“And?”

Christen swallowed. “It’s taken care of.”

“Are you sure?”

“She said she would take care of it,” she repeated.

“Okay. I trust you.”

They walked into the little Italian place hand in hand, giving their names to the hostess and being led through the restaurant to a roped off area full of their friends. Julie was the first to see them and she yelled over everyone.

“Congratulations!” This got the group’s attention and they all turned and began blowing on noise makers.

“Congratulations!” they echoed.

“Thank you, thank you!” Christen smiled. They both made their way through the small crowd, giving out hugs and thanking everyone for coming.

“Paige, this is Crystal’s husband Pierre. Pierre, this is my fiancée Paige.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Paige said, shaking his hand.

“And you as well.”

“Is that a French accent I hear?” she asked.

He laughed, holding up his hands. “Yes, yes, you caught me.”

“Crystal and Pierre met when she was completing a summer intensive at the Paris Opera Ballet.”

“I took one step into his training room and fell in love,” Crystal grinned.

“And I put her right out and told her to come back when she had grown into her tutu,” he said sternly, earning a laugh.

“So I did,” she shrugged.

Becky came up just then with her partner Zola and Christen gave her a hug. “I haven’t seen Kelley yet, have you?”

Becky glanced around. “Hm. I mean, I’m sure she’s around somewhere.”

“Yeah… I just expected her to be up front and center.”

“Paige, you look beautiful. This is my partner Zola…” Christen tuned out the rest of the introductions, trying not to be too obvious as she tried to catch a glimpse of her best friend.

“Chrissy.” Her attention was pulled by a hand on her elbow, “I could use a drink, how about you?”

“Yes,” she answered gratefully, and let Paige lead her to the drinks station.

She was halfway through her glass of champagne when she spotted a flash of red. “Sonnett!”

The blonde turned around, giving her a big grin. “CP!” She gave a thumbs up with the hand not holding a piece of mini ricotta toast. “You look swell.”

“Thanks,” Christen chuckled. “I’ve actually been on the lookout for you. Where’s your hot date?”

Emily’s cheeks flushed and she looked oddly nervous. “Um… I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… uh, she was going to be late, so we decided to come separately instead.”

Christen narrowed her eyes. “Why is she going to be late?”

“I don’t know. Probably something to do with work or something,” she replied, fidgeting with the napkin her appetizer was resting on.

“But Pinoe’s here.”

Emily chuckled slightly. “Like I said, don’t really know, so-”

But at that moment, movement caught Christen’s eye and she glanced up, feeling her blood turn cold. Standing in the archway, hair pulled partway back, jaw set firmly, the way it did when she was facing down an opponent on the soccer field, was Kelley.

And standing just slightly behind her, was Tobin.

A thousand thoughts swirled through her brain. Had she dreamed having that conversation with Ali? Had she somehow failed to convey how important is was that Tobin not attend this party? Had Ali ignored her request? Had Tobin?

Before she had the chance to do anything, Paige was beside her, hand encircling her wrist. “What the hell?” she whispered harshly into her ear.

“I don’t… Paige, I told Ali… I didn’t-”

“This is just fucking great,” she hissed, then turned and cut through their crowd of friends.

Christen turned back to stare at Kelley in shock. What was going on?

Kelley took a few steps forward and Christen finally found her tongue. “What is… how… why…”

“Julie said to bring a guest. So Tobin’s my plus one.”

_How fucking dare she,_ Christen seethed silently. Kelley knew that Tobin hadn’t been invited, she knew how Paige felt about her. She knew that this would cause a mess and she had forged ahead in a typical Kelley manner.

“Great,” she finally choked out, before turning and following Paige through the crowd. She looked into several little side rooms, not seeing anyone, before coming upon the bathrooms. She knocked on the door marked ladies.

“Paige?”

“Just go away!” came the tearful, angry reply.

She rested her head against the door frame. “Paige… I’m sorry. I don’t know how… or why, I’m so sorry.”

“I asked for one thing, Chrissy. One thing!”

“I know. I know…”

“Just… can you give me a minute?”

“Yeah. Of course. I’ll be out there.” She slowly walked back to where everyone they knew was talking and laughing.

She grabbed another glass of champagne, taking several sips to steady her shaking hands. Julie appeared at her side. “Are you having fun so far?”

“Yeah,” she answered absently. “It’s great, really beautiful.”

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t you like it?”

Christen took a deep breath and forced a smile to her face. “I love it, Jules. Really, it’s incredible. Sorry, Paige isn’t feeling well, I’m fine, really.”

“I’m so glad,” she said softly, squeezing Christen’s forearm. “Zach said I was going crazy overboard, that we didn’t need so many food options, but-”

“No, it’s honestly great. You should think about going into event planning.”

“You really think so?”

Christen saw Tobin tugging Kelley out of the room out of the corner of her eye but ignored it, “I think you would be incredible.”

She made her way through several more friends, showing her ring when prompted, answering the questions asked of her, all the while stewing on how her best friend had just fucked her relationship over.

After nearly twenty minutes, she still hadn’t seen Paige, and decided to go back to the bathroom and try again. She found the bathroom unoccupied, however, and began peeking her head into some of the other rooms, praying that her fiancée hadn’t been so upset that she decided to bail on their engagement party.

She was about to give up when she heard her Paige’s voice. She stepped into the doorway to find Paige facing away from her, in an intense staring contest with none other than Kelley O’Hara.

“You really have some nerve, you know it,” Paige spit.

“Pot calling the kettle black, don’t you think?”

“You’re pathetic, Kelley. Running around, playing in your little soccer games, still trying to be the big man on campus. But of course, you can’t do that without Christen hanging out in your shadow, can you?”

“You don’t-”

“Don’t what? Don’t see exactly what the fuck this is? You brought her here specifically because you were told not to, because you’re willing to do whatever it takes to tear us apart.”

“I didn’t think-” Christen glanced to the side to see Tobin against the wall, arms hugging around herself, but her attention was quickly drawn back to Kelley and Paige.

“Shut up! Like I give a shit what you think,” Paige scoffed. “You’re just the girl who fucked my fiancée.”

“Christen’s never cheated on you and you know it,” Kelley said, shoving her finger in Paige’s face.

“No, I don’t know it. But it’s fine because I won. I won, and you lost Kelley. The day I slipped that ring on her finger, I beat you.”

Kelley’s face was red, pinched with fury. “Shut the-”

“Go ahead. Hit me,” Paige taunted. “See how that goes over. Let me call the cops. And then you can try to explain to Chrissy why in the world you would attack her fiancée.” She gave her head a sarcastic shake. “Typical Kelley. Getting herself into trouble with her fists.”

Kelley shoved her clenched fists down to her sides. “I’m not going to hit you. You’re not worth the mug shot.”

“Just go ahead and run home like the little bitch that you are, Kelley. Face what we both know: Chrissy chose me. And once we say our vows, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she never sees you again, if it’s the last thing I do. And you,” she said, turning to glare at Tobin, “I hope you had fun while it lasted. Hope you enjoyed my sloppy seconds.”

“Is that… really what you think of me?” Paige whipped around and suddenly all three women were staring at Christen. “I’m just… your sloppy seconds?”

“Chrissy… no baby. It’s not- you didn’t hear the full conversation,” Paige hastily tried to explain.

“I heard enough,” Christen whispered. “Have you… did you ever love me?”

Paige’s mouth fell open. “Baby of course I love you.”

Christen felt the tears welling up in her eyes. “Do you? You love me so much that, that you, cornered my best friend, threatening her? That you put down my friends, that you call them names, that you call _me_ names?” she gasped as the tears began to pour down her face, almost as if they were washing away the blinders she had been wearing for so many years, Paige’s voice seemed to echo through her head, shouts of _stupid baby,_ of _you selfish bitch,_ of _slut_ and _whore_ and countless other things that threatened to bring Christen to her knees.

“Chrissy I love you-”

“If this what love feels like then I think I would rather be alone,” Christen forced out.

Paige took a few steps forward. “You… you don’t mean that. Chrissy, we’re going to get married-”

“No,” Christen interrupted. “I don’t think we are.”

Paige stared at her in shock. “Chrissy you’re not thinking clearly.”

“No, I am. It took an embarrassing amount of time, but I am. I’m thinking clearly and finally seeing you for who you are. We’re over, Paige. The wedding is off.”

She turned and walked out of the room, needing to go, to get away from here, to find somewhere safe and secluded to finally break down. She ran into Ali as she tried to skirt past their party. “Christen, it’s time for the- what happened? Are you okay?” Christen brushed past, grabbing her clutch from where she had placed it, but only made it a few more steps before a hand gripped her elbow, twisting her around.

“We need to talk about this,” Paige begged, her own cheeks wet with tears now.

“I’m done talking. I’ve heard everything I need to hear.”

“Chrissy, you don’t understand-”

“I understand plenty, Paige! I’m not a child!”

Her eyes hardened slightly. “Then stop acting so immature.”

Christen tried to pull away. “It’s over, and there’s nothing more to say, now let me go-”

Paige tightened her grip on her elbow, grabbing the other to keep Christen in place. “Don’t you dare try to walk out on me-”

She was cut off by someone grabbing her from behind, pulling her away from Christen. Ashlyn immediately stepped between them, getting in Paige’s face. “She said to let her go.” Her normally goofy, carefree voice was low and dangerous.

“Get out of my way,” Paige seethed. “This doesn’t involve you.”

“Get the fuck out of here, or it’s going to involve me,” she spat back.

Paige staggered a few steps back, turning to pick up her bag and finding the entire party staring in silence. She snatched it up and turned back to Christen. “You’ll regret this. Once you realize what you’ve done, you’ll come crawling back to me, but don’t be so sure I’ll want you.”

And then Paige was gone.

Suddenly Ali was by her side, asking if she was okay. She looked into her eyes and opened her mouth, unsure of what to say. In the end, she didn’t need to say anything. The sobs began and she threw her arms around Ali, her knees buckling as her world crashed around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened! Come celebrate with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21! AKA the crying chapter, AKA Kelley is the best friend a girl could ever ask for
> 
> Also, slight trigger warning for discussion of suicide in the second half

The rest of the party was a bit of a blur. One minute, Christen was in Ali’s arms, sobbing, unable to fathom everything that had just happened as all of the guests awkwardly looked on, unsure of what to do. The next she was being gently transferred to Kelley as Ali and Julie went about seeing to everything. Kelley held her tightly, stroking her back and hair as their friends silently filed out of the restaurant, as Julie explained everything to the staff, assuring them that she would still cover the agreed upon bill, as the banner reading ‘Congratulations Paige & Christen!” was hurriedly pulled from the wall.

Christen pressed her face into Kelley’s shoulder, her hands fisted in her shirt. At one point she pulled back to look at her best friend. “Why?” she asked.

“Why what?” Kelley asked, licking nervously at her lips.

“Why did this happen? Why… Why did you bring her here?” The last part came out in a barely audible whisper.

Kelley swallowed hard and guided her into a chair, pulling another next to it and wrapping har arm around her. “I… I wish I was sorry, but I’m not. I mean, I am. I’m so sorry for the way Paige treated you, just now and for the past couple of years. I’m sorry that this is how it ended. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. But I’m not sorry that you saw her for who she is.”

“She was my fiancée, Kel, we were getting married-” she cut off, looking down at her hand. “What am I supposed to do with this ring?” She suddenly sat straight up, her eyes wide. “My stuff! We just- I just moved in with her!”

“We’ll figure out how to get your stuff-”

Christen came to her feet, hands pressing on her chest. “When I go back tonight, I’ll grab as much as I can-”

“Christen.” Kelley gently took her by the shoulders and turned her to meet her head on. “You’re not going back there tonight.”

“No, Kelley, yes I am-”

“No way! It’s a horrible idea.”

Christen pulled out of her grasp. “I don’t have anything with me! I don’t even have my normal wallet.” She picked up her clutch and opened it up to anxiously push around the contents. “I have my ID, my key, lipstick, and a few old tampons. I don’t have my debit card! I don’t even have a phone charger!”

“You can borrow a phone charger,” Ali said softly, walking closer.

Christen kept her head down, not wanting to look at her yet. “I don’t have clothes, I don’t have anything.”

“We can lend you clothes.”

She wiped at her face. “Everything I have… is in that apartment. I don’t even have a bed, mine is probably in a Brooklyn landfill by now.”

Ali moved a little closer, rubbing at her back. “I know this all seems overwhelming, but we’re here for you, okay? Anything you need, we’ve got you.”

“I don’t have anywhere to live,” Christen said in a mortified whisper.

“That’s not true.” She peeked up to find Kelley with her hands on her hips. “You’re coming home with me, You can stay as long as you want. Chateau O’Hara will always be open for you.”

Christen began to cry again, letting herself be pulled into Kelley’s arms.

X

Sunday was spent in Kelley’s bed, sitcoms playing on her TV as she stroked Christen’s hair, cooking them both food and gently prodding her into eating it. For her part, Christen stared at the television screen without taking in anything that was happening. Her mind kept chasing itself in circles, trying to pinpoint the exact moment everything in her life had begun to spiral.

An angry, selfish part of her wanted to blame Tobin’s appearance in her life, but that wasn’t really true. When she forced herself to look back at their relationship without the rose colored glasses that love had lended her, she knew that the problems with Paige had begun much, much earlier than that.

She called in sick to work the next day. She took a shower at Kelley’s request, picked at the breakfast put in front of her, and dutifully shuffled down the stairs behind her. She was so spaced out, only a little guilty at not responding to Kelley’s attempts at conversation, that she didn’t realize where they were going until they were approaching the building.

“Kel… what’s going on?”

“We’re here to retrieve your things, Pressy,”

“I… I know I don’t have a ton but it’s going to be more than we can carry between the two of us.”

“I figured. That’s why I called in reinforcements.” Kelley gestured ahead to a small group leaning against the side of the building, sunglasses on and coffee cups in hand. A small smile came to her face when she recognized them as Ashlyn, Pinoe, and Tobin.

“You guys…” she trailed off, unable to come up with the words to convey how touched she was that they were taking time out of their lives to help try and detangle her messed up life.

“I got you a coffee,” Pinoe said, handing her a cup. “Vanilla iced latte, almond milk, extra shot of espresso.”

“I rented a van, it’s parked around the corner and I can pull it up to the loading dock when we get your stuff downstairs,” Ashlyn added, giving Christen a hug.

Her glance at Tobin must have seemed a little expectant, because she was given a small smile, her hands shoved in the pockets of her jeans. “I was on time to this?”

It lessened the tension, making them all chuckle a bit. Christen led the way inside.

The doorman brightened a bit when he saw her. “Miss Chrissy! Good morning! Why aren’t you at school?”

Christen forced a smile, pulling self consciously at the sleeves of the Stanford hoodie she had pulled from Kelley’s closet when she was getting dressed. “Taking a personal day.”

“Miss Paige has been very worried about you, she asked us to call if we saw you,” he said, hand reaching towards the phone.

“No!” Her voice was too loud, and she made herself pull back. “Everything is fine, Basil. I… I actually won’t be here too long. I just need to grab a few things. You don’t need to call her.”

He gave her an appraising look. “Okay. Whatever you say.”

She led the group to the apartment, letting them in with her key. She kept her head down, not wanting to see the pictures of herself on the walls and let herself be snapped into action. She began going through a mental list of everything she owned and giving directions accordingly.

It went quickly, none of them talking much. She ended up grabbing a box of trash bags from underneath the kitchen sink, dumping her clothes inside so that her suitcases could be used for books instead. She combed the apartment, trying to grab everything that she needed, while mentally sacrificing the things that wouldn’t make the trip.

“Alright Chris, what else?” Pinoe asked.

Christen shook her head. “I think that’s it. I mean, technically that’s my dresser and my bookcase, but… I don’t really have anywhere for them to go, so…” She took a deep breath. I’ll just get new ones, it’s fine.”

The other three women shared a look, then Ashlyn and Tobin walked over to her now empty dresser, picking it up and slowly shuffling it towards the door.

“No, guys really-”

Pinoe put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s your furniture and we’re taking it. You shouldn’t have to start from scratch.”

“But where-”

“I have a storage unit they can live in until we find you a place.”

Christen opened her mouth to argue, but decided against it. Instead she leaned in closer, letting Pinoe wrap her arms around her.

They had already dropped the furniture at the storage unit and were in the process of finding places for her things in Kelley’s apartment when her phone began to ring.

_Paige._

She ignored it, but it kept vibrating, over and over. After ten missed calls she switched to texting.

**‘Chrissy what the fuck?? Where is all of your stuff?’**

**‘You came while I was at work and moved yourself out? What the fuck, we’re supposed to be a team, do I not get any say?’**

**‘Call me back, we have to talk this through’**

**‘How are we supposed to get married if you refuse to talk to me? God this is so immature.’**

**‘Whatever. Don’t know what I ever saw in you anyway. You’re just a fat, slutty bitch who will never amount to anything but a good fuck’**

**‘No, I take that back. You’re not a good fuck. You’re a shitty fuck. I don’t know why I even waste my time’**

**‘Baby please, just call me back, we can work this out’**

**‘I can’t live without you. If you really do this I won’t be held responsible for my actions. Do you really want my life on your conscience?’**

**‘TEXT ME BACK YOU STUPID BITCH’**

Kelley pried her phone out of her hands, blocking Paige’s number and deleting her off of Christen’s social media. Part of Christen couldn’t help but find it ironic. Several weeks ago it had been Paige demanding she block Tobin, and now it had come to this.

She woke up early the next morning gasping for breath, blurry images of short black hair and dark eyes haunting her as she tried to calm her breathing.

“Are you alright?” She turned her head to find Kelley next to her, propped up on her elbow. Her eyes were worried and serious as she watched her.

“Yeah. It’s fine, it’s just...” she let out a sigh. “Just a nightmare,” she finished quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Kelley said softly. She hesitantly scooted closer, laying a hand on Christen’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not much to talk about.”

“Chris.” She raised her eyes to look at Kelley, just visible in the early morning sun. “I’m here for you.”

Christen took a deep breath. She had known she would have to tell Kelley sooner or later. She just hadn’t been prepared for it to be so soon. “It was a few weeks ago. I was staying with Paige, and I randomly had this... pretty graphic dream about Tobin.”

“A sex dream?”

Christen nodded. “And I guess I said her name while I was still asleep. Because when I woke up, Paige was awake and she was furious.” She couldn’t help her slight shudder as she remembered the outrage and hurt in her then fiancée’s eyes.

“You guys fought?” Kelley guessed sympathetically.

She shook her head slightly. “Not... not really. I was still half asleep and confused, and she was just yelling. I tried to get up but she was holding me to the bed.” Christen swallowed thickly. “She kept calling me a bitch and a slut, asking how I could possibly do this to her. She was, she was so mad.” The last few words came out in a whisper.

“Chris...”

“I tried to tell her that Tobin and I had never done anything, that it wasn’t like that, but she wasn’t listening. She...” Her Heart was racing, her fingers fidgeting along the edge of the sheets until Kelley grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. “She shoved her hand into my pants. To check if I was wet,” she finally said, shame and embarrassment crowding her chest until she could barely breathe. “And... and I was, and it just made her angrier.” Tears began to stream down her cheeks, and she wiped at them angrily with her free hand.

“Oh my god...”

“And she started touching me, and asking if Tobin has fucked me, and I thought... I thought she was going to-“

“Rape you?” Kelley gasped.

Christen nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, her body shaking with tears as she thought back on that night. “I was so scared.”

“Pressy...” Kelley wrapped her arm across Christen’s stomach, pulling her closer. “God, I’m so sorry...” Christen could feel Kelley’s tears on the shoulder of her tee shirt. “I’m sorry this happened.”

Christen gave a half little shrug. “It’s done now.”

“Why... why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you call the police?”

She shook her head. “And tell them what? That my fiancée heard me moan another woman’s name in bed and was understandably upset? That we had argued?”

“That she sexually assaulted you.”

Christen let out a gasping breath. “It’s done. I just want to move on. I don’t want to think about her anymore, I don’t want to dream about her anymore.”

“I know. I know.”

She licked at her lips, letting herself speak the thought that had been spinning around her mind. “What if… Kelley, what if she does kill herself?”

“She won’t. She’s just trying to manipulate you into talking to her.”

“But if she does-”

“She won’t.”

“But Kelley, what if she does?”

Kelley swallowed hard, placing a hand on Christen’s cheek. “Don’t let her get inside of your head. If you contact her now it will just undo the little bit of progress you’ve made in distancing yourself from her.” She pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around her. “You deserve better, Pressy. And someday you’ll find someone who shows you just how wrong she was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for sexual content in the second half of the chapter!!!

“Miss Press, you were sick!”

“Hey guys,” she smiled at her class. “That’s right, I wasn’t here yesterday, sorry about that. But thank you guys for being good for the substitute, she left a very nice note.”

“Where were you?”

“I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Are you better?”

“I’m feeling a little bit better, thank you.”

“Are you going to have a baby?” Gabby asked.

“What?” Christen asked with a little laugh. “Why would you ask that?”

She shrugged. “When my aunt was going to have a baby she had to stay home from work sometimes. And you threw up the other day!”

“I’m not going to have a baby,” she assured them. _Thank god._ The situation was already hard enough. She couldn’t imagine if on top of everything else she was pregnant.

“Miss Press couldn’t be having a baby,” Wesley said with a heavy eye roll. “She doesn’t have a husband.”

“You _don’t_ need a husband to have a baby,” Gabby retorted. “My aunt doesn’t have a husband!”

“Yes you do! My mom said a baby comes when a husband and wife love each other very much and ask God for a baby. So your aunt must have stole the baby.”

“She did not!” Gaby gasped indignantly. “Miss Press! Miss Press tell him he’s wrong, you don’t have to have a husband to have a baby!”

“Alright guys, let’s all just settle down, yeah?” Christen said with a nervous laugh. “I’m not having a baby, I promise, so we don’t need to talk about it anymore. It’s time to start on math anyways.” She crossed to her desk and picked up a stack of worksheets before returning to the front of the classroom. She stopped for a moment, taking the time to look at each of their little faces.

“Miss Press, are you okay?” Oliver asked.

“Yeah,” she replied, swallowing hard as the tears that were still just below the surface threatened to make an appearance. “I just… I really missed you guys. I love you guys, and… yeah.” She gave her head a little shake. “Alright, time for math.” She passed out the worksheets and made her way to the white board, finally ready to start the day.

X

“Yeah, so… this is the room.”

Christen looked around apprehensively. In the time she had lived with Rose she had conveniently forgotten how much finding a new sublet sucked. She had scoured the online postings, contacting friends of friends, and set up a day full of viewings. She had met Tobin at 9 am and the day had been packed with looking at various overpriced rooms throughout Brooklyn.

Tobin.

She had unblocked her on social media and reached out, apologizing for what had happened. Tobin had insisted that she had nothing to apologize for, saying that if anything she should apologize for letting Kelley drag her to the party when it had been made clear that it would cause problems.

Christen mentioned that she was looking for a new sublet while they were chatting and Tobin had offered to go with her, saying that she loved getting to see new neighborhoods in the borough. Christen had taken her up on it, taking it as a sign that she maybe hadn’t irrevocably destroyed this friendship.

“Is there room for a full-sized bed?” she asked.

The guy shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ve mainly used the room for storage.”

Tobin stretched out her arms, measuring out the space. “I think you could probably get one in here but I don’t know that you’d have room for anything else. Maybe your bookcase, but definitely not your dresser.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” she agreed dejectedly. “And how much was rent?”

“$1100.”

“Right… are utilities included in that?”

He shook his head. “Nah. But it usually comes to like a little over a hundred bucks a person.”

“Got it. Well, thanks for letting us come look.”

He shrugged again. “Sure thing. Let us know what you decide.”

Christen smiled and followed Tobin out of the apartment, down to the street.

“So. What did you think?” Tobin asked when they were far enough away.

Christen groaned and buried her face in her hands. “I hate looking for sublets. How is it possible that this room is tiny, is over an hour commute from my school, and is still at the top of my budget?! It doesn’t make any sense!”

Tobin smiled, shoving her hands into her pockets. “New York real estate is straight up ridiculous. I’m lucky that I got mine through a friend of a friend who’s grandma owns the place so my rent is actually reasonable.”

“Any chance you need a roommate?” Christen grumbled under her breath.

Tobin just laughed. “I would take you up on that but it’s just a studio, so it’s not the most sharable.”

“I don’t think any of the places we saw today will work. Which means another week at Kelley’s, and I know she doesn’t mind, but still…”

“You want a place of your own. Somewhere to call home. I get it.” Tobin stretched her arms over her head. “Where to next?”

“That’s the last one for the day.”

“Well what do you say we get on the train and head towards my place? We can order some takeout from the Chinese place on the corner and pick it up. Have some dinner, then you can head back to Kel’s?”

“Yeah, that sounds great.” They trudged back to the subway and made their way to the platform, luckily only having to wait a few minutes for the next train. Christen grabbed a seat and Tobin stood next to her swinging slightly on the pole.

“So tell me. What does Christen Press’s dream New York apartment look like? Where is it, what amenities does it have?”

Christen laughed. “Well a Park Avenue loft, obviously.”

Tobin grinned. “No but seriously.”

Christen hummed. “I guess… a first floor apartment in a brownstone, probably. In a neighborhood with a lot of history. Somewhere with sunlight.” She sighed. “I’m not sure, honestly. New York was never actually my dream. Paige was offered her job so we relocated. Not that I don’t love New York,” she quickly assured her. “I do! The people, the mix of cultures, the rich history… but I wasn’t one of those people who spent their entire lives pining for NYC.”

“Okay. Where is your dream?”

Christen shrugged a shoulder, giving her a little grin. “Not sure. I miss California, though. I miss my family, I miss the sunshine. I miss the beach!” she whined playfully.

Tobin laughed. “Yeah, Rockaway Park is great but it never quite measures up to Santa Monica, huh?”

“Not even a little bit.”

Tobin dropped into the seat beside her. “I love California. I thought about moving to LA when I got into this business, but I had been overseas playing in France, and so I felt like I needed to do New York for a bit, spend some time getting reacquainted with my family, y’know?” she grinned. “And I don’t regret it. My nephews are the best, and I’ve made amazing friends here. But I miss surfing.”

“You could probably go down to North Carolina.”

“Yeah, and I have. But California’s just… it’s a whole other world.” Tobin smiled and came to her feet. “This is our stop.”

Tobin’s apartment turned out to be exactly what Christen would have pictured: exposed bricks, kind of industrial, sparsely decorated, and effortlessly cool. Tobin set up the containers of Chinese on the coffee table and got them both plates from the cabinet.

They laughed and talked as they ate, comparing favorite places in California. Christen finally flopped back against the couch, hand on her stomach.

“I’m so full I could die.”

Tobin laughed, packing the containers away and taking them to the fridge. “Please don’t.”

Christen eyed the few photos on the walls. “These are from when you played professionally?”

Tobin nodded. “Yeah. I kinda feel like a douche, having them up, but also it was several years of my life, and I’m still friends with several of my teammates.”

“You couldn’t be a douche if you tried,” Christen laughed.

“Yes I could!”

Tobin’s protests only made her laugh harder. “Okay prove it. Hit me with your sleaziest, most douchebag self.”

Tobin stared at her for a second. “Uhhh… well.” She looked around the apartment, searching for words. “I used to play professional ball. I’m a pretty big deal,” she stated in her cockiest voice.

Christen giggled. “It’s not sleazy to state facts about yourself.”

“I’m not a big deal.”

“You’re a former pro athlete who now does music for movies, that’s super impressive.”

“Nah, I’m just…” Tobin turned to her and smiled. “I’m just Tobin.”

Christen found herself staring into Tobin’s eyes, so warm, so kind, so undemanding. She made herself look away but found herself just as captivated by her cheekbones, by the cut of her jaw, by the way she licked at her lips as if she was maybe a little nervous. She glanced back up and locked eyes with Tobin, waiting only one moment longer before throwing all caution to the wind and leaning in, crashing their lips together.

She couldn’t even remember who the last person was that she had kissed before Paige, but surely that kiss couldn’t have compared to this one. Tobin’s lips were just as soft and strong as she had dreamed they would be, and her hand came up to cup her cheek, pulling her closer.

Suddenly Tobin was pulling back. “Chris… please don’t take this the wrong way, you, you are incredible. But you just broke up with-”

“Don’t,” Christen said, pressing her finger to her lips. “Don’t say her name. Not… right now. I don’t want her to ruin this.”

“Okay, but I don’t want you to rush into anything, I don’t want to hurt you-”

“Tobin. Look at me.” She did, and Christen leaned in until they were just inches apart. “I want you. I’ve wanted you for a long time.”

Tobin exhaled harshly. “Chris…”

“Please. Please, Tobin.” Then their lips were meeting again, the last ounce of hesitation leaving Tobin’s body.

They kissed and kissed, both of them grabbing and pulling until Christen was on her back on the couch, Tobin hovering over her, her arms on either side of Christen’s head. Tobin tilted her head until she could kiss her way along Christen’s jaw, stopping when she found the spot below her ear that made Christen’s hips instinctively buck up against her, lavishing the spot with kisses and scraping her teeth across it. Christen wrapped one of her legs around Tobin’s hips, trying to pull her even closer.

“Please… Please, Tobin I need you. I want…”

“God, I want you, too, Chris. You feel so good beneath me,” she whispered against her skin, rolling her hips against Christen.

“Please, I need you.”

“Okay, okay,” Tobin whispered in her ear, before slowly working her way down Christen’s body making her way closer to where Christen so desperately wanted her to be. Her teeth nibbled on the skin covering her hipbone as her fingers hurriedly undid her shorts, pulling them down her legs along with her underwear until she could toss them to the ground and settle between her legs.

One swipe of Tobin’s tongue and Christen’s head was pressing back into the couch, soft cries falling from her mouth. One hand went up, clutching the throw pillow behind her head, and the other quickly threaded through Tobin’s hair, urging her closer.

Part of her wished she could calm down, wished she could draw this out so she could savor every moment of Tobin being between her legs, but it wasn’t long before she felt the telltale pressure growing low in her stomach.

“Tob… tobin,” she gasped out, “I’m close. I’m nearly there.”

The hand not squeezing her thigh made it’s way up to cup one of her breasts, still covered by the shirt and bra that neither one of them had taken the time to remove. Christen grasped and covered Tobin’s hand with her own. In a split second Tobin grabbed her hand, threading their fingers together and squeezing sweetly as her mouth continued it’s attack and Christen tipped over the edge, her thighs shaking, calling out Tobin’s name.

Tobin licked softly as she came down, still clinging to Christen’s hand. When her body finally relaxed she slowly began her ascent upwards, smoothing Christen’s hair from her face.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“I… wow. Yes,” she replied, still catching her breath.

Tobin grinned. “Wow?”

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Oh don’t act like you don’t know you just rocked my world.”

Tobin just smiled brightly, then dipped her head to kiss her once more.

The taste of her own arousal hit Christen’s tastebuds and in an instant her body had locked down. Her eyes slammed shut and her hands found Tobin’s shoulders, shoving her away from her as her stomach rolled.

“Christen? Chris what’s wrong?” Tobin’s voice was panicky as she scrambled off of her but Christen was too focused on the fear mounting in her chest to deal with that at the moment. She swallowed, desperately trying to calm her stomach, but instead just once again tasting herself on her tongue. It was as if she could hear Paige in her ear, asking how she could possibly do this to her, calling her every horrible name she could think of. She shook her head, desperately trying to block that night out, not wanting to relive Paige holding her to the bed, Paige shoving her hand into her shorts…

“Christen?” She forced her eyes open to find Tobin staring at her, obviously a little freaked out. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no you…” Christen gasped out. She pulled herself to sitting and grabbed her shorts from the ground, pulling them on while avoiding Tobin’s eyes.

“Christen, what-”

“You didn’t do… this isn’t your fault. This is… I should have realized, realized that I couldn’t, that it’s not that simple.’ She was rambling, not completely conscious of the words she was saying. She grabbed her phone from the coffee table and slid it into her purse, wiping at her cheeks when she realized she was crying.

“Please just wait, tell me what’s wrong.”

Christen held up her hands. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have… this was a mistake.”

“Christen-”

“I have to go. I have to…” She started for the door but turned around at the last moment. “I’m sorry, Tobin. I’m so… I’m sorry.” She pulled open the door, slamming it behind her, and thundering down the stairs.

Once out on the street she began to walk, not knowing or caring where she was headed. She took in several deep breaths, trying to calm down.

She spotted a deli and hurried inside, going straight to the drink section and grabbing a bottle of water. She placed it on the counter and grabbed a pack of gum as well.

“That’ll be $3.50.” She dug a five dollar bill out of her purse and handed it to him. “Are you okay?”

She nodded without meeting his eyes. “I’m fine.” She took her change and shoved it back into her bag before grabbing her purchases and hurrying out of the store. She began to chug the water as she walked, swishing it around, trying desperately to get the taste out of her mouth. She found a bench in front of a café and plopped down on it. She stuck a piece of gum in her mouth and began to chew it, closing her eyes and letting the harsh taste of artificial mint fill her senses.

She was fine. Paige wasn’t there. She was fine.

She had probably just fucked up her friendship with Tobin, however, not to mention whatever romantic possibilities had been there.

She slumped back against the wall of the café. She focused on breathing, counting down from 200. When she reached zero, she pulled out her phone to find several messages from Tobin. She ignored them all, instead pulling up Lyft and calling a car back to Kelley’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Feelings Friday!
> 
> I hope you're all happy, safe, and sane

Christen came through the door to find Kelley waiting for her on the couch, face serious. “Are you okay?”

Christen sighed, toeing off her shoes. She had pulled herself together as she crossed the Brooklyn Bridge and texted Tobin back, telling her that she was fine, that she was in a car home, that she hadn’t done anything wrong. Apparently she hadn’t reached out fast enough.

“I’m okay,” she answered quietly, her body aching with exhaustion.

“Are you sure?”

Christen nodded, not meeting her eyes.

“Christen.” She finally raised her face to look at Kelley. “Come here,” she said, patting the cushion next to her. Once Christen had sat down, Kelley took her hand. “What happened?”

She took a shaky breath. “I uh… Tobin and I were looking at rooms. We went back to her place to eat and… well. One thing led to another, and we kissed.” She glanced up at Kelley’s serious face, then back down. “And um, we kinda hooked up.”

Kelley sighed heavily. “Pressy… What were you thinking?”

“I just… she was there! And looking so cute and calm and chill and then I was kissing her. And, and it was so good. She made me feel so good.”

“Listen, you know that I’m the first one to suggest getting over someone by getting under someone, but you just ended a five year relationship. You’re in no place to pursue anything right now, and you know it.”

“I know. I do, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“So it freaked you out?”

She swallowed. “Not… exactly.” She explained to Kelley what had happened, how she had been feeling amazing, had felt on top of the world, until Tobin had kissed her. “It was like suddenly I was right back there, in Paige’s bed, begging her to stop, to let me explain, apologize, anything,” she whispered.

“Oh Chris.” Kelley squeezed her hand. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

“Tobin didn’t do anything wrong! I just had to leave, I had to get away.”

“Yeah.” Kelley leaned forward, resting her head on Christen’s shoulder as she wrapped her arms around her. “Have you thought about…”

“What?”

“Maybe contacting your old therapist? The one you went to after your mom died? I mean, I think anyone would benefit from therapy after ending a long term relationship, but especially with the ways Paige hurt you… I think it could help.”

“Yeah… you’re probably right.”

“At the very least maybe she could prescribe something to help you sleep.”

“I’m fine-”

Kelley silenced her with a look. “We’re sharing a bed, Pressy, you don’t have to lie to me.”

She nodded slightly, leaning into Kelley’s embrace. “I’ll see if I can find her contact info tomorrow. And… I know I need to talk to Tobin, to explain… but I need some time.”

“Okay. Just tell her that. Tell her that you’ll reach out when you can. She’ll understand.”

“How did I end up with such amazing friends?” Christen asked.

“Just by being yourself, Pressy.”

X

“That comes to $28.43. Will that be cash or card?” Christen had decided to step out to the CVS to pick her and Kelley up some beer and wine, figuring it was the least she could do as repayment for Kelley letting her crash at her apartment.

“Card.” She inserted her card and put in her pin, pulling out her phone to check a text from Ali.

“It didn’t go through.”

She put her phone away. “I’m sorry?”

“Your card. It’s saying wrong pin.”

“Oh. I must have hit a wrong number. Sorry, let me try again.” She repeated the process, this time hitting each number with purpose. After a few moments the computer system beeped and the cashier looked at her, boredom veiling his features.

“Wrong pin.”

“No, that’s the right pin, I’m sure of it. Um…” She chewed on her lip for a second. “Okay, I guess I’ll run it as credit, then.”

Her card finally went through, and she was handed her bag and her receipt. She took them and left the store, confused. She’d had the same pin number since she was in college. What was going on?

As soon as she got back to Kelley’s apartment she put away the alcohol and grabbed her laptop. She pulled up her banking website and logged in.

Or at least, she tried to.

The website kept giving her an error message, saying that her password was incorrect.

“What’s wrong, Pressy?”

She glanced up at Kelley as she came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her hair. “Something’s wrong with my bank account. Just now my pin number was incorrect at the store, and now it’s saying that my password is wrong, but I know it’s not.”

“Just reset it.”

“Yeah…” Christen hit the link requesting a new password be emailed to her. She grabbed her phone and opened her email app. It requested she put in her password, which was odd, and then said the one she had just put in was wrong. She growled under her breath and tried again, but no luck.

“Something’s wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

She held up her phone for Kelley to see. “Someone has hacked my accounts and changed the passwords. Oh my god, what if they got a hold of my social somehow? Or what if they’ve drained all of the money from my accounts?” Her voice was high and thin as worst-case scenarios began to spin through her mind.

“Did anyone know your passwords?”

“For my bank account? No, not even my dad! And my email is…” She stopped, realization making her stomach sink.

“What?”

“Paige knew my email password. She… she had asked for it, I don’t even know, months ago, maybe over a year ago, so that she could email something to herself, and she kept it because she liked to go through my emails and look at who I was talking to.”

“She what?”

Christen ignored the outraged look on Kelley’s face in favor of focusing on the panic spreading through her body. “If she had access to my email password, all she had to do was request a new password link for whatever website she wanted into. She… she must have logged into my banking account. She… she must have changed my debit card pin.”

“This fucking bitch…” Kelley mumbled under her breath.

“What… Kelley what do I do? What else has she gotten into?!”

“Okay, okay calm down, we can fix this. We’ll go to the bank, talk to them in person. You can show your ID and answer all of the security questions, get the password and your pin changed.”

“But if she has access to my email, she can just change it back!”

“Okay! Okay, then we’ll do the email first. We’ll call the customer service line and explain the situation, we’ll get this taken care of, okay?”

“Why is this happening? Why is she doing this?”

Kelley sighed, shaking her head. “Control. She’s trying to regain control.”

X

The situation grew worse; it felt like every time Christen went to use something she was met with yet another wrong password message. Her Netflix, her Seamless, her Facebook, her Amazon account. And every time she had to go through the process of changing yet another password, she heard the message loud and clear: Paige had done this, and she would continue to do anything necessary to stay a part of Christen’s life.

She started getting a huge influx in mail, both at Kelley’s and at the school. She opened the first couple of envelopes not expecting them to be from Paige. The contents varied. Sometimes they were filled with pleas to take her back, that she could make this right if Christen would just let her. Other times they were angry, calling her horrible names, accusing her of cheating, of lying, of breaking Paige’s heart.

She never signed the letters, but Christen knew it was her. It got to the point where she couldn’t open any of her own mail, instead having either Ali or Kelley go through it beforehand.

After several days of this, she got a call from Tobin as she headed to the bar with Ali and Sonny for happy hour.

“Hello?” She felt both of her friends watching her with curious eyes.

“Hey.” Tobin’s voice sounded unsure, hesitant.

“What’s up?”

“I um. Christen, I’m confused.”

She swallowed. “Confused about what?”

“I mean this weekend… everything was fine, and then you freaked out. Which, which is fine. I mean, you’re going through a lot, I get that, and you said you would reach out when you were ready to talk, and Kelley said you had lots of things to take care of. And I get that. I really do, Chris. But this isn’t fair.”

“What… what are you talking about? What isn’t fair?”

“This!” Tobin’s voice was uncharacteristically loud and upset. “You can’t just, you can’t send me flowers after days of radio silence. And you definitely shouldn’t be sending me a letter like this.”

Christen stopped in her tracks in the middle of the sidewalk. “A letter like what?” she asked, her stomach filling with dread.

“A letter detailing all of the things you want to do to me, that you want me to do to you. I mean, even if you hadn’t run out of my apartment in tears the last time we saw each other, this is out of line.”

She felt Ali grab her arm but she squeezed her eyes shut. “What… what does the letter say exactly?”

“You know! That you want me to,” she could hear paper rustling over the line, as if Tobin was picking up the letter to reference it, “fuck you in the ass, make you take it like the dirty girl you are. That you want me to tie you to my bed and make you scream. I don’t, Christen I don’t, this is crossing the line-”

But Christen couldn’t listen anymore. She shoved the phone at Ali, bending over and placing her hands on her knees as body seemed to lock down. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t focus, couldn’t feel anything but the buzzing of devastation curling through her body. Sonny began to rub small circles on her back, trying to calm her down as Ali talked to Tobin.

Somehow the three of them made it to the bar. Christen was practically catatonic as Ali and Sonny spoke in hushed voices about everything that was happening, about what they should do next. As the others arrived, they gave a condensed version of what was happening.

When Pinoe put a hand on her shoulder she finally looked up. “You need to talk to someone, and I might know who. Are you free tomorrow?”

Christen nodded and Pinoe pressed a kiss to her temple. “I’m so sorry, CP. We’ll get this straightened out. I promise.”

X

The next day Pinoe came by the apartment and picked her up, wordlessly taking a trash bag full of letters that Christen hadn’t read from Kelley without a word. She’d led Christen several blocks to a restaurant.

They were led to a table containing two tall women with dark hair. Christen vaguely recognized one of them.

“I’m Sue, we met at the bar that one time,” she offered, shaking Christen’s hand. “This is my older sister, Jen.”

Jen shook Christen’s hand with a small smile. “It’s nice to meet you. Sorry that it’s under these circumstances.”

“Jen’s a lawyer,” Pinoe explained as they settled into their chairs.

“Okay?” Christen looked expectantly at the three of them.

“I specialize somewhat in violence against women,” Jenn followed up.

“That’s wonderful,” Christen mumbled, nodding thanks to the waitress as she poured the coffee.

“I think she can maybe help you figure out what your options are, Chris. Against Paige.”

Christen forced out a small laugh. “I don’t… I don’t really have any options. I mean, I broke off the engagement, she’s… upset, and eventually she’ll get over it and move on.”

“Still. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about what’s going on?”

Christen hesitantly began talking, telling them how and when she met Paige, how they had moved to the city together, how things had eventually changed. She barely kept her cool as she told these women who were practically strangers about the aftermath of the breakup.

“These are some of the letters she’s received at Kelley’s,” Pinoe supplied as she handed over the plastic sack. Jen took out a couple, reading over them as she shook her head slightly.

“Has anyone else in your life received correspondence from her?”

“My uh… my friend Tobin. She got flowers and an extremely… vulgar, sexually explicit letter. It was made to look like I sent it.”

“I had her send me pictures of it.” Pinoe handed her phone to Jen and she and Sue bent over it, reading.

Sue gasped and pulled back to look at her sister. “That has to cross some sort of line, right? That can’t be legal.”

Jen gave a heavy sigh. “It crosses all sorts of lines, but I don’t know that anything can be proven in court. It’s signed from Christen and I bet the flowers were purchased in cash under her name. I’m sure Paige has made it to where it’ll be impossible to trace this back to her. I… I know Paige actually,” she told Christen softly. “Well, know might be a reach. We’ve gone up against each other in court a few times. She knows the law and she’s good at her job. I can only imagine she’s covered her tracks.”

“Great,” Christen said flatly. “That’s just great.”

“Can I ask you a few questions about your relationship? You don’t have to answer, or we can talk later, in private if you’d prefer.”

She shrugged. “I don’t really care at this point.”

“Was she ever physical with you? Did she hit you, shove you, anything like that?”

She shook her head. “Not really. It… it wasn’t like that.”

“Was she verbally abusive? Emotionally?”

She swallowed hard. “I… yeah. I guess she was. I couldn’t see it at the time, but… yeah.”

“Okay. What about sexually?”

She turned to stare out the window, collecting her thoughts. She took a deep breath. “She didn’t rape me.” She started to say something else but found the words stuck in her throat.

“But there were other things? Situations where contact was made without consent?”

She nodded. “Yeah.” Pinoe gently took her hand under the table and squeezed it. She turned to give her a little smile. “I’m okay,” she whispered.

Pinoe turned to Jen. “So how does everything look from a legal perspective?”

She let out a long breath. “Not… great, to be completely honest. I mean from my perspective? She’s abusive and manipulative, verging on psychotic and veering into stalking territory. But stalking is notoriously hard to prove. New York’s laws have gotten better, but she’s also been careful to not leave her name associated with anything that’s happened.”

“What does that mean?” Christen asked.

Jen gave a sad smile. “It means that… as of right now, there’s unfortunately not enough for a case. And as far as restraining orders go, even if we did manage to get one, sometimes it does the job and the aggressor breaks off all contact. But other times… it causes an escalation. It can lead to violence.”

Christen let out a choked laugh. “So… you’re saying that all I can do is wait it out? Until she either gets bored and moves on or decided to do something we can prove in court?”

Jen nodded slowly. “Yeah. Unfortunately, that’s generally how these things go.”

“Great. That’s just great.” Christen turned to stare out the window again, swallowing back the tears rushing to the surface.

How long would this go on? How far would Paige go?

Would Christen ever escape her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come cry with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning!
> 
> Here's Chapter 24! And also happy Mother's Day to everyone celebrating, and congratulations to Alex Morgan on everyone's new favorite tiny soccer player, Charlie Horse  
> (credit for that amazing discovery goes to lesbianrobinhood)

Christen knocked on the door frame, and Carli waved her in, gesturing to the phone propped between her ear and shoulder. She took a seat, waiting as her principal finished up.

“Of course. Yes, thank you for bringing it to my attention. Mm hm. You too. Goodbye.” She hung up and rolled her eyes at Christen, stretching her neck. “Sorry about that. As always, the school board has lots of ideas about how we could be doing better.”

Christen smiled. “And I’m sure none of them are giving us more money.”

Carli sighed. “Of course not. Is… is that why you wanted to meet with me? To discuss a raise? Because I’m not saying no, but it will be complicated. Our enrollment rates are rising but they’re somehow cutting funding-”

“No, it’s not about a raise.”

“Oh.” Carli blinked at her. “When you said it had to do with your contract, I just assumed. Okay, what can I do for you then?”

Christen took a deep breath. “Right. So um… I don’t know that I can sign a contract for next year.’

Carli raised her eyebrows. “No?”

“It’s… nothing to do with the school. I love my kids and I love the culture here, I really do. It’s been… wonderful working here. Really.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Christen sighed and gave a brief explanation of everything that had happened. “I just… I don’t have enough evidence to get a restraining order. And even if I did… I don’t know that she would stop. And it just feels like staying here isn’t an option.”

Carli nodded. “So what are you thinking? I can make some calls, I’m sure there are some elementary school openings in Brooklyn, or maybe in Queens?”

“No, I… I think I have to leave New York.”

“Wow. Um, okay, where are you thinking?”

Christen gave a little shrug. “Honestly… I don’t know. Pretty much all of my friends live here, but I have a sister in Denver. My other sister and my dad are in LA. Or you know, maybe I’ll find a little town in the middle of nowhere to hideaway for a bit. I haven’t completely figured out my next step. But I wanted to let you know so that you could go about looking for a replacement for my classroom.”

“And I really appreciate that.” Carli gave her a sad smile. “Honestly? We’re going to miss having you here, Christen. You’re a great teacher. You care about your kids. I’ve seen what you’ve been doing for the little girl in your class, Estefany. We have been lucky to have you for the past four years, and I’m sad to see you go. But taking off my principal hat for a moment, I get it. You need to do what’s best for you. And I am so sorry that all of this has happened.”

“Yeah. It just…” She found herself at a loss for words.

Carli leaned across the desk. “Well consider your resignation accepted. I’ll get to work on a recommendation letter, and please pass my number along to any schools you apply to, I’ll have nothing but glowing things to say. And… if you ever find your way back to lower Manhattan… we’ll always have a spot for you.”

Christen smiled, exasperated to find herself once again on the verge of tears. “Thanks Carli. For everything.”

X

“Hey baby! How’s it shaking?”

Christen smiled as her dad’s voice filled the line. “Hi Daddy. How’s California?”

“It’s beautiful, as always. Did I tell you that I’ve started growing tomatoes? It’s turning out to be a lot more of a headache than I had anticipated.”

She laughed slightly. “Well I could have told you that.”

He gave a dramatic sigh. “I had all of these grand plans of making homemade pico de gallo, but I’ve been foiled by bugs!” He chuckled. “Eh, who am I kidding. Your mom was always the green thumb.”

She breathed through the momentary flash of pain, choosing instead to focus on the warmth of her memory. “She could grow anything. Flowers, fruits, vegetables…”

“She insisted that it was because the plants could feel the love and respect she had for them, but I maintain that plants just liked her better.” Christen didn’t say anything, instead concentrating on the image she had of her mother in her mind’s eye, smiling as she tended to the flowers in front of their house.

“But enough about my vegetables. How are you? How is… you know, everything?” Kelley had called Tyler in the direct aftermath of the breakup, and her family had tried to be supportive in any way they could while also giving her space to process.

“It’s good, fine…” She sighed. “That’s not true. It’s not going well.”

“What’s happening?”

“I… Paige… It feels like instead of beginning to move on, she’s becoming more attached, more… obsessive. I’ve been getting letters. She got into some of my online stuff.” As much as Christen was scared and hurting, she also didn’t want to worry her dad.

“Oh sweetheart… I’m so sorry. Is… is there anything I can do?”

She took a deep breath. “Actually… yes.”

“Anything, Moe. Just name it and I’ll do it.”

“Can, can I move home?” Christen asked, her voice breaking. “Not for forever, just until I-”

“Of course, Christen,” came his immediate reply. “Baby, you will always be welcome here, whether it be for a weekend, for a couple of months, or for the next five years. Just because you’re grown doesn’t mean that this isn’t your home.”

She took a shaky breath. “Are you sure? I don’t want to come in and invade your space.”

“Christen. The answer is yes.”

“Okay. And, and I’m going to start applying for teaching jobs tonight, I’ll be able to help with the mortgage and utilities. And I can get something for this summer, I promise I won’t move home and mooch off of you.”

“Moe, listen to me. I have missed you so much. I’m overjoyed at the thought of having you back home. You don’t have to convince me of anything.”

“Okay. I just… okay.” She wound a lock of her hair around her finger.

“Can I come and get you?”

“No, you don’t have to do that-”

“Moe. Can I? I want to.”

“Are… are you sure? Because I can ship my stuff home and then fly.”

“Christen. Give me a date and I’m there. I’ll fly in and then we’ll get a truck and drive you and your stuff back home. Hell, I’ll talk to Channing and Ty, maybe they can come and we’ll turn it into a family road trip!”

She gave a shaky chuckle. “Dad, really, you don’t-”

“Christen. You’re coming into a hard season of your life, and we’re going to be here every step of the way. Let us help. Let us love on you, baby.”

She sniffed hard. “I… I’m trying, Daddy. I am. Okay. We’ll compare calendars and pick a day for you to come out.”

“Have you… Have you thought about reaching out to Dawn? She was a big help after your mom died, maybe she-”

Christen laughed. “I already reached out to her, don’t worry. Kelley has me on track.”

“Good girl. I’m so glad we accidentally adopted her.”

“I think she’s pretty happy with the arrangement, too.” She glanced up at the clock. “Okay, I better let you go. It sounds like I have a lot of things to sort out.”

“Okay. And Chris… are you safe?”

She swallowed hard. “I’m fine, Daddy.”

“Christen, are you in danger?”

She didn’t know how to answer, so she decided to go with hopeful optimism. “I’ll be fine until you can come in a few weeks.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Everything is okay, I promise. I have Kelley, and she’s been looking to throw hands with Paige for a while now, so…”

“Well tell her that I am more than willing to pay her bail if need be.”

“Daddy!”

“Just… be careful, alright?”

“I will.”

“I love you, Moe. More than you know.”

X

“Ooh, what’s all this?” Kelley asked as she came through the door, pulling out her airpods.

“I had dinner delivered. Pho from that place you really like. And I got a six pack of the double IPA that Becky suggested.” Christen finished arranging all of the containers on Kelley’s table with a small smile.

“Wow… this is incredible, Pressy. Let me wash my hands and I’ll be ready to eat!”

Christen took a deep breath and sat down, starting in on her own soup.

She asked Kelley about her day and listened to her exploits as they ate. It was only when they had finished and Christen took their bowls to the sink that Kelley sat back in her chair, crossing her arms.

“So… what’s going on?”

She took a deep breath and sat down across from Kelley. “I… need to talk to you.”

She nodded. “Okay. I’m all ears. What’s up?”

“I can’t stay here anymore,” Christen said gently. Kelley sighed and Christen rushed to finish. “It’s just… Paige has obviously figured out that I’m staying here. That’s why she’s sending the letters to this address. And I feel like it’s only a matter of time before she shows up here.”

“Then let her show up! If she comes within ten feet of you, I’ll break her nose.”

“Kel, I would never be able to forgive myself if it came to that. That’s not what I want.”

“It’s what she deserves, Chris-”

“I know. But I don’t want you getting in trouble. I don’t want you to jeopardize your safety or your career for me.”

“It would be worth it,” Kelley argued, and Christen reached out to take her hand.

“Please try to understand.”

She nodded, lips thin. “I get it. I don’t agree with you, I want the chance to knock her lights out, but I get it. So what are you thinking? You’ll stay with Ali and Ash until you find a permanent place?”

She licked her lips. “Not… not exactly. I um, I talked to my principal today. And then I called my dad.” She watched as Kelley’s face fell, and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Chris…”

“I know it’s going to seem like I’m giving up, but that’s not it, okay?” She forced her eyes open, forced herself to look her best friend in the eyes. “New York… it was Paige and I’s home. She’s the reason I moved here. I, I can teach anywhere. And don’t get me wrong, I’ll miss it. I’ll miss the pulse of the city, I’ll miss how accessible everything is, I’ll miss our happy hour group, and I will miss you the most. I’m going to miss you with every fiber of my being.”

She took a moment to swallow, collect her thoughts. “She’s everywhere, Kelley. It’s like her name is written into the bricks of the buildings I pass on my way to school. I search for her face in crowds. I can’t take the train without my mind automatically mapping out the journey to get to her office, her apartment, what was _our_ apartment. And… and I’m worried that eventually I’m going to have a moment of weakness and end up at her door, back in her arms.”

“You… you can’t possibly want her back, Christen.” Kelley’s voice was thick with disbelief. “After everything she’s done? After all the pain she’s caused you?”

“I don’t. I really don’t, Kelley. Please believe me, I don’t want to be in a relationship with her, but it’s not that simple. We were together for so long. I know it’s awful and stupid and shitty, but… I miss her. Part of me really does. Because for every day that she was screaming at me, turning me against myself and everyone I care about, we had wonderful days.” Christen let out a long breath. “I don’t want this to be like before. I don’t want a repeat of the times we broke up and came back together. And if I stay here… I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen.”

“But your entire life is here,” Kelley whispered.

“I know. Trust me, I know. But it’s not safe for me here anymore. Just… the letter she sent to Tobin? What if she wasn’t the amazing person she is? If she had read that letter and decided not to ask any questions, to just go ahead with what ‘I’ wanted… I could have gotten hurt, Kel. If Tobin would have followed through… it would have destroyed me. And what’s more, it would have destroyed Tobin.”

Kelley nodded miserably. “I know.”

“I’m not saying I’ll never come back. Maybe I just need to take a year. Or maybe I’ll find a school in LA that I really love and decide to stay. Or who knows, maybe I’ll end up teaching abroad. All I know is I have to leave the city. If I stay, someone’s going to get hurt.”

“But this isn’t right. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know. But this is just what I have to do. It’s what’s best for everyone.”

Kelley squeezed her hand tightly as she sniffed back her tears. “I hate that this feels like she’s winning.”

“I… yeah. I know. But before I can focus on winning, I need to survive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we feeling, lads? tumblr: @thetheatrelady


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I hope you're all doing well. Here's chapter 25!

Christen sat at the little café table, fiddling with her coffee cup. She had been so glad that Tobin had agreed to talk with her, but now that they were coming face to face for the first time since she had run out of her apartment, she felt nothing but growing anxiety.

“Chris?” She looked up to see Tobin a few feet away, a hat pulled down low on her forehead.

“Hey.” Christen came to her feet, but then stopped, unsure of how to proceed. Should she hug her? Shake her hand? She hated that this is what their friendship had been turned into. Tobin solved the problem for her by taking the seat across from her, so Christen sank back onto her chair.

“Just a black coffee, thanks,” Tobin told the waitress as she walked up. She gave Christen a small smile. “So…”

“So…” Christen tucked her hair behind her ears. “I guess I should start with an apology. I… I had no idea that Paige would involve you like that. I didn’t think she would stoop to… well. It turns out that Paige is capable of more than I could have ever imagined.” They both sat in silence for a few moments. “But I’m sorry she sent the flowers and the, y’know. The letter.”

“I was… shocked to say the least.”

“Yeah.”

The waitress slid a cup of coffee in front of her. “I mean it didn’t sound like you at all, but then I realized that, that maybe I don’t actually know you that well. I feel like I do, or I did. But I guess I don’t.” Nothing in Tobin’s voice was unkind, and her face was open and honest, but that didn’t mean that her words didn’t hurt.

“It’s not like me. I promise. That’s not…”

“Chris what happened at my apartment? I thought we were really making progress, finally getting to really be friends, and then we were kissing, and you said it was okay. I told you I didn’t want to rush into anything, and you said it was fine. And so I… and everything was still fine. Then suddenly it wasn’t.”

“I know. And I can only imagine how confusing that must have been for you, so for that I’m so sorry.”

“It was confusing. And then you ran out crying. I was so worried, I wasn’t even sure what I had done.”

“It wasn’t… You didn’t do anything. Not really.” Christen sucked in a deep breath. “Things with Paige… had gotten bad. Obviously. She would be fine, and then all of a sudden she would be so upset, screaming, crying. And um… Well it got to the point where it wasn’t just her words.” She took a sip of her coffee, trying to figure out how to continue.

“You don’t have to tell me, Chris.” She glanced up at Tobin. “Really.”

“No, it’s-”

“Christen seriously. You don’t owe me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me anything.”

“I know. And it’s because you feel that way that I feel like I can trust you with it.” She cleared her throat. “We… we fought a lot about you. Paige could see that I was attracted to you, even though I wasn’t acting on it, and it made her furious. One night, probably a week or so after you came to help me while I was sick, we um… we were having an argument. About you.” Christen trusted Tobin but she definitely wasn’t about to tell her she’d had a sex dream about her. “One thing led to another and she… well.” She paused for a second. “She put her hand into my underwear and then she wiped it across my face.” She raised her eyes from the tabletop to glance at Tobin, who looked heart broken. “It wasn’t what we did, although… it probably was too soon if I’m being honest. It was the… taste of myself. That’s what freaked me out. That’s why I panicked.”

“Christen, I’m so sorry.”

“It… it is what it is. I was able to get in touch with my old therapist back in California, I expect that’s just one of the things I’ll be working through.”

“That’s good. It’s good she’s allowing you to do mobile sessions.”

“Yeah. About that. I’m only going to be doing mobile sessions for a few more weeks, then I’ll switch to in person.” She swallowed hard. “I’m moving home to California.”

Tobin raised her eyebrows, leaning in closer. “Really? Oh wow.”

“Yeah. It… This is what’s best, y’know? This way I’ll get some distance from Paige, maybe get you and my other friends out of the crossfire. And I’ll get to spend some time with my family, which I think will be really nice.”

“Yeah. For sure, I get it.”

“Not that I won’t miss you guys,” Christen whispered.

“I’m going to miss you, too.”

“I’m sorry if I completely messed this up… whatever this is between us. I think you’re an incredible person, and you got completely blind sided by all the crazy shit happening in my life, and I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve this.”

“Hey.” Tobin reached out and took her hand. “Don’t apologize. This… you didn’t do this.”

“Yeah, well… still.”

“As bummed as I am about you moving… I think it’ll be good for you to get away. A chance to rebuild, restore…”

“Yeah. Not sure what Kelley is going to do when I’m not here to lightly boss around, though.”

Tobin chuckled. “She is pretty bossy, huh?”

Christen smiled, her nose wrinkling. “A little bit, yeah.”

“Something tells me she’s found someone who doesn’t mind being bossed around.”

“You mean Sonny?” Tobin nodded. “I’ve been rooting for them for months. I only hope my whole mess didn’t ruin it.”

She smiled. “I think she’ll figure it out. And if she doesn’t then I’ll just kick her ass on the soccer pitch until she does.”

Christen laughed. “Yeah, you’ll have to keep me updated on that front.”

“Will do.”

They sat for a few moments in silence, just taking each other in. “Well, I should probably get going.”

“Back to Kelley’s?”

“No, I’m actually staying up in East Harlem with Becky. Paige had Kelley’s address and it felt like just a matter of time before she showed up, so I decided I needed to stay somewhere else for the next few weeks. Ash and Ali offered but they live in the same neighborhood as Paige, so… Yeah. Becky and Zola took me in.”

“Oh sweet.”

“Yeah.” Christen came to her feet, pulling out some cash and leaving it on the table to cover both of their coffees. “Uh well… yeah. Thanks for meeting me. Thanks for giving me the chance to explain.”

“Of course. And y’know, let me know when you’re packing up to go to Cali. I’m always free to lend a hand.”

“Thanks. I just might take you up on that.”

“Good.”

“Well…” Christen gave a small wave and began the walk to the subway station.

X

“Miss Press?”

Christen came to her feet. “Flor! Hi, thank you so much for coming in.”

The eighteen year old gave her a cautious look. “Is… everything okay? Is Estefany in trouble?”

“No, not at all. Estefany is… a joy to have in class. Truly. She’s smart, kind, she’s everything I could want in a student.”

“Oh. Then why did you need to meet?”

“Here, why don’t you have a seat.” She gestured to the chair she had pulled over from the reading nook, then sat down behind her desk. “First, I want to apologize. I actually have been wanting to meet with you for a while, life just got…” she laughed slightly. “Everything just got kind of crazy.”

“It’s okay,” Flor said, scratching at her arm.

“How are things going? From the little bit Estefany has said, and from when we last spoke, it seems like a lot of responsibility has fallen on you since your stepmother passed away.”

“Um…” The girl gave a noncommittal shrug. “It’s fine. I don’t mind, I mean, someone has to take care of the kids.”

“What about your father?”

“He works pretty much all day. He’s gone before I wake up, and he doesn’t get home until after dinner.”

Christen nodded. “Do you have other family who can help out? Maybe an aunt or a grandmother?”

“Not really. I mean, my Tia Susy lives here but she has kids of her own, and she’s up in the Bronx.”

“I see. Have you thought about what to do this summer?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you still going to be working?”

“Well, yeah I have to. We need the money.”

Christen nodded. “Of course. I guess what I’m trying to ask is who will be watching Estefany and Gabriel during the day since they won’t be in school.”

Panic flooded Flor’s face. “Oh my god. You’re going to report us to family services, you’re going to have them taken away.”

“No!” Christen rushed to assure her. “No that’s not what I’m trying to do, I promise. Estefany already lost her mom, to lose anyone else would be devastating. Please believe me, I don’t want to split up your family.”

“Then why are you asking so many questions?”

“Flor I want to help you get a game plan figured out. We’re lucky that New York City actually has lots of programs throughout the city that can help, I’m just trying to make sure you have all the resources you need.” She passed her a folder full of various papers and brochures. “There’s lots of options. Our school still serves breakfast and lunch through the summer. There’s programs and camps that can give Estefany and Gabriel things to do.”

She shuffled through them quickly. “And we… we qualify for these?”

“I… some of them. Probably most of them. It’ll depend on your financial situation, they all have different requirements. Do you guys have a computer at home?” Flor shook her head no. “Okay, that’s no problem. Do you have a library card?” Again, no. “Alright. All you have to do is go into your local branch with a couple pieces of mail to prove that you’re a New York City resident, and they’ll get you one free of charge. From there you can use their computers, you’ll have access to their children’s programs, and you can… y’know, check out books. Like any other library,” she finished with a slight chuckle.

Flor swallowed, looking a little overwhelmed. “Y’know… we knew Carmen was sick. My step mom.”

“Oh. You… you did?”

She nodded. “Yeah. My mom died when I was little. She got hit by a car when she was crossing the street. And she and Carmen had grown up together in the DR, they were childhood best friends. And so when Carmen’s husband ran off, and then she got sick… she and my dad got married. So she and the kids could come here. They thought she could maybe get better health care over here, not to mention better opportunities for Estefany and Gabriel. The doctors had said she had an okay chance of living, of beating the cancer. And then… all of a sudden she was gone. And Stef and Gabriel are now living with us, and I’m their sister and my dad is their dad but we haven’t even been together for a full year. They lost everything.”

“That… I can’t even imagine what that must be like.” Christen let out a slow breath. “They are lucky, though.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Lucky? How?”

“They have you. They have someone who cares about them, who’s getting them to school, who’s making sure they have something to eat, that they’re safe. That matters.”

“But what if it’s not enough? I… I’m eighteen. I have a high school degree. What if I can’t do this alone?”

“You’re not alone, Flor. I know it must feel that way, but there are people who want to help anyway we can. You just have to let us know what you need.” She pointed to the folder in her hand. “That’s a start. And if you get through all of those and there are still some gaps, then let me know and we can keep looking. Here,” she grabbed a pen and jotted down her email. “If you need anything, this is how you can get in touch with me. I’m, well I’m actually about to be moving back to California, but I’ll help any way I can. Estefany is a wonderful little girl, and I want to do anything I can to help you and your family. I mean it.”

“You… you really didn’t have to do all of this,” Flor said quietly, taking the sticky note from Christen.

“And you didn’t have to devote your life to suddenly taking care of your younger siblings. But you did.”

Flor came to her feet. “Thank you for all of this. Really.”

“Of course. Like I said, if there’s anything else I can do, please let me know.”

“Thank you, Miss Press.”

Christen smiled, holding out her hand. “Christen.”

She shook it. “Right, well… thanks.”

“Yeah.” Christen watched as Flor left her room, taking a deep breath. It’s moments like these that had made her decide to become a teacher. Moments like these that convinced her that while the world might seem dark and daunting at times, someday everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat w me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh get out your tissues, we're saying goodbye

All of her students were restless in their seats. There’s something about the end of the school year that puts a different energy in the air. It’s like the sun shines a little brighter, getting everyone’s hopes up, teasing them with thoughts of days at the park and at the beach. The kids were desperately watching the clock, willing the day to go faster so they could be free.

And while Christen couldn’t blame them, she also wanted to freeze time in it’s tracks. She often felt this way at the end of a school year, wanting to hold on to her kiddos for just a little bit longer, but this time was even harder. This was the last class she would have in this classroom, at this school, possibly in this entire city. She didn’t want to say goodbye, because that would mean it was really time to go.

They watched a movie that morning, followed by some arts and crafts. After lunch, they had some cupcakes that one of the class moms had brought in as a treat, and then they played heads up seven up to try and burn off some of the energy. Eventually though, there was just ten minutes before the final bell.

Christen stood in front of the room, taking all of them in. “Okay guys, it’s almost time for the final bell, but-” she broke off, waiting for the excited titters to break off. “But since we still have a few minutes, I want to talk to you guys.” She swallowed thickly.

“This year has been really great. There have been some really happy times and some really sad times, but we all got through it. And for the most part, that’s how the rest of your lives will go. It’s not always easy. But we still have to get through it. And how do you guys think we do that?”

Carson raised his hand and she pointed to him. “By asking for help?”

She smiled. “Yeah, buddy. By asking for help when things get hard. Because we all have lots of people in our lives who love us, who care about us, and if we are willing to be brave and tell those people, whether it be a parent, a teacher, a sibling, or a friend, that we need help, they’ll be there for us. You just have to ask.”

She took a deep breath. “I’ve enjoyed having every single one of you in class with me. You are all kind, and smart, and caring, and strong, and I have no doubts that you are all going to do awesome things.”

Gabby raised her hand. “Miss Press can you be our teacher next year?”

“No, she can’t, she has to stay in the second grade hallway,” Easton said matter of factly. “But we’ll see you at recess, right?”

“Well, actually, you won’t see me next year.” She raised her hand cutting off the beginnings of what she imagined to be hundreds of questions. “You won’t see me because I’m moving to California.”

“But that’s so far! We went for vacation last year and we had to be on the plane for forever!”

She laughed slightly. “You’re right, it’s pretty far away.”

“But why? Why can’t you stay?”

She swallowed. “Well… that’s where I’m from. That’s where my dad and sister live. That’s where my mom is buried.”

Gabby looked at her with big eyes. “Your mom is… dead?”

Christen nodded. “Yeah, she is.”

“Why?”

She took a moment. “She got really sick.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I do. Every day. But it’s okay, because I know she’s still here in my heart.”

“I’m sorry, Miss Press.”

“Thank you. But that’s kind of what I mean, guys. Sometimes life is sad. But even when you feel really sad, when you feel completely alone, there’s always going to be someone who cares about you, who’s willing to help. And in the same way, we need to be there for our friends, too. When someone we know is going through a sad time, we have to do our best to help them out.”

“Like Spiderman?!”

Christen laughed. “Yeah! Y’know what’s awesome about super heroes? That their job is to help people. And that’s something we can all do, right? So really, we’re all super heroes in our own way.”

“I don’t want to be Spiderman, I want to be Catwoman.”

“Catwoman is a bad guy!”

“Guys, guys focus for me, just a few more minutes. I just want to finish by saying that I’m so happy I had you guys in my classroom this year. I’m glad that I got to know you guys, and I am so proud of everything you learned this year. I know that you all have the opportunity to do big, great things.”

The bell rang, and she gestured towards the cubbies, letting them know they could grab their things. They were loud, talking and laughing and practically screaming as she led them down the hall to the pick up area. Estefany slipped her hand into Christen’s, giving it a small squeeze, and Christen squeezed back.

One by one, the kids were picked up by their parents, some of them wanting to give her hugs before they left, others taking off at a full run with “Bye Miss Press!” yelled over their shoulder.

Eventually it was just Christen and Estefany, and she knelt down so that she could look her in the eyes. “Are you excited for the summer?”

She got half a shrug and a smile.

“I bet it’s gonna be a good one. And before you know it, you’ll be back here as a big, strong third grader!” She poked her in the arm and got a giggle.

“Estefany, I know this has been a big year, with lots of sad times, but I just want you to know that you’re going to get through it, okay? You have lots of people in your life, lots of super heros who care a lot about you. And you know who one of those super heroes are?” Estefany shook her head and Christen pointed to where Flor was crossing the street. “Your sister. She loves you, and you can talk to her about anything, I promise.”

Estefany gave her a hug and Christen sent up a small prayer into the universe, asking that Estefany be watched over, that she get through this.

She came to her feet as Flor got to them. “Hi Miss Pr- Christen,” Flor said with a smile. “Alright Stef, let’s head home, yeah? Say goodbye.”

“Bye Miss Press.”

“Goodbye, Estefany. Have a great summer.”

Estefany grabbed her hand again, tugging her down to whisper in her ear. “You’re one of my super heroes, too.” She pulled back shyly and gave Christen a little wave. “Bye.”

Christen smiled and waved to them both as they walked away, then hugged her arms around herself for a moment, a little overwhelmed with just how much she loved her job.

X

Her dad and Channing arrived on separate flights a few days later. Christen’s stuff had already been boxed up, and a Uhaul truck reserved. They had decided to turn it into a road trip, taking nearly a full week to drive Christen and her things across the country. They easily got everything loaded up in just a few hours with several of Christen’s friends helping, then they all went out for one last goodbye dinner.

Christen sat in the middle of the long table, taking in all of the people around her, listening to them laugh and talk. This was her tribe, these were her people. This was her band of super heroes, and she was unspeakably grateful for each and every one.

Suddenly Pinoe was standing up, clinking a butter knife against her plastic glass. “Excuse me! Attention, attention!” When she was satisfied everyone was looking at her she smiled. “Right. Well today we are all gathered to celebrate the end of an era and mourn the city’s loss of one Christen Press.” She pointed at Christen with a big grin. “You’re one of the good ones. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we’re all better for knowing you. I am going to miss you so much, but at the same time I am so excited for you. Because I know that you are going to do great things. And also that your ass is going to look killer in a bikini on the beach.” She dodged a balled up napkin thrown her way. “What? I can say it, I’m a single woman!”

“Not for long if Sue has her way,” Ashlyn fake whispered, earning a middle finger from Pinoe.

“Anyway…” she held up her drink. “To Christen. We love you, we’re devastated to see you leave, but overjoyed at this next step in your journey. We love you.”

“To Christen!” they all echoed, toasting then taking sips of their drinks.

“Alright, now it’s time for everyone to tell their favorite Christen story. Extra points if it’s embarrassing.”

“Ooh it’s time to break out the childhood bathtub stories, this is going to be an easy win,” her dad said, rubbing his hands.

“No way old man, I have college stories that knock yours out of the water, I’m clearly going to win,” Kelley insisted with a laugh.

Channing snorted. “College? Oh please, high school Christen is prime embarrassment. You’re all going to get second hand cringe, just get ready.”

“Hey, hey, this is not a contest! This is not a roast!” Christen exclaimed.

“Hush Christen. Alright, Crystal you go first!” Pinoe took her seat and looked at Crystal expectantly.

The night was over far too quickly for Christen’s liking. Eventually, everyone began to pay their bills and gather up their things. One by one they gave Christen big hugs, whispering in her ear how sad they were to see her go, how much they would miss her. Ali cried, and once she pulled away, Ashlyn had to wrap her in her arms as she composed herself. Christen couldn’t stop herself from leaning into Tobin’s embrace, breathing in her shampoo and her body spray, and something else that she couldn’t quite put a finger on, and instead chalked up to simply being Tobin. She wondered if she would ever get to smell it again. Once it was just Christen, her family, and Kelley, they began to walk towards the hotel Cody where had rented a room.

Channing and her dad headed straight up for the room, while Christen hung back with Kelley, staring out at the street, watching a yellow cab drive by.

“I can’t believe that you’re leaving tomorrow,” Kelley murmured.

Christen turned to look at her, her lips in a tight smile. “I know. It came so fast.”

“I don’t… I don’t know what New York looks like without you here.”

Christen shrugged. “Pretty much the same.”

“Not at all the same,” Kelley argued.

“I…” Christen let out a harsh breath. “I’m going to miss you, Kelley. So much.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” Kelley grabbed her hands. “But I am so, so glad you’re going. Like I can’t even express…” She swallowed hard. “God, I am so fucking proud of you Christen. This sucks and it’s hard, but I’m proud of you. You deserve a life where you can be free, where you can grow, and I know that leaving New York is the only way that can happen. And that doesn’t mean I’m not sad. I’m gutted, I’m heart broken. I’m going to text you every single day until you’re so sick of me that you block my number. But I’m proud of you, Pressy. I’m so proud of you.” She threw her arms around Christen and the two clung to each other, both trying to ignore nagging questions about when they would next see each other again.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Kelley. And you better text me every day or I’m going to have Ashlyn kick your ass.” Kelley gave a watery giggle. “I never could have done this without you. I never would have found the courage to leave. I’m sorry it took me so long-”

“Don’t. Don’t do that, Chris. Don’t apologize. You’re out now, and that’s all that matters. And who knows? Maybe you’ll find your actual soulmate out in LA.” She gave her a faux stern look. “Just please don’t let it be a dude, okay?”

Christen snorted, wiping at her eyes. “I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.” She cleared her throat. “But will you promise me something while I’m gone?”

“Anything.”

“Follow through on a do over of that ‘hot date’ with Sonny.”

“Chris…” she groaned.

“She looked bangin’ in that jumpsuit, and you never even got to truly take it in because my personal life was imploding. Just give her a chance, okay? For me?”

“Ugh, you drive a hard bargain.”

Christen rolled her eyes. “You’re right, you have to go on a date with a cute, sweet girl who really likes you, poor Kelley.”

Kelley crossed her arms and stuck out her lower lip, giving Christen ridiculous puppy dog eyes. “It’s a hard life.”

She laughed. “You’re insane, get over here.” She pulled her into another hug. “I’m going to miss you. I don’t know when I’ll get to come back.”

“I’m going to miss you too. I love you so much, Chris.”

“I love you, too.” Christen pulled back. “Okay, I better head up. We’re set to leave the city in,” she checked her watch and groaned. “Four hours.”

“Okay. Be sure to text me, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll… I’ll see you later, Chris.”

Christen smiled. “Goodbye, Kelley.” She watched as her best friend turned and started down the block. “You better call me with the details of that date!” she called after her.

“Nope! If you want the hot gossip you’ll just have to fly back to New York City!” Kelley called without turning around.

Christen gave a hiccupy laugh. “Don’t think I won’t!” She stared after her for a few more moments, then turned and walked into the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come cry w/ me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday morning, folks :)

“Chris?” She heard Ali call out above the cacophony of the Los Angeles airport, and looked up. She raised her hands above her head, waving them back and forth in a silly dance. “Ali! Ash!” They struggled through the crowd and Ashlyn quickly wrapped her in her arms, picking her up and spinning her around. “Oh my god I’ve missed you guys! How was the flight?”

“It was good!” Ali said, giving Christen a hug once Ashlyn put her down.

“It was not good,” her wife argued, rolling her eyes. “The guy in front of us put his seat back, fell asleep, and snored the entire flight. All of which could have been avoided if we had just decided to do first class tickets.”

Now Ali was the one rolling her eyes. “We don’t need to have this discussion again. Let’s go get the bags.”

When Ali and Ashlyn had reached out about coming to visit her in California, Christen had immediately said yes. It had only been a couple months but she missed all of her New York friends dearly. Not that she wasn’t overjoyed to be spending time with her dad and Tyler, but it was still a bit lonely.

They collected their bags and walked to the parking lot to Christen’s car.

“Is this yours?” Ashlyn asked.

“Yup!” Christen patted the little Prius. “The first couple of weeks I was here, I had to share with my dad like I was 16 again. But then I took what little I had left in savings and used it as a down payment on this guy.”

“That’s great Chris! I mean, I barely even remember how to drive a car at this point,” Ali laughed. “New York has spoiled me.”

Ashlyn laughed as she climbed into the back. “Uh, I think you mean your lovely wife has spoiled you, agreeing to drive anytime we leave the city so that you don’t have to.”

Ali twisted around in her seat, giving her a kiss. “Same difference.”

Cody cooked out for them on the barbecue that night and they all headed to bed early, Ali and Ashlyn still trying to adjust to the time difference, Christen excited to get a head start on the next day. She had planned for them to do all sorts of touristy things while they were in town. They visited Disneyland (even though Ashlyn insisted that it had nothing on Disneyworld), they went hiking around the Hollywood Sign, they visited the Griffith Observatory. One morning as they got breakfast on Sunset Boulevard, Ali reached out and took her hand.

“So how has LA been? Honestly?”

Christen took a deep breath. “I… it’s good. Well, it’s hard. I mean I have my family here, but it’s not the same as having you guys. And I want to be honest with my dad and tell him everything that’s going on, but I also know that it would destroy hm to hear how bad things had gotten at the end.” She sighed. “But I’m getting through the days.”

“Have you gone to therapy?” Ashlyn asked.

Christen nodded. “Yeah. I go to a woman named Dawn Scott. I saw her in the aftermath of my mom dying, so it’s nice to talk to someone who already knows my back story.” It had proven harder than Christen had imagined to completely open up to Dawn about Paige. She already knew a little bit about her obviously, but when the time came for Christen to go into detail, she found herself holding back, or softening the edges.

“Why do you feel the need to protect her?” Dawn had asked after a few sessions, her English accent making the words come out short and clipped.

“I… I don’t know. I guess it feels like it’s not fair for me to talk about her when she’s not here to defend herself. I mean, I know how our relationship looked from my point of view, but it’s probably different in her eyes.”

“Then let her tell her point of view to her therapist. Tell yours to me.”

Christen sighed. “It just… So many people in my life are mad at her. My family, my friends. It makes me feel guilty.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“It wasn’t all bad, you know? We had some really good days.”

Dawn leaned forward. “Christen. From the bits and pieces you’ve been able to tell me, it sounds like while some days she was wonderful, other days she treated you horribly. She yelled at you, screamed, she called you names. She really did a number on your self confidence.”

Christen shrugged, exhausted. “People fight,” she finally mumbled.

Dawn gave her a small smile. “They do. You’re right, it’s normal for couples to disagree, to maybe have arguments or misunderstandings. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.”

It had taken Christen nearly a full month to tell her about what had happened the night she’d dreamt of Tobin. She was surprised to find she didn’t cry. Instead she had just sat there, her body aching, her head pounding, staring at the wall behind Dawn’s head as she slowly described what was probably the worst night of her entire life.

Ashlyn grabbed her other hand and gave it a squeeze. “Therapy is amazing and necessary, but it’s also a real bitch,” she offered sympathetically.

Christen gave a small smile. “Yeah. So I’m pushing through.”

“Have you made any friends here?” Ali asked.

Christen chuckled, pulling both hands back to fiddle with her coffee cup on its saucer. “Not really. You know it’s funny, when I first told my dad I was moving to New York he warned me that it would be hard to make friends, that it wasn’t going to be like when I was in high school or college. But I met you on my first day, and then the three of us grabbed dinner a few weeks later, and I naturally just amassed friends as time went on. And of course, then Kelley moved to the city, so I had her. And through all of it I had-” she cut off, swallowing awkwardly. “Well, I had Paige. But now that I’m back in California, I don’t really have anyone. I found a job helping out at a local food bank until the school year starts, so that fills some of the hours, but I mainly get up, go for a run or a walk, do some yoga, go to the food bank, come home and eat dinner with my dad, then read until it’s time for bed.”

“So not a lot of opportunities to meet people,” Ashlyn observed.

“Not so much.”

“Well I’m sure once the school year starts up you’ll find a few teachers to fall in with.”

She smiled at Ali, moving her napkin to her lap as the waitress approached with their food. “Yeah, I really hope so.”

A few days before they had to leave, the three of them went to Manhattan Beach, Ashlyn excited to catch some of the waves that drew surfers from all over the world, Ali and Christen more than happy to soak up some of the late summer sun.

“So have you gotten to see your classroom yet?” Ali asked, sliding her sunglasses up to squint towards the water.

“Not yet! I’ll get to go in and set it up in about a week or so. I actually don’t know a whole lot about the school, just that I’m in a first grade classroom and the majority of my kids will be native Spanish speakers.”

“Man, you make me wish I had decided to learn Spanish in college. It feels way more useful than knowing how to speak _Deutsch_ ,” she laughed.

“I mean definitely in LA, maybe you could break out you German if you guys moved to… I don’t even know where people speak German in the US. Pennsylvania?”

Ali shrugged. “No clue.”

Christen turned on her towel to face her more fully. “I feel super selfish, like we’ve done nothing but talk about me since you guys got here. How’s the city? What is everyone up to?”

Ali shrugged. “Pretty much the same old thing! Let’s see… Heather’s coming back from maternity leave, but Sonny is doing so well in Kindergarten that Carli bumped Heather up into your old classroom.”

“Oh!” Christen let the news wash over her, feeling a little sad at the thought of someone else in her classroom. “That’s great. I’m glad that worked out.”

“Yeah. Megan is now officially dating Sue.”

Christen smiled. “I’m so glad to hear that. I think they go together very well.”

“They do. Sue’s come along to happy hour a few times, and she’s a lot of fun. But she can drink every single one of us under the table, much to both Ashlyn and Kelley’s chagrin.”

Christen snorted. “That sounds about right. Oh hey!” She sat up a little straighter. “Any progress on the Kelley/Sonny front? I talk to Kel literally every day and she refuses to even mention her name.”

Ali rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Those two morons?”

Christen groaned. “What?! Still?”

“I’ll spend a good week working on Sonny, building her up to asking Kelley out again, and then just when she’s about to, Kelley will get drunk at Happy Hour and pick up some random girl. So then I’ll spend a week or so on Kelley, trying to convince her that she _can_ be the type of person who goes on dates, that Sonny _does_ in fact like her, and then Sonny will mention that she went out with a girl from Bumble. They are literally driving me bananas.”

Christen laughed. “Kelley… god I love her. What a mess.”

“She really is.”

Christen bumped her with her shoulder. “What about you? What’s new with you guys?”

She watched as Ali took a slow drink of water. “Well… I think we’ve decided to start a family.”

“What?!” Christen grabbed her arm with a squeal. “That’s so amazing! Why didn’t you say something?”

Ali smiled and sighed. “I don’t know, it just… I guess I’m nervous about the whole thing. It’s not like when Heather decided she was ready for a baby, y’know? She just had her IUD removed, bought some new lingerie, then bam, three months later she was pregnant. We’ve found a fertility doctor that we want to go through, and he says everything looks good, but I’m still worried. I mean I am a little older, and I’m really pretty healthy, I’m in good shape, but I also spent lots of weekends pounding margaritas at Penn State, so we’ll see,” she joked. “And… well it’s expensive. Every round is thousands of dollars. And it could take a couple of rounds to get pregnant. And then, if something happens and I lose the pregnancy… it just starts all over. And not to mention, I’m gonna be on all sorts of hormones, which affects my mood, and… it’s just a lot.”

“Yeah. That’s a big undertaking.”

“And Ash is… god she’s so excited. She’s going to be such an incredible mom. When I see her with her nephew, or our godson, it sends butterflies all through me,” Ali admitted with a smile. “There isn’t a doubt in my mind that she’s going to be great at this.”

“You’re going to be a great mom, too. I’m serious Ali. Any baby would be lucky to have you as a mom.”

“Thanks, Chris. And it’s all going to be fine, I’m sure everything will work out… I’m just still in the worry phase. I mean someone has to be, Ashlyn is 100% in and committed because that’s how she lives.”

They both watched as Ashlyn rode a killer wave, only to be wiped out at the very end, making them chuckle. “What are you guys going to do about the… boy part?”

Ali snorted. “The boy part? You mean the sperm?”

Christen grinned. “Yeah, that.”

“Not sure yet. Thankfully we both have brothers, so if we use my egg, we can ask Chris, and if we use her egg we could ask my brother Kyle. Although… then I would technically be giving birth to both my child and niece or nephew. So I don’t know how to feel about that.”

“Oh. Yeah I hadn’t thought about that.”

“So we might just use a donor,” she finished with a laugh.

“Fair enough.” Christen took a drink of water. “Hey, how’s Tobin?”

Ali gave her a side eye. “….she’s good.”

Christen nodded, keeping her eyes out on the water. “That’s good.”

“Why do you ask?”

Christen shrugged. “Just wondering. I mean we’d talked about Kelley and Pinoe, just checking in on all of our friends.”

Ali hummed. “Well Julie and Crystal and Becky are all doing great as well, I’ll be sure to let them know that you didn’t ask.”

“No, I just… hadn’t gotten there yet. Tobin was the first of several friends I was going to ask about.”

“Mm hm. Right.”

“I was!”

“Tobin has asked about you, too. I think she might have been a little jealous that we got to come see you.”

Christen nodded, steadfastly ignoring the small flutter of warmth in her stomach. “Well… we’re friends. So that makes sense.”

Ali just hummed again. “C’mon, let’s go get in the water.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Feelings Friday!!!
> 
> Hope you're all happy, healthy, and somewhat sane!

Christen loved California. She loved the sun, loved the beaches, loved the general attitude of the people, so calm with their laid back natures. She had fond memories of going hiking as a kid with her family, of cruising down Santa Monica Boulevard in a friend’s convertible, the wind in her hair and not a care in the world. California felt like pulling on her favorite pair of jeans after accidentally boxing them up in storage for a few years.

But New York City at Christmastime was nothing short of magical.

Arm in arm with Kelley, they strode down the shoveled sidewalks of the shopping district, cups of hot chocolate in their hands, pointing at the elaborate window displays as they passed.

“God I’ve missed you so much!” Kelley said, knocking her hip into Christen’s. “It should be illegal for you to live so far away. I’m calling the police.”

Christen laughed. “Okay, well let me know what they say.”

“But really, the flight was okay?”

Christen shrugged. “As good as a flight from LAX to JFK can possibly be five days before Christmas.” Kelley had been waiting for her in arrivals, excitedly picking her up and spinning her around before helping her hurry out to the cab line so they could get back to Kelley’s and drop off her suitcase.

“So I have exciting news.”

“Hm?” Christen took another sip of her hot chocolate, delighted to be somewhere cool enough that hot drinks didn’t feel redundant.

“I got us tickets to see The Nutcracker on Tuesday.”

“What?!” Christen came to a stop, turning to look at Kelley head on. “Are you serious?”

Kelley gave a wide smile. “Yeah!”

“I…” Christen took a deep breath, smiling as widely as her face would allow her. “I didn’t think I would get to this year. I mean, I know you’re not a huge ballet fan, and I always went with Paige…” she trailed off.

Kelley gave her a small smile. “I know. That’s why I got the tickets.”

Christen took her arm again, resuming their walk along 5th Avenue. “Thanks, Kel. I mean it.”

“How… how is everything? How are you doing, really?”

She gave a little smile. “It’s… it’s okay. I mean, it’s gotten a lot better. Started off with therapy twice a week this summer, and then down to once a week during this past semester. I feel like I’m really starting to heal, starting to come to terms with everything. I’m doing good.”

“I’m so glad, Pressy.” They walked in silence for a little bit. “And how’s your dad?”

“He’s good! I think he was a little bummed about delaying Christmas until after the New Year, but Chan is in India on a yoga retreat, and Tyler’s inlaws had some big cruise planned, so it just made sense to wait. After all, Christmas isn’t the day, it’s the sentiment. Which will be just as strong on January second when I get back.”

“That’s awesome! But I actually meant how is he doing in regard to you being home, processing everything.”

“Oh. It’s… I mean it’s hard sometimes. Yeah. He… Over time he’s gathered more and more about everything that happened. Which I didn’t really want to happen. It’s… embarrassing, everyone knowing how pathetic I was,” she finished softly.

_She bolted upright in bed, hand pressed to her chest as she sucked in ragged breath after breath. She wiped at the clammy sweat on her forehead, trying to remind herself that she was fine, that she was safe, that she was across the country in California._

_“Christen?”_

_She jumped at the unexpected sound of her dad’s voice in the hallway, pulling up the blanket to her chin. “Y... yeah?”_

_He pressed gently on her door, widening the crack so that he could see her better. “Can I come in? Are you alright?”_

_“Yeah, yeah I’m… fine. Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up.”_

_“Don’t apologize.” He came in, sitting on the edge of her bead and taking her hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”_

_“Talk about what?”_

_“I know you were dreaming about her. You called out her name.”_

_Christen sighed. “It was… stupid. I was in the old house, the one we lived in when Channing was just a baby. I was in the backyard, and I decided to get in the little kiddie pool that you and Mom always had out for us. But once I was in, it just grew and grew and grew, until the sides were over my head. And I couldn’t move my legs, I was just standing there in ankle deep water. But then water started to pour in, right on top of me, and when I looked up, it was Paige who had the hose.” She paused for a second. “I know that sounds… so dumb. But she was just standing there, staring at me, pointing the hose at my face. And the water was filling up so quickly, suddenly it was around my knees, then my waist, then my shoulders. And I was calling out her, asking her to stop, because I knew I was going to drown, but she wouldn’t stop.”_

_“That’s not the only time she didn’t stopped when you said to, is it?”_

_She peeked up at her dad then dropped her gaze back to where her hands were twisting in her lap. “She… no. It’s not.”_

_He covered her hands with one of his own. “I’m so sorry, Moe. I’m sorry.”_

_“You didn’t do anything wrong, Daddy.”_

_“I just… I felt something was off. For years I did. But I… I chalked it up to none of my girls having ever dated a woman before. I assumed that I was picking up on an inner bias that I hadn’t know I had, and I tried everything I could to swallow it down. And I shouldn’t have. I should have been honest with how I felt.”_

_“Don’t blame yourself. I don’t… I don’t know that I would have listened, even if you had.” She let out a sharp exhale. “Even when people did try to say something, I was… I was so far under Paige’s spell that it’s like I was blind.”_

_“I still should have done more.”_

_“You’re doing more than enough now. I promise.”_

_He nodded for a second before taking a deep breath. “I have this reoccurring dream. Or, nightmare, really. But the house is on fire, and you’re all inside. You, and your sisters, and your mom, and my sisters, and your nana… And so I dash from room to room, searching, and every time I find one of you, I tell you that you have to get out, that the house is on fire. And then I dash to the next room, choking on the smoke. And when I get back outside… no one’s out there. So I have to go back in. And it repeats, over and over, the rooms getting steadily more charred with each trip, until I enter each room terrified of what I’m going to find.”_

_“Dad… That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”_

_He squeezed her hand. “It’s not your fault, Moe. I think there’s just been a lot of times when I wanted to protect the people I care about, but feel like I’ve fallen short. My Momma… Stacy… you.”_

_She dropped her head. “Dad…”_

_“I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, baby girl. It’s something I’m working through in therapy, the same way you are. I’m just trying to let you know that I’m here for you. That I love you. And that we’re going to get through this.”_

“Hey.” She glanced over to find Kelley looking straight at her, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not pathetic. Not at all. Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

“Sorry,” Christen sighed. “I’m trying to be better about things like that. Dawn says that the more we say something, the more we believe it. So I’m trying to be a little softer on myself.”

Kelley squeezed her arm. “You’re doing hard work.”

Christen smiled. “Thanks, Kel. But enough about me, how are you?”

“I’m okay! My rec team picks up practices on January 6th, I’m excited for that.”

“That’s great! But any… personal developments?”

Kelley gave a loud barking laugh. “That could not have been less subtle if you were trying, Pressy.”

“Well, I’m through being subtle! I want answers.”

“I’m still as single as they come, a lone cowgirl riding the plains, nothing for company but my trusty steed and the occasional tumbleweed.”

Christen began giggling. “Trusty steed? Is that what we’re calling your string of one night stands?”

“I haven’t-”

“Ali already told me.”

Kelley let out a huffy breath. “That asshole,” she mumbled good naturedly. “And for the record, my trusty steed is obviously my vibrator.”

Christen rolled her eyes. “You’re such a fucking dork.”

“Well what about you? Have you been cleared to step back into the rodeo of love?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows.

“You’re gross. And it’s not as if I need a doctor’s note.” She took a sip of her now lukewarm drink. “And… Dawn and I have discussed it. Nothing super concrete, obviously, but just about opening myself up to the opportunity. Basically, not turning down someone who’s interested out of habit.”

“And?”

“And… no one’s been interested.”

Kelley scoffed. “Oh people are interested, you just can’t see it.”

“Oh, do you have spies working in California now? Reporting back on potential suitors?”

“Maybe,” Kelley smirked. “That’s for me to know, and you to find out.”

They spent the next few days glued at the hip, letting Christen hit up all of the New York spots she had been missing as well as sneak in some last minute Christmas shopping. Wednesday evening, Kelley led her to their bar, pushing open the door to find the old Happy Hour crew waiting at their table.

“Oh my gosh, you guys! I thought you’d all gone home for the holidays!”

“Surprise, bitch!” Ashlyn smiled, throwing out her arms.

“And miss seeing you? Never,” Ali assured her, getting off her stool to wrap Christen in her arms.

“Hey, move it or lose it lady, you saw her in July,” Crystal laughed, next in line to give Christen a hug.

She went around, exchanging hellos and hugs, then Kelley pressed a glass of Chardonnay into her hands and guided her into the middle of the group. She had just begun talking to Becky about some new school regulations when there was a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Tobin, a small smile on her face.

“Tobin! Hey!”

“Hey! Man I step outside to take a phone call and the one and only Christen Press sneaks in and takes my seat?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry-” she tried to get up but Tobin laughed and placed a hand on her shoulder, keeping her in place.

“You’re fine. But seriously, it’s so nice to see you.” She gave her a hug, her hands warm on her back. “I can’t wait to hear all about-” She groaned as her phone began to vibrate on the table again. “California. As soon as I take yet another call from my mom, as if I won’t see her tomorrow morning.” She grinned and rolled her eyes. “I’ll be right back.”

Christen finished off her glass of wine and Kelley slid a glass of water in front of her.

“You’re the best, Kel,” she smiled.

“Oh I’m sorry, could you say that again?” Kelley asked, placing a hand beneath her ear as if she hadn’t quite caught what Christen said. “I’m the what?”

Christen laughed. “Can’t repeat it, can’t risk your head getting so big it won’t fit through the front door.” She got to her feet. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

As she exited the bathroom, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, suddenly a hand was over her mouth, tugging her backwards. Fear flashed through her body, ice cold, until a familiar voice was in her ear. “Shh, just look.”

Tobin’s breath against her neck did nothing for returning her heartrate to normal, but she did her best to look at what she was trying to point out.

Standing at the end of the hallway, eyes riveted to each other, were Kelly and Sonny. Christen gasped against Tobin’s hand as Kelley motioned to the other girl’s ugly Christmas sweater, reaching out and gently touching the tacky garland that was sewn to it. Sonny took half a step closer, her hand coming to cover Kelley’s and hold it to her chest. Neither one said anything for a moment, their faces just a few inches apart. Then Kelley, her face already tilted slightly up, directed Sonny’s attention upwards, to the mistletoe they were standing underneath. Christen couldn’t hear what they were saying, only watch as their faces slowly tilted closer together, until finally Kelley closed the gap, pressing her lips to Sonny’s, her free hand coming to cup the back of her head.

Christen was glad that Tobin’s hand was still covering her mouth, as she wasn’t positive she would have been able to resist cheering in victory.

The two slowly ended the kiss, their bodies still pressed together for one long moment before Kelley said something and started back to the table. Sonny turned towards the bathrooms but stopped in her tracks at the sight of Christen and Tobin staring at her with undisguised glee. Her face flushed red and she whirled around, making a quick getaway in the opposite direction..

Tobin took her hand away from Christen’s mouth, instead resting it on her shoulder, and Christen gave a loud squeal. “Kelley and Sonny! Oh my god, finally!”

Tobin laughed. “Oh I’m never going to let Kelley hear the end of this. I’m going to give her so much shit.”

Christen smiled widely as they began to walk down the bathroom hallway. “This is honestly the best Christmas present I could have asked for.”

“And to think, all it took was a year of suggestions and prodding and badgering and one sprig of mistletoe to seal the deal.”

Their laughter died off as they realized that the aforementioned mistletoe was now directly over their heads. Christen swallowed thickly, her cheeks flushing, glancing at Tobin to find her already staring at her. Tobin slowly leaned in, keeping eye contact with Christen until she finally pressed a tender kiss to Christen’s cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Christen Press.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come squeal on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning, my loves! Hope you're all having a good day, and happy Memorial Day to those of you in the states!
> 
> This chapter we get to meet some of CP's new coworkers!

“Christen, he’s a great guy, just give him a chance!” Sam implored.

Christen laughed, taking a bite of her salad. “Sam I don’t know anything about him!”

“He’s my height, he’s super smart, and he tells great jokes. What else do you need to know?”

“I don’t…” Christen shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Sam, don’t push her into it, if she doesn’t wanna, she doesn’t wanna,” Alyssa said quietly, glancing up from her crossword.

Sam leaned forward, face open and honest. “You’re just so cool Christen! And you stay cooped up, not doing anything. You’re too awesome not to be dating around.”

Christen smiled. “Well if he’s so awesome why don’t you date him, Sam?”

The blonde gave her an earnest look, missing the sarcasm. “Because I’m married to Pat, remember?”

“Hiya ladies, what did I miss?” Glennon said, dropping into the chair opposite of Christen.

“Sam’s trying to make Chris date one of Pat’s friends,” Alyssa said in a monotone voice, penciling in another answer.

“Devin is great,” Sam repeated for the umpteenth time.

“Have you met him?” Glennon asked.

“No,” Christen admitted.

“What’s the harm in a first date? If it’s not there, then it’s not there. And who knows? Maybe he’ll walk in and he’ll be the one,” she smiled sweetly.

“Oh jeez, here we go,” Sam teased.

“Hey, I’m just saying that sometimes love shows up when you least expect it, looking tall and blonde and cooler than you could possibly imagine.” Glennon gestured at Christen with her spoon. “Don’t think it’s impossible!”

“I just…”

“C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?” Sam asked.

_He could turn out to not be the person I thought he was. He could be someone that I trust when I shouldn’t have, someone who hurts me._ She glanced up and found Glennon watching her, looking at her as if she could see inside of Christen’s brain.

“I’ll think about it, Sam. Promise.”

At the end of the school day, when Christen was walking to her car, she heard someone call her name. She turned to find Glennon jogging after her.

“Hey!”

“Hi Christen.” She came to a stop, catching her breath. “Oh jeez. I’m so out of shape. Running even that tiny little bit was awful. Don’t tell Abby.”

Christen laughed. “I’ll try not to mention it.”

“Thank you.” The two began to walk. “Y’know Christen, you’re a little fascinating to me.”

“Me? Why? I’m… a first grade teacher who lives with her dad. Not exactly an Oscar winning story.”

“Mm I don’t believe you,” Glennon smiled. “How would you feel about getting some frozen yogurt? There’s a great little shop a few blocks over.”

“Oh um… sure. That sounds great.”

Christen follows her to the shop, and Glennon waits until they’re seated at a little table, cups in front of them before giving Christen that all knowing smile. “So. You don’t want to go on a date with Sam’s friend Devin.”

Christen laughed. “It’s not… it’s not that I don’t want to. I just haven’t been on a first date in over six years. I don’t remember how this works. Actually, I’m not sure I ever truly understood how this works.”

“What happened six years ago?”

Christen dragged her spoon through her frozen yogurt, making little designs as she did. “I met my ex-girlfriend, Paige.”

“Oh?”

Christen nodded. “Ex-fiancée, actually.”

“Oh…”

“We were together for five years. So I don’t really remember how to meet someone, how to get to know them. And I…” Christen trailed off. What was she doing? The best part of moving to California was that she could leave her past behind. She could bury it and not look back, and here she was, on the brink of spilling her past to the first kind coworker who really asked.

“What?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. I’ve just… I’ve been out of the game too long, I guess.”

Glennon hummed around her spoon. “You avoid romance the same way I used to avoid bars.” Christen looked up at her, confused. “When I was in my twenties, I was an alcoholic. I was on drugs and I was bulimic. I was a mess. It wasn’t until I got pregnant with my son that I finally found something in me that wanted to truly live, and that’s how I got sober. So I guess what I’m really trying to ask, is what happened? What made you turn away and get sober?”

And like that, the floodgates are open. Before she could stop herself she was telling this woman, who before that moment was just the cheerful lady who taught third grade down the hall, everything there was to tell. She told her about meeting Paige, about feeling seen for perhaps one of the first times in her life. She told her about losing her mom, about moving to New York, about how what had started as what she had thought was the great love of her life had turned into something that had nearly torn her apart.

When she was done, Glennon grabbed her hands from across the table, her eyes wide and teary. “I just want to say that you are so brave, Christen.”

She couldn’t help but scoff. “I don’t think that’s the word I would use,” she disagreed quietly. “I just… this is never the way I wanted my life to turn out. This isn’t what I pictured. And I think if my younger self could see me right now, she would be ashamed. I feel like such an idiot for letting all of this happen.”

“Falling in love doesn’t make you an idiot. It makes you human.”

“I guess. And I think I’m scared to date again. Because if I can fall for someone like Paige once, who’s to say it won’t happen again?”

Glennon nodded. “And you know what? I think that’s a fair concern. What I would tell you if you were one of my daughters was that you shouldn’t let your heartbreak stop you from loving every bit as strongly and spectacularly was you were made to. We can’t be afraid to love, or we’ll miss out on what’s great. If I had given into the fear, I would have missed out on Abby.”

Christen gave a small smile. “How long have you been together?”

Glennon smiled. “About five years.”

“And you have three kids together?”

“Well technically, I have three kids with my ex-husband, but yeah, the three of us coparent together.”

“Oh! How long ago did you split up with your ex?” It felt too forward and personal, but somehow she knew that the other woman wouldn’t mind.

Sure enough, she smiled. “About five years ago.”

“Oh.”

She swept her hair out of her face. “It’s… love is messy sometimes. And sometimes someone we think loves us can hurt us so badly we don’t think we’ll ever recover. But we will. We do. It’s human nature. To love and lose and recover so that we can do it all over again. Which doesn’t make it any less shitty.”

“Yeah…”

“Hey. Thanks for getting froyo with me, and thanks for telling me your story.”

Christen waved a hand. “No, please thank you for listening to me ramble on.”

Glennon stuck out her hand. “Nice to officially meet you, Christen Press. We’re officially friends now.”

Christen laughed and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you, Glennon Doyle. We’re absolutely friends.”

X

The conversation with Glennon calmed some of Christen’s reservations, and before she knew it, she was agreeing to go on a date with Sam’s friend Devin. And really it was nice, the act of getting all dressed up, doing her hair and make up. It made her feel excited, hopeful even.

She met him for dinner at a cute little Vietnamese restaurant, and found that Sam had been spot on: he was tall, several inches taller than Christen even in her heels, he was smart, a graduate of UCLA’s business school, and he told dumb jokes with a relish that reminded Christen of Sonny. After dinner he had asked if she wanted to grab a drink, and she had easily agreed. Was she necessarily super attracted to him, did she think this was going to lead to a relationship? Probably not, but she’d had a nice night, and she was down for spending a little more time with him.

Halfway through their drinks he stepped into the restroom and she asked the bartender for another glass of water. Her phone began to buzz in her purse, and she fished it out.

_Tobin Heath_

Her eyebrows jumped upwards. They still texted a little bit, but the only time Tobin had ever called her was after she had received the flowers from Paige. She pressed accept and brought it to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey stranger.” Tobin’s easy voice came through the speaker. “Is this a bad time?”

“Of course not, what’s up?” Christen answered before realizing that really, answering a phone call from someone who you had once hooked up with while on a first date was probably the definition of a bad time.

“Well I just have a little bit of good news, and then a favor to ask.”

“Anything.”

“Well, I’ve been working pretty steadily here in New York, mainly indie films and stuff, but I’ve caught the eye of a studio in Las Angeles, and they’ve asked that I come out and take an interview with them.”

“What? Tobin that’s amazing! What exactly are you interviewing for?”

“Honestly… I’m not too sure yet. In an ideal world I would love for them to bring me on full time to be a music designer. But I would also be down if they wanted me to come in on a temporary basis or be an assistant, whatever. It would just be really awesome. It’s Water Tower Music, which is the in house music label for Warner Bros. I think… dude, I think this could be a really great step for me.”

Christen released her lip from between her teeth. “I’m so excited for you. Seriously, this sounds awesome. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”

Christen smiled, ignoring the blush rising in her cheeks. “Now I think you said you needed a favor?”

“Oh! Right. Well, the meeting is in two weeks, in Los Angeles. I guess they want to meet in person to test out chemistry or something. But I… not to be weird, but I was wondering if I could crash at your apartment? Just on your couch. If not, that’s totally cool, just say the word. I don’t want to intrude. I was just thinking that since you’re there-”

“You should stay with me. Of course.” Her brain caught up to her mouth. “Well actually, I live with my dad at the moment, so I’m going to have to run it by him, but it shouldn’t be a problem at all!”

“Oh, I didn’t realize, I don’t-”

“Seriously, it’s fine! I’m sure he’ll be overjoyed for you to visit, that way he can finally put a face to your name.”

“Oh. Do you talk about me a lot?” Tobin’s voice had a teasing lilt to it.

Christen’s eyes widened slightly, and she thanked the universe that Tobin couldn’t see her. “Oh, well I mean I talk about all… of my New York friends. I miss you guys, you know?”

“Christen? Everything okay?” She turned to see Devin had returned from the bathroom. She gave him a quick smile and thumbs up.

“Hey Tobs, I’m actually going to let you go, but I’ll talk to my dad and let you know, okay?”

“Oh, yeah of course. Have a good night, Chris.”

“Bye, Tobs.”

“Sorry about that, a friend from New York called, she’s coming for an interview here in the city.”

“Oh that’s amazing!”

“Yeah! It’s with the music department at Warner Bros.”

“No way?” He gave his head a little shake, smiling at Christen. “That’s crazy impressive.”

She nodded, looking down at her phone with a little smile. “Yeah. Crazy impressive is right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, come talk with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady, I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday!  
> This chapter is sponsored by the Sims 4 and My Favorite Murder and lots and lots of coffee :)
> 
> ALSO, just so you know, this was originally supposed to be the last chapter of this story! So hooray for extending it lol

“Alright, so this is your room, obviously. My dad can keep the AC running pretty chilly, so if you get cold, there’s extra blankets in the top of the closet. And the bathroom is down the hall, I can show you-”

“I’m sure I’ll find it later.” Tobin was standing in the middle of Christen’s guest room, suitcase beside her and backpack still slung on her shoulder. She was wearing what looked like a brand new snap back, and Christen would’ve been an idiot not to register how good she looked, the way that her white tee shirt was hugging her shoulders and arms.

“Right. Of course.”

Tobin took a step closer. “Thanks again, Chris. Seriously.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I would have stayed with my friend Alex, but she’s like, super pregnant right now, I didn’t want to be stressing her out.”

“Like I said, we’re happy to have you.”

“And I’ll try to stay out of your hair as much as possible, I know that you’re still teaching and you’ll be up early to get to school.”

“Well we’re actually on spring break, you chose a great time to visit.”

“Oh.” Tobin gave her a wide smile. “Awesome. So maybe we can hang.”

“Yeah! Or I mean, or you can do your own thing.” Tobin’s face fell slightly and Christen rushed to clarify. “Not that I don’t want to hang out! But don’t, don’t feel like you have to. I’m pretty boring,” she finished with a slight laugh.

“You’re the opposite of boring,” Tobin replied just above a whisper. Christen avoided her eyes, instead running her hands through her hair.

“So… are you hungry? Or tired? Do you need to unpack?”

Tobin placed her backpack on the bed and pulled out a MacBook, sitting it carefully on the dresser before fishing out the charger and plugging it in. Then she dropped her backpack unceremoniously to the ground and turned back to Christen with a wide grin. “Unpacked.”

Christen laughed. “Perfect.”

“I’m always a little hungry, though.”

“Great, let’s figure out something for dinner then. My dad might already have something planned, we’ll have to check.”

“Great.”

The two stared at each other for just a moment, both smiling but a little uncertain. “Well… to the kitchen, then,” Christen added awkwardly, turning and leading Tobin down the hall. She needed to figure out what in the world she was feeling, or this was going to be one long visit.

X

Tobin went to her interview the next afternoon, and when she was done Christen took her out for pizza to celebrate.

“Cats or dogs?”

Christen laughed and took a sip of her soda. “Are you kidding? You met my puppies, dogs, all the way.”

“Fair enough, they’re the cutest.”

“Hm… if you had to live life as an animal, what would it be?”

Tobin leaned back in her chair, arms crossed and lips pursed as she thought over her options. “I think… house cat. Their lives are a dream, y’know? They just lay around all day, playing when they want to, but otherwise just curled up in the sun.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I can really dig it. What about you?”

Christen grabbed another napkin. “I think I would want to be a dolphin. They’re incredibly smart, they get to live in the ocean, and have you ever met anyone who doesn’t like dolphins? Like they might identify as a dog person or a cat person, but no one dislikes dolphins, they’re the coolest.”

“Dolphins win nature’s popularity contest,” Tobin grinned.

“For sure. They’re the Regina George of the animal kingdom.”

“So I’m guessing from that explanation that you’re a beach girl rather than a mountains girl?”

Christen nodded. “Definitely. I like being near the water. And it’s just so beautiful! When we were in Hawaii-” she cut off suddenly, not sure she wanted to think about that trip.

“That was almost a year ago, right?” Tobin asked softly.

“Yeah…” Christen took a breath. “Crazy how things change.”

“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” Tobin offered.

“No, it’s… it’s okay.” She gave her a little smile. “I’ve done literally so much therapy, and it has sucked, but I’m in a lot better place about all of it. It doesn’t… doesn’t feel like I’m drowning under the weight of it anymore. Which I think is all any of us can ask for.”

“That’s great, Chris.”

“And I no longer feel tethered to Paige, which is good. When I first moved here I would… God out of nowhere I would just start missing her so much, it was like I was possessed. I would have to turn my phone over to my dad and go walking along the beach for hours until it passed. But now I have space and distance, I feel like if I were to see her it wouldn’t completely crumble me. Not that I want to see her,” Christen said, rolling her eyes. “Because I definitely don’t. I would ideally like to never see her, ever again. But I’m feeling stronger, more like my old self, my… true self, I guess,” she said, chuckling slightly.

“I’m really proud of you, Chris.”

“Thanks,” Christen ignored the blush rushing to her cheeks. “And y’know, I’ve even gone on a few dates.”

“Oh?” Tobin asked, her face unreadable.

“Yup. A girl from hinge, that ended up being waaaaaay too into astrology, and a guy that was a friend of a friend. When you called to ask if you could come stay I was actually on the date with him.”

“And you answered your phone?!” Tobin laughed. “It must have been going pretty poorly.”

“Well you’re important to me. I’ll always pick up when you call.” She cleared her throat, a little embarrassed at just how sincere she had just sounded. “And it wasn’t going poorly really, but we definitely won’t go out again. He was nice, but just nice.”

“Just nice? Oof.”

“No, not in a bad way!” Christen laughed. “I just mean… I don’t know, he was nice, but it wasn’t a connection. I think when you find someone who’s right for you, you just feel that connection.”

She glanced up and locked eyes with Tobin, neither of them speaking or even breathing for one long instant, before the vibration of Tobin’s phone broke the moment. She glanced down at it then up at Christen.

“It’s the guy from the music department!” Tobin exclaimed excitedly.

“Answer it!”

She gathered up all of their trash and walked across the restaurant to dump it in the garbage. Tobin hung up as she arrived back at the table, and jumped to her feet.

“They’re bringing me in for a second interview on Thursday.”

“Oh my gosh!” Christen threw her arms around Tobin, unbelievably excited for her friend. “That’s incredible!”

“And good news, right? They would only bring me back if they liked what they had heard.”

“Which they obviously did, because you’re crazy talented.” They both realized in the same moment that they were still holding onto each other, Christen’s hands gripping Tobin’s shoulders, Tobin’s arms encircling her waist and holding her near. They both pulled back abruptly.

“Who me?” Tobin pretended to brush at her shoulders, then shrugged bashfully. “No, I honestly feel like I’m playing a bit of catch up with everyone else in the industry. While everyone else making connections and doing internships, I was getting laid out on soccer fields in France.”

“Tobin. You’re incredible.”

She watched her cheeks flush red, barely visible on her tanned cheeks. “Thanks.”

“We have to celebrate. What do you want to do tonight? Anything, your choice.”

That certainly got Tobin’s attention. “Surfing?”

“Yeah, you can definitely go surfing! I can show you the place that Ash fell in love with this summer.”

“Will you surf with me?”

Christen laughed, shaking her head. “Oh no. I don’t surf.”

“C’mon…”

“No way. It’s not for me. Plus if I finally tried it without Kel, she would probably excommunicate me.”

“So you haven’t even tried it?! Chris, you’ll love it.”

“No, and I’m sure I would be horrible at it, I don’t have the muscles needed-”

“Christen. I’ve seen you naked, I know that’s not true.” They both stopped, Christen turning red as Tobin paled as they both took in what she had said. “I… Sorry. I think we had come to an unspoken agreement not to bring that up.”

Christen gave her head a little shake. “No, it’s… it’s fine. We… we’re adults. Adults who have seen each other naked. We can be mature about it.”

“Well that’s not quite true,” Tobin smirked, crossing her arms. “You’ve never had the pleasure of seeing me naked.”

Christen quirked an eyebrow. “The pleasure?”

Tobin coughed slightly, unable to keep up the cocky façade and instead giving Christen a soft grin. “Anyway. Surfing? You said anything.”

Christen sighed. “I… fine. But you better not laugh at me when I suck.”

Tobin gave a showy fist pump. “Alright! You won’t regret it, I promise.” She started for the door, excited to get to the water, and Christen followed, unable to stop the smile spreading on her face. When it came to Tobin, she could never quite bring herself to regret anything.

X

Christen and Tobin were doing the dinner dishes the night before she was due to fly back to New York when her phone rang. She grabbed it and stepped outside onto the deck as Christen scrubbed at the pan they had used to bake the chicken. After several minutes, she heard the door open and called over her shoulder, “Everything alright?”

Tobin didn’t answer, so Christen grabbed the dish towel and began to dry her hands, turning to face her. “Tobs?”

Tobin was standing just inside, a stunned look on her face. “I… that was Mark. I, I did it. They offered me a job.”

“What?!” Christen dropped the towel on the counter and was across the kitchen in a flash, throwing her arms around Tobin. “Oh my god, congrats!”

Tobin laughed, picking Christen up and spinning her around. “I can’t believe this!”

“When do you start?”

“A week from Monday.”

Christen gaped at her. “That… oh my god! That’s so soon!”

“I know.”

“You still have to go back to New York and pack up your stuff, you have to give a notice on your apartment there, you’re going to need to find and apartment here, you’ll need to buy a car-”

“I know, I know!” Tobin laughed, holding up her hands. “You’re right, I have so much to do.”

“That’s… oh my god!” Christen gave her another hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I can’t believe I really got it. I mean I know they brought me in to interview, but… I don’t know! I thought it was one of those, we’re getting to know you now, and we’re going to watch you for the next couple of years and see what you do, sort of things.”

“You must have really impressed them at those interviews,” Christen smiled.

“Me?” Tobin laughed. “God I was so nervous, I felt like I could barely think straight, much less be charming or impressive or anything like that.”

“You’re always charming,” Christen reassured her.

“I… alright. I’m moving to Los Angeles. I have to tell my family! And then I guess I’ll have to find a sublet, or maybe an Airbnb to stay in while I find something permanent…”

“Go call your mom,” Christen told her. “And I’ll see if my dad has something stashed away as far as alcohol goes, we need to toast to this.” She started for the living room, intent on checking in the liquor cabinet.

“Christen.” She turned around to see Tobin standing just a few feet away. “I know that I literally just found out that I’m moving to LA, and you’re still healing and getting over everything that happened with Paige, but um.” She took a deep breath before giving Christen a nervous smile. “Do you think that once I get moved here and settled in, that I could maybe take you on a date?”

“You want to go on a date with me?” Christen asked, her voice noticeably higher than normal.

Tobin gave a breathy chuckle. “Um, yeah. If you want to go out with me, that is. And if you don’t, that’s totally okay. More than anything I want to be your friend. But if you wanted to, I was thinking maybe… maybe I could take you out to dinner.”

Christen swallowed thickly, trying to cam the part of her mind that was jumping up and down, screaming at her to say yes. “Are… you sure? I mean, like you said, I’m still healing and stuff, and it’s not always easy or pretty, it’s-”

“Chris.” She met her gaze. “I know what I’m asking. I know what I’m getting into. And I’m not expecting easy. I’m just expecting you. If you want to, anyway.”

Christen felt butterflies filling her stomach. “I… yeah. I think I would like that. Going out on a date with you.”

Tobin smiled, biting her lip. “Great.” She took a step closer and leaned in until she could press her lips against Christen’s cheek. “I think I would like that too.”

Christen shivered and gave Tobin a shy smile as she pulled back. “You should go call your mom.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do that right now.”

She watched Tobin step back out onto the deck, closing the door behind her, and smiled softly as she brought her fingers to press at her cheek. After everything that happened with Paige, part of her had assumed that she would never find love again, that she was cursed and should just learn to be alone, learn to be happy with it. But the idea of starting over again, of getting a second chance, with Tobin none the less? It filled her chest with warmth, with a special brand of hope that she could barely recognize.

She made her way to the liquor cabinet, finding a dusty bottle of tequila and bringing it back to the kitchen, pouring a finger’s worth in the bottom of two cups when she couldn’t find shot glasses. The door opened and Tobin came back, her smile wide.

“What’d your mom say?”

“She’s very excited about the job, but not so excited about me moving across the country.”

Christen laughed, handing her one of the cups. “You can give her my dad’s number, he can be your stand in parent while you’re here.”

“I think she would like that.”

Christen held her cup aloft. “Here’s to your new job. To you dazzling them with your abilities. To you somehow finding a place to live in just a week.”

Tobin laughed. “Here’s to being reunited with my favorite surf spots, with my favorite taco truck, and… with you.”

Christen bit her lip, trying to hide the way Tobin’s words made her stomach flip in the best way possible. “Here’s to the future. To new beginnings.”

Tobin smiled. “To new beginnings.”

They clinked their cups and downed the liquor, both of them grimacing at the burn. Christen took a deep breath, taking in Tobin’s smile, her stance, everything about her and the way she made her feel better. She could blame the warmth on her chest on the tequila, but she knew that wasn’t the case.

To new beginnings, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets gush on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Feelings Friday everyone :)

She took one last look at herself in the mirror, taking a deep breath.

_This is Tobin. She won’t care what you wear. She never has before._

She gave her hair one last fluff, trying to get her curls to stay in the exact position she had envisioned, and the doorbell rang. Her heart gave a little skip and she quickly left her bathroom, grabbing her bag from her bed and hurrying down the stairs.

Her dad had already answered the door and when she caught a glance of Tobin, she couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

She was wearing a dark green button down shirt over ripped black skinny jeans, the sleeves rolled up nearly to her elbows. Her hair was down, pushed over one shoulder, and her hands were nervously fiddling with the bouquet of flowers in her hand.

She cleared her throat when she saw Christen. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Christen answered. “Are those for me?”

“No, they’re for your dad.”

“For me?”

Tobin flashed her wide, toothy smile. “Nah, I’m just kidding. They’re for Chris. But I’ll bring you some next time.”

“Girl, I’m going to hold you to that. For the record, I’m a tulips man.”

All three of them laughed and Tobin held out the bouquet to Christen. She brought them immediately to her nose, breathing in their sweet smell. “Let me put these in water, then we can get going.”

She took several deep breaths as she fished a vase out of the cabinet and filled it with water. She was mainly excited, but also a little bit nervous. She wanted so badly for this to go well.

She popped back into the entryway. “Alright, I’m ready.” She stretched up on her tiptoes, pecking her dad on the cheek. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back but I have my cellphone on me, call if you need anything.”

He laughed. “Christen I managed to take care of myself for years without you, I think I can entertain myself for one night. Go, have fun.”

“Okay. Bye, Daddy.”

“It was nice to see you again, Mr. Press.”

“It’s Cody. You girls have a good night, drive safe.”

Tobin opened her car door for her, letting Christen slide into the passenger seat. She leaned down for a moment, arm resting on the roof of the car. “And by the way, you look beautiful tonight.”

X

Dinner was wonderful, the two of them lapsing into easy conversation, talking and laughing about anything that crossed their minds. Christen recounted some of her students’ most recent exploits, and Tobin gave her the scoop on her new office. As they were walking out of the restaurant and towards the pier, Tobin lifted her hand to lightly stroke the scarf around Christen’s neck.

“This is really pretty.”

“Thank you,” Christen said with a shy smile. “I actually made it.”

“What? That’s so cool!”

“Yeah, well turns out I’ve probably been dealing with anxiety for most of my life, and just thought that was how everyone functioned. And it never came up the first time I was in therapy, because we were really focusing on everything that was happening with my mom, and then I moved across the country. But anyway, I manage a lot of it through yoga and meditation, which I’ve done since college, but my therapist also suggested taking up crocheting. It’s good because it keeps my hands busy so I’m not picking at my nails or my hair or scrolling on my phone. I’m still not great by any means, but I made myself this scarf, and made my sisters a few things as well.”

“Can I try it on?”

“Um… yeah.” Christen unwound it and handed it to her. Tobin slipped it over her head.

“This is awesome, Chris! It’s so fluffy. You’ve gotta make me one. Or maybe a blanket to keep on my couch.”

Christen laughed. “How about we start small and I make you a pot holder?”

Tobin gave her a cheeky grin. “Anything for a Christen Press original.” She handed it back. “I’m glad that crocheting has helped with the anxiety.”

“Yeah, it helps me keep my hands busy, which is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from wanting to scream.”

“I get that. I’ve always felt my best on a soccer field. The ball at my feet, the grass or turf beneath me… it makes it feel like I don’t have a problem in the world. Nothing matters but me, the ball, and the net.” She smiled at Christen. “We should play sometime.”

Christen laughed. “What is it with you and wanting me to do things to embarrass myself in front of you? Isn’t it enough that you got to watch me wipe out a hundred times when we went surfing?”

“I’m just saying! Sometimes it’s good to have something to channel all of your pent up anger and frustration and annoyance into.”

“Yeah, that’s why my therapist suggested…”

“Suggested what?” Tobin pressed gently.

“Um… well, boxing,” Christen admitted with a little smile.

“Boxing?” Tobin took a step back, holding up her hands. “Woah, I did not realize that I was lucky enough to be out on a date with Rocky Balboa!”

Christen laughed, trying to swat at her. “Oh my god, shut up.”

Tobin hopped up on a bench, cupping her hands around her mouth. “In the red corner, coming in at five foot seven, a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet, the one, the only, the giver of time-outs, Chriiiiiiiisten Preeeeeeesss!” Tobin made crowd cheering noises, making Christen laugh even harder.

“Get down from there!”

“She floats like a butterfly, she stings like a bee, she dazzles her opponents with her green eyes and Disney Princess hair…” Tobin jumped down, landing in front of her with a toothy grin.

“I’m not exactly training for a cage match. I just got a membership to one of those gyms that offer the boxing fitness classes.”

“I bet you’re great at it.”

“You’re full of it.”

Tobin slid her hand into Christen’s and they started back down the pier. “What did you want to be when you were a kid?”

Christen smiled, interlacing their fingers. “A teacher.”

“Always?”

“Prretty much, yeah. After school, I would force my little sister and some of her friends to be my students, they absolutely hated it.”

Tobin laughed. “A second helping of school? I can’t imagine why.”

“What about you?”

Tobin hummed. “Well I mainly wanted to be a soccer player. But there was a few years where I wanted to be a rock star.”

“Yeah?”

Tobin grinned. “For sure. I saw clips from a KISS concert when I was like nine, and I wanted the whole thing: the hair, the guitars, the leather outfits, even the face paint.”

Christen laughed. “I can totally see baby Tobin, running around like a maniac, playing air guitar, making the girls’ hearts flutter.”

Tobin ducked her head with a little smile. “Actually, I was kinda quiet as a kid.”

“No way.”

Tobin nodded. “Yeah. I mean, according to my mom, I was an absolute terror when I was a toddler, we all were. Just loud and messy and borderline dangerous, knocking over anything in my path. Once I got into soccer, I had an outlet for all of that. But um, around the time I received my first communion I mellowed out even more.”

“I don’t think I realized you were Catholic.”

“Well, I’m not anymore.” Her smile had grown a little tight, not quite reaching her eyes. “The whole gay thing and Catholic thing, they don’t mesh super well.”

“No, not really.” They walked in silence for a bit. “What changed at your first communion?”

“I think that’s when I realized that I was different from the other girls. I’d always been a tomboy, not really caring for dresses or make up or dolls. But I remember my mom taking my sisters and I to a bridal store to buy my dress, and while she was talking with the woman in the back, my sisters were looking at all of the wedding dresses, daydreaming about their weddings and their future husbands and the babies they would have. And I was standing on a little pedestal, looking at myself in the mirror, and this voice that I had never heard before was suddenly screaming that I didn’t want that, didn’t want any of it. And I mean, now that I’m an adult, I do want to get married, and I do want children, but I thought that the only way to have those things was through a husband. And in that moment, I realized that I wasn’t the same as my sisters, and it felt… scary and wrong. So I pushed that voice down, pushed everything down. I turned in on myself. It took years before I was able to find my voice again.”

“I’m sorry,” Christen murmured, squeezing her hand.

“It’s alright. I mean it sucked at the time, and there have been lots of moments since that also fucking blew, but I’ve made it. I made it this far, and lots of people don’t.”

“How did your parents react when you told them?”

Tobin smiled. “It… was hard on them. Not that they don’t love me, that they don’t accept me. But it took them a minute to really process everything. Which is fair, it took me years to process. And once they digested everything, we didn’t really have any problems. I’ve brought home a few girls, and they loved or disliked them for various reasons, but it never had anything to do with their gender.”

“That’s good.”

“What about your parents?”

“Oh,” Christen waved a hand, “super supportive. I mean, they had already mentally adopted Kelley as one of their own at that point, and she was dating this girl, Taryn.” Christen rolled her eyes good naturedly. “Gorgeous girl. Tall, Australian chemistry student with legs for days. They were a mess together. Lots of passion, lots of sexual chemistry, absolutely zero ability to communicate about anything. They would just fight and fuck, fight and fuck, a never ending cycle. So when I told my parents that I thought I might like girls they were completely there for me under the one condition that I didn’t date someone like Taryn.”

Tobin laughed. “Fair enough.”

X

Tobin walked her from the car to her front door. She took Christen’s hands in hers as they stood on the front porch. “So… I’m going to go out on a limb and say this was one of the best first dates I’ve ever gone on.”

Christen smiled. “I feel the same way.”

“Does that mean I get a second date?”

Christen pretended to think it over, causing Tobin to pull her closer, looping her arms around her waist. “Yeah,” Christen giggled. “I think that’s a pretty safe bet.” Tobin pumped her fist and Christen smothered a laugh, trying to be quiet since it was nearing midnight.

“I can’t wait.” She leaned in slightly. “Would it be alright if I kissed you?”

“I mean, you’ve already seen me naked, what’s the harm in a kiss?” Christen answered cheekily.

Tobin laughed but still didn’t lean all the way in. “Is that a yes?”

Christen met her eyes. “Yes.”

Kissing Tobin was just as wonderful as Christen remembered, soft yet strong, her lips moving in perfect rhythm with her own. Tobin’s arms tightened around her waist and Christen cupped her cheek, letting the other rest on her shoulder.

After several long minutes, Christen pulled back, needing to breathe. “I should go inside, before I turn into a pumpkin.”

“The world’s most beautiful pumpkin.”

Christen chuckled softly and gave her another kiss. “What a charmer.”

“Have good night, Chris.”

“You too. Text me when you get home, please.”

“I will.”

They reluctantly pulled away from each other. Tobin was biting hard at her lip, as if trying to smother the grin creeping onto her face. She lifted a hand and then walked away, hurrying towards her car with her hands in her pockets. Christen watched her go, her body aflutter.

She crept into the house, trying to keep her footsteps soft on the hardwood floors. She was nearly to the stairs when she heard her dad call from the kitchen. She walked further in and peeked around the corner. He was sitting at the kitchen table, a planner in front of him along with stacks of envelopes. He took off his glasses and gave her a smile.

“Well, well, well… what do we have here?” he asked, his voice teasing.

“What are you doing awake?” Christen asked.

“What, you’re the only one who can stay up all night?”

“N- no.”

“Or maybe you’re the only allowed to mack on cute girls on the front porch?”

“Dad, stop!”

“What?”

“I… I wasn’t macking on anyone,” Christen argued, her cheeks reddening.

“Mm hm. Sure. Must have been two other silhouettes getting all close and cozy through the front window,” he said, gesturing towards the front door.

She blushed harder. “We weren’t…” She cleared her throat. “What are you doing?”

“Eh, just going through some bills, financials, stuff like that.”

“Alright, well I’m gonna head to bed-”

“Come sit with me out on the deck, Moe.” She followed him outside, settling next to him on the porch swing. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “So… tell me about Tobin.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, tell me more about this girl that makes you smile like you're five years old again.”

“She… we had a really nice night. It was just dinner and a walk along the pier, but I had a great time. She’s so easy to talk to, and easy to let go around, and easy going, and well… she’s just easy. Everything about her is easy.”

“Easy,” her dad repeated.

“Yeah. Like… like a fire pit on a chilly night, or the ocean on a calm day.”

“You really like her, hm?”

“I…” Christen pushed her hair behind her ear. “I think I really do.” She turned away slightly so she could look at him, “Do you think that’s crazy? That it’s too fast? I mean, Paige and I haven’t even been broken up for a year.”

“Do you think it’s too fast?”

She chewed on her bottom lip, considering. “No. I feel lightyears away from the person I was when I was with Paige. I feel stronger and more assertive. And I really like her.”

“Then that’s your answer.”

“Okay. I just…” She let out a happy sigh. “She’s so kind and chill and… solid.”

“You’ve got that right, the girl has arms of steel!”

“Dad!” She hit him lightly on the leg.

“What? I have eyes, and a penchant for beautiful, strong women.”

“Okay,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“You have great taste, honey.”

“Dad!” She came to her feet laughing. “That’s it, I’m going inside.”

He took hold of her hand. “But seriously Moe. You had a nice time? She was good to you?”

She smiled shyly. “Yeah. Yeah, it was… it was really great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone.
> 
> I know that everything is awful right now. I hope you are all safe, and I hope this chapter brings a tiny respite to your day.

“You look different today.”

Christen glanced up from her phone, smiling at Sam. “I do?”

“Or not look, really. You seem different.”

Alyssa snapped her pencil down on the table, hitting stop on her phone. “Ha! New record.” She gave Christen a once over. “She’s right. You have a whole,” she waved her hand in Christen’s direction, “new energy thing happening.”

“Well, I um… I’m going on a second date this weekend.”

“With Devin?” Same asked excitedly. “Oh this will be so cool! Think of all of the double dates we can go on!”

“No, no, with my friend Tobin.”

“Oh.” Sam paused for a second then shrugged. “Well we can still go on double dates!”

Glennon smiled. “Ah, the infamous Tobin. How was the first date?”

Christen ducked her head, weirdly embarrassed of the smile threatening to overpower her face. “It was really great. Dinner and a walk around the pier.”

“That sounds so sweet!”

“She is. Everything about her is… she’s really wonderful.”

“Where are you going tonight?” Alyssa asked.

“Well there’s this carnival thing out in Redondo Beach, I want to take her there. I have all sorts of great memories of going when I was kid.”

“Oh man, I love carnival food. The funnel cakes and the hot dogs and the deep fried snickers…” Sam enthused.

“Don’t go on those rides, Christen. People die every year!” Alyssa informed her, face deadly serious.

“Well, other than the tunnel of love. Be sure to go on that one,” Glennon winked. Christen just laughed, gathering up her Tupperware containers.

“I’m glad that you’re all so emotionally invested in this date. I just hope Tobin likes it.”

“Text us if you need anything.”

“Like a ride to the hospital from riding their death trap rides!”

X

“This is awesome!” Tobin enthused. They had only been at the carnival for about twenty minutes, and Tobin had dragged her on several rides. “I can’t remember the last time I came to a fair. This is legit awesome!”

Christen grinned widely. “I’m so glad you like it, I was worried-”

“Like it? No, no Chris. I love it. Are you kidding me? What’s not to love? C’mon, let’s go on the scrambler!”

Tobin pulled her into line by the hand, not letting go once they took their place.

“So how was your week?”

Tobin shrugged. “Eh, nothing too exciting. I’m still kind of getting acquainted with everything. But I think I made a friend, so that’s cool.”

“A friend?”

“Yeah! Sink.”

“Their name is Sink?”

“Well, her name is Christine Sinclair, but everyone at the office calls her her Sinc. She’s from Canada, and it turns out she’s also a massive soccer fan, so we have lots to talk about.”

“That’s awesome! It always helps to have friends at work.”

“What about you? How was your week?”

“Good! There’s a lice break outbreak in my sister classroom, so that’s keeping everyone on their toes.”

“Lice? Oh god… I was super lucky, my sisters had it, but my brother and I somehow lucked out.”

Christen shuddered. “It’s awful. Tyler got lice from a friend and gave it to Channing and me. My poor mom was running around, washing all of our bedding and clothing, disinfecting our stuffed animals, having to comb through our loads of hair with a tiny comb to get the nits out.” Christen could remember it as if it was yesterday. “And the shampoo she had to use smelled so bad!” She laughed but then sighed, letting the memory wash over her.

“The anniversary of her death was not long ago, right?” Tobin asked softly.

Christen peeked up at her and gave a slight nod. “Yeah, A week and a half ago.”

“I’m sorry. How are you feeling?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m okay. I mean, it’s always a sad day, and I always take off from work. But it was nice to be back home for it. I got to spend the day with my dad and Tyler, and we went out and visited her grave. It was very quiet, chill day. Oh and we watched When Harry Met Sally, which was her favorite movie.”

Tobin chuckled softly. “My mom loves that movie too. What is it about moms and forcing you to sit through the restaurant orgasm scene? When she first showed it to me at twelve I nearly died of embarrassment on the spot.”

Christen laughed, squeezing Tobin’s hand. “I don’t know, but let me tell you, it was no less awkward siting through it as a grown adult with your dad.”

The bored ride attendant opened the gate and they stepped through, finding an open carriage on the ride and settling in. Christen placed her hand on Tobin’s knee. “Thanks. For asking about my mom.”

She smiled and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on Christen’s cheek before the attendant snapped the safety bar over their laps. “Of course.”

X

“Look at all of the little babies!” Christen cooed as she and Tobin handed over five dollars a piece to be let into the petting zoo. “Look at the piglet!”

Christen dropped to her knees in the soft wood shavings, stroking her finger along it’s tiny pink snout. Tobin fished her phone out of her pocket and snapped a photo of the moment. “Can you believe how little it is?” Suddenly she felt something soft and furry nuzzling into her hip, and lifted her arm to find a tiny baby goat at her side. “Oh my gosh, where did you come from?”

The baby goat strutted around in front of her, then put it’s front feet on her leg, stretching it’s face up towards hers and giving a soft bleat. Christen’s heart nearly exploded in her chest.

“Ah, I see you’ve found Jughead. Or rather, Jughead found you.” They glanced up to see a man in a trucker hat smiling at them, leaning against the fence of the enclosure. “He’s a little ladies’ man. Was the runt of his litter, didn’t think he was going to make it, but look at him now. Seems like he’s taken a real liking to you.”

Christen scratched behind his ears, reminded of her dogs when he leaned into the action. “I’d say the feeling is mutual.”

Tobin knelt beside Christen and the little goat turned around and began butt it’s head against her knee, as if to nudge her away, earning a laugh from all three of them. “He has quite the protective streak. Good for turning on bad bosses and spurned lovers,” the man continued with a wink.

Christen laughed, looking over at Tobin as she scooped Jughead up into her arms, cuddling him close. “Maybe we should introduce him to Paige.”

Tobin laughed and reached out, scratching at Jughead’s fuzzy head. “I bet he could do some real damage.”

Jughead seemed to lean into Christen’s chest, bleating once more, and Christen held him closer. She glanced over at Tobin just as her date snapped another picture with her phone.

“This might be the happiest I’ve ever seen you.”

“That’s because this might be the happiest I’ve ever been,” Christen joked back.

Eventually they had to leave, saying goodbye to Jughead and his owner, walking back to Christen’s car. They remained hand in hand the whole ride to Tobin’s apartment, talking and laughing.

As Christen pulled into the complex, Tobin turned slightly to her. “So um, do you want to come up? I have a bottle of wine that Lindsey sent me. I honestly don’t know much about wine, but apparently it’s supposed to be really good.”

“Sure.” Christen guided her car into a parking spot.

She settled onto the couch as Tobin went about uncorking the wine. “So I’ve never really heard you talk much about Lindsey. Is she the friend who’s having a baby?”

“Nah, that’s Alex, we played on the National Team together. Lindsey and I played together in France, but now that she’s back in the states she plays up in Portland. She’s crazy good, actually. Was offered a full ride to UNC but turned it down to go pro straight out of high school.”

“Oh wow,” Christen blinked. “I didn’t think that was really an option from what Kelley’s said.”

“It’s not! That’s the craziest part. It was pretty much unheard of, but she’s Lindsey fucking Horan, so she did it anyway.” She came over with two glasses, handing one to Christen.

“Do you see a lot of her?” Chrisen asked, taking a sip.

Tobin shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I went to their game when the Thorns came to play Sky Blue, and we text, but not as much as I’d like. Especially with everything we went through together.”

“Went through?”

Tobin waved a hand. “It’s… playing professional sports is amazing, don’t get me wrong. But it’s also like living inside a pressure cooker. And we had this coach that, while great at his job, was kind of a major douchebag. To all of the girls, but definitely the international players, just because we didn’t always know the unsaid rules. And he was cruel to her in particular.”

“That’s awful.”

“Yeah. I think sports is one of those professions where the line of what you can and can’t say to your employees is blurred at best. I mean, how often would you hear about a lawyer telling his paralegal that she had to lose weight or she wouldn’t be on another case?”

“He said that? Like, out loud?”

Tobin nodded. “Yeah. In front of all of us. And… maybe it’s a little on me. Maybe I should have spoken up and said something to him at the time, but I didn’t want to make it worse.”

“That’s understandable. And plus you would have been like what, 22? 23?”

“Something like that, yeah. But she was only 18.”

“Well it sounds like you were both doing the best you could.” Christen put her wine on the coffee table and took Tobin’s hand in hers, playing with her fingers. “Have I told you how amazing you are?”

Tobin gave her a bashful little grin. “No, and honestly I was starting to feel a little-” Christen cut her off with a kiss, sliding her hands into Tobin’s hair and pulling slightly, urging her nearer.

Tobin pulled back a bit. “-neglected,” she finished with a groan.

Christen giggled, brushing Tobin’s hair away from her face. “Sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t apologize for that,” she said with a grin.

“I just… you are, Tobin. Truly amazing. You’re so kind and soft and generous and fun… I had such a great time with you tonight.”

“But…” Tobin teased, earning another laugh.

“No but. Well except it’s past 11, so I should probably head home,” she said regretfully.

“Just barely! 11:05, the night is still young!”

“No, I should get out of your hair-”

“Christen. Did it honestly sound like I didn’t love having your hands in my hair?” she asked with a coy smile, urging Christen’s hand back to where it had been cupping the back of her head.

“Isn’t the second date a little too early to be revealing kinks to each other?” Christen asked with a little uncharacteristic boldness.

Tobin merely laughed. “Well… I have seen you naked, after all.” Christen rolled her eyes at her cheeky grin. “And besides, it’s not really a kink when everything about you turns me on,” Tobin finished, her cheeks blushing slightly.

“Oh so you’re saying that if I were to…” Christen threaded her fingers through Tobin’s silky brown locks, tugging just hard enough, and was rewarded with a low groan and her eyes flickering closed. “Mm hm, that’s what I-” Tobin’s lips crashed to her own, cutting off every thought that wasn’t the amazing woman beside her who was pulling her down to lie next to her.

She let the hand not in Tobin’s hair slide underneath her shirt, dancing over the firm muscle of her abs before being met with the fabric of her sports bra. Tobin gasped into her mouth as Christen began to knead her chest. Tobin ducked her head to kiss and lick at Christen’s pulse point and as she did her leg came to rest between Christen’s, and suddenly they were both moaning, rocking up and into each other even though they were both still clothed.

After several long moments, Tobin pulled her lips from Christen’s neck and placed a slightly shaky hand on Christen’s hip. “Woah, we need to…”

Christen let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah. Sorry, didn’t mean to… just completely punch the gas on all of this.”

“Not that I don’t want to-”

“No I get it-”

“Because believe me-”

“It’s too fast-”

“I remember how good you taste.” Tobin’s hoarse words knocked the air out of Christen’s lungs. “I’ve thought about it. Especially when I-” She cut off, swallowing hard. “I don’t know if I should have admitted that.”

“I have, too,” Christen whispered. “Thought about what I would have done if I hadn’t freaked out. What you would have felt like.”

Tobin licked her lips, leaning her forehead against Christen’s. “I like you, Chris. A lot. And I am so scared that I’m going to mess this up.”

“So am I.”

“So I think… I think we should wait a little bit longer. Take it slow. I don’t want to rush anything with you.”

“Okay.” Christen kissed her, much softer this time. “I can do slow.”

X

“Christen Marmalade Press! Is that a HICKEY?!”

Christen rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the steadily rising color in her cheeks. “That’s not my middle name and you know it.”

“Excuse me ma’am, but who has been _mauling_ your neck, and why wasn’t I informed immediately?” Kelley’s voice was haughty and offended, but Christen could see the glee dancing in her eyes through the screen.

“It’s not even that bad!”

“Do you regularly go about shaping tomorrow’s youth looking like a teeny bopper who has been necking in the backseat of some pimply jock’s mustang?”

“Teeny- how old are you, Kelley?”

Her best friend let out a loud cackle of laughter. “Okay but seriously. Who gave you that hickey? I need to know name, birth date, occupation, social security number…”

“Kelley, we haven’t had the chance to Facetime in nearly two weeks, will you focus please?”

“Yeah, and in those two weeks you managed to get down and dirty with someone in the sheets, and as your best friend, it my duty, nay, my moral obligation-”

“It was Tobin,” Christen admitted, resigning herself to the fact that Kelley was clearly going to keep pushing until she got an answer.

Her mouth dropped open. “Tob… my Tobin? Our Tobin?”

Christen smiled. “Not a super common name.”

Kelley’s lips curled into a smile and suddenly the screen was a blur as Kelley began jump and dance around, whooping.

“What’s going on?” Christen heard someone ask, and the screen suddenly came to a stop, showing Kelley’s ecstatic smile.

“Chris and Tobs finally bumped uglies.”

“What! Kelley, first of all, gross, and second of all, no we didn’t.”

“Sure…”

“We really didn’t. We… got a little ahead of ourselves, and that’s how I ended up with the hickey, but we’re trying to take things slow.”

“Slow is overrated,” the off screen voice said, this time through a yawn, and then Kelley tilted the camera to show Sonny settling next to her on the couch, her lips curling into a soft smile as she rubbed at her eyes.

Christen arched an eyebrow. “Seriously? Coming from you two?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kelley dismissed, putting an arm around Emily’s shoulders and pulling her closer. “This isn’t about us. Give us more deets on the Tobin situation.”

So she did, letting herself settle fully into the magic of having been on two dates with someone who obviously cared about her deeply. She watched as Emily’s eyes drifted closed and her head tipped to rest on Kelley’s shoulder, watched as Kelley held her a little closer, unthinkingly pressing a kiss into Emily’s hair as she listened to Christen talk.

_Maybe this all isn’t too good to be true,_ she mused. _Maybe there really is a world where everything works out okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: @thetheatrelady


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, happy Feelings Friday!  
> I hope you're all being safe out there, stay strong

“Mrs. Brooks, thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me.” Christen stood up and shook the other woman’s hand before gesturing to the chair across from her, taking her own seat.

“Of course, you said it was important.” She crossed her legs and looked at Christen expectantly.

“Right. Well first of all, can I just say that Tristan is a joy to have in class. He’s kind, he’s polite, he’s always anxious to help, I’ve loved having him in my classroom this year.”

The woman’s shoulders relaxed a bit. “Oh. Well thank you. He’s really enjoyed being in your class.”

Christen smiled. “I’m so happy to hear that.” She glanced down at the papers in front of her and took a steadying breath. “I assume you’ve been looking over his report cards as they’ve been sent home?” She passed the latest one across the desk.

“Yes,” she answered, frowning down at the paper in her hands.

“I’m… I’m worried about him, to be completely honest. It doesn’t seem like he’s completely understanding the learning objectives.”

“Oh,” the other woman waved her hand. “He probably just takes after his dad. He played college football, y’know, defensive tackle for Alabama. He wasn’t that great at school either.”

She took a deep breath, nodding. “Be that as it may, I’m not sure I can recommend promoting Tristan to second grade.”

She watched as the woman’s face twisted, becoming more guarded and upset. “Wait, what? What are you saying?”

“First grade is a really important benchmark with kids. Studies have shown that if they advance to the next grade without truly understanding the material, it puts them at a disadvantage for the rest of their school careers, they spend the next twelve years playing catch up.”

“He’s… he’s not stupid,” the other woman spat.

“No, of course not, that’s not what I’m saying at all.” This was Christen’s least favorite part of having this conversation. “He’s not stupid. Not in the least. I think he just needs more time with the concepts, and by having him repeat the first grade-”

“Repeat-” The woman gave a disbelieving laugh. “He’s not repeating the first grade. Can you imagine how… embarrassing that will be for him? To have to tell people?” _Embarrassing for him? Or embarrassing for you to admit to the other women at book club?_ “It’s not fair!”

“Mrs. Brooks, while there might be some confusion and disappointment when he’s first told, it’s not something that lingers. Kids at his age are pliable, it’ll become his new normal and he’ll adjust.”

“No. He can’t repeat. We, we’ll get him a tutor over the summer.”

Christen sighed. “While that is obviously your right, I strongly believe that the best course of action will be for Tristan to repeat the first grade. And even if you do hire a tutor, he would have to take placement tests this fall for before I would feel comfortable letting him graduate to the second grade.”

She gave Christen a haughty look, coming to her feet. “And why should I care what you think? The woman so bad at her job that she can’t even teach a six-year-old how to count? Why should my son be punished, be forced to endure this humiliation, when really it’s just you failing to do your job well?”

“Mrs. Brooks, I understand you’re frustrated-”

“I’m not frustrated. I’m just stating facts. He’s not repeating the first grade. And I’ll be talking to your principal first thing tomorrow morning.” She grabbed her purse from the ground and stormed out of Christen’s classroom, her son’s report card fisted in her hand, without another word.

Christen rubbed at her temples with an exhausted sigh. Why was this always the route parents chose to go? Why couldn’t they see that really, she was on their team. She wanted what was best for their children.

She gathered up her things and locked up her classroom, walking down the hall to the front office. She knocked on Mrs. Foudy’s door and peeked her head in, smiling when she saw Glennon sitting across from the principal.

“Hi Christen, what can I do you for?” Julie asked with a warm smile.

“Well I guess I’m here with more of a warning. I just had a sit down with Melanie Brooks, Tristan’s mom, and suffice it to say, she is not impressed with the decision to hold him back.”

Julie sighed. “They never are.”

“I tried to break the news as gently as possible, but she was pretty upset. And she said that she would be in your office first thing tomorrow.”

The principal leaned back in her chair and knocked against her desktop. “Bring it on. If she thinks that decision wasn’t reached by all of the teachers who work with Tristan and myself, she’s crazy. I’m just going to tell her what you told her.”

“I know but… anyway, just wanted to give you a heads up. She’s pretty upset. Accused me of being a bad teacher and the reason why Tristan doesn’t understand math. Oh, and get ready, her husband played defensive something or other for Alabama. Expect to hear about that.”

Julie rolled her eyes with a grin. “Great! My favorite kind of parents. Really looking forward to it.”

“You want me to have Abby come in?” Glennon offered with a giggle. “She can stand behind you and look super tough, like your own personal bodyguard.”

The three of them laughed and Christen hiked her bag up higher on her shoulder. “Anyway. Just wanted to warn you. I’m leaving now.”

“Like… for good? Do I need to arrange for a sub for tomorrow?” She heard Julie ask as she began to walk out of the office, making her laugh.

“You know what, I’ll decide in the car and let you know.”

X

She was bent over the sink, scrubbing at her scalp when the doorbell rang. She ignored it, the FedEx guy could just leave whatever package he had on the step, she had to get this done. But then it rang again, making her straighten up.

“Who in the- Oh my god, Tobin!” She clipped her hair up and hurried out of the bathroom and down the stairs, clutching at the towel around her shoulders. She threw open the door.

Tobin looked… nothing short of incredible. She was wearing a pair of black dress pants that hugged her legs in a way that made Christen’s mouth go dry, paired with a cropped tank top that showed off both her arms and her abs. The dazzling smile on her face quickly fell away as she took in Christen’s admittedly less glamorous appearance.

“Did… did I miss something? Weren’t we supposed to go out tonight?”

Christen stepped back, letting Tobin into the house. “Yes. Oh my god, Tobin, I’m so sorry. I was looking forward to our date so much but then,” she gestured helplessly to where her hair was still coated in the foul smelling shampoo. “I caught lice from one of my first graders. I had been a little itchy for a few days but I thought I just needed to condition more but then when I got home from work I noticed a-” she cut off with a little shiver of disgust. “I’m so sorry. It freaked me out, so I immediately went into emergency mode and I completely blanked on our date.”

“It’s okay,” Tobin assured her, taking her hand. “I’m so sorry you caught lice, though. That sucks.”

“I had been being so careful!” She sighed, “And you look… Tobin you look incredible, truly. And I’m sorry that I have to cancel our date, and I’m sorry that I didn’t call and cancel before you drove all the way over here.”

“Cancel? Who said anything about cancelling?”

Christen gave an unsure chuckle. “Well… I can’t exactly go out to dinner looking like a George Washington impersonator.”

Tobin smiled. “Then we’ll stay here. I’ll help you get the shampoo washed out and then you said the next step is to comb all of it out, right? It’ll be easier for another person to do it.”

“Tobin… no, you’re all dressed up and I’m in one of my dad’s tee shirts and a pair of shorts.”

This earned her a cheeky grin. “I mean, I’m not complaining about those shorts at all. But seriously, let me go grab my gym bag from my car, I’ll get changed and we can start rinsing out your hair.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Christen,” she squeezed her hand. “I want to. I’ll be right back.”

True to her word, as soon as she was dressed in a pair of basketball shorts and a cutoff tee shirt, Tobin was with Christen in the bathroom. She told stories to keep her entertained, trying to distract her from the fact that her head was itchy and her skin was practically crawling at the idea of tiny bugs living in her hair.

It wasn’t until she was sitting on a stool in the kitchen with Tobin slowly, gently combing through her hair in tiny sections that she was able to slightly relax.

Growing up black in Palos Verdes, her hair had long been a source of fascination for the people around her. It wasn’t as tightly curly as the other black students in her class, but was nowhere close to the stick straight blonde hair the majority of her friendspossessed. Even as a little kid, people would come up and touch her hair without permission, putting their hands in it without consideration for how it made her feel, and it had left her with a natural aversion to anyone messing with her hair. When she was in high school and college, she had taken to straightening it into submission so that it wouldn’t be so tempting to people. It had just been the past couple of years that she had stopped, embracing her curls.

But with Tobin combing through her hair, totally focused on getting every single nit, her fingers careful not to pull, not to cause any more pain or discomfort, it made her feel loved and cared for. It had the profound feeling of home.

Later that night, hair still damp against her back as Tobin leaned against her chest, they ate pizza and watched a movie on tv.

“Hey, so remember how I told you that Alex _finally_ had her baby?”

“Yeah, you said she was a few weeks overdue, right?”

“Yeah. Well, some of the girls that we played with are coming down to have a little celebration next week, y’know, meet the baby, and I was wondering if you wanted to come?”

“What?”

“It’s not gonna be a huge thing, just Al, Lindsey, Allie, I think AD is going to come down with her wife…”

“Oh, I don’t want to overstep. I mean, you said you never really get to see them, right? You should spend time with all of your friends, we can hang out afterwards.”

Tobin turned around to face her. “Chris, I want you to meet them. I, you’re important to me. And maybe I shouldn’t say that, since this is technically only our third date, but you are. And they’re also really important to me, and so it makes sense that I would want them to meet my-” She broke off, running a hand through her hair.

“You’re what?”

“Well, uh, I know I’m kind of doing this all out of order, but, my girlfriend? I mean, obviously if that’s too fast, I get it. We can take things as slow as you need, I’m not trying to rush you in any way, I want you to be comfortable, but if you wanted to I would really like-”

Christen kissed her. When she pulled back Tobin gave her a soft smile. “Is that how you plan on always shutting me up?”

Christen gave a little laugh. “Well, it seems as though my girlfriend has a tendency to ramble when she’s nervous, so…” This time, Tobin was the one to kiss her.

“So that’s a yes?” She whispered against Christen’s lips.

“Yes. Yes to being your girlfriend, yes to meeting your old teammates.”

Tobin smiled widely, her eyes crinkling up. “You’re going to love them. And they’re going to love you.”

Christen leaned back into the couch, pulling Tobin so that she was laying against her chest again. “Tell me all about them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY. I hope you really liked this chapter!  
> If so, please consider doing one of the following:  
> -donating to a charity in need (ACLU, NCAAP Legal defense fund, Black Visions Collective, MN Freedom Fund, BK Bail Fund)  
> -supporting your local black businesses  
> If you don't have money to spare, that's okay! You can still help by:  
> -Passively donating by watching specific monetized Youtube videos and NOT skipping the ads (there's a list on my tumblr)  
> -reaching out to your local representatives and signing petitions for change  
> -Having hard conversations about race with friends and family. Arguable the hardest step listed, but also one of the most important
> 
> As always I can be found on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, happy Monday!  
> This is your weekly reminder that I love you all and hope you are all staying safe and sane while also fighting your battles.
> 
> Also, I plan to update today, Wednesday, and Friday, barring a horrible therapy session that keeps me in bed for two days, a la last week, so hooray!

“You look beautiful.” Christen rolled her eyes as she checked her reflection in her phone’s camera. “I’m serious, you do.”

“I just want to make a good impression.”

Tobin pulled into an empty parking spot and reached over to take Christen’s hand. “They’re going to love you, Chris. How could they not?”

“You’re just a charmer.” She kissed Tobin’s cheek.

Tobin grinned. “I’m definitely a charmer, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

They got out of the car and Tobin once again took her hand, giving it a squeeze as they made their way into the restaurant. “Hi, we’re meeting a group here, the reservation should be under Alex Mor-”

“HARRY!” Tobin turned just in time to see a blonde woman charging at them, and dropped Christen’s hand just in time to throw out her arms and catch the other woman.

“Harry!” She responded excitedly, spinning around in circles. Christen laughed and stepped back, avoiding getting hit by a stray leg. Tobin put the woman down and turned back to the hostess. “I think she can-”

“I’ll take them back!” She grabbed Tobin’s hand and tried to yank her forward.

“Allie, this is Christen, my girlfriend. Chris, this is Allie, we played together on the national team and she plays for the Thorns with AD and Linds.”

“Oh my gosh, hi!” Allie threw her arms around Christen’s neck. “It’s so nice to meet you instead of just listening to Harry talk about you all the time.”

“I don’t- not all the time,” Tobin corrected with pink cheeks.

“All the time,” Allie repeated. “C’mon, the others are going to be so excited to meet you.”

Allie took off through the restaurant, leaving Tobin and Christen no choice but to follow. She led them into a roped off section where several women were talking and laughing.

“Guys, Harry’s here! And her girlfriend!”

“I thought you were going to the bathroom?” asked one the women, and Allie rolled her eyes. “Get a life, Lindsey.”

The woman, Lindsey, stood up and hugged Tobin. “Hi Tobito.”

“Hey Linds, been a minute.” She pulled back and put a hand on Christen’s shoulder. “This is my girlfriend, Chris.” The phrase sent a little thrill through her, just like it had last time.

“Hey, I’m Lindsey.”

“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you.”

Tobin introduced her to the other women, Adrianna Franch and her wife Emily, both smiling warmly as they shook Christen’s hand, and Alex Morgan, who gave a smile, her hands hidden under a soft pink blanket as she nursed.

The waitress came back and took Tobin and Christen’s drink orders, then hurried away to check on other tables. They settled into two of the empty seats at the table.

“So you guys all flew in from Portland today?” Christen asked.

“Yeah, we all have a training camp in a few days in San Diego, but we came a few days early to get to meet the Charlie Horse,” Adrianna explained.

“Her name is not Charlie Horse!” Alex argued. “It’s just Charlie.”

“Sure, whatever you say, Baby Horse,” Tobin smirked.

“Guys I can’t believe that Baby Horse has a baby!” Allie crooned.

“You gonna have one next, Allie?”

Allie threw a napkin at Lindsey. “How dare you put that curse on my lady parts?”

Adrianna’s wife, Emily, leaned in closer to Christen. “Do you play soccer?”

“Oh no,” Christen laughed. “Not my thing. But my best friend played at Stanford, so I know a lot about it.”

“Well you’re one step ahead of me then. I played basketball in college, so I still sometimes have problems keeping all of the rules straight.”

“Baby, the rules are so easy,” Adrianna said.

“There is nothing easy about understanding offsides!”

“So what do you do, Christen?” Lindsey asked.

“Oh, I’m a teacher. I taught second grade for four years, but this year I taught first.”

“That’s cool, do you like it?”

Christen nodded. “I do. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, even when I was a little girl. And I like getting to see the kids learn and grow over the span of a year.”

“And she’s incredible at it. Seriously, if I’d had a teacher like Chris when I was in school, I probably wouldn’t have had to repeat algebra when I was in college. The things she does for her students- Alex! You and Serv should enroll Charlie at Chris’s school when she’s old enough!”

Alex smiled, pulling away the blanket and moving the baby up to her shoulder to burp. “Slow down, that’s years from now. She can’t even lift her head yet.”

“I know, but when the time is right. You won’t find a more dedicated teacher than Chris, promise.” Tobin squeezed her hand and Christen resisted the urge to kiss her silly. “Chris, tell them about the cool down jars.”

“Oh, it’s really not-”

“No, it looked really cool!”

“Well, we gave all of the kids jars, and then we helped them color water and baby oil, then add it to their jars along with some little bits of glitter. Then, we put the lids on and my aid and I hot glued the lids in place. They’re great because when you have a kid who’s on the edge of a meltdown, you can take him aside and he can shake the jar as hard as he can. Then he sits and waits and watches as the water and baby oil separate back into two. So it helps the student take a time out and breath. And on top of that, it also teaches the basics of mixing colors: if the water is dyed yellow and the baby oil is dyed blue, then when the student shakes it, they combine to be green. And you can also drop in that this is all possible because of differences in density, which they don’t really learn about yet, but it sets a good foundation, they circle back to the experiment in the older grades.” Christen gave half a shrug. “It’s not that impressive. I’m sure other teachers do the same thing or something similar.”

“Well you’re definitely the best in my book.” This time Christen couldn’t resist, leaning forward and softly pecking Tobin on the cheek to a chorus of aws from the table. The waitress brought their drinks and then they all went around and put in food orders. Once the waitress left, Alex looked at Tobin.

“Do you want to hold her?”

“Do I-” Tobin smiled widely. “Yes. Of course.”

Alex walked over and gently placed the baby in Tobin’s arms. She looked down at her little face and held out a finger, letting Charlie wrap her hand around it. “Hi Charlie girl. I’m your Auntie Toto. Hi there,” she said softly.

Christen didn’t realize she was staring until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She glanced up to see Allie smirking at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Harry looks pretty good with a baby in her arms, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah she’s obviously a great aunt, she loves kids.”

Allie leaned conspiratorially closer. “She’s an incredible aunt. And someday, with the right woman, she’s going to be an incredible mom,” she whispered.

Something in her tone made Christen flush a deep pink. “I… um, yeah. She will be.”

“Allie, what are you getting up to? Don’t pull Chris into one of your awful pranks.”

Allie gave Lindsey a scandalized look before returning to her seat. “Excuse you, my pranks are legendary!”

“You always mess them up…” Christen returned her attention to Tobin, watching as she stroked a finger over the baby’s little cheek.

“Hi baby. Hi.” Christen would never admit it out loud, especially when they had technically only been on three dates and just become girlfriends, but she could see exactly what Allie had been talking about. Tobin with a baby in her arms was… well. It made Christen feel tingly all over.

Tobin turned so the baby was facing in Christen’s direction. “You see that? That’s Christen. She’s so super smart, she went to Stanford, and she’s gonna make sure you go there too, not smelly old UC Berkley-”

“Tobin! If you’re going to poison my daughter against my alma matter, I’m taking her back!”

Tobin jokingly held her closer. “Nope! She’s mine now.”

Christen smiled as she watched it all play out, and thought back to Tobin bragging about her earlier. She and Paige had been together for so many years, but she couldn’t remember Paige once talking about her job with the same level of respect and admiration. If anything, she had always managed to make Christen feel small, make her feel like she should be embarrassed of the fact that she was nothing more than an elementary school teacher. After all, how many times had Paige hinted that she should go back to school and get her master’s degree, either become a principal or change fields entirely. She couldn’t see how Christen could possibly find joy in something as commonplace as being a teacher. But Tobin… sweet, caring Tobin, who had achieved such amazing things, who had every right to look down on Christen’s job… she was proud of her for being a teacher. She loved her because of it, not in spite of it.

_Woah._ Christen attempted to reel herself back in. Tobin didn’t love her. Or at least, they hadn’t said that to each other yet. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself.

“Do you want to hold her?” Christen’s eyes snapped back to her girlfriend.

“Me?”

“Yeah,” Tobin grinned.

“Is that okay with…” Christen glanced over at Alex who waved a hand.

“Go ahead! The doctor said I was fine to have a glass of wine as long as I wait several hours to feed or pump, and I intend to collect. Where’s our waitress?”

Tobin gently transferred the infant into Christen’s arms, helping arrange the blanket around her. Christen gazed down at Charlie, brushing her fingertips over her dark, wispy hair.

“Look at you,” she whispered. The baby stared up at her with solemn eyes, taking her in.

“Al says she’s a pretty good baby.”

Christen glanced up at Tobin. “She’s a sweetheart.”

“Can you believe we all start of as these tiny people?!” Tobin asked in a mock whisper, making Christen giggle.

“It’s the true miracle of life.”

The rest of the lunch went quickly, Tobin and her former teammates talking about going ons both in the women’s league and the international scene, before getting into a sentimental mood and talking about past games. Too soon, the checks came, and they split ways, Tobin promising to stay in touch better.

Once they were back in the car, Tobin gave Christen a kiss. “Thanks for coming with me today.”

“Of course.”

“No, I mean it. I love them so much, but… I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have much to give. I mean, they’re all still playing with the exception of Alex. Three out of the four are married, Alex just had had Charlie. Sometimes they feel like fully grown adults while I’m just the kid sister, tagging along. Which would be fine, but Lindsey’s actually the kid of the group, and she’s a fucking badass,” she laughed, rolling her eyes. “They never say anything to make me feel bad, it just… I don’t know. And honestly, maybe it’s on me. I’ve been so keen on hanging loose, and keeping things chill that it’s kept me from feeling like I’m on the same level as them. But with this new job, and now that I’ve found you… I don’t know. I feel like a grown up. And I thought that would feel terrifying and awful, but it doesn’t. It feels right. You feel right.” She tucked Christen’s hair behind her ear.

“They love you a lot, Tobs.”

“I know. And that’s why I wanted them to meet you. They’re important to me, and you’re important to me, so I needed you guys to meet each other. And they really liked you, of course. How could they not?”

Christen laughed, then remembered something. “By the way, why do you and Allie call each other Harry?”

“Oh that?”

“Yeah.”

Tobin laughed, turning on the car and putting it in gear. “That is a very long story. And the short version is that there is no good reason. It just… happened over time. She’s my Harry. I’m her Harry. And some people find it a little annoying but we can’t stop. Just one of those dumb things that you have when you’ve known someone a long time.”

“Ah, got it.”

Tobin pulled up to a stop sign, getting ready to merge onto the access road. “Now what do you say to another surf lesson?”

Christen let out a loud laugh. “Keep dreaming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's chat on tumblr, @thetheatrelady


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday!
> 
> Today's chapter is dedicated to notfade, I hope you have a wonderful birthday, and I hope this is an acceptable gift :)

Kelley’s freckled face appeared on Christen’s laptop. “Pressy!”

“Kel, I need your help.”

“Well, as always I live and breath to- CHRISTEN PRESS!” She slapped a hand over her eyes. “Warn a girl!”

Christen placed her hands on her hips, shifting nervously. “Kelley, I need you to focus.”

“Okay, well I need you to put some clothes on!”

Christen kicked the robe she had just dropped further away. “I think tonight might be the night when Tobin and I finally… y’know.”

“I thought you had done that already.”

“No, we’ve had a couple of horny makeouts-”

“Um, and she went down on you like a year ago?”

“But I think tonight is the night we finally… complete everything.” She swallowed nervously. “So I need your opinion on this lingerie set. I bought it at Nordstrom rack yesterday, but now I’m rethinking it.” She tugged on the yellow lace on her hips. “Is it… is it too much? I don’t want it to seem weird.”

“I mean,” Kelley peeked through her fingers. “It objectively looks very pretty on you. I like the mustard yellow.”

“The lace isn’t too much?”

“I don’t think Tobin will be thinking anything past ‘Pretty girl, boobs, lingerie, I like sex,’ but then again, what do I know?”

“I just want it to be a nice surprise,” Christen said, fiddling with one of her bra straps.

“Pressy, you’re overthinking this. Tobin likes you. She really does. And any lingerie you decide to wear will just be pretty wrapping on the actual prize,” Kelley grinned.

Christen grabbed the robe from the ground, pulling it back on. “I hope you’re right about that.”

“I’m Kelley O’Hara, when have I ever been wrong? Actually- don’t answer that. Where are you guys going for dinner tonight?”

“Some new place that Sinc recommended, Tobin’s been wanting to go for weeks.”

“And you’re planning on ravishing her in the restaurant?”

Christen rolled her eyes. “Very funny.”

“Seriously though, how long has it been since you got laid?”

“Um, well… since Tobin and I had that weird moment in New York, I guess.”

Kelley raised both eyebrows. “You mean when she made you orgasm and then you ran out crying?”

“Yes, thanks for bringing it up,” Christen laughed.

“Damn Pressy, a whole year?!”

“Yes Kelley, whole year.”

She let out a low whistle. “I feel sorry for your vibrator. I should have sent you replacement batteries for Christmas.”

“Alright, we’re done here.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Christen sat on the edge of her bed with a sigh. “I am. I just… we’ve been trying to take everything slow, and this is like our fifth or sixth date. So it’s natural that we’re at this point, right?”

“Christen, you’re allowed to have sex with your girlfriend.” She tilted her head slightly. “How many dates did you wait with Paige?”

“Three.” Christen pushed a hand through her hair. “And… I don’t know. Maybe if I had waited longer, if I hadn’t let myself get so pulled in, maybe I would have seen…” She sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe things would have been different.”

Kelley leaned closer to the camera. “Tobin isn’t Paige.”

“No, I know that.”

“Do you?” Kelley asked gently.

Christen nodded. “I really do.”

Tobin picked her up for dinner a few hours later, looking as beautiful as ever.

“I’m so glad we’re getting to eat here! Sinc literally won’t stop talking about it.”

“Yeah I’m glad we were able to get a reservation.”

“She said it’s incredible.”

“How was your week?” Christen asked, glancing over her menu.

“It was really good! We had some meetings regarding upcoming films and shows, and it looks like I might get to assist on one of the upcoming ones.”

“What?” Christen reached across and grabbed her hand. “Tobin that’s awesome!”

She shrugged bashfully. “I mean, it’s still a maybe. But there’s this new thriller movie coming out, and I’ve been working with the main guy in charge, we seem to jive really well.”

“What’s the movie about?”

“Well,” she blew out her cheeks, thinking for a moment. “It’s about a guy whose wife dies in a freak accident, and so he starts doing all sorts of crazy experiments trying to bring her back to life, and then for some reason he injects himself with jellyfish DNA? And so he starts developing all of these weird powers. It’s like Wolverine meets Frankenstein. But it’s going to have a totally sick soundtrack, so,” she grinned at Christen.

She laughed. “Well the movie sounds weird, but I will absolutely watch it so that I can hear your soundtrack.”

“Hi ladies, I’m Anthony, I’ll be your server today. Can I get you started with some drinks?”

“A glass of Chardonnay, please.”

“And I’ll take the IPA you have on tap. And…” she glanced at Christen, “I think we might be ready to order.” Christen nodded and gestured for Tobin to go first. “I’ll take the quinoa bowl with the fermented vegetables and I’ll do the chickpeas instead of the Impossible kebab.”

“And I’ll have…” Christen made a split-second decision. “The crispy ‘chicken’ melanese sandwich.” She wasn’t sure how she felt about chicken being listed in quotation marks, but figured she would find out soon enough.

The waiter took their menus and Tobin reached across for her hand. “What about you? What does your workload look like now that the school year is done?”

“Pretty chill. I’ve been bumming around the house a little bit, doing some reading here and there. I went through all of my supplies a few days ago and made a list of all of the things I’ll need to replace before school starts in the fall.”

“It’s crazy how much you guys have to spend out of pocket.”

“I know. And they just keep slashing education budgets across the country. And eventually it’s going to get to the point where it’s unsustainable.” She took a sip of water. “I mean, I’m fairly lucky in that I’m staying with my dad and he refuses to take any sort of rent money from me. Otherwise, I don’t know how I would make ends meet. Between food, and my car payment, and gas, and of course, my student loans, how is it possible?”

“It’s ridiculous. Especially because if we don’t have good teachers then it affects the students which affects our entire society.” Tobin nodded at the waiter as he sat down their drinks.

“Exactly!” Christen sighed. “I know lots of teachers have jobs on the side, sometimes through the summer, but some of them work an extra job during the schoolyear. I have no idea how they do it.”

“Do you think you’ll work somewhere this summer?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I worked with a food bank last summer, and they offered me my job if I want to come back, so I might do that.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

Christen hummed. “I don’t think enjoy is the right word. It was… harrowing to see the amount of people coming in, needing food. Did you know that one out of five children go to bed hungry in California?” Tobin shook her head, eyebrows furrowed. “It just seems… crazy. We live in one of the wealthiest states in America, in what’s supposed to be one of the most glamorous cities in the entire world. And our kids don’t have enough to eat? How is that possible? How is it fair?”

“It’s not. Not in the least.” Tobin leaned forward slightly. “Is the food bank doing good work?”

“Yeah. Or I mean, it’s doing it’s best.”

“Do you think you being there could help it do better?”

She chewed on her bottom lip. “Maybe. I could at least try.”

Tobin gave her a soft smile. “Then I think you should work with them again.”

The waiter arrived with their food, making them both lean back to make room. Christen stared down at her plate. While the restaurant was decidedly ‘LA couture healthy’, Christen had been excited about the food, especially with the great word of mouth. But the smells coming from her ‘chicken’ sandwich were… questionable at best.

“Oh wow, look at this. You got the chicken?” Tobin asked.

“Yeah.” _Or something like it._ She picked it up and took a bite. The flavors bloomed across her tongue and she tried her best not to make a face. She chewed slowly, trying to ignore the texture of something that felt somehow raw and overcooked at the same time. Finally, she swallowed, quickly taking a sip of her wine. She took a bite of the accompanying warm salad, only to find it just as bad.

“What do you think?” She met Tobin’s eyes. Her stomach suddenly seized, unsure of what to say. She could only imagine what Paige’s reaction would have been if they had finally gone to a restaurant that she had been excited about for months only for Christen to complain about the food. She swallowed thickly.

“It’s... really interesting. They mixed flavors that are, that I wouldn’t have thought, but it’s, it’s really interesting. And the way that they substitute for the meat and the cheese, it’s… I can see why people really like it.”

Tobin stared at her for a moment. “Christen. What do you really think of your food?”

She shakily placed her silverware back on the table. “I’m so sorry, I wanted so badly to like it, maybe I should have ordered something else.”

Tobin grabbed her hand. “Hey. You are entitled to your own opinions, and you don’t have to apologize for them. And it just so happens that I agree with you, this food tastes like ass,” she said gently, making Christen laugh. “How about we down these drinks, grab the check, and grab a pizza on the way home?”

_Home._ The word made something in Christen’s chest lift. “Yeah. Yeah that sounds great.”

X

“Oh my god,” Christen groaned. “Why do other restaurants even try? Nothing beats a Little Caesar’s pizza.”

Tobin laughed, tossing her crust into the box. “I think you were just really hungry.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m wrong,” Christen insisted from where she was sitting cross legged next to the coffee table.

Tobin crawled off the couch, making her way closer until she began to tickle Christen mercilessly.

“Stop, I surrender!” Christen gasped through her laughter. Suddenly Tobin’s face, Toobin’s lips were just inches from hers, and she leaned forward, capturing them with her own.

They kissed and kissed until Tobin finally pulled back breathlessly. “Chris, I don’t, don’t want to misread the signs, but uh, if this is going where I think it’s going, I think we should maybe move to the bedroom,” she whispered nervously.

Christen nodded, licking her already swollen lips. “Yeah. Yeah I think we should do that.”

Once in Tobin’s bedroom, their clothes were shed, dropped to the floor. Tobin’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of Christen’s lingerie, and somewhere in the very back of her mind she congratulated herself on a job well done before being distracted by much more important things.

Hands. Lips. Tongues. Even as she pulled Tobin closer, let herself be taken higher, Christen couldn’t believe that this was really happening. But more than that, she couldn’t believe she had ever known a world that didn’t include miles of Tobin’s smooth skin, Tobin’s abs, Tobin’s hoarse gasp as she slipped one, then two fingers inside. And she hoped with every fiber of her being that she would never know that world again.

Afterwards, as Christen laid with her head on her chest, Tobin pressed a kiss into her curls. “Chris?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t… I’m never going to test you. I promise. You never have to worry about whether or not whatever I’m saying has a secret meaning, or if I’m trying to trick you so that I have a reason to be mad. I really, truly care about you.”

“I know,” Christen whispered against the slightly sweaty skin of her chest. “Logically, I do. I know that you’re not… I know who you are. I know that you’re kind and caring and loving, and I love those things about you. It’s just… sometimes my mind forgets that I don’t have to be on edge. That it’s okay to just be me.”

“I know. And I’m not mad, please don’t take it that way. But I, can you promise me something?”

Christen tilted her head back to look in Tobin’s eyes, barely visible in the light from the candles on the dresser. “What’s that?”

“Just… be truthful with me. You never have to lie or conceal or put a good spin on things. I want all the parts of you, even the parts you’re scared to show.”

Christen gave her a little smile. “I mean, I feel like you just had most of me,” she teased.

Tobin laughed, her arms tightening around her and pulling her closer. “I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“I wasn’t. But um… yes. I’ll do my best to be completely honest with you. I can’t guarantee that I won’t have moments where I kind of freak out, but… yeah. I want all of your parts, too.” She pressed a kiss onto Tobin’s collarbone.

Tobin rolled them so that she was propped up above her and dropped a sweet, chaste kiss to Christen’s lips. “They’re all yours, honey.” Then she slowly began to kiss her way down Christen’s body, reclaiming her stake on every single inch of skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's all squeal on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Feelings Friday!!!!  
> *does a happy dance*  
> I hope you're all happy, healthy, and staying sane

Christen slowly came to consciousness, wrinkling her nose as she tried to hold onto the last tendrils of sleep. She blinked her eyes open, coming face to face with a gorgeous, sleeping Tobin Heath.

She bit her lip, taking the opportunity to drink in her cheekbones, her long eyelashes, the way the sun was playing across her tanned skin.

Tobin’s eyes fluttered open, and Christen froze, caught in the act. “Hey,” she whispered, her voice hoarse with sleep.

“Good morning.”

Tobin smiled. “Were you watching me sleep?”

Her cheeks turned red. “I, um, no, of course not.”

“You were,” Tobin insisted, her grin growing wider.

“No!”

“You’re my Edward Cullen,” Tobin cooed, pulling Christen closer.

“Oh my god, stooooop,” Christen groaned, trying to roll away.

“And I’m your Bella Swan,” she continued, batting her eyelashes in a ridiculous manner.

“You are such a dork.”

“But I’m your dork.”

Christen smiled. “That’s very true.” She gave her a soft kiss.

“Mm, don’t try to distract me with your perfect, immortal body, I want all the details.”

Christen’s phone began to ring from the living room and she untangled herself from a pouting Tobin. “Just give me one second.” She hurried into the living room and scooped her phone up from the coffee table, seeing Tyler’s name at the top. “Hello?”

“I’ve called like three times, why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“I was doing… things. Why, what’s up?” Christen grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch, wrapping it around her body.

“I need you to come over.”

“Is everything alright?” she asked, growing concerned.

She heard Tyler sigh into the phone. “Yes, everything is… or maybe it’s not, I don’t… just come over, I’ll explain when you get here.”

“Um, okay, it’s gonna take me a second though, I’ll need to get dressed and I’m over in Manhattan Beach-”

“Just hurry!”

“Okay, I will, I’ll get there as soon as I can,” she placated her older sister.

“Okay. Oh! And can you stop by McDonald’s? I would kill for an egg mcmuffin.”

Christen put her hands on her hips. “Okay, I’m confused, is this an emergency or not?”

“I never said it was an emergency.”

“Well you’re sure acting like it’s one.”

“It- just hurry up and come, please!” Tyler hung up the phone, leaving Christen to stare at it in confusion as she walked back into Tobin’s bedroom.

“So… that was my sister, demanding I show up at her house with McDonalds as soon as possible so that she can talk to me.”

Tobin sat up, eyebrows furrowed as she yawned. “Is everything alright?”

“I… I’m not sure. I guess I’ll find out when I get there. And speaking of… I need a favor.”

“Anything, name it.”

“I can’t exactly show up in last night’s dress to a code yellow breakfast.”

Tobin laughed and pulled herself out of bed, fiving Christen a very nice view of her toned backside. “I bet I have something you can wear.”

X

Nearly an hour later Christen was knocking on the door of her sister’s house, a paper bag of McDonald’s clutched in her hand.

The door flew open to reveal Tyler, a messy ponytail and wild eyes overtaking her normally pulled together façade. “What are you wearing?”

Christen glanced down at the UNC soccer shirt and basketball shorts that Tobin had lent her, then back up. “Well that’s kind of a rude way to say ‘thank you for dropping everything to bring me McDonald’s.’”

“Sorry! Sorry, come in.” She moved to the side and let her step into the house. Christen walked through to the kitchen and placed the bag and the drink tray on the counter before crossing her arms and turning back to her sister.

“Alright, now what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing’s wrong.”

Christen gave her a look. “Ty, believe it or not I was actually doing something when you panic called me-”

“I’m pregnant.”

Christen’s jaw dropped. She stared at her for a moment in disbelief. “You… you’re pregnant?”

Tyler nodded. “I took the test this morning.”

“Wow. That’s… wow, okay. Were you… I mean, is this on purpose?”

Tyler rolled her eyes slightly. “Of course it was. I had an IUD put in when Will and I got married, I got it removed a few months ago and now…” she gestured with her hand. “Here it is! I’m pregnant.”

Christen sat at the antique dining room table. “Holy cow that’s fast.”

“Right?! It seems… so fast! My doctor told me it takes most couples four to six months to get pregnant after removing it, but… apparently not.” She let out a long breath. “I was really counting on being one of the women who took six months.”

“But I mean… if you guys decided to have a baby, then this is great news, right?”

Tyler nodded jerkily. “Right.”

“Then why does it feel like this isn’t great news?”

Tyler groaned and took the seat next to her, burying her head in her hands. “No, it is, it really is. I just thought I would have more time to wrap my head around the idea before I got pregnant.” She swallowed. “I… I’m worried I won’t be a good mom.”

“What? Don’t say that,” Christen said, grabbing her arm.

Tyler raised her head. “I’m not like you! You’ve always been good with kids, it’s like something in you naturally knows what to do. Even when we were little, if Channing needed something and mom wasn’t available, you were her next choice, because you’re just… you’re warm and you’re nurturing. And I’m just not, Chris.” She wiped a finger underneath her eyes. “What if I’m not able to take care of the baby the way it needs?”

“Hey. Tyler don’t think like that, you’re going to be a great mom.”

“But what if I’m not?”

“Do you remember when I was in the third grade, and that little boy kept being so mean to me? Remember, he called me an oreo?”

Tyler’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, I remember that little shit.”

“I came home from school crying and wouldn’t tell mom or dad, so what did you do?”

“I made you point him out to me the next day after school and then I punched him in the nose, like he deserved.”

“You don’t think that has some great mom energy?”

“I mean… I probably should have told a teacher, made you tell me mom and dad so that they could take care of it properly.”

“Ty, you were in the fifth grade. You knew I was hurt and upset so you took care of it the best way you knew how.” Christen shrugged her shoulders slightly. “I think that’s really all being a parent is. If being a teacher has taught me anything it’s that no one actually knows that they’re doing. Anyone who says otherwise is full of shit.”

Tyler gave a watery smile. “I just… I don’t like doing things I’m not good at. I was great at school, so I went to law school. I was great at law school, so I got a job and became a great attorney.”

“Raising a baby isn’t like getting a degree.”

“I know. If it was, I wouldn’t be so worried,” Tyler joked.

“Everything will be just fine, I promise.” Christen retrieved the McDonald’s from the kitchen counter and brought it back to the table, dividing the food.

“Thanks for listening to me. And thanks for the food. Do I get to know why you showed up dressed like a frat boy now?”

Christen laughed and rolled her eyes. “Well it was either this or come in last night’s dress and lingerie, so…” she gave Tyler a look as she took a bite of her hash brown.

She made a distressed face. “Oh god, you were with Tobin?”

Christen nodded. “Yup, we had just woken up. My phone was in the living room, that’s why I didn’t hear you call the at first.”

“I’m the worst, I’m sorry.”

Christen waved a hand. “Don’t apologize! This was important, I’m glad you called. Plus, Tobs and I had spent all night together.”

“All night together, huh?” Tyler waggled her eyebrows at her. “How was that?”

“It was good, we had a really nice time.”

“Christen. I’m obviously asking if the sex was any good.”

“I know what you’re asking.”

“And?!”

Christen picked up the iced mocha she had brought for herself, and smiled at her sister over the top of it. “It was fantastic.”

X

“Dad, I’m home!” Christen shut the door behind her, wiping the sweat from her forehead as she pulled out her headphones. “Dad?” Not hearing a reply, she began poking her head into various rooms look for him. Finally, she stepped outside onto the back deck.

She was surprised to find Tobin, but the surprise didn’t stop there. Her girlfriend was facing away from her, muscles rippling as she pulled a tree limb across the yard. Christen’s eyes traced her arms and her legs, observing the way sweat was making her skin shine under the California sun.

“Moe?” She turned, startled, to find her dad standing behind her, giving her a knowing grin. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I- What is Tobin doing here?”

“She came by looking for you, wanted to see if you maybe wanted to go to lunch, but you were out on your run. But she saw that I was getting ready to do some work out in the yard and volunteered to help me out.”

“Oh. That’s so…”

“Feel free to put your tongue back in your mouth at any moment, Christen, you can jump her bones later.”

“Daddy!” she chastised, smacking his arm. She thanked the universe that her face was already red from running so her blush wasn’t so obvious.

“Chris!” She turned to see Tobin walking up, a wide grin in place underneath her sunglasses. “How was your run?”

“It was… It was great,” Christen stammered. She gave Tobin a kiss. “What are you guys doing?”

“Oh, your dad mentioned needing to trim some of the branches on the trees back here.” She glanced at the backyard then back at Christen, shrugging. “Seemed like a two person job.”

“She’s being nice, she thinks I’m too old to do it on my own,” Cody grumbled good naturedly.

Tobin just grinned. “Hey now, I never said that.”

“Why don’t we take a break? I’ll fix us all a snack and some iced tea.” Cody stepped into the house.

Tobin stepped a little closer, giving her another kiss. “Hi. I missed you.”

Christen grinned, cupping Tobin’s cheek. “It’s only been a week since we last saw each other.”

“I know, but still.” Tobin eased into one of the deck chairs. “I did want to talk to you about something.”

Christen perched on the table. “What is it?”

“So all of my siblings are going home for the fourth of July. I’ve been waiting to hear from my boss about whether or not I could take off since I just started a few months ago, but I just got the okay. And… I wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me. And since my parents live in New Jersey, we could also spend a few days in the city with the happy hour crew.”

“You want me to meet your family?” Christen asked softly.

“I do. But only if you’re ready for it. I don’t want to rush you into anything. It’s just… my family is super important to me. And so are you.” Tobin gave her a soft smile. “What are you thinking?”

“I… Tobin, that sounds wonderful. But are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”

Tobin grabbed her hand and tugged her so that she was sitting on her lap. “I’m sure. I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t. I know that they will love you as much as I do.” Christen turned to meet her eyes, and Tobin tensed for a moment, realizing what she had said. “I… yeah. That wasn’t exactly how I planned on telling you, obviously, but I mean it. I love you Christen. Every single part of you.”

Christen pressed her forehead against Tobin’s, looking deep in her eyes. “I… I think I might love you too, Tobin. But I don’t think I’m quite ready to say it yet.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” Tobin pulled back slightly, tipping Christen’s face towards hers. “You don’t have to apologize. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I wish I could say it. I want to, it’s just…”

“Chris. Say it when you’re ready. Not a minute sooner. I’ll still be here. I promise.”

“Okay.” They stared at each other in a peaceful silence for a few minutes. “And as far as Fourth of July goes… I would love to come. I want to meet your family.”

Tobin grinned, giving her another kiss. “Awesome. I’ll book the plane tickets.”

“I’m going to get all kinds of embarrassing stories out of your family.”

Tobin groaned dramatically, making Christen laugh. “Oh trust me, my siblings will be more than happy to tell you anything you want to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiii
> 
> Here's chapter 37, let's see what all the girls get up to back in New York...

If New York at Christmastime was magical, then New York during the Fourth of July was a fever dream. Most of the rich people had fled the city for vacation homes in the Hamptons, living the rest to celebrate in the parks and on their roofs.

Flying in from LA, Christen had been expecting to be able to handle the heat, but by the time they arrived at Ali and Ashlyn’s apartment, sweat was slithering down the small of her back, soaking her tank top. Tobin pressed the button and the door immediately buzzed open without a question, letting them inside to climb the three flights of stairs.

They both paused outside of the door, music and loud voices already audible from the landing. This was their first time back as a couple. Tobin pressed a kiss to her cheek and took her hand. “I love you.”

Christen smiled. “Let’s do this.” She pushed open the door, letting them inside.

“Pressy! Tobs!” The first person to spot them was Pinoe, who quickly threw her arms around them. “You made it!”

“Hey Pinoe, how have you been?”

She cocked an eyebrow at them. “How have I been? Well you obviously have not been following my insta, because I’m fucking great. Things with Sue are- wait, Tobs you haven’t truly met her yet, one second. Sue, baby!” They laughed as Pinoe dragged Tobin, and thus Christen further into the full apartment.

“Sue! There you are. Sue, this is Tobin, I don’t know that the two of you properly met. Tobin this is my girlfriend, Sue.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” the tall woman offered with a smile.

“I feel like we’re already friends with how much Pinoe talks about you,” Tobin joked.

“Duh, she’s the shit,” Megan replied, completely unapologetic.

“Christen, it’s nice to see you again,” Sue said with a smile.

“And under much better circumstances,” she replied.

Suddenly arms were wrapping around Christen’s waist, lifting her up and into the air as she squealed. When her feet found the ground she spun around to see Kelley grinning widely at her. “Kel!”

“Pressy!” They hugged each other tightly. “God I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, even if you just scared the shit out of me,” Christen laughed, poking Kelley in the stomach. “Where’s Sonny?”

“I’m right here.” She seemed to appear out of nowhere at Kelley’s elbow, handing her a beer before hugging Christen. “So glad you were able to make it.”

“And this guy!” Kelley practically yelled, poking Tobin in the shoulder. “How dare you show your face in this city, we haven’t won a single game since you left.”

Tobin grinned and shrugged. “Then maybe you should pull it together, O’Hara.”

Christen and Tobin grabbed drinks from the kitchen and made their rounds, saying hello to everyone. As Christen was talking to Becky a few hours later, Ashlyn turned down the music and called for everyone’s attention, Ali at her side.

“We just wanted to thank all of you for coming. I know that some of you could have gone somewhere not as fucking hot for the holiday, and it really means a lot that you chose to spend your pre-Fourth of July weekend with us. It’s been a great last couple of years for us, and we have something we wanted to share with everyone.” She took Ali’s hand, giving her an oddly nervous smile. “Ali and I are having a baby.”

Everyone gasped, then began to cheer as the two women shared a kiss. Christen had noticed that Ali had a sort of glow about her, but hadn’t wanted to assume anything.

“When are you due?” Crystal asked.

“Just after the New Year,” Ali replied, her hand moving to smooth over her slightly rounded stomach.

“It’s still a little early, but we couldn’t wait any longer to share the news with you guys.”

“Plus, everyone has been trying to get me to drink all day, because you’re a bunch of alcoholics,” Ali laughed, rolling her eyes.

“To a tiny Krashlyn baby!” Pinoe yelled, raising her cup, and everyone copied, toasting to their growing family.

It took a good twenty minutes before Christen could grab a minute with Ali. “Oh my god, congratulations! I’m so happy for you!” she nearly squealed, giving her a hug.

“Thanks,” she smiled. “I was so happy when you said that you guys were coming, you were pretty much the only person who knew we had decided to try IVF, and that was almost a year ago. I’m so happy you’re in town to hear the news.”

“Did you guys decide to wait a little bit after we talked about it?”

Ali shook her head slightly. “No, we did our first try in October but it didn’t take. Did another round in January that did take, but then we ended up losing it around Valentine’s Day.”

Christen grabbed her hand. “Oh Al, I’m so sorry.”

She gave a quick smile. “Don’t, it’s okay. I mean, it was so early. If we hadn’t been actively trying to get pregnant and taken a test the moment enough time had passed, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t have even realized I was pregnant. It wasn’t painful or anything like that, and I didn’t have any complications.”

“Yeah. Still. I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks. It was sad, for sure. Disappointing. But then we did a third round in May and that one took and is sticking around!” She smiled. “We just hit the second trimester mark, and so it feels safe to tell everyone.”

“That’s wonderful. Oh! My sister’s pregnant, too! She just told me a few weeks ago.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, she’s still in the freak out phase, though,” Christen laughed.

“Well tell her congratulations for me. And congratulations to you, too,” Ali said, lightly bumping her hip into Christen’s.

“To me?”

“To you. This is the first time I’ve seen you since you and Tobin started dating.”

“Oh,” she blushed slightly. “Yeah. She asked me to be her girlfriend at the end of the semester.”

“You look really happy together. And she’s so sweet to you. Not that I thought she wouldn’t be, but it’s just really nice to see you treated the way you deserve.”

Christen smiled, watching as Tobin talked and laughed with Kelley across the room. She seemed to sense Christen watching her, and turned to meet her eyes. She lifted her eyebrows, tilting her head as if to ask if Christen was okay. She nodded, giving her a smile, and Tobin returned her attention to Kelley.

“I feel really lucky,” Christen admitted softly. “I… I love her. I never want to let her go.”

Ali took her hand, squeezing gently. “Then don’t.”

x

Tobin and Christen spent that night with Kelley and the three had woken up the next morning a little worse for wear. Kelley had insisted that the only way to fight the hangover was to find a restaurant to eat brunch in and down some mimosas. However, it seemed that most of Manhattan was also nursing hangovers and they couldn’t find a place without a ridiculously long waitlist. So instead they had gone down the street to a dollar pizza place and were now chowing down as they walked back to Kelley’s place.

“I’ve missed this,” Tobin moaned, folding the piece of pizza in half and shoving more of it into her mouth.

“Awww, you missed me Toby?” Kelley crooned, throwing an arm around her neck.

“Not you, New York pizza.”

“Sure, sure. If you want to pretend you don’t wake up every morning and shed a tear because you don’t get to look at my pretty face, that’s fine.”

“You’re full of it,” Tobin chuckled.

“Isn’t that right, Pressy?”

Christen laughed, tossing her crust into a nearby trash can as they passed. “Oh yeah. She actually has a shrine dedicated to you in her closet, it’s sweet actually.”

“Awww!” Kelley tried to press her lips to Tobin’s cheek, but she ducked away, leading to the two of them in a half wrestling match in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Chrissy?”

She turned before her mind could process what was happening, and she froze.

“Paige.” Her hair was a little bit longer now, nearly hitting her collarbones instead of just brushing the top of her shoulders. She was wearing her signature black pantsuit, gleaming heels to match, a new leather bag on her shoulder. She was still just as beautiful as Christen remembered. She let a dizzying wave of memories wash over her, both good and bad.

Kelley and Tobin were still play wrestling behind her, unaware of who had just stumbled upon them, and Christen swallowed thickly as Paige took a step forward.

Her eyes raked carefully along Christen’s body. “I didn’t realize you were back in the city. You look... you look amazing, Chrissy.”

A hand was on her lower back, and she turned her head slightly to find Tobin beside her, staring at her intently. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. Christen nodded but the truth was, she wasn’t really sure.

“What the fuck do you want?” Kelley asked. She had positioned herself in front of Christen, her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Paige responded coolly.

“Well Christen doesn’t have anything to say to you. So you can just go crawl back into whatever hole you’ve been inhabiting.”

Paige ignored Kelley. “Chrissy, we never got the chance to talk. We were both upset, I was... I was out of line. But I’ve been going to therapy. I’ve been talking about everything happened. I realize that I didn’t always appreciate you the way you deserved-“

She tried to step around to look at Christen full on and Kelley put a finger in her chest. “You’re not the only one who’s talked about what happened. I know what you did. And just know that the only reason I haven’t already punched your lights out is because I don’t want to have to explain to my girlfriend why I was arrested for assault.”

Paige gave a derisive snort. “You? A girlfriend?”

“Yeah. Turns out some of us actually are capable of change and growth.”

Paige gave Kelley a dirty look and returned her attention to Christen. “Now that you’re back in New York, do you think we could meet for coffee? Clear the air, talk about what happened?”

“I’m not back,” Christen said quietly. “I still live in LA. We just came to visit.”

“We?” Paige’s eyes slid from Christen to Tobin. “We. Of course. I should have known that you were just waiting in the wings, ready to fuck my fiancée while she was vulnerable and hurting.”

Christen took a deep breath, grabbing Tobin’s hand and squeezing. “I’m not your fiancée. I’m not your anything.”

“Chrissy, we were together for so long. I stuck with you through everything. I was there for you when your mom died.” She smiled as if her words hadn’t just punched Christen in the stomach.

Christen took half a step forward. “You were. But she would want me to be happy. She would want me to be with someone who makes me feel safe, not someone who tears me down.” Her voice shook slightly but she held firm.

Paige blinked at her. It was clear that this wasn’t how she had envisioned this conversation going. Her voice hardened. “You owe me at least the chance to discuss-“

“I don’t owe you anything. Not now, not then.” She grabbed Kelley’s elbow, tugging her backwards as she squeezed Tobin’s hand tighter. She turned and the three of them began to walk away, ignoring Paige raising her voice, calling after Christen.

“Are you okay?” Tobin asked once they were a block away from Paige.

She swallowed, nodding. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She had spent so long worrying about seeing Paige again, but living in Los Angeles had let her relax. They were only going to be in the city for a few days, she’d figured the chances of running into her were miniscule, barely possible.

They were quiet the rest of the way to Kelley’s, no one sure of what to say. Back in the apartment, Kelley had claimed first shower, leaving Christen and Tobin with some privacy. Her girlfriend took her hand.

“Are you sure you’re okay? It’s okay if the answer is no.”

Christen sighed, leaning further into her. ”No, I am, I just… I wasn’t prepared to see her.”

“Yeah.”

“But… I’m kinds of glad that I did.”

Tobin raised her eyebrows. “You are?”

“Yeah. Maybe it’s crazy, but… I’m glad she got to see me. I feel so much stronger now, stronger than I ever was when we were together. And I’m… I’m glad she got to see that I’ve moved on. That I’m with someone kind and caring, someone… someone that I love.” Tobin raised her eyes to meet hers and she nodded slightly. “I do. I love you, Tobin Heath. I love you more than I can say.”

Tobin leaned in closer, until her lips were almost brushing Christen’s. “I love you, too, Christen Press.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! I'm back!!!
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay, like I've discussed in some previous author's notes, I'm someone with Depression and it's just... not having it right now lol. Not to mention that my brain took one look at this chapter and said 'Healthy, happy family dynamic? I don't know her.' And refused to write. Shout out to lesbianrobinhood for helping me coax my brain out from under the house!
> 
> I hope you're all doing well and staying safe!

Christen swallowed nervously as they walked out of the train station. Tobin squeezed her hand in reassurance. “I can practically hear you overthinking. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“Yeah, no, I know that,” Christen said absently.

“Chris.” She tugged her to face her head on. “They’re going to love you. Promise.” She gave her a gentle kiss. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“I love you,” Christen whispered, giving her another kiss. They were broken apart by a loud honk. Tobin looked over and broke out in a grin as she flipped off the driver.

“There’s our ride.”

A guy who bore a striking resemblance to Tobin got out of the jeep and walked over with a grin. “I’m sorry, I think I’m lost. I was sent here to pick up my loser older sister and her new girlfriend, but you are way out of her league. Have you been kidnapped, ma’am? Are you being brought here against your will?”

“Hey! No need to be rude just because my girlfriend is hotter than any girl you’ve ever brought home!”

He laughed and pulled her into a hug. “It’s really good to see you, Tobs.”

“You too, Jeff.” She pulled back and put a hand on the small of Christen’s back. “And I’d like to introduce you to Christen, my girlfriend. Chris, this is my little brother, Jeff.”

He shook her hand with a wide smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“Alright, let’s get you both home so that Mom can make a fuss over you, the _prodigal daughter_ returned at last.”

She laughed, shoving at his shoulder. “Shut up.” She turned to Christen. “Do you want the front seat?”

She smiled and kissed her cheek. “It’s okay, I’ll take the back.”

The whole way home, Tobin and Jeff talked and laughed and bickered over the radio. She leaned her head against the side of the jeep, watching Tobin’s hometown fly past. After ten minutes, Jeff pulled the jeep up to a single-story house surrounded by lots of trees. Christen swallowed thickly as she got out, trying to push away her nerves. Everything would be fine. She followed Tobin and Jeff up the driveway.

As soon as the door opened, they were met by a wall of noise. A TV was playing cartoons in the living room to the side. Music, from the sounds of it a Beach Boys album, was playing somewhere deeper in the house. Several women’s voices were talking and laughing. And after a few seconds, a scream overtook everything.

“Aunt Toby!” A small blur flung themselves at Tobin, and she dropped her bag just in time to stretch out her arms. She threw the little boy up in the air, earning a squeal of laughter.

“Hey little man! Did you miss me?”

“Did you bring me something from Cal’fornia?” he asked.

She quickly flipped him upside down, giving him a little shake. “Is that all I’m good for? Presents?”

He giggled wildly. “No!” She placed him on his feet and kissed his cheek.

“Don’t worry, I brought you something,” she said in a mock whisper.

“Yay!” He took off back into the house with a yell.

Jeff grinned at the two of them. “Tobs, you guys head into the kitchen, I’ll take your bags to your room.”

“Thanks, dude.” She took Christen’s hand and led her down the hallway.

The kitchen turned out to be where most of the noise and music was issuing from. Two women were bustling around, stirring at pots, chopping vegetables, and talking over each other. One of them looked over when Tobin and Christen walked in.

“Tobs! I thought that’s what my demon child screamed as he ran by.” She tossed her dish towel onto the counter and came around to pull Tobin into a hug. “Ugh, it’s been too long! I don’t like you being so far away, I liked getting to see you every other weekend.” She pulled away and poked her hard in the shoulder. “Don’t be rude, introduce us!”

“Well you haven’t given me a chance!” Tobin laughed. “This is Chris. Chris, this is Perry, my oldest sister.”

“Hi, we’re so glad you could come!” Christen was pulled into a hug.

“And this is Katie.” The other Heath sister waved from stove.

“It’s so nice to meet you guys. Thank you for having me.”

“Tobin!” Christen turned to see a woman who could only be Tobin’s mom in the doorway. “You made it!”

“Hey Mom.” Tobin let herself be pulled into a bone crushing hug.

“Oh I’m so happy my baby’s home!”

“Excuse me!” Jeff had appeared behind Christen. “Does anyone remember that I’m the actual baby of this family?”

“Yeah, but I’m special, Jeff.” This earned Tobin a middle finger from her brother.

“Jeffrey, I will break your fingers, not in my house!” Mrs. Heath reprimanded even though her back was to him.

Tobin pulled back and took her mom’s hand. “Mom, there’s someone I want you to meet.” She led her to Christen. “This is my girlfriend, Christen Press. Chris, this is my mom,” she introduced with a shy, sweet smile.

“Well aren’t you just beautiful,” she said, giving her a quick once over. “Tobin told us you were pretty, but she didn’t say you’re practically a model!”

Christen flushed red. “Oh, I don’t… thank you so much for inviting me, Mrs. Heath,” she deflected.

“Of course, sweetheart! But please, call me Cindy.” She took both of Christen’s hands in hers. “We are so excited to meet the person Tobin’s constantly talking about.”

“I’m not constantly-” Tobin started to mumble but was quickly drowned out by her siblings’ loud voices.

“Yesterday with Christen-”

“The most beautiful green eyes-”

“The girl of my dreams-”

“Hey!” Tobin cut in. “Not cool!” she half laughed, giving Christen a slightly nervous look and receiving a reassuring grin in reply.

“Alright, well why don’t you girls go get settled in? You’re both staying in Toby’s room, but no funny business under my roof,” she said, giving Christen a serious look with a shake of her finger.

Christen spluttered in mortification. “Oh no, of course not-”

Tobin’s family began to laugh, no one louder than Cindy. “Oh honey, I’m just kidding. You’re grown women, it’s none of my business what you get up to. I’m just teasing. I’m just so happy that you’re both here!”

The afternoon passed quickly, Cindy accepting Christen’s offer to help prepare food as Tobin helped Jeff wrangle kids. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched her girlfriend chase her nieces and nephews through the yard, soaking them with water guns to help combat the July sun. She really was so good with kids, so patient and goofy. It stirred something deep within Christen, something she knew was too much, too soon, she definitely should not be thinking about what it would be like to have a baby with her-

“Shit!” Pain shot through her hand, and she dropped the knife to the counter. Blood was quickly blossoming across her skin, running across her palm in rivulets before dripping onto the cutting board.

“Oh Christen!” Perry appeared at her shoulder. “Oh that doesn’t look good at all. Katie, go grab Tobs.”

“I’m sorry,” Christen gasped.

Perry grabbed a paper towel and helped her press it against the cut. “Don’t apologize!”

“I should have, should have been paying attention.” She forced out a laugh, embarrassed that she was being fussed over. “God I’m so useless. I shouldn’t have tried to help, I should have known I would just mess things up.”

“Oh honey, no, it was just an accident,” Cindy insisted.

Just then Tobin came bustling in, grinning and pushing her hair from her eyes. Her face fell when she saw Christen clutching her hand, mouth screwed up in pain.

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

“I just- God I’m so stupid, I should have been paying attention, I wasn’t looking at what I was doing-”

“She cut her hand,” Cindy cut in gently. “And it looks a little deep, I think she might need stitches.”

“No! No, it’s really not-” Perry pulled the paper towel away so that they could all take a look and the cut immediately began to bleed again.

“Yeah Chris, we should get it checked out.” Tobin grabbed a dishtowel from the drawer and used it to replace the bloody paper towel.

“You can take my car,” Perry said, handing over her keys.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry-”

“It’s really fine, Christen. Go, we’ll see you two when you get back.”

In the waiting room of the local urgent care clinic, Christen covered her face with her non injured hand. “This is just great,” she sighed.

“Don’t worry babe, I’m sure they’ll get us in soon and then they can stitch it up.”

“No, I mean-” She sniffed hard. “I wanted so badly for your family to like me, to make a good impression, and now this.” She glared down at where her hand was wrapped tightly in the now red tinged towel. “I’m sure they’re really impressed by someone who can’t even be trusted to cut fruit.”

“Chris, it was an accident.”

“A stupid accident-”

“Press?” She nodded at the doctor and got to her feet, Tobin trailing behind her, carrying her bag.

X

As it turned out, she hadn’t needed stitches. The doctor had cleaned up the cut, sterilizing it, and had bandaged it up, giving them the gauze and bandages necessary to care for it at home. She had also given Chris a pain killer, so by the time they got back to the Heaths, she was still embarrassed but much, much calmer.

No one had commented on the accident, other than Cindy giving her a hug and saying that she was so glad it wasn’t worse. They had eaten lunch and watched the kids run around, then they had all gone out to watch the town’s fireworks display. By the time they got home, Christen was exhausted, changing into her pajamas and crawling into bed without saying much. It was several minutes before Tobin joined her, flipping off the light and sliding under the covers. Christen turned to lay her head on Tobin’s chest, breathing in her smell and warmth.

“How is your hand feeling?”

She shrugged her shoulder. ‘I mean, the pain pill she gave me is still working, so it’s fine. It’s tender, but I’m more embarrassed than anything.”

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“I just… Your mom and sisters must think I’m an idiot. I mean, I caused all that fuss when I didn’t even need stitches, I was just being a baby.”

“Chris, don’t talk about yourself like that.”

She tilted her head up towards her, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You can be… so mean to yourself. Calling yourself an idiot, stupid, a baby.”

She gave her head a little shake. “It’s not… Tobs I’m just embarrassed. I was upset. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“But that’s just it, sweetheart. It hurts me so badly when you say things like that. Things that I don’t think, that no one in their right mind could possibly think. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know all the amazing things I think about you, but I need you to work with me a little bit. Because even if you say you don’t mean it, when you make those self-deprecating remarks, you’re reinforcing the little part of Paige that still lives in your head.”

Christen instinctively pulled out of her arms. “Paige doesn’t live in my head.”

Tobin pursed her lips for a moment, sitting up fully. “Yes she does, Chris. And I’m not saying that because I’m trying to hurt you. It’s just the truth. You loved her. You were together for years. We all carry people with us, it’s human. I mean, I still carry little pieces of my coach at PSG with me, and so does Lindsey. I’m not… mad at you for it. It’s not a choice you made. But what is a choice is how you talk to yourself.” She brushed her thumb along Christen’s jaw. “I just want you to see the same person I see when I look at you.”

She moved so that was sitting next to Tobin against the headboard, leaning her head against Tobin’s shoulder. “I don’t want her in my head.”

“I know. And over time she’ll be there less and less. But until then, you just have to be patient and when her voice pops up saying cruel things, you have to remind yourself that she doesn’t get to run your life anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Christen mumbled into her tee shirt.

Tobin shifted so that she could wrap her arm around Christen. “Don’t apologize. And as for my family, you have nothing to worry about. I promise. At the fireworks display, my brother was giving me so much shit, accusing me of having heart eyes over you. And when I went in to say goodnight just now, my mom just kept gushing about how wonderful you are, already asking if I thought you would want to come back for Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

“Wait really?” Tobin nodded, rubbing her knuckles along the back of Christen’s arm. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her I would ask, but that all of your family was in California. I said we would have to talk about it.”

She leaned in close, pressing her nose against Tobin’s cheekbone. “Man, I really love you,” she whispered.

Tobin caught her lips in a soft kiss. “I love you, too. But we better get some sleep.”

“Why?”

Through the light coming through the window, Christen could see Tobin give her a sheepish look. “I told the kiddos that we would take them out to the beach tomorrow.”

She chuckled, giving her one last kiss. “Lucky for you, I think I would follow you anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello, and happy Feelings Friday!!!
> 
> I'm here and hopefully back on my bullshit, especially since I'm on complete quarantine due to visiting Texas. 
> 
> I hope everyone is staying healthy and sane

As Christen was dumping the clothes from her suitcase into the washing machine, her phone chimed. She added some laundry detergent and shut the lid. She pulled her phone out of her pocket to see that she had an email. She didn’t recognize the sender and the subject line simply read: The upcoming school year. Figuring it was the personal email of one of her colleagues, she opened it.

‘Christen,

It’s Paige, but please keep reading this.

It was so good to see you in Manhattan. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t wondered how you were doing, but I had no way to check on you since you removed me from all of your social media. You looked so beautiful, California has obviously been so good for you. You’ve always been gorgeous but you somehow grow more so with every day.

I’ll admit, I was so angry at you. You’re the love of my life, we were supposed to get married. So when everything happened with Tobin… You practically destroyed me, Chrissy. It cut me to my core that I could love you with every fiber of my being and it wasn’t enough for you. You still went out of your way to cheat on me, to hurt me. I was devastated.

But in the year since, I’ve grown up. I’ve been going to therapy, and I’ve forgiven you. I’m mature enough to admit that I wasn’t always the perfect girlfriend either, and I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me too, because above all else, I want you back, baby. We were meant to be together. I know it, and I think if you will just stop and really look inside of yourself, you know it too. I know that people have manipulated you, making you believe things that aren’t true, and I don’t hold that against you. We both said some things in the heat of the moment that we didn’t mean, but that’s water under the bridge. We can’t throw away so many years of love over one stupid argument. I never got to explain my side of what happened- my stomach hurts when I think of what awful things Kelley must have filled your head with. She’s always been jealous of what we shared, and then taken advantage of your kind soul, manipulating you to get what she wanted.

I think sometimes I forget that you’re several years younger than me, and I’m sorry for that. Maybe you just needed to get one last fling out of your system before settling down. I should have made sure you were really ready to take that step.

But I could tell, as soon as I saw you, you’re ready now. Baby please just come home. I’m ready to put all of this behind us. I love you and I forgive you, I’m ready to be together again. Please come back to New York.

I love you, and I can’t wait to hear from you,

Paige’

Christen sagged against the wall. Did Paige really think that was all it was going to take? Just one email saying she was sorry and Christen would abandon her life here? Would give up her job and her friends and her girlfriend all because Paige said to?

The doorbell rang and Christen remembered that she was actually supposed to be going out with said girlfriend to meet Glennon and her wife for dinner. She slid her phone back into her pocket and took a deep breath. She knew she needed to talk about it with Tobin, but she also knew that if she brought it up now she would get upset and they would never make it to the restaurant. The only thing to do for now was to push it aside and try to have a good night.

X

“What’s wrong?”

Christen glanced up from her plate to find Glennon leaning forward, smiling that perfectly unassuming smile that always managed to make Christen spill her guts. “What? Nothing.”

“Well something has you quiet and stoic and locked up tonight. I thought you said the trip back East went well?”

“No, it did.” She let out a sharp exhale, deciding to take advantage of both Tobin and Abby being in the bathroom to talk to her friend. “I saw Paige while I was there. And then I got an email from her right before Tobin picked me up.”

“Like you met her for coffee?”

“No! God no. We were just walking down the street and ran into her. Can you believe that? 8 million people and I manage to see the one person I wish I could forget even exists.”

Glennon gave her a sympathetic smile. “Life’s a bitch like that.”

“Anyway, nothing happened. She tried to talk to me and Kelley stepped in. But then today… I thought it was an email from a coworker or something! I wasn’t thinking-”

“What did it say?”

“The same bullshit from New York. How she’s sorry. How she knows that we’re meant to be together, that I should come back to the city so we can get married. She even… she said she forgives me.” Christen let out a disbelieving laugh. “Can you believe that? After years of her controlling me, of putting me down, of making me feel like I was so alone, she forgives me! Like she wasn’t the one that-” She cut herself off, shaking her head. “I just can’t believe that we were together for so long, and that I didn’t see what kind of a person she was. It makes me feel like I can’t trust myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I’ve always considered myself a smart person, but I… I was so in love with her. And every bad thing that she did, I managed to make an excuse for her. And so it makes me wonder if I’m just not able to see people for who they truly are.”

“Who do you think Tobin is?”

“I… I think she’s incredible. I think she’s kind, and caring, and funny, and smart, and so incredibly sensitive.”

Glennon gave her a wide grin. “Well guess what? I think those things, too.”

This earned a small smile from Christen. “Yeah. And… I mean, my dad really likes her. My friends love her, obviously.”

“Do you think she would ever hurt you the way Paige did?”

“No,” Christen replied with immediate certainty. “She wouldn’t. But I guess what makes me pause is… there’s a time when I would have said the same about Paige.”

“Yeah. I get that.” She drummed her fingers against the edge of her plate for a moment. “You know what I think?”

“Hm?”

“I think you’re right to be have some fear about Tobin.” Fear flooded Christen’s body. How had she missed it again? How had she walked right into it? “Not because I think Tobin will hurt you. I don’t think that girl could hurt someone even if she wanted to. She’s a gentle soul if I’ve ever seen one. And the way she looks at you… No I think you’re right to be afraid, because fear is just your brain’s way of trying to protect yourself. It’s why we’re scared of heights, why we’re scared of shark infested waters, why we’re afraid of snakes. Being afraid doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s just a side effect of being human. But I think it’s what you do with that fear that’s important.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know the quote from Steel Magnolias? Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion?” Christen nodded. “Well I think love through fear is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves.” Loud laughter alerted them to the fact that Tobin and Abby were headed back to the table. “Just tell Tobin about the email. She’ll help you find the next step.”

And she did, handing her phone over to Tobin whenever they got back to Christen’s house. Tobin had read through it slowly, her eyebrows furrowed. She handed it back when she was through.

“What do you want to do?”

Christen sighed. “I’m not sure. I… I’m not going back to her. Obviously. Part of me just wants to ignore it, the same way I did all of the letters and messages when I was in New York. Don’t give her the satisfaction of provoking a reaction from me. But also…”

“What?”

“The other part of me is tired of being the bigger person. Tired of running away, of silencing myself. I want to respond.”

“What would you say?”

“To leave me the fuck alone,” she sighed, pushing her hair from her eyes. “No, just… I want to tell her that I’m really done. That we’re never getting back together. That I’m happy, that I’ve moved on, that she needs to do the same.”

“Maybe you should reply then. Tell her those things. And then say that you’re blocking that email address and if she contacts you again, you’ll go to the police.”

“Yeah. Yeah maybe.”

Tobin took her hand. “Only if you want to, Chris. It’s completely up to you. I’ll support you either way.”

“Thank you.” Christen chewed on her lip, weighing her options. “If I write out a reply, will you read it over for me? Make sure I’m not making things worse?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

She slowly typed it out, stomach jumpy and hot at the thought of being in contact with Paige in any way, but still wanting to reply. After several minutes she passed Tobin her phone. “How does this look?”

She read the short email, her lips moving silently as she did. “Yeah, Chris. I think this looks great.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath and pressed send, then immediately blocked the email from contacting her again. She turned and put a hand on Tobin’s knee. “Ready to head to bed?”

X

She woke up to find herself alone. The sheets next to her were cold, signaling that Tobin had been up for a while even though it was nearly five in the morning. She pulled herself to her feet and quietly made her way through the house, looking for her girlfriend.

She found her on the back deck, sitting on the edge of a lawn chair. She had her arms wrapped around herself, her eyes staring out at where the sun would eventually rise.

“Tobs?”

She turned to look at her, giving her a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Hey. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You didn’t. What’s wrong?”

She shrugged, but Christen didn’t miss the way her arms tightened. “Nothing. Just couldn’t sleep.”

She reached out, tracing her fingers gently over her cheeks, feeling residue of tears on her cheeks. “Tobin.”

She dropped her head, taking a shaky breath. “It’s not… I just had a bad dream, Chris.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Tobin took her outstretched hand and pulled her so that she was sitting on her lap, pressing her face into Christen’s shoulder. “Just… you were gone. I couldn’t find you. I was calling your phone, over and over, but there was no answer. And I was so worried but I couldn’t do anything, so I was just running around, panicking. And then I turned the corner and… there you were.”

She broke off, but Christen stayed quiet, sensing that she wasn’t quite done.

“You were with her.”

Dread settled low in Christen’s stomach. “Paige?”

She nodded, her nose still pressed against the fabric of Christen’s tee shirt. “Yeah. You were facing away but I knew it was you. And so I called your name and you turned and-” She gave a ragged sob. Christen turned so that she could wrap her arms around her, her heart breaking at Tobin’s tears.

“I’m right here.”

“I know,” she whispered, her voice rough with tears. She brought a hand up and gently ghosted her thumb over Christen’s cheekbone, racing upwards to her eyebrow. “I just… You had a black eye. It was so swollen and nasty, and you could barely see. And she was just standing there, like nothing was wrong. Like she hadn’t hurt you.”

Christen laid a hand over Tobin’s, pressing it closer to her cheek. “She never hit me, Tobin.”

“She did enough.”

Christen kissed her temple. “I’m right here. I’m okay. I’m safe.”

“I know. I know, honey. It’s just… I was scared.”

“Why did you come out here?”

She dipped her head. “I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Why?”

“Because… because I don’t want you think that I don’t trust you.”

“Tobs…” she breathed.

“It’s just, I was there, you know? I saw the way that you looked at her, even when she was being terrible. You loved her so much. You loved her fully, to the point of blindness, and I don’t blame you for that. But sometimes I get a tiny voice in the back of my mind that’s afraid that one day I’ll wake up to find that she’s pulled you back underneath her spell.”

“I have that same fear, too. Or I did,” Christen admitted.

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “That’s part of why I moved to California. This… Paige and I had broken up before. But we always found our way back to each other. And at the time I thought it was fate, that we were meant to be. Looking back… it was manipulation. Conditioning. It was wanting the comfort of what I knew instead of facing the world without her. So I was worried… worried that if I stayed that I would see her again and I would forget all of the horrible things she put me through.” She took a deep breath. “So yeah. I was afraid of staying.”

“But not anymore?”

“No. When I saw her on the street, when I read her email… it didn’t bring back the memories of when things were good. It just made me sad that I was with her for so long. Sad for myself… and also kind of sad for her.”

“Why?” There was a hint of anger to Tobin’s voice, something Christen didn’t hear very often. “She doesn’t deserve your compassion.”

“I guess I’m sad that this is how she is. Because I think a lot of it ties back to her parents, her dad leaving her mom… It really fucked her up. And so she has a need to control everything around her. She needed to control me, to make sure that I wouldn’t leave her too.” They sat in silence for a while.

“Would you ever go back to her?” Tobin asked.

“No,” Christen answered gently. “Because I’m a different person now. I’ve grown and matured and… and I’ve experienced how selfless love can really be.” She tucked Tobin’s hair behind her ear. “After experiencing what it’s like to be loved by you… no one else compares.”

She pressed a kiss to Tobin’s lips. “Give me a second, there’s something we need to do.” She went inside, grabbing their shoes and a hoodie for herself, as well as a small box from inside of her dresser drawer. Back outside, she took Tobin’s hand and led her through the backyard, making the ten minute walk to the beach in silence.

Once they were out on the dock, surrounded by the ocean, Christen squeezed Tobin’s hand before pulling the box out of her hoodie pocket. Tobin sucked in a breath.

“Chris, is that-”

“Yeah. It is.” Christen flipped open the box so that they could both see the diamond ring inside. She stared at it for a moment, watching how it glittered in the moonlight.

“Why do you…”

“I don’t know.” Christen answered honestly. “I just… I didn’t know what to do with it, honestly. I should have left it at the apartment when you guys moved me out, but I hadn’t brought it with me. And I thought about maybe pawning it, but it just felt so cheap, you know? Trading in this symbol of a terrible time in my life for cash. So I just… kept it. Left it tucked into the back corner of my dresser drawer. But now… I finally feel closure. I mean, I’m not magically healed or anything, it’s still something that affects me, but Paige and I are truly, absolutely finished. And so this ring is… it’s not mine anymore, you know?”

“Yeah. So what are you going to do with it?”

Christen took one last look at the ring, then snapped the box shut. Gripping it tightly, she pulled back her arm and threw it as hard as she could. They watched as it fell into the water, immediately disappearing beneath the waves.

Tobin wrapped an arm around her waist. “Y’know someday someone’s going to find that. They’re going to think it’s their lucky day.”

Christen leaned into her. “I hope it brings them more luck than it ever did me.” She pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Let’s go back to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here's some sweetness for your Wednesday morning :)

She’d talked Tobin into coming to the grocery store with her, and her girlfriend was in an extra playful mood. She’d bopped along to the radio, singing along when she knew the words, drumming her fingers against Christen’s thigh. As they got out of the car, she wrapped an arm around Christen’s waist, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

The only downside to Tobin’s good mood was that it didn’t abate once they were inside. She pushed the cart as Christen made her way through the produce, whistling. Every now and then if Christen took too long, she would put her feet up on the bar, leaning forward and popping the cart into a wheelie.

“You’re going to break our eggs,” Christen chastised gently as they made their way to the pasta aisle.

“Nah, I’m being super careful,” Tobin insisted, negating her own statement by accidentally bumping the cart into Christen’s hip.

“Hey!”

“What? It’s not my fault you have an incredible butt that has its own gravitational pull.”

“Its own gravitational pull?!”

“Not in a bad way! In a magnetic way.”

“You’re out of control,” Christen laughed.

Tobin have a toothy grin. “I’m just in a great mood.”

“You’re a dork.”

“Okay, but would a dork do this?” She pulled the cart back slightly. “Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.” She made a revving sound. “To the starting lines…” She pulled the shopping cart back slightly.

“Tobin, don’t you dare…” Christen tried to sound serious, but knew it absolutely wasn’t working.

“3… 2… 1… go.” Christen ran to the end of the aisle, laughingly trying to avoid getting rammed by their shopping cart again and ran smack into something tall and solid.

“Oh!” She stumbled backwards, face flushing. She looked up to apologize and her cheeks became even redder. “Devin, hi!”

“Christen, it’s so nice to… run into you again,” he laughed. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, yeah…” She reached out a hand to Tobin, beckoning her forward. “Um, this is Tobin.”

“Hey, nice to meet you.”

Tobin shook his hand with a smile. “Likewise.”

“I think the last time we talked Christen mentioned a friend coming for an interview, was that you?”

“Yeah! Landed the job, thankfully,” Tobin replied easily.

“Great, congrats.”

“Thanks.”

Devin turned back to Christen. “Listen, I had a great time back in March. I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out again?”

“Oh. I…” She slipped her hand into Tobin’s. “I’m seeing someone, actually.”

Surprise flashed across his face then he smiled. “Right! Of course. Um, congrats on that too, I guess.”

“Thanks,” Christen chuckled.

“Anyway, nice to meet you, Tobin, Christen nice to see you.”

“You too! Sorry to… crash into you like that,” she apologized.

“Don’t mention it. Take care!” He lifted a hand and then he was gone.

Tobin was quiet for a moment, staring at where he had disappeared. “Devin… that’s the guy who you were on a date with when I called, right?”

Christen nodded, her stomach suddenly churning as uneasiness flashed through her. Was Tobin jealous? She could only imagine what Paige would have done if she had been asked out right in front of her, and by a guy no less.

“Hm. I see what you mean about just nice.”

Christen let out the breath she hadn’t been aware that she was holding. “Yeah.”

“Hm. Well, his loss.” Tobin gave her a kiss on the cheek then went back to grab the cart. Christen stood there, smiling at Tobin, at a loss for words. “What?”

“I just… nothing,” Christen replied softly. “I just love you.”

Tobin gave her another wide smile. “I love you too.”

X

She pulled open the door, expecting to see Tobin, but was met with a different brunette.

“Kel?”

In an instant, Kelley’s arms were around her, lifting her off of the ground. “Hi Pressy. You miss me?”

“I, yeah! Hi!” She pulled back to stare at her in confusion. “Did I… did I miss something?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just… I don’t remember you planning this trip,” she laughed.

Kelley gave her a big grin that definitely did not reach her eyes. “What, a girl can’t fly across the country to see her best friend?”

“Is that Kelley O’Hara I see at my front door?”

Kelley pulled away from Christen to grin at Cody. “Big Daddy! Long time no see!”

“My favorite daughter!”

“Hey!” Christen yelped, earning a laugh from her dad.

“Alright, alright, you can both be my favorite daughters.”

Tobin showed up five minutes later, also confused to see Kelley. She shook it off however and suggested that they cancel their preplanned date in favor of cooking out with Cody. She ran to the store to get steaks and they ended up having a great night, talking and laughing until the sun went down.

Christen had just crawled into bed when her door cracked open and Kelley peaked her head in. “Hi.”

She pulled back the blankets, patting the bed beside her. “Come on in.”

Kelley hurried forward, rubbing her arms. “I forgot how freezing cold your dad keeps the house. It’s like a tundra in here”

“I know, his electricity bill must be outrageous.”

Kelley snuggled under the covers and Christen switched off the lamp. She waited a few moments before saying anything, listening to her best friend breathe into the darkness.

“So.”

“So…”

She took a deep breath. “Are you ready to tell me why you’re here? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy to see you, you’re always welcome to come visit. But for you to just show up like this?”

Kelley sighed, wiggling around in the bed for a moment. “It’s, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

“Okay…”

“It’s um, it’s Emily.”

Christen’s stomach sank; she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been afraid of this. “What about Emily?”

“We, we’ve been together for about six months now. And things are… they’re great. Truly. I mean Emily might be the sweetest, goofiest person in the entire world. She sees things from a kindergarten perspective, and I know that might sound like I’m being condescending, but I’m not! She just, she has hope. She’s like… like this wonderful, golden retriever of a human being. And I love her so, so much.”

“And I’m so happy for you, Kel. You deserve it,”

“I, thanks. But um… she asked if I wanted to move in together.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah! And like I said, it’s only been six months. And that’s way too fast, right?”

Christen blew through her lips, wrapping her head around this news. “Okay. Granted maybe I’m not the best person to ask, since I waited five years to move in with Paige, but… that does seem maybe a little fast.”

“Thank you! Pinoe was treating me like I was completely out of line!”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

Kelley sighed. “I was telling her at work and she was like, ‘Oh, you should do it,’ Like, excuse me?”

Christen giggled. “That does sound like Meg.”

“And when I told her it was too fast she was all, ‘Six months is _not_ too fast. The only reason Sue and I waited till closer to a year was because she was stuck in a lease.’ The two situations are completely different!”

“Well… I mean to be fair, they moved in together after a year, but it’s not as if you and Son started as romantic partners. You were friends for almost a full year before you finally kissed her at the bar.”

“Wait, I never told you about that!”

“You didn’t have to! Tobin and I saw.”

Kelley gasped. “You what? And you didn’t say anything?”

Christen chuckled. “The situation between you two was so delicate. I was worried if you knew that you would freak out and run away screaming.” Kelley didn’t respond for several long moments. “Is that what this is?”

“No.” More silence. “Not really.”

“If you really, truly don’t think you guys should move in together, you don’t have to. I’m sure if you just, y’know, tell Emily that, she’ll be fine with it. I mean it’s like you said, she’s a genuinely sweet and compassionate person, she’ll understand.”

“But that’s just it!”

Christen was taken aback by her outburst. “…what’s just it?”

“She… she’s too sweet!”

She sighed. “Kelley, what are you saying exactly? Do… do you not want to be with Emily?”

“What? Of course I do.” Relief coursed through Christen’s body. “I’m just not sure if she should want to be with me.”

Christen sat up, turning the lamp back on. She squinted at Kelley. “What are you talking about?”

Kelley reluctantly sat up. “I’m not… I’m not like her, Christen. I’m not good. I’m not a sunshiney human being. It’s only a matter of time before I hurt her.”

She rubbed at her eyes. “Kelley. You’re not going to hurt her.”

“But I will!”

“I mean, Tobin might hurt me.”

Kelley shot her a look. “She will not.”

“She might! Or I might hurt her.”

“Chris-”

“What exactly do you think you’re going to do that will hurt her?”

“I just… I don’t know. But I will. Because that’s what I do best.” She looked down at where her hands were fisted in the blankets.

Christen wrapped her arms around her. “That’s not true.”

“It is-”

“It’s not! Do you know how I got over Paige?”

“Thousands of dollars in therapy, not to mention your hot new girlfriend.”

“No. Well, I mean yes, I do have both of those things,” she laughed. “But what really got me through was you, Kelley.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, goofball, you. Who did I live with when I finally broke things off with Paige? You. Who helped organize our friends to move all of my stuff out? You. Who made me eat, made me shower, who talked me through basically having my identity stolen? You. You have been by my side every step of the way. If it wasn’t for you, I would probably be back with Paige right now-”

“Don’t even say that-”

“It’s true! You have been such an incredible friend to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. You… you were my lifeline. You showed me such overwhelming, unconditional love. And it made it easier to leave Paige behind, because I thought that…” Tears began to crowd her voice. “If you love me that well, as my best friend, then I deserved a partner who did too.”

“And you do,” Kelley agreed, sniffing as she leaned further into Christen.

“And I found one. But I never would have had the strength to wait for Tobin if I hadn’t had you.”

“Stoooop, you’re going to make me cry,” Kelley complained.

Christen laughed. “Don’t cry. I’m just saying the truth. You deserve good things, Kel. You deserve someone who loves you the same way Tobin loves me, which Emily does. She loves you, Kelley.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Let yourself be loved. You deserve it.”

“So… you really think us moving in together wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world?”

“I really think it’ll be fine. But either way, you guys need to talk about it.”

“Okay. I just, I never really saw myself as the settle down and have kids type. So this feels so strange.”

Christen poked her in the stomach. “She wants to move in with you, not knock you up. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“She totally wants to knock me up,” Kelley argued, a shadow of her normal bravado showing through. “Who wouldn’t want to lay claim on these Stanford grade eggs?”

“Ew, she definitely doesn’t want your dusty old eggs.”

“Old- we’re the same age!” Kelley replied, giving her a shove.

Christen turned off the lamp and they both settled back into bed. “Man. We really did grow up while we weren’t paying attention, didn’t we?”

Kelley took her hand. “We did. But… I think it might be for the best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's talk on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy feelings Friday!!!
> 
> This chapter might be the sweetest thing I have ever written

“Hey sweetheart.” Christen looked up from her laptop and gave Tobin a smile.

“Hi!”

“Ooh, awkward, I wasn’t actually talking to you.” Tobin winked, bending down to pet Khaleesi who had trotted over as soon as Tobin had walked into the kitchen.

“Rude,” Christen laughed.

“I’m just kidding.” Tobin gave her a kiss and sat down at the kitchen table. “What are you working on?”

“Not much! Scouring the craft store websites, trying to make a game plan for what I’m going to need to buy for my classroom.”

“Got it. Find anything good?”

Christen shrugged. “Not really.” She shut the laptop, giving Tobin her full attention. “Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be in meetings all day?” Tobin sighed, and upon closer inspection Christen could see the tell-tale wrinkle between her eyebrows. “What happened?”

“Well, I went into the meeting. And I was super excited because Mark and I had been talking and I was pretty sure that he was going to name me as an assistant underneath Mario, like I was saying. And then he came in and,” she sighed, gently tapping her fist on the table. “he canned it.”

“What? He canned the entire movie?”

Tobin nodded glumly. “Yup. The whole project. Gone.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t have a good reason. Something about budget limitations and it not having enough franchise potential. So, yeah. It’s not happening. And I’m super bummed about it! Because I know that there will be other movies, but I don’t know. I was just really excited about this one. The soundtrack was going to be sick.”

“I know. I’m sorry, honey.”

“It’s alright. I’ll just have to find a new project to help work on.”

Christen shifted from her chair to Tobin’s lap, giving her a kiss. “Of course you will. And they’ll be lucky to have you on their team.” She kissed her again. “How about we get out of the house, hm? Go get something to eat, maybe take a walk in the park. Let me cheer you up.”

“You’re already cheering me up,” Tobin insisted, but Christen had already seen the spark of interest in her eyes.

“C’mon. Let me get dressed and we’ll go.”

“Seriously babe, you’re in the middle of school stuff, I’ll be fine-” But Christen was already on her feet, walking towards her room.

“Nope! Get ready Miss Heath, you’re about to be properly wooed!”

X

The park was warm and humid, but thankfully there was enough of a breeze coming off of the ocean to make it a pleasant day. They’d had a wonderful lunch at a pizza place that Tobin loved, and now they were walking hand in hand down the path, each with an ice cream cone slowly melting under the Los Angeles sun.

“Tobin,” Christen giggled, watching as Tobin tried to lick up the sugary treat as it trailed down her hands. She grabbed a napkin from her tote bag and handed it over, then pulled her to sit on a bench in the shade to finish off their desserts.

They were opposite a playground, and Christen watched as kids ran around, screaming in delight as various parents and caretakers looked on. She took a bite of her cone and let her mind wander, remembering Tobin with her nieces and nephews, Tobin holding baby Charlie for the first time.

“Do um… do you ever think about that?”

“About what?”

“That.” Christen nodded towards the playground. “Having kids, starting a family.”

Tobin nodded slowly. “Yeah, actually. I do.”

“Oh?”

She gave her a shy smile. “I love kids. I enjoy hanging out with them, helping them. And um, yeah. Not to be too forward, but I want them. I’ve always seen myself having kids.”

“Really?”

“Mm hm.”

“Do you want to, you know, have them? As in carry them?”

“Oh no,” Tobin laughed. “Not this body.” She looked down at her own stomach in bewilderment. “I can’t even imagine that, honestly. No, I guess my wife will do that. Or, if she didn’t want to, we could adopt. Or foster. It doesn’t particularly matter to me how the kids get here. What about you? I guess I just assumed that since you’re a teacher you wanted kids but-”

“No, I do! I definitely do.”

“Nice.”

“And… I think I would like to be pregnant. At least one time, then proceed from there.”

Tobin grinned. “I can see you with a baby bump.”

She felt her cheeks heat up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tobin ate the last bit of her cone and threw her napkin in the nearby trashcan. She put her arm around Christen, stroking her shoulder with her thumb. “I think I would really like to have a son.”

“Yeah?”

Tobin nodded. “Hanging out with my nephews is just, the raddest thing ever,” she confided with a smile. “And I know that it’s easy, especially with everything happening in the world, to just write off every dude on earth and wash your hands, but he’s the coolest little person. And he reminds me that we’re all born good, and it’s our job to make sure the next generation is raised without the toxic bullshit that has hurt so many people.”

“I get that.” She leaned her head against Tobin’s shoulder. “I think I’d like to have girls. I loved having my sisters, it felt like we were our own little warrior tribe. Like I know when people hear that I’m one of three girls that they probably picture lots of pink and princesses and barbies, but we were fierce as hell. For every day that we were playing tea party in the den there was another where we were playing pirates in the backyard, nearly taking out Channing’s eyes with our sticks-turned-swords,” she laughed. “But… yeah. Definitely kids. Not right now, obviously,” she felt like she had to add.

“No, yeah. For everything there’s a season, and the season of diapers and tantrums will come eventually. I’m more than content to wait, especially because by all accounts I was a _terrible_ toddler.”

“What?! Surely not, you’re the most chill human being I’ve ever met!”

Tobin giggled. “I don’t know what to tell you! My mom said that the four of us were fine as babies, but somewhere around learning to walk turned into crazy little tornados. So yeah, I’m more than content to spend a few more years in the ‘sleep in and have coffee with a cute girl and try and pet every cute dog I see’ season. Which speaking of,” Tobin leaned forward to offer her hand of a tiny dachshund who was walking by, letting him sniff her palm before scratching behind his ears. Christen watched and decided in that moment exactly where they were headed next.

X

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

Christen held up her hands. “Listen, you’re the one who said you wanted to take advantage of the ‘cute girls and cute dogs’ season of life.”

“I know, but-” She turned on the spot, looking overwhelmed with joy, “Look at all of their cute little faces!”

They were standing in the middle of the ASPCA. As far as the eye could see were cages, each containing at least one canine friend, almost all of them wagging their tails at the sight of Tobin and Christen.

“So are we thinking a big dog? A small dog? In between? Something fluffy?”

Tobin groaned, pressing her hands to the sides of her head. “Oh god, I don’t know. I’ve wanted a dog for so long, but my work schedule was too crazy when I was playing soccer, and then my apartment in New York didn’t allow any pets. I’m going to end up taking eight home!”

Christen laughed. “No you won’t, I’m here to be your voice of reason.”

Tobin shot her a look. “Oh are you, Miss Press? _You_ , puppy lover extraordinaire, are going to be the voice of reason?”

Christen poked her in the stomach. “Focus, you. Close your eyes. Where do you want to start?”

Tobin did as prompted, taking a deep breath. “I think… a big dog. Someone who I can take running with me.”

“Alright, then we’ll start… this way.” Christen started down one of the rows, her hand in Tobin’s. They made their way along the chain link fences, taking in all of the dogs in need of a good home. Christen pointed out a chocolate lab that had been very excited to see them, putting his paws up on his cage, and Tobin lingered in front of a German Shephard who had wagged his tail so hard he knocked over his water dish. But when they got to the last cage on the right, they both stopped in their tracks.

She was sitting in the middle of her cage, tail wagging, giant pink tongue rolling out of her mouth. She was mainly white, with a brown patch over one ear and eye and a spot along her back. Tobin squatted down in front of her gate, and the dog obediently came forward, snuffling her nose at the fingers Tobin offered her, then promptly tried to lick her entire hand, chain link fence be damned.

“Excuse me?” Christen called to the worker who had been letting them look around. “Can we take her outside?”

The dog was put on a leash and led to an outdoor area, where they were able to sit and meet her fully. She walked circles around them, sniffing at their shoes and their clothes and their hands, before finally deciding that she was in love and giving Tobin a nice, wet kiss on the cheek.

“How long has she been here?” Christen asked.

“Four months. She’s the cutest thing, but unfortunately people are still reluctant to adopt pit bulls, they’re afraid of them.”

“How could anyone be afraid of that sweet face?” Christen wondered, watching as the dog rolled onto her back, asking for and immediately receiving belly scratches.

“Yeah, Paige is 75 pounds of pure sugar!”

Christen spun to look at her. “What did you call her?”

“Paige,” she repeated, then looked up and caught the look on Christen’s face. “But… if you take her home you can rename her. Dogs rename remarkable well.”

Tobin stood up to stand next to Christen, still scratching behind the dog’s ears. “I don’t know, Chris. The dog is a girl and Paige is a bit-” Christen pinched her lightly in the side and Tobin cut off with a grin. “Or y’know, I think she kinda looks like a Sadie.”

Just a few hours later, the paperwork was signed, the fee was paid, and Sadie Heath was hopping into the back of Tobin’s car and they were headed to her apartment after a quick stop at Petsmart to pick up some supplies. The pit bull was very excited to sniff ever single surface, getting to know her new home, then hopped up on the couch with them to demand cuddles.

“Thank you for today,” Tobin whispered that night. Sadie was in her kennel in the living room, tired out from an after dinner walk, and they were in Tobin’s bedroom, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

“Of course. I didn’t think you would actually leave today with a dog, for the record,” Christen laughed.

Tobin smiled, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. “Well, I’ve actually been thinking about it ever since I moved here. I just hadn’t taken the time to go to one of the shelters.”

“I think she’ll be good for you.”

“I think you’re good for me,” Tobin whispered, one hand weaving into Christen’s hair, the other sliding down to palm her ass and pull her even closer. “And I can’t wait to show you how appreciative I am.”

X

She woke up, warm and naked, wrapped up in Tobin’s sheets. She reached for Tobin but instead found her side of the bed empty. She peered around, rubbing at her bleary eyes, and spotted a piece of paper with her name on Tobin’s pillow. She picked it up and read:

_Chris-_

_I will spend the rest of my life trying to create a soundtrack that contains the same multitudes as when you say my name._

_The way you drag out the last syllable when you’re trying to get your way_

_The way it becomes staccato when I’m being annoying_

_The simple Tobs when you’re distracted by something else but still want my attention_

_The soft way you whisper it when you’re feeling scared or overwhelmed_

_The way you say it when I’m inside you, both breathy and guttural at the same time_

_I’ll never top it, but that’s okay._

_I’m just as content to close my eyes and listen to you forever._

_-T_

Her heart was so full she was sure that it would burst. She hadn’t been aware that people like Tobin even existed, let alone suspected that she would get to date one. Every time she thought that life couldn’t get any sweeter, Tobin proved her wrong.

“Hey!” She turned to see Tobin in the doorway, sporting athletic shorts and a wide smile. “Sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. Sadie needed to go out, so I decided to take her out on a walk.”

“It’s okay. I was just reading your sweet note.”

Tobin’s cheeks flushed. “Eh, it was just something I wrote down really quick.”

Christen beamed. “Still. Where’s Sadie?”

“I just refilled her food dish.”

“Ah, okay. Will you hand me my underwear and a tee shirt?”

“I mean,” Tobin smirked, “Don’t feel like you have to get dressed on my account.”

“Cheeky.”

Tobin handed them over then crawled into bed beside her. Once Christen was dressed she cuddled into her side.

“This feels perfect,” Tobin hummed.

“Oh yeah?” Christen entangled their feet.

“Well, almost.” Tobin whistled. “Sadie!” There was a clattering of nails against hardwood floors as the pit bull came barreling around the corner and into Tobin’s room, stopping for just a moment before joining them on the bed, curling up against Tobin’s side.

“There we are,” she grinned. “Now I’ve got both of my girls, and everything is absolutely perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> tumblr: @thetheatrelady


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Feelings Friday :)
> 
> This is dip back into some angst. This chapter also has a trigger warning for sexual content

“Hey, Chris?” Christen hummed her acknowledgement from her towel, her limbs loose and languid under the California sun. “Chris.”

She turned her head, moving to prop her sunglasses on top of her head so that she could look at Tobin fully. “Yeah, baby?”

Her girlfriend was giving her a strange look. “I, um. I wanted to talk to you about something. To ask something.”

“O… kay?”

“It’s nothing bad!” she rushed to clarify, then put a hand over her eyes. “Man, I’m really screwing this up.”

Christen giggled. “What is it, Tobs?”

She took a deep breath and scooted closer, so that her towel was right next to Christen’s on the hot sand. “It’s about sex stuff.”

Christen found herself even more confused but nodded. “Alright. What about sex stuff?”

“There’s just… something I wanted to try.”

She laughed. “That’s what’s got you all tongue tied?”

“Well, I just- I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I didn’t want to freak you out or anything.”

Christen’s mind began to whirl with possibilities. She felt like they had a wonderful sex life, she couldn’t imagine Tobin wanting something that wasn’t already on the table. “Okay well just… tell me.”

“I want to have sex outside.” It came out in a little rush, and Tobin’s cheeks went a little pink, glancing around to make sure that no one had heard her admission.

“Oh.” Christen turned more fully onto her side, tossing the idea around in her mind. “Did you have a place in mind?”

Tobin grinned. “Yeah, uh, I was thinking maybe the deck on top of my apartment building? No one’s really up there after dusk, but you can see the sky, big and open above, and you can hear the beach-”

“Okay.”

“Wait really?”

She smiled. “Yeah, honey. It sounds like fun.”

Tobin rolled onto her back, cheesing so hard that her eyes all but disappeared. “Oh my god. I have the coolest girlfriend in the entire world.” She sat back up to give Christen a kiss, making her laugh. “The coolest, smartest, funniest, hottest girlfriend in the whole entire world.”

“Okay, take it down a notch-”

“I refuse,” she grinned.

“Wait, how long have you been thinking about this?”

“About getting to have my way with you in the great outdoors?” Christen nodded. “Mm I first had the thought when we went surfing and I got my first look at this bikini.” She hooked a finger under the band of her top, snapping it playfully.

“Tobin,” she laughed, wiggling closer so that her head was resting against her shoulder. “When?”

Tobin hummed. “This weekend? You can come over Saturday night, I’ll make us a little picnic, go from there?”

She pressed a kiss to her arm, Tobin’s skin salty with sweat beneath her lips. “It’s a date.”

X

True to her word, Tobin had laid out an entire spread for them, cheese, fruit, crackers, even a bottle of wine. They had spent hours laughing and talking, occasionally having conversations with the other residents using the roof. But sure enough, once the sun went down, everyone headed to their apartments, leaving Tobin and Christen alone.

Tobin tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “So… is this still okay?”

Christen leaned forward, capturing her lips in a slow, sensual kiss. “Yeah.”

“Cool.” Tobin gave her another kiss. “Very cool.”

Christen laughed. “You are such a dork-” she broke off with a breathy moan as Tobin bent her head, pressing a kiss to her pulse point.

“I’m a dork, but I’m your dork,” she murmured against the skin of her neck.

One thing led to another and suddenly Christen was laying back on one of the loungers, Tobin propped up over her as they kissed. She buried her hands in her soft brown hair, pulling her closer, wanting to feel the press of her body against her. Tobin unbuttoned her shirt, kissing down the column of her neck, down her chest, pulling a groan from the back of Christen’s throat. She pried her eyes open, staring up at the inky, Los Angeles sky.

Her eyes lingered on the nearby apartment buildings, their windows looming like eyes, staring down at them. _That’s ridiculous,_ she tried to tell herself. Even if someone was to be looking out one of those windows, it would be impossible for them to see Christen and Tobin in the darkness. But even as she insisted to herself that was the case, that they were fine, that they were safe, she couldn’t shake the lingering feeling of eyes, watching her.

Tobin moved to mouth at her nipple through the thin lace of her bralette, pulling Christen’s mind back to what she was doing, her eyes drifting shut in pleasure. Tobin’s lips were magical, making her breath come in pants and strangled moans. One of her hands came to her shorts, slipping past the elastic to cup her fully.

“Fuck,” Tobin groaned against her breast. “You’re so wet, Chris.”

_“God. You’re already so wet. Just for me?”_

Her eyes snapped open once more. That was the last voice she wanted in her mind right now. Paige wasn’t here. Christen was in California, she was with Tobin, she was okay.

Her index finger rubbed gently at her clit, tight circles that made Christen’s hips jerk forward.

_“You’re just so beautiful, Chrissy. I can’t keep my hands off of you. You’re all mine, and I don’t care who knows. And c’mon: is this really so different than that time in the Banana Republic dressing room?”_

_“We were young and dumb, I was-”_

_“Hot and ready to go, you left fingernail scratches all over my back.”_

Christen gave a low groan and Tobin began to rub faster. “God, Chris. The sounds you make, you drive me crazy.” She slipped a finger inside, curling it just right, pressing in a way that was making Christen’s breath catch hard in her chest. Or perhaps her breath was catching hard because of the voice in her mind, the one that refused to be silenced. “What do you need, Chris?” She added a second finger, and Christen gave a high pitched whine.

_“That’s right baby. You’re mine. All mine, and I’m gonna make you feel so good.”_

She pulled a hand from Tobin’s hair, instead pressing it to her forehead, her fingernails digging into her hairline.

_“C’mon Chrissy. Come for me. Come all over my hand, show everyone that you’re mine.”_

Christen’s orgasm tore through her, her body shaking beneath Tobin as she gently worked her through it, slowing her fingers down until she was gently stroking her.

Christen took a deep breath and promptly burst into tears.

“Woah. Chris? What’s wrong? Honey, talk-”

Christen scrambled further back on the lounger, curling up in the corner, and pressed both of her hands to her face as she cried hysterically.

“Christen, please talk to me.”

“I… I… I’m sorry,” she gasped out.

“Why are you apologizing? What’s wrong, baby?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated thickly.

“Christen, you’re really scaring me.”

She shook her head, still covering her face. “I’m okay. Really, I’ll be fine, I just…”

Tobin gently took her hands and pried them away from her face, anxiously peering into Christen’s eyes.

“Please baby. Please just talk to me.”

Finally Christen pulled herself together enough to gesture up at the buildings that were barely visible in the darkness.

“What… Chris, I thought you said you were okay with it?”

“I, I was, when you asked me, really…”

“I don’t understand.”

She took in a ragged breath. “Paige.”

“…what?”

“There was… one time we were at the movies, and, and she started getting handsy and I told her it was too risky, that someone would see but she insisted that it was fine, that no one would see.” She let out another sob. “And I hadn’t… I don’t know the last time I even thought about that day. But then it just felt like we were being watched, like there were eyes… and then her voice was in my head.”

Tobin sat back hard on her ankles. “You were thinking about that the entire time we were having sex just now?”

Christen gave a hesitant nod, and Tobin exhaled hard. She got to her feet and began gathering up the remnants of their dinner, packing it away in the basket she had used to bring it up to the roof.

“Tobin…” She didn’t respond, instead picking up the blanket that had been spread out on the lounger, folding it messily and tucking it under her arm. “Tobin, say something.”

“Let’s go down to my apartment,” she finally replied.

Christen buttoned her shirt, tears still spilling down her cheeks as she tried to straighten her clothes and hair. She turned to look at Tobin and was surprised when the other girl offered her hand. Christen took it, and they left the roof without another word.

Once inside, Tobin sat the basket on the counter, the blanket on the armchair. Sadie trotted happily into the room, ready for pets and snuggles, but seemed to pick up on the tense mood in the room and turned around, instead going back into Tobin’s bedroom. Tobin took a seat on the couch, her elbows on her knees, her face in her hands. Christen stayed near the armchair, watching with her arms wrapped around herself, waiting.

Finally Tobin lifted her head and Christen could see the tear marks on her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Tobin swallowed thickly. “What are you apologizing for, Christen?”

“For… letting her in my head. For thinking about her while we…”

Tobin gave a strangled laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. “Chris, that’s not why I’m upset!”

Christen swallowed, licking at her lips. “Then… I don’t-”

“I’m upset because you, you weren’t into it. You were uncomfortable, you were upset, and you didn’t say anything! All you had to do was say the word and I would have stopped, no questions asked. But instead you, you just let me keep going. And I ended up hurting you.”

“No, you-”

“Christen.” Tobin came to her feet. “Can you honestly say that you feel good about what just happened? Be honest.”

Christen opened her mouth to reply, but then stopped, simply letting her head hang forward in shame. It wasn’t until Tobin placed a hand on her cheek that she looked up, her chest aching as she saw the pain swimming in Tobin’s brown eyes. “I’m sorry. I know that, that I messed up, I know-”

“Chris,” Tobin breathed. She pressed a soft kiss to each of Christen’s eyelids then buried her nose in her hair. “I love you so, so much. Do you know that?”

She nodded, fisting her hand in the fabric of Tobin’s tee shirt, pressing at her heart. “I do.”

“And the very last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. You are so precious to me.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Christen, stop apologizing!” her voice came out loud and uncharacteristically sharp, and Christen hated the way it made her slightly flinch. Tobin sighed and took a second, seeming as if she was choosing her words very carefully. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice like that. But we do need to talk about this. Can we do that?”

Christen nodded and let Tobin lead her to the couch. She gripped her hand tightly, angling her body so that they could look at each other fully.

“Christen, I’m not mad at you for having a flashback. I’ve known from the very beginning of this relationship that you were still going to have some lingering issues because of Paige. I would have to be a complete and total asshole to be mad at you for that. I know that it’s not because you secretly want to be with her or anything like that. What made me upset, and what scares me, is you pushing down your feelings and needs because you don’t want to, to burden me with them I guess?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then why? Why didn’t you tell me to stop, that you weren’t feeling it?”

Christen took a deep breath. “I just… the memory came out of nowhere. I was feeling it, enjoying it, until all of a sudden I wasn’t. And I guess I just thought… I thought that I could push it away. That I could get over it without having to tell you.”

“But… why? Surely by now I’ve proven to you that you can trust me?”

“I know. And I do trust you. It’s just… I don’t know. Being embarrassed maybe? I hate that her name even crosses my mind still. And for the most part it doesn’t! For the most part I’m fine! It just…”

“You had a flashback. Which is normal, and nothing to be ashamed of.” Tobin squeezed her hand. “I’m sure you’re just as tired as I am, do we maybe want to stop this conversation here for the night? I mean, it’s definitely not over, but now that we’ve both calmed down, do you want to get some sleep?”

Christen realized for the first time just how exhausted she truly was. “Yeah,” she replied, squeezing back. “That actually sounds wonderful.”

Tobin smoothed her hair back, kissing her temple. “Then let’s go to bed, beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's talk on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the delay. TW for some sexual content

Christen opened her eyes to find Tobin propped up on her elbow, watching her. She blinked the sleep away, stretching her arms above her head.

“Now who’s the hot immortal weirdo watching the other person sleep?”

Tobin laughed. “I’ve only been up a few minutes.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s what all the vampires say.” Christen threw a leg over Tobin, cuddling in closer.

“How did you sleep?”

“Fine.” Tobin gave her a look. “Okay, it took me a while to fall asleep, But that’s nothing new.”

Tobin rested her chin on top of Christen’s head. “How about I go take Sadie for a walk, you make some coffee, I’ll bring us back some breakfast and then we can talk?”

Christen couldn’t help but sigh. She really didn’t want to talk about last night if she was being honest. She wanted to just forget the whole thing and resolve to do better, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“Chris?”

“Yeah! Yeah sorry, that sounds great. Can I have a kiss first?”

“You? You can have a kiss always.” She pressed her lips to Christen’s, her thumb stroking over her cheekbone. “Hi. Good morning.”

“Good morning. I love you.” She gave her another kiss then rolled off of her with a yawn. “Okay. Coffee, walk and breakfast time.”

“Alright, I’ll be back in twenty.”

Christen allowed herself a few minutes to lay in bed, listening as Tobin walked into the living room to several excited barks from Sadie. Eventually though, she dragged herself up and into the kitchen, getting everything ready for Tobin’s return.

It wasn’t until they were both seated at the table, halfway through their breakfast wraps that Tobin gave her a purposeful look. “So… about last night.”

Christen chewed her bite of food, wiping at her mouth. “Last night, yeah.”

Tobin leaned across and took her hand. “Just putting it out there, but I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?”

“No. And I… well I wasn’t last night, either. Not really. I was concerned and upset and scared, but not angry.”

“Okay.” Christen took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I didn’t do a good job of communicating with you last night. I should have… as soon as Paige popped up and I couldn’t get rid of her, I should have said something.”

“I mean, I know I’m pretty good at reading your body language, but I’m not quite a mind reader yet,” Tobin teased gently, running her thumb across Christen’s knuckles.

“I know. And I shouldn’t expect you to be.” She cleared her throat. “I think part of it is, I just get so frustrated when she pops up.”

“You shouldn’t-”

“I know,” she sighed. “Trust me, I know. Dawn and I have gone over it, time and time again. It’s just… I don’t want in her in my life anymore. Not in any capacity.”

“Yeah. I get that.”

“And it’s… I mean it’s kind of unfair, when you think about it.”

“What is?”

She grimaced. “I have… years and years of great memories from when my mom was still alive. But even though I’m trying so hard to hold onto them, to remember her voice and her laugh and the way she smelled, I feel like it’s all slipping away, bit by bit. Meanwhile I’m actively trying to forget that Paige ever existed, and she just shows up, like the world’s most unwanted house guest.”

“Yeah. That’s hard.”

She swallowed. “It is. It really is. But… if it’s ever going to get any better then I’ve gotta try harder. I’ve gotta be better about communicating to you when things change. And I’m going to. I promise.”

Tobin leaned forward. “You can always stop me, Chris. You could throw on the brakes every single time we’re in bed together, that wouldn’t make me love you any less. I promise.”

She smiled, trying to stop the sudden rush of tears. “I’m really lucky to have you, y’know it?”

Tobin leaned across the table, kissing her gently on the tip of her nose. “The lucky one is me.” Sadie chose that moment to sneak up, grabbing Tobin’s unattended wrap and bounding off with it. “Hey!”

Christen couldn’t help but laugh as she watched Tobin jump up and chase after the dog, giving her a good natured scolding. _Yeah,_ she thought, _I really am the luckiest girl in the world._

X

“Hi!”

Christen smiled at her phone. “Oh hello! Fancy seeing you here.”

Channing grinned widely. “Sorry…”

“No, no, I’m so glad that you’ve remembered that you have a sister that loves you.”

Channing rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, poor baby. I’ve seen all of the gross heart eyes pictures that you’ve been posting on Instagram. You’re fine.”

Christen couldn’t stop herself from blushing. “Yeah, it’s not so bad.”

“Not so bad? That’s not what I’ve heard from Dad. He said that you guys go on a date every week, sometime s two or three. And Tyler said that every time she sees you that you look so blissed out and well fucked that it should be against the law.”

“Hey!” Now her face was nearly maroon, not helped by the fact that Tobin quickly poked her head around the corner.

“I’m sorry, what was that last part?”

“Nothing!” Christen protested, but she quickly crossed the room and crowded into the chair with Christen, pressing their faces together

“Can you repeat that?”

Christen watched as Channing’s eyes grew wide for a moment, clearly caught off guard. “Oh! Um, hi. I’m Channing.”

“I’m Tobin. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“I um, I obviously didn’t realize that Chris was at your house.”

“Obviously,” Tobin grinned.

“Chris sent a picture of the sunset you painted, it was so cool!”

“Oh, thanks! Yeah, it’s just something I was kind of experimenting with.”

“Experimenting with? That’s insane. You’re really talented. Seriously,” she rolled her eyes, “Our family is so completely horrible at art, you’re practically Picasso. We had to throw out our Pictionary cards because no one could draw well enough.”

Tobin grinned. “That can’t possibly be true.”

Christen rolled her eyes and nodded. “Oh but it is. We donated them to Goodwill.”

She laughed and pressed a kiss to Christen’s cheek. “Well I’m headed out for a run, but it was really nice to finally meet you, Channing.”

“You too!”

Tobin headed for the front door, and once it swung shut behind her Channing groaned. “Oh my god.”

“Well that’s what you get, you psychopath!”

“That was so embarrassing. But also, holy shit!” Channing fanned at her face. “Photos don’t do her justice, she’s hot!”

Christen laughed. “Oh because you’re so attracted to women.”

“Um, I have eyes, Christen. Seriously though, is Tyler right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is the sex just, indescribably amazing?”

“Channing! Is this all you and Tyler talk about? My sex life?”

“I mean, her hormones are out of control, so she pretty much just thinks about sex all the time. And this is an exciting new development for you!”

“Not new-”

“How long had it been before Tobin?”

Christen gave her a look. “You’re my baby sister, we can’t talk about this.”

Channing smirked at her. “Christen. I’m twenty five years old. You’re like, aware that I’m having sex, right? Copious amounts?”

She snorted “You are NOT.”

“Okay, but I could be! So give me the down and dirty, what has it been like?”

Christen sighed. On one hand, she really did still see Channing as a little girl sometimes, and she felt a little weird talking to her about sex. But on the other hand…

“The sex is… pretty fantastic.”

“See!”

She laughed, relaxing slightly as she let her mind wander. “She’s just so… passionate in everything she does so when it comes to the bedroom,” she gave a little shiver, “it’s great.”

Channing squealed. “That’s awesome!”

Now that she had started, she couldn’t stop. “And her hands… well I mean you saw the sunset painting, I feel like that speaks for itself.”

“So what you’re saying is that I need to find myself a painter?”

“A painter, a former pro soccer player, a surfer, Chan her thighs are out of this world.”

Her sister gave her a slightly confused look. “Why do her thighs make her good at sex?”

Christen’s blush was back. “Well, you know, when we um… when we’re using a strap on,” she managed to choke out.

“Oooooh,” Channing teased in a sing song voice.

“Just, the power, the stamina, it’s ridiculous.”

“Do you um…”

“What?”

“Do you ever do it the other way?”

Christen tilted her head slightly. “What?”

Now Channing was the one with red cheeks. “You know. Do you ever wear it?”

“Oh! Uh sometimes, yeah,” she laughed.

“Have you always?”

“A few times in college, like maybe once with Paige? But she was definitely more of a giver than a receiver if that makes sense.”

“Yeah. Do you like it?”

“It’s… different. I mean, I’ve always given when it comes to… other things. Oral and stuff. But wearing the strap is… It feels powerful. Not in a… not in a like macho way or something, but, just getting to see the other person’s face, and also getting to have your hands free is nice. And there is some pressure on your- well.” She laughed. “Why do you want to know about the mechanics of lesbian sex? Anything I need to know? Anything you need to confess?”

Channing laughed and shrugged. “I mean, not at the moment, but I’m not ruling anything out.”

“How very- oof!” Sadie had jumped up on the arm chair with Christen, placing a paw squarely in her stomach as she did so.

“Oh my gosh! Who is this beautiful baby?!”

Christen squirmed around in the chair, trying to make room for Sadie so that she wasn’t pressing on Christen’s bladder.

“This is Sadie! She’s a three year old pit bull, Tobin and I went to the shelter a few weeks ago and brought her home. She’s the sweetest thing, aren’t you baby?” She was rewarded with a wet, slobbery kiss to the cheek.

Channing cocked an eyebrow at her. “You got a dog with your girlfriend?”

No, Tobin got a dog, I just-”

“Oh my god, you’re a totally stereotypical U-Haul lesbian, aren’t you?”

Christen laughed. “No-”

“You totally are! Admit it!”

“I am not!”

The door opened and Tobin came back inside. Her arrival set Sadie a flutter, making her jump out of the chair, catching Christen in the stomach again. “Alright, I better get off the phone, we need to think about something for dinner-”

“Or you’re avoiding the truth!”

“Goodbye, Channing!” She quickly hung up and stood up from the chair, stretching her arms over her head.

Tobin lifted the collar of her shirt to wipe the sweat from her face. “Oh you didn’t have to hang up, babe. I could have gone in the bedroom so you two could, you know, talk more about our incredible sex life and how ‘thoroughly fucked’ you look,” she grinned.

Christen rolled her eyes as she walked closer. “Um, I believe that the quote was actually ‘well fucked.’”

“Oh, so you think I don’t do a thorough job?”

“I think your head is already so big that I’m surprised it fit through the door.”

Tobin laughed as she walked towards the dining table. “Me? No. I’m just a humble sex goddess.”

Christen followed with a sneaky grin. “So humble. So incredibly, wonderfully humble.”

“It’s truly a miracle.”

“Hey.” Christen caught Tobin’s hand and turned her around to face her, giving her a slow, sensual kiss. “You’re my sex goddess.”

“So you admit that I’m-”

But then Christen’s lips were back on hers, one hand tugging her hair out of it’s sweaty ponytail, the other grabbing her shirt to pull them closer together. They stumbled backwards until Tobin’s legs knocked into one of the chairs and she clumsily sat down, pulling Christen to straddle her lap as she did.

She kissed across her jaw then latched her mouth onto the sensitive spot just below her ear, the spot that always made Tobin’s breathing unsteady. Tobin’s hands slid up her thighs, wrapping around to grab at Christen’s ass, rolling her down until they both gasped.

“God, yes…” Christen groaned against her ear, and Tobin chuckled. Not wanting her to get too cocky, Christen slid her fingers into Tobin’s silky hair and gave a nice sharp pull, making Tobin’s hips jerk up against her.

“Baby, you’re so perfect…” Tobin moaned, and Christen smiled into her neck.

Everything was just as it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do we think??? Just three chapters after this!
> 
> Leave a comment and come find me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Feelings Friday!!  
> I hope you're all happy and healthy and still wearing your masks when you leave your homes because you know... that's still a thing lol  
> Send the teachers in your lives virtual hugs  
> Also I love you

Christen propped the box in her hands on her hip, shoving it over so that she could get her key into the door. After struggling with it for a moment, the lock finally clicked and she pushed it open, stepping into her classroom.

It had that musty, unused smell that can only come from sitting empty for months with the California sun streaming through the windows. Her first order of business was to pry open said windows. The school hadn’t turned on the air conditioning yet, and she needed some sort of airflow if she was going to be here very much longer.

She started with the basics, wiping down each desk with a Clorox wipe, breaking out the wheezing handheld vacuum to freshen up the story time rug, sweeping away what dust and cobwebs had cropped up in her absence. She knew the custodial staff would be in to clean soon, but this was her room; it was her responsibility to make sure it was as clean and fresh as possible for her students.

Next came the practicalities. She carefully printed each student’s name onto a name tag and then taped them onto their desks, managing to cover her hands in sharpie in the process. She copied their names into her gradebook and set up cubbies for each child. Christen didn’t consider herself to be particularly religious, but as she wrote each child’s name she tried to consciously lift their names up to the universe, asking for their health and safety, asking for a good school year ahead.

From there she moved to her supplies, looking over all of the books on her shelf, making a list of what needed to be replaced. Time flew by and before she knew it her phone chimed and she realized that she had been working for nearly four hours. She picked it up, seeing that she had a text from Channing.

 **‘The word’s out about your girl!’** It was accompanied by a link to a news article, which Christen clicked.

_‘Los Angeles is home to plenty of exceptional people: actors, writers, directors, celebrities, musicians, we have them all. So it takes someone truly impressive to make a splash on the city of angels, but Tobin Heath has always been incredible._

_If her name sounds familiar, it’s because even before coming to the entertainment world she was making a splash in women’s sports. A goal scoring phenom at UNC, she helped lead their women’s soccer team to three NCAA division I championships. After graduating, she played abroad at Paris Saint-Germain, where her fancy footwork dazzled fans and frustrated opposing teams. During this time she was also a regular feature of the US Women’s National Team, playing among the likes of Alex Morgan and Hope Solo._

_After a few years, it was announced that Heath was departing from PSG. At the time, it was thought that it was due to coming back to the States to play locally. When it became apparent that she was effectively retired from soccer with little pomp and circumstance, rumors went wild: was she injured? Was she struggling with a previously unknown addiction? Or was this just another case of too big, too soon, another athlete facing burnout after years on the competitive circuit? No one knew for certain, and with Heath’s customarily closed mouth demeanor, it was assumed we never would._

_But she has recently reemerged as the music world’s newest talent. After racking up several credits on low budget projects and indie films, she served as the head music director on the new Matthew Gray Gubler led thriller, The Shadows, an adaptation of the novel by Alex North. The film, set to officially premiere next weekend, has already been lauded by critics for Gubler’s unique directorial style as well as Heath’s nerve shattering musical choices. Industry insiders say that she is currently working at Water Tower Music, the in house music label Warner Brothers Studios._

_As the hottest newcomer to the music scene, it’s becoming obvious that we can expect great things from Heath, but much of her personal life remains a mystery. It would be remiss not to mention that Heath, in addition to her background in professional sports, is a smoke show that will no doubt break hearts on American soil just as she did in France. But don’t get too excited fellas; the rumor on the street is that Heath plays for the other team._

_The Los Angeles premiere of The Shadows will be…’_

Christen sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out. She remembered Tobin mentioning that she had decided to leave professional sports because of hyper focused lens on her personal life, but it would seem that it had just followed her to her current job. It was so strange to read a stranger’s take on Tobin, her girlfriend, her person. All at once it felt too impersonal but also too intimate.

Reading back through, she let herself truly soak in all of Tobin’s accomplishments. She had known that playing pro sports was a big deal, but Tobin had always been so casual about it… She hadn’t known that Tobin had smashed records at UNC, that she was a superstar at PSG. She could have looked further into it, but Tobin had always seemed to content to leave it all in the past that she didn’t feel the need.

But now she knew. She was dating someone who, had she not actively chosen to give up sports, would probably still be playing today, would probably be a household name. And now that her music career was gaining traction…

Christen swallowed thickly, looking around her classroom that she had been so proud of just a few minutes before. She loved her job, and she truly felt like she was doing good work, necessary work, but…

Well, like the article said. Tobin was incredible.

_So what is she doing with someone like you?_

She tried to shove the thought away. Tobin was with her because she loved her, because she chose her.

_But why?_

She sighed, pushing the thoughts away as she texted Channing, thanking her for sending the article along. She stood up, carrying the pile of tattered books to the trash. She didn’t have time to think about that right now, she had work to do.

X

“Thanks for the food, Dad,” Tyler said, carrying her plate to the sink.

“Of course! You know that you’re always welcome to come over for dinner.”

“Yeah, but usually either Will or I grab takeout on the way home. But with him off on a business trip, getting takeout for just me seemed sad.”

“Well the offer stands.” Cody gave her a kiss to the forehead. “You’ll always be my baby.”

Tyler laughed. “Dad, I’m literally pregnant.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re not my baby anymore! You’re just my baby plus my other baby.” He leaned over so that he was eye level with her stomach. “You hear that, little one? You can always come over, just kick your mom in the bladder until she gets the idea.”

Tyler laughed and covered her non existent bump with her hands. “Hey! Don’t give them any ideas!”

Cody left the kitchen with a laugh and Christen carried her own plate to the sink and began to wash it. Tyler leaned against the counter. “Are you okay? You seem a little quiet tonight.”

“Hm? Oh, I’m fine. Just tired, I spent most of the day at the school.”

“You sure?”

“Ty-”

“Because you have a wrinkle between your eyebrows that says otherwise.”

Christen sighed, placing her plate back in the sink. “It’s really nothing. I just… Channing sent me this article that someone wrote about Tobin.”

“Oh?” Christen pulled her phone from her back pocket and pulled the link back up, passing it to her sister to read.

“Oh wow. I mean, I knew that Tobin was cool and everything, but I didn’t know all of this.”

“Yeah. She’s incredible.”

Tyler tilted her head to one side. “I don’t get it. This is awesome, it sounds like her career is about to really take off. Why aren’t you excited?”

“No, I am! It’s not… that’s not it.” She picked up the dish and rinsed the suds off.

Tyler grabbed a dishtowel from the drawer and took the plate from Christen, drying it then placing it on the draining board. “Okay, then what is it?”

“I just… I’m a teacher, Tyler! I’m a first grade teacher. And she’s this music hotshot who was apparently breaking hearts across Europe when she played in France-”

“So what? She wants to be with you.”

“But why?” Christen pushed her hair away from her face. “She’s about to blow up, she could have her pick of anyone she waned. Why would she possibly want to be with me, when she could do so much better?”

Tyler put a hand on her elbow, but she kept her head down, not wanting to look at her sister quite yet. “Chris, listen to me. Someone’s occupation doesn’t affect whether or not they are worthy of love.”

“Ty-”

“No, I mean it. Yeah, you’re a first grade teacher, and you’re great at it. You’re so good to your kids and their families.”

“That’s not-”

“Paige was a lawyer, but she was a shitty person, and isn’t that more important at the end of the day?”

Christen sighed. “That’s not what I’m saying-”

“And what if Tobin wasn’t all of those things? What if she had a ‘normal job?’ What if she was… a florist? Or I don’t know, worked in IT or something? Would you love her any less?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why would she care that you’re a teacher?”

She finally lifted her head to look at Tyler. “I just love her a lot. And I guess part of me worries that one day she’ll wake up and realize that she can do so much better than me.”

Tyler cupped Christen’s face in her hands. “She won’t Chris. Because she is so in love with you I’m surprised the room doesn’t light on fire when she looks your way. And also, she can’t do better than you, because you’re the best. And if she ever forgets that, I’ll kick her ass.”

“Woah, what’s going on in here?” Cody asked, catching the end of Tyler’s threat.

“Nothing,” they assured him in unison. Christen smiled at Tyler, silently assuring her that she understood what she was saying.

“Here, I’ll finish up the dishes. Why don’t you go give lover girl a call?”

Christen rolled her eyes, pulling away with a smile. “God, you and Channing.”

“Tell her I say hello.”

“And tell her that I think I’ve perfected my guac recipe, she needs to come over and try it!” Cody added.

Once she was up in her room, she popped in her headphones, facetiming Tobin.

“Hey!” Tobin grinned toothily, pushing her glasses up. “I’ve missed you.”

Christen laughed. “We were texting this morning.”

“I know, but that was hours ago. What’s up?”

“Not much. Just got done with dinner. Tyler says hi, my dad says you need to come over and try his new guac recipe.”

Tobin gave her a thumbs up. “Tell him I’m in, just tell me the night.”

Christen played with the hem of her tee shirt for a moment. “So um, I saw the article they wrote about you.”

Tobin groaned. “Oh my god. You and everyone I know. My mom printed it out and I’m pretty sure she’s going to frame it. Not to mention Lindsey and Alex got ahold of it.”

“Oh?”

Tobin shook her head with a laugh. “They haven’t shut up all day. Lindsey has been editing these dumbass pictures of me with ‘smoke show’ across the bottom. They’re the actual worst.”

Christen giggled. “They’re just proud of you.”

“No, they’re just assholes.”

“Well I’m proud of you.”

Tobin’s cheeks flushed. “Thanks, babe. I personally think the article is getting a little ahead of itself, but it was very kind. But also…”

“What?”

She groaned again. “It sounds like people are already poking their noses into my business. And I… I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Yeah. I just… I love you so much, and I’m not going to hide that. But I also want to respect your life and your right to privacy. I don’t want you to feel… violated in any way. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. But it’s okay.”

“And also, the premiere is next week and I was planning on asking you to go, but I understand if you want to skip it.”

Christen’s heart sank. “You don’t want me to go?”

Tobin sat up straighter. “No! I mean, yes, I definitely want you to go! I am… so proud of the fact that I’m with you and I want to show off who is really the smoke show in this relationship,” she grinned. “But above all else, I want to protect you. So if you want to come, awesome, we’re going to have a great time. But if not… that’s okay too.”

“But you want me to come?”

“Only if you want to come.”

Christen smiled. “That sounds like fun. I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can still find me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, y'all!
> 
> Here is chapter 45, I hope you all enjoy

The call connected, but for a moment the screen contained nothing more than a pale blur. Then it steadied and Emily’s grinning face came into view.

“What up MTV? I’m Emily Sonnett and this is my crib.”

Christen and Tobin both cracked up. “So moving is going okay, then?” Tobin asked.

Emily shrugged, looking around her. “Yeah! I mean, I honestly didn’t have a ton to move.”

“Excuse me?!” Someone asked off camera. Emily flipped the camera around to show Ashlyn and Kelley both laying on the floor of Kelley’s apartment. Ashlyn was giving her an incredulous look. “You may not have a lot of stuff, but that stupid armoire that we just lugged up three flights of stairs weighs eight thousand pounds.”

“I don’t hear Kelley complaining,” Emily argued.

“Yeah, that’s because she’s having sex with you. I’m not.”

“Are you complaining about your sex life?” Emily adjusted the camera and Ali came into view, just inside the door.

“No, I’m- Hey! You’re not supposed to be lifting anything heavier than a pillow!” Ashlyn popped up from the floor and gently tugged the box out of Ali’s arms.

She groaned. “Ashlyn, I’m pregnant, not dying!” She tried to take the box back but Ashlyn held it out of reach, giving her a kiss instead.

“How much do you guys have left?” Christen asked.

Em flipped the camera back around. “Some boxes, clothes, books, stuff like that.”

Kelley’s face squeezed in next to Emily’s on screen. “For someone who pretty much exclusively talks to five years olds, she has a suspicious amount of clothes.”

“Hey, Kel. I was beginning to think that was your dead body we saw on the floor.”

She wiped at her forehead. “Not yet. Close, but not quite.” She pressed a kiss to Emily’s cheek. “C’mon you. Stop talking to these losers and help us bring up the next load.”

“Hey!” Tobin protested.

Kelley laughed off screen. “C’mon Em! The sooner we get the van cleared the sooner we can go get Thai food.”

“Oh thank god, I’m starving. Here! This is lighter than a pillow!” The screen blurred again, and then they found themselves looking at a very resigned Ali.

“Hi.”

Christen giggled. “Please, contain your enthusiasm.”

“Sorry, sorry. Ashlyn is just being ridiculously overprotective. Like sure, I probably shouldn’t move heavy furniture, but I can carry boxes just fine! I’m barely even pregnant!”

“Well, you’re eighteen weeks, I wouldn’t call that _barely_ pregnant.”

She waved a hand. “But out of forty weeks that’s nothing! I’m not even half way!”

“How are you feeling?”

Ali settled onto the couch, propping her elbow on the arm of the couch. “Really I’m feeling okay. You’ll notice that I have finally hit the ‘pregnancy glow’ phase, so that’s nice. I am getting nosebleeds, but my doctor said that was normal at my last appointment.”

“How’s the baby developing?” Tobin asked.

Ali smiled. “Good. Great, even. Baby’s the size of a cucumber now. The doctor said that everything is developing normally. Everything is growing. Apparently the baby has it’s own fingerprints now? So that’s cool. Oh, and she also said that her ovaries have already filled with eggs, isn’t that insane?”

“Wait, her?”

Ali sat up straighter, slapping a hand over her mouth. “Fuck!” She groaned, rolling her eyes. “Shit, okay, we’re keeping it on the down low, I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Crap, it just slipped out!”

Christen and Tobin just laughed. “Well, still that’s exciting! A tiny addition to the happy hour group.”

“Yeah,” Ali smiled. “Yeah, it is exciting. I don’t know, Ash and I both loved having an older brother so I think we both were kind of hoping that it was a boy. But when the doctor told us… I was so happy. Really all I care about is that the baby is healthy. We just want her to be okay.”

Christen squeezed Tobin’s hand. “Of course.”

“Have you guys started talking about names?”

Tobin’s question made Ali groan again. “Yes and no. We’ve started throwing out some names and the only thing that we’ve really agreed on is to stick with the A theme. Which is a horrible decision, I’m calling it now. In ten years when we have eight people in our house whose names start with A, I’m going to regret it.”

“Eight people? You think we’re going to have six kids?”

Ali smiled at Ash, who was apparently standing just behind the camera. “What? You don’t want to knock me up five more times?”

“Listen if I could knock you up with a couple bottles of wine like my brother did his wife, absolutely.” She leaned over the top of Emily’s phone, filling Christen’s screen. “We’ll see how many babies she wants after she’s had to shove one out.”

Emily took back her phone and smiled at Tobin and Christen. “Well, we better let you go, I think we finally get to go eat now. Any chance that you guys will visit again before school starts?”

Christen shook her head. “Probably not. I just have a week before in-service days begin, and we have the premier this weekend-”

“Oh yeah!” Kelley appeared behind Emily. “We’re so touched to be on first name basis with a _smoke show,_ ” she waggled her eyebrows and began dancing suggestively.

“Oh my god. Now we have to go,” Tobin groaned, burying her face in Christen’s shoulder.

Christen laughed. “You guys go get some lunch, send some pictures once you have everything settled. We love you guys!”

“We love you, too, byeeeeee!” Emily hung up and Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin.

“A girl. I’m happy for them.”

“What do you think they’ll name her?”

Christen hummed. “Something cool and badass, to be sure.”

Tobin drummed her fingers on Christen’s knee. “I kind of like the name Jude.”

“For a boy?” Tobin nodded. “That’s nice.”

“I just… it’s biblical, which I like, but also the song Hey Jude is just… it’s nice.” She shrugged with a shy smile. “I don’t know.”

“No, I like it,” Christen assured her, stroking her cheekbone. “I like it a lot.”

X

They had gone to Glennon and Abby’s for a barbecue, spending the evening laughing and talking, Tobin getting pulled into a game of pick up soccer with Abby and the kids. But now they were back at Tobin’s apartment, the doors locked, the lights off, and both in bed.

Tobin had fallen asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. This had proved to be her normal, and while Christen was glad, she was also a little jealous. She was tired, her eyes itching with it, but she could feel the energy pulsing through her body. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to slow her heartrate and force sleep to come.

She stared up at the ceiling, her eye tracing patterns in the dark and she tried to count backwards from five hundred.

She got distracted about fifty in, thinking about her dad. She had seen him that morning, but she wondered if he was okay, Since she and Tobin had began dating she been spending less and less time at his house. And for his part he seemed to be okay with it, never seeming hurt or disappointed when she said she was going out.

But she wondered if he was lonely.

“Chris?” She startled as Tobin slowly turned over, her movements clumsy with sleep. “Wha’s wrong?”

“Nothing, baby. Go back to sleep.”

“No, you…” she broke off in a huge yawn. “You’re not sleepin’. You’re thinkin’ so loud.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Tobin threw an arm over her stomach, shuffling closer until she could nuzzle her nose into’s Christen’s neck. “Don’ be sorry. Not mad. What’re you thinkin’ about?”

Christen couldn’t help but giggle slightly at the way sleep made Tobin’s already lax speech slow and sweet as molasses. “Nothing big. Just thinking about my dad.”

“Your dad? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! No, everything is fine, I promise. I just… was thinking about how it must be lonely to be in that big old house by himself.”

Tobin picked up her head, squinting at Christen through the darkness. “Do you need to go back home?”

“No, he’s asleep. Nothing happened or anything. I couldn’t sleep so I was… thinking.”

“Hm. How can I help?”

“Everything is fine, Toby, go back to sleep,” she stroked her thumb across the smooth skin on Tobin’s forearm.

“Do you wanna have sex?”

A laugh burst from Christen’s mouth. “Tobin go to sleep.”

“Wanna arm wrestle?”

“Tobin…”

“How about I tell you a story?”

Christen hummed through a smile. “A bed time story?”

“Mm hm. Jus’ for you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Tobin cuddled closer, her leg resting on top of Christen’s, the arm across her stomach moving to lay between her breasts, her fingers slowly stroking her collarbone. “Okay. This is the story about… how my sisters and I bullied my little brother.”

“What?!”

“Shhhh.” She poked gently at Christen’s chin. “Jus’ listen.”

“So when my brother was real little, we started this game. If Jeff was being real annoying, we would make eye contact with each other and then we would start saying stuff like, ‘Has anyone seen Jeff today?’ ‘Oh, no I haven’t, tha’s so weird.’ ‘Hmm I wonder where he is.’ And at first he would laugh but then he would start getting’ mad. And he would jus’ stand in the middle of the living room and yell ‘I’m right here! I’m right here!’ and then he would start crying.”

“Oh my god, that’s so mean!”

“I know. An’ the worst part was, as he got older, my parents started to get in on it. And so we’d be like ‘Mom, we haven’t seen Jeff all day,’ and she’d get real sad and go ‘Oh no, he must have run away. I guess I should throw away all of his things.’”

“Aw, poor Jeff,” Christen cooed.

“No, not poor Jeff.”

“You were so mean to him!”

“He was the baby and the only boy, he was fine. When we were still back in the old house, he had a room to himself while the three of us shared.” She yawned again. “Hm… what else…”

“Tobin, you’re exhausted, go to sleep.”

“Perry taught me how to climb trees when I was real little, but didn’t teach me how to climb down.”

Christen smiled. “What do you mean?”

Tobin’s fingers began to trace slow, soft circles on Christen’s chest. “Jeff was a baby, so I was like… four. And My mom was so tired. So she told Perry and Katie to take me outside and that we couldn’t come in until it was time for dinner. And they had been climbing trees so I wanted to. Perry pointed out where to put my feet and soon I was way up in the tree. And I was having fun so Perry and Katie started playing basketball and forgot I was up there.”

“Oh no.”

“My mom called us in for dinner and they went inside and she was like ‘Where’s Toby?’ and both of my sisters were like ‘Ummmmm.’ She obviously wasn’t happy.”

“How did you get down?”

“She made Perry climb up and grab me, then she slowly lowered me down.”

“That’s crazy.”

“It was.” She pulled Christen impossibly closer. “Close your eyes, baby. Picture us walking. We’re walking down the beach. The sand, the moon, the wind… Then we turn and we walk away from the water. Up a little hill. The sand under our feet turns to grass.”

“We’re barefoot?” This earned Christen another poke in the chin. “Sorry.”

“We walk, and then we get to a house. It has lots of windows. The outside is white. There’s a… lamp on inside. We wipe our feet off on the mat outside and go inside. There are plants everywhere. And pictures of our family on the walls. You start for the couch, but I take you by the hand and lead you upstairs.”

Christen could feel her eyelids starting to fall, slowly edging towards sleep. “Mm hm.”

“You open the first door and we peek inside. There’s no sound from the little bundle in the crib. They’re safe and sound and happily asleep. I pull you to the other door, and we go in our room. We brush our teeth and I take off my glasses. Then we get in our bed, one just like this one. And as the moon continues to pour through the window, your eyes fall shut, then your breathing steadies out…”

And Christen did just that, drifting off to sleep that was filled with the sweetest of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next to last chaper!!!
> 
> As always, come chat with me on tumblr @thetheatrelady


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the very last chapter.
> 
> I hope it brings you as much joy to read as it brought me to write.

“Wait Christen, I want one more picture!”

“Dad…” she groaned with a laugh. “You’re gonna make us late!”

“You’ll be fine! Just a few more.” Cody fumbled with his phone for a second. “Tobin, hit me with one of those classic prom poses.”

Tobin instantly did as she was told, stepping behind Christen and wrapping her arms around her. “You’ll have to photoshop the corsages and braces in later,” she joked.

Christen giggled, squeezing Tobin’s hands as they both smiled and humored Cody.

“Okay, I think I have enough.”

“Enough? Dad you took like eighty,” Tyler laughed.

“How often do I get to see my girls all dressed up like this? I have to take advantage, I want to post them on Facebook! Oh, Moe do you want me to take some on your phone?”

“No Dad, just send me one of the ones you took.” Christen picked up her clutch from the side table. “Okay now we really have to go or we’re going to hit bad traffic.” She and Tobin made for the front door, Cody and Tyler trailing after them.

“Okay, okay. You both look beautiful, be safe!”

“Have lots of fun!”

Once in Tobin’s car, Christen gave her an apologetic look. “I am so sorry, I had no idea that he was going to act like this was homecoming 2.0.”

Tobin laughed and gave her a kiss before putting the car in drive. “It’s fine. I’ll send some to my mom and she’ll be ecstatic. And besides, it’ll be nice to have some prom type pictures that aren’t totally cringe worthy.”

“Oh I’m sure yours weren’t that bad.”

“They absolutely, one hundred percent were,” Tobin argued. “Some dude asked me to prom my junior year and I hadn’t figured out how to come out to anyone yet so I said yes. My mom took me to buy the dress, my sisters came home from college to do my hair and make up and just… ugh. I look so uncomfortable and awkward. Not to mention the blue eye shadow was a _choice_ ,” she laughed. “Once we got there I ditched my date as much as possible to hang out with and talk to my friends, but I had to do the obligatory slow dances. When he drove me home, he parked in front of my house and I swear we made out for like twenty minutes straight. He even got some over the dress boob action. Meanwhile I had one eye on the clock and the minute it hit curfew I was like ope, gotta go, bye.”

“Aw, Tobs…”

“I know, I know. The next year I solved the whole issue by getting a call up to the national team at the same time as prom. Traded the neon blue eyeshadow for prewrap, swapped the heels for cleats and called it a day. Had a great time.”

“I’m sorry,” Christen said softly.

“No, don’t be! It’s really okay. I mean the whole thing was super awkward but it wasn’t like… traumatic or anything. And I had a great time at that camp. I think I actually might have kissed my first girl at it.”

Tobin pulled into the parking lot, killing the engine. They both got out and Tobin spread her arms. “Alright, last chance: how do I look?”

Christen let her eyes sweep over her outfit, a black suit jacket over a white crop top, a tantalizing sliver of abs peeking out above her high waisted black pants. The whole look was completed with a pair of blue Jordans and her long, tousled hair thrown to one side. “You look incredible,” Christen whispered, meaning every word.

Tobin smiled and took a step closer, her hands coming to rest on Christen’s hips. “So do you.” She had opted for a long black dress, one with a high, halter neck that showed off her shoulders and arms. She’d paired it with strappy black heels and a clutch she had borrowed from Tyler. “I love your hair like this,” she murmured, tucking a stray curl that had come out of the bun back into place.

“Thanks, baby.” Christen gave her a kiss then pulled back. “Alright, are you ready?”

“Let’s do this.”

The premiere was fun, if overwhelming. PAs in headsets were bustling around behind the scenes, and one hustled Tobin and Christen into the line that eventually took them to the red carpet. It was hot underneath the California sun, and the flash of the cameras was discombobulating, but Christen just held tight to Tobin’s hand, smiling as they were steadily moved along.

Christen got to meet some of the people Tobin had worked with on the movie, and they all raved about how talented she was. Christen couldn’t help but beam with pride as they went on and on, uncaring that Tobin’s cheeks were blushing a deep pink, embarrassed at their compliments. She squeezed her hand tightly. _That’s my girlfriend._

Finally they escaped to the bar and Tobin groaned. “I’m so sorry. I promise I didn’t like, pay people to say nice things about me,” she laughed.

Christen smiled sweetly. “Don’t apologize. I love it. I love hearing about how awesome you are at your job. I am so, so proud of you.”

“C’mon…” Tobin mumbled under her breath, but Christen gently lifted her chin so she could look in her eyes.

“No, I mean it. I am so insanely proud of you.”

Tobin glanced around then gave her a soft kiss. “I love you. Let’s get drinks. Trust me, it’s going to be a long night and we’re going to need them.”

She was right. It wasn’t until nearly three am that they found themselves shuffling towards back to the car.

“I’m so tired and I’m starving,” Christen yawned. Tobin opened her door for her, letting her slide inside and then shutting it.

“Well how do you feel about some late night Jack in the Box?”

Christen gave a low groan of appreciation. “Have I told you that I love you?”

“You might have mentioned it a few times.”

Christen leaned across the console to kiss her cheek. “Well then I’ll say it again: I love you, Tobin Heath.”

They went through the drive through and once they had their greasy bag of fast food in the car, Tobin turned to her. “I know you said that you’re tired, but how would you feel about going on a little adventure with me?”

“An adventure?” she echoed, raising an eyebrow.

“Yup. A super secret, very romantic adventure,” Tobin grinned.

Christen laughed and popped a curly fry into her mouth. “Let’s do it.” Part of her wanted to keep bugging her, ask where they were going, but she contented herself to wait. She knew that she could trust Tobin; no matter where they were going, she was sure that she would love it. They seemed to drive for days, but the clock on the dashboard said it was just over an hour. She switched between staring out the window, seeing glimpses of Los Angeles slide past, and turning to look at Tobin, trying to commit the cut of her jaw to memory, her cheekbone, the way she pushed her hair back with the hand that wasn’t gripping Christen’s.

“Alright, here we go,” she said, finally pulling off the 1, into a sandy parking lot. She gave Christen a grin. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?” she laughed.

“For the best part of the night. You’ll probably want to leave your shoes in the car.” She pressed a kiss to their joined hands and bounded from the car, leaving Christen no choice but to slip the heels off and follow.

Tobin grabbed a blanket and a basket from the trunk of the car and then took Christen’s hand, leading her onto a path.

The sand was blissfully cool and soft underneath Christen’s feet, a welcome relief after standing so long in heels. She gathered up her dress, picking her way among the small dunes in the near darkness. She could hear rather than see the ocean, could hear the soft flow of the water, the way small waves were breaking on the shore. Salt clung to the air, making everything crisp and new, shaking away whatever sleepiness had sunk into Christen’s body in the car. It was four thirty in the morning, but she felt more alive than ever.

Tobin spread out the blanket on the sand, placing the basket on top, then led Christen towards the water.

“Wait, what about your pants? And your shoes?”

“Good point.” Tobin toed off the sneakers and threw them back onto the blanket, followed by her socks. She painstakingly yanked on the legs of her pants, edging them over the muscular cut of her calves. “Alright, now we’re good.”

The water was cold, cold enough that it made me Christen suck in a breath as it washed over her feet.

“Don’t worry you’ll get used to it,” Tobin assured her. She squeezed Christen’s hand.

“We’re going to catch hypothermia!”

Tobin laughed. “Oh c’mon, it’s not that bad.”

Christen leaned down, catching some of the ocean water in her hand and tossing it up towards Tobin’s face, making her jerk back and sputter in surprise.

“Oh, it’s on.”

Christen laughed and tried to run away but was quickly caught, both of them laughing as they tried to fling water at the other. It wasn’t long before they lost their footing on the wet sand and went tumbling down, their clothes getting soaked in the process.

“So cold,” Christen gasped through a shuddery laugh as the surf washed over them.

She glanced over at Tobin, who was wiping the salt water from her face, and was rewarded with one of her megawatt smiles. Tobin rolled over, bracing her forearms on either side of Christen’s head, and leaned down to brush their lips together. Christen breathed into it, bringing a hand up to tangle in Tobin’s hair, pulling her closer. They kissed for several minutes, not breaking apart until a seagull cried out over head, making both of them laugh.

“You’re shivering,” Tobin said.

“So are you.”

Tobin made her way to her feet and offered her a hand, helping Christen find her footing and gather up her dress once more. They picked their way through the sand, collapsing onto the blanket. Tobin opened the basket and pulled out a bottle of champagne.

“What is this?” Christen asked in amazement.

“What, you thought the celebration was over?” She undid the cage and popped the cork, accidentally sending it flying into the darkness. “Whoops! Guess that means we have to drink the whole thing,” she winked. “Just kidding.” She turned to root through the basket before turning back to Christen. “It would appear that I forgot to bring glasses.”

“I bet we can manage,” Christen giggle, tugging the bottle from her hand and taking a swig, both of them laughing when it sent bubbles up her nose. Tobin took a drink and then wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Thank you for tonight, Chris.”

“What do you mean?”

Tobin stroked her thumb along Christen’s temple. “Just what I said. Thank you for coming to this premiere with me. Thank you for making me feel like the luckiest woman on earth.”

Christen’s breath caught hard in her chest, and she suddenly felt like she might cry. “No Tobs. I’m the lucky one. Truly, I am.”

“I just love you so much. I’m so happy to be yours. I’m so happy that you’re mine. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life thanking God for you.”

Christen gave her another kiss, trying to pour every bit of love and adoration she was feeling into it. “I’m all yours, baby. And you’re mine. And nothing will ever change that.”

They settled back onto the blanket, passing the bottle of champagne back and forth, talking and laughing and sharing kisses, completely content to get lost in the other’s presence. Christen couldn’t help but think back on the last few years, at all of the heartache, the pain, the long and bumpy road that had led her to this place. She wondered for one brief moment if she would do any of it over, if given the chance she would do anything differently. But as the sun peeked into view, sending the sky into a dazzling kaleidoscope of pinks and purples and oranges, she smiled, already knowing the answer deep in her gut. She wouldn’t.

She had fought her way out of the darkness and come out stronger, and now it was time step into the sun and live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank all of you enough for reading this story, for sticking around for 46 chapters even as the world outside turned upside down. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope it made you smile. And if you read this and it struck a chord deep within you, I hope you know that you deserve love and happiness too.
> 
> I love you, guys!


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